Storm- posted:

An email that I didn't send posted:

Dear fuckhead,

Yes, we can help you set up with a webcam/microphone for someone to join a meeting via Skype. You've told us it's only a couple of people and half a dozen physically present. As you have never set up a Skype group video thing before, we'll even pop along to get you started, one to do the actual setup and one to provide a bit of training ("Click the video call icon. The one I'm pointing at. No, don't close the window, click the icon. The icon. The one I told you to click the first bloody time you dribbling incompetent." -- why I don't give training).

No, we don't sort out conference telephone calls. That's a different team.

No, we don't have a twenty-metre telephone extension cable, because we do not deal with loving telephones.

No, we don't move tables between rooms. We're sysadmins, not trolleys.

No, you can't have twenty-five people remoting in to your session via Skype. You told us it was two people.

No, you can't get all forty people in the room into shot on this one webcam. You told us it was going to be half a dozen. We can't help you at this scale.

No, we are not looking forward to the next meeting that's going to be "even more popular" with "so many more people interested in coming". You should call Conferences & Events. Oh, they wanted to charge you money? No poo poo, Sherlock! That's what big events like that cost. You've wasted half a day's time of two senior computing officers setting this bullshit up because you lied to us about the scope and the size and you only gave us full details when we were on our way over to set up so we showed up woefully unprepared. If you come to us again we will also bill for your time. Which, given that you can't get through a single sentence without pausing for thought, um-ing and ah-ing, and repeating yourself at random, is going to be what bankers and economists technically call a fuckload of money.

No love,

Me.

psydude posted:

After this software engineering class, I have an appreciation for how annoying it is for devs to validate user input. That being said, it's still your loving job that you're being paid $120,000 a year to do and it's more annoying for me to create signatures and rules to validate your lovely application's input, so loving do it anyway you assholes.

Eldercain posted:

Try
doing a thing with input
Catch
poop out the input into log file
End Try

quote:

From: Random User
To: Email group containing half the company
CC: Helpdesk, me, CTO

IS X RUNNING SLOW FOR ANYONE ELSE?

baquerd posted:

Now you just opened yourself up to a log file injection exploit.

Eldercain posted:

Try
doing a thing with input
Catch
poop out the input into log file
End Try

tl;dr gently caress user input

My Former IT Director posted:

static void Main()
{
try
{
Run();
}
catch {}
}

Sheep posted:

<queue 40 responses of people going "fine here!!">

Manslaughter posted:

Confidential data was in the input as well, security compromised.

ElehemEare posted:

But try catch is hard!

Wrath of the Bitch King posted:

I work in Finance and, per the sluggish nature of finance, we're just now migrating everyone to Internet Explorer 10 from IE 8. There are huge number of challenges with this, especially the hoop jumping that has to be executed with group policy and compatibility mode sites, etc. etc. What really loving irks me though is a vendor I just got off the phone with that told me that IE 10 would not be supported until loving September 2015.

So I call support again.

Me: "What do you have your customers on Windows 8/8.1 do? Just pound sand?"

lovely Vendor: "We recommend they downgrade to IE 8."

Me: "..."

How these people stay in business is beyond my brain. They also don't support Chrome or Firefox, so...

Bob Morales posted:

We had a customer that was stuck on IE6.

Inspector_666 posted:

I like when a client e-mails just me after hours and I can completely ignore them until 9AM the next day, when I just forward it off to the support e-mail.

Merica posted:

or I get an email from a PM like this tagged with high importance as always: "Employee can't access their email. This needs to be resolved ASAP."

I get at least one of these daily with no information. Either that or I get half my company TYPING IN ALL CAPS FOR NO GOOD REASON.

Eldercain posted:

I thankfully don't program anything that is public facing so I can get away with some laziness. At least I don't print our production database passwords out in the logs

Super Slash posted:

- Doing a few investigation sweep is complicated (Because I don't know what the gently caress you want and we aren't even set up for that)

GI_Clutch posted:

So, whatever, we build the stuff and bill the hell out of the prime because it's totally out of scope. So, the software has been live for five months now. I get an email tonight from one of the folks from the company who didn't want to use the API. "Hey, so does the DMS support any kind of web service to do things like uploading documents? Other DMS's like SharePoint do. I think someone said you mentioned the software has Java libraries..." Seriously? You want nothing to do with the API, we build all these dumb roundabout processes, and now that the software's been live for five months you are inquiring about using the API when one of your developers straight up said "we don't want to use the API" on one of the meetings? gently caress off.

