r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

Troublemaker posted:

All right, I had four bananas in various stages of rot. I used one that was almost black, one that was pretty brown, and a third that was aging (some brown spots on the skin) but not fully overripe yet. Did not freeze them. Used no nuts. The result:

Nice and crusty on top

Still soft and moist inside

loving delicious. I slathered mine with butter. My 10-year-old put marshmallow fluff on his and declared it amazing.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 6, 2024 09:00

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# ? May 23, 2024 22:11

ReelBigLizard: Feb 27, 2003; Fallen Rib

the holy poopacy posted:

Seems like it's pretty much exactly what he deserved

mllaneza posted:

"Are you all ready to order?"
"Yes, I'll have Exactly What I Have Coming To Me, with the Unexpected Sympathy From Someone I Betrayed for dessert."

I'm kind of inclined to trust the wife on this one and say yeah while he's been an idiot, and an rear end in a top hat, a lifetime of abuse and manipulation from a narcissistic father and his flying circus of assholes is also not his fault.

He's taken full responsibility for his actions, he's accepted with apparent grace that they will not reconcile, he's getting therapy of his own volition. I feel bad for both him and his ex wife, they didn't deserve that.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 09:08

Stoner Sloth: Apr 2, 2019

ReelBigLizard posted:

I'm kind of inclined to trust the wife on this one and say yeah while he's been an idiot, and an rear end in a top hat, a lifetime of abuse and manipulation from a narcissistic father and his flying circus of assholes is also not his fault.

He's taken full responsibility for his actions, he's accepted with apparent grace that they will not reconcile, he's getting therapy of his own volition. I feel bad for both him and his ex wife, they didn't deserve that.

This.

Wife also seems like a genuinely good person to respond in that way despite what he put her through, hope things get better for both of them but especially her.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 09:30

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

BrigadierSensible posted:

Boo to all of that discourse!

Nice older people, (usually ladies, but also sometimes gentlemen), giving gifts of food to their slovenly student neighbours is good and heartwarming.

It fosters intergenerational relationships. It is sweet and wholesome.

My personal anecdotal evidence of this is when I lived in Namhae, I had the old ladies that lived near to me occasionally gift me big plastic bags full of garlic. I never used it all, (because I am a terrible cook and never had the opportunity), but I always took the opportunity to gratefully accept and practice my Korean.

The usual problem is the Discourse manages to be even worse than this thread for ignoring all the given context to instead invent the worst possible interpretation of everything for the sake of having the hottest take.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 09:31

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

ReelBigLizard posted:

I'm kind of inclined to trust the wife on this one and say yeah while he's been an idiot, and an rear end in a top hat, a lifetime of abuse and manipulation from a narcissistic father and his flying circus of assholes is also not his fault.

He's taken full responsibility for his actions, he's accepted with apparent grace that they will not reconcile, he's getting therapy of his own volition. I feel bad for both him and his ex wife, they didn't deserve that.

A fair point, OP's dad is the villain here.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 09:31

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

mystes posted:

Are you talking about fruitcake? I've never heard it called "christmas cake"

Christmas cake is a specific type of fruitcake topped with marzipan and icing, popular in the UK among other non-American places. Crucially, it is doused with lots of booze when you make it, the lack of which is why American fruitcake is a joke; you can thank your Prohibition for that.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 11:27

Alien Arcana: Feb 14, 2012; You're related to soup, Admiral.

Troublemaker posted:

All right, I had four bananas in various stages of rot.

quote:

I used one that was almost black, one that was pretty brown, and a third that was aging (some brown spots on the skin) but not fully overripe yet.

...and what, exactly, did you do with the fourth banana?

# ? Mar 6, 2024 11:41

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Alien Arcana posted:

...and what, exactly, did you do with the fourth banana?

It fell off the edge of the cliff, duh

# ? Mar 6, 2024 11:51

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

feedmegin posted:

Christmas cake is a specific type of fruitcake topped with marzipan and icing, popular in the UK among other non-American places. Crucially, it is doused with lots of booze when you make it, the lack of which is why American fruitcake is a joke; you can thank your Prohibition for that.

Christmas cake sucks and the best part of it is when they turn the lights out and set it on fire.

The worst part is the disappointment when they turn the lights on and it's still there

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:21

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

What tradition is this where you turn out the lights and set things on fire?

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:22

Tenebrais: Sep 2, 2011

Pope Corky the IX posted:

What tradition is this where you turn out the lights and set things on fire?

That's christmas pudding, which is different and much better. Moist, rich and full of alcohol.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:34

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

Tenebrais posted:

That's christmas pudding, which is different and much better. Moist, rich and full of alcohol.