5er posted:

Stupid: "Hey, I'm Stupid, with Stupid loving IT Consultants."
Me: "How can I help?"
Stupid: "I have a client that has a file server of yours that I would like some help with."
Me: "Sure, what's the asset tag off the back of the machine?"
Stupid: "I'm in India and the computer is in the U.S. Is the asset tag part of any metadata?"
Me: "Unfortunately no (because our engineers are assholes, which I keep to myself). It will be on a small placard on the back. But, just tell me the issue, it's not always necessary to verify asset id for me to just help you."
Stupid: "Ok I'm going to give you the ip of a server we have here that I want you to rdc to."
Me: "Is it one of ours?"
Stupid: "No but I'm trying to configure a scheduled Windows backup and it's throwing me errors so I expect that you can rdc to the computer and just configure it for me."
Brief pause while I gather.
Me: "Stupid, let me summarize- you want me to rdc to a computer you are responsible for, to show you how to build a scheduled backup script to another Windows server?"
Stupid: "Well, no, I, the setup is failing, and it's to your server that is the target, so it is reasonable that it is an issue with your equipment."
Me: "Do you have general network shares created?"
Stupid: "Yes."
Me: "Are they accessible right now, manual file transfer moves ok?"
Stupid: "Yes."
Me: "Have you configured other backup jobs on different computers? Do they work if so?"
Stupid: "What does that matter, this computer needs to work."
Me: "Have you?"
Stupid: "Yes."
Me: "Do they work? Or fail? If they fail do they fail the same way?"
Stupid: "They work."
We both pause a moment.
Me: "There is nothing I could recommend to do with our file server that would help you. The issue clearly isolates to this other computer, which would be your responsibility to straighten out. Contact the server's manufacturer, or perhaps take those errors you're getting to MS support."
Stupid: - meekly - "Thanks bye."

socialsecurity posted:

My boss is like this he always wants to call vendors for every little issue, our RMM tool was turning out warnings because one of our SQL databases was going down, he called the RMM company for support on how to fix a SQL database for some random medical software.

5er posted:

loving people are probably thriving pulling this poo poo off, and I don't know if I should be proud of, or condemning myself for having scruples.

Wrath of the Bitch King posted:

I work in Finance and, per the sluggish nature of finance, we're just now migrating everyone to Internet Explorer 10 from IE 8. There are huge number of challenges with this, especially the hoop jumping that has to be executed with group policy and compatibility mode sites, etc. etc. What really loving irks me though is a vendor I just got off the phone with that told me that IE 10 would not be supported until loving September 2015.

So I call support again.

Me: "What do you have your customers on Windows 8/8.1 do? Just pound sand?"

lovely Vendor: "We recommend they downgrade to IE 8."

Me: "..."

How these people stay in business is beyond my brain. They also don't support Chrome or Firefox, so...

Bob Morales posted:

Tadiran phone system. The clock drifts a few minutes every couple days.

Company told us "you need a new processor card. $800 + $200 in labor"

I laughed for a good 3 minutes then hung up.

Potato Salad posted:

More business = good business, no? Particularly if they now want poo poo to be built the right, easy way?

Bob Morales posted:

Tadiran phone system. The clock drifts a few minutes every couple days.

Company told us "you need a new processor card. $800 + $200 in labor"

I laughed for a good 3 minutes then hung up.

Manslaughter posted:

Nobody likes reinventing the wheel, even if you get paid to do it.

EuphrosyneD posted:

Point it at 0.<cctld>.pool.ntp.org and set the update interval to every hour....?

EuphrosyneD posted:

Point it at 0.<cctld>.pool.ntp.org and set the update interval to every hour....?

Thanks Ants posted:

I am loving sick of people who are supposed to be driving our business (MSP) forward with new projects who instead massively overstate how difficult and involved something will be, and then return to loving around on the internet all day long. Don't spend a year saying "oh it would be nice to have x" when it's your loving job to deliver that nice thing. If you're going to be so goddamn lazy then at least step the gently caress out of the way when other people get bored of waiting for you to yank your thumb out of your arse and start on the project themselves, instead of throwing a poo poo-fit about your toes being trodden on.

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

Just do a full export of all permissions in active directory using powershell and hand him that.

5er posted:

Super Slash posted:

That implies being able to read and understand concepts though.

In their minds they want some full-scale CSI cyber investigation on a laptop without telling me what they're after, when I tell them in basic terminology that every user/machine has folder redirection for their desktop and my documents, unless they were dinking around with the C: drive it makes no difference what they were doing.

Roargasm posted:

Apparently being brash with everyone who pisses you off counts as "bad people skills." loving hippies I've been channeling Chris Traeger all day and it...actually feels kind of good. Not as good as telling people they're inept and to gently caress off, but pretty good.

myron cope posted:

So you tell him, he fixes it, he doesn't tell you (or release the fix), then on the down low has you report the problem to his manager so he looks like a goddamn wizard? That's pretty good.