No it sucks

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:34

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

You set the Christmas pudding on fire and then just leave it to burn then throw the remains in the trash because it sucks.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:39

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

This is a Christmas thing? I grew up Italian/Irish Catholic and most of the fires were accidental and except for cousin Jimmy.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:39

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

In Italy they set the panettone on fire.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:41

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

keep punching joe posted:

You set the Christmas pudding on fire and then just leave it to burn then throw the remains in the trash because it sucks.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 12:58

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

AITA for picking up a roadkill to eat later at home with my sister's kids in the car?

quote:

I (M38) live in a very rural area in Germany and my (step)sister Lisa (F36) came to visit me with her two children (F5 &M7) which is quite uncommon. I picked them up from the airport and on our way home we came across a roadkill (huge rabbit). It was on a remote street that only leads to five houses, so I stopped the car and saw it was only hit in the head, no meat damaged. What a lucky day I thought, I threw the roadkill in the trunk, and we drove to my home.
This caused HUGE trouble. My sister was completely disgusted by me and thought I made a joke when I told her it�s free delicious food. The children were super confused in the beginning, but they later asked many uncomfortable questions about eating animals and where their food comes from to their mom. It all ended with the daughter crying about never wanting to eat animals again hours later. Apparently, she has a hamster and made a connection. My sister is super mad at me, called more family and now everyone expects me to apologize for the �trauma I caused her kids� (her words).
Some background on me: I live in an old building which was used as a farm before and have a much different lifestyle than Lisa. I have lots of animals, am completely solar powered, have a few (very soon to be legal) plants and smoke them regularly, committed to a long-term relationship without the desire for marriage nor children. Lisa lived the last 20 years in the big city, hates the nature, is super active on social media, being a mother is her whole persona and doesn't think much of me which is ok. I really want some outside perspective if I was the rear end in a top hat to pick some dead rabbit of the road or not.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 13:03

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Oh thats just Uncle Smeagol

# ? Mar 6, 2024 13:52

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

How long has this meat been here? Eh looks good enough. *Queue screaming from children over headless animal corpse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbRQe_sAc30

# ? Mar 6, 2024 14:00

Shishkahuben: Mar 5, 2009

wheatpuppy posted:

Honey are you okay? You have hardly touched your all-you-can-eat sushi and pancake breakfast.

oh my god lol

# ? Mar 6, 2024 14:02

Tijuana-A-Go-Go: Aug 2, 2019; Doggles Aficionado

mediaphage posted:

quote:
there is no one to definitely know I am the one who diarrhea�d in the tank, and it is possible an employee dumped something in

there's no way this defence works

# ? Mar 6, 2024 14:24

Obnoxipus: Apr 4, 2011

every time i hear about people eating roadkill, i'm reminded of my first full-time job out of college, where my boss called me a yuppie because i had never eaten roadkill

# ? Mar 6, 2024 14:31

oh jay: Oct 15, 2012

Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:

there's no way this defence works

Your Honor, imagine, if you would, a locked room murder mystery. A case where the victim and the killer... are one and the same. I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that

# ? Mar 6, 2024 14:59

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

I have zero sympathy for the guy who abused his wife for years because he�s God�s perfect idiot. Being the miniboss in his own story just makes him more contemptible

# ? Mar 6, 2024 15:14

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:

there's no way this defence works

An employee may have come over to the tank, opened the lid and massively disrupted the person inside, stuck their rear end over the edge and shat inside while cackling, then slammed the lid and locked it

You don�t know that didn�t happen

# ? Mar 6, 2024 15:23

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

mediaphage posted:

Update on my diarrhea

I did a deep dive on this guy when he was first posting, think this was the highlight:

quote:

Help for my bung
I sustained bung injury in past few weeks from bad bidet. Story long but have virus with big diarrhea and bidet to mitigate toilet paper causing bung abrasion. Used bidet and it shot bung like laser and caused further pain.

Worryingly his recent posting seems to indicate he's an anesthetist. Maybe he was on a lot of painkillers at the time.

Fatty fucked around with this message at 15:31 on Mar 6, 2024

# ? Mar 6, 2024 15:28

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Okay that�s clearly someone�s fetish

# ? Mar 6, 2024 15:33

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

quote:

Used bidet and it shot bung like laser

Mods please

# ? Mar 6, 2024 15:51

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

Murky Coyote indeed

# ? Mar 6, 2024 15:56

Hopes Fall: Sep 10, 2006; HOLY BOOBS, BATMAN!

Alien Arcana posted:

...and what, exactly, did you do with the fourth banana?

Obviously it went in the go bag

# ? Mar 6, 2024 16:15

Clocks: Oct 2, 2007

Halloween Jack posted:

I have zero sympathy for the guy who abused his wife for years because he’s God’s perfect idiot. Being the miniboss in his own story just makes him more contemptible

Yeah.

The cynical take is that since his ex-wife was very quick to point out that he got into this because of his lovely family dynamics, she was aware of how trashy his family was while they were married. Possibly she tried to get him to see it or tried to get him to take her side but he listened to his friends/dad instead.

It doesn't un-abuse him or anything, but also he was an adult who probably could have turned his brain on earlier. He's also not the only person who was affected, and he basically passed it on to his (ex)wife. Now he's reaping what he's sown.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:09

HelleSpud: Apr 1, 2010

I remember someone asked for the stolen [valor] prosthetic leg story, but I can't remember if anyone posted it so, here:

quote:

AITAH for telling my brother he cannot stay with me over Christmas if he brings his prosthetic leg?

My younger brother has a prosthetic leg. I think it is creepy AF and I have no idea where he got it. I'm reasonably certain that it is something I would rather not know.

To be clear here my brother has two perfectly healthy legs still attached to his body.

He just has this thing he takes with him everywhere. I don't know why, I don't want to know. Before you ask yeah it is probably a mental health thing.

He wanted to stay with me rather than our parents while he is home for the holidays. I said he was welcome to stay so long as he doesn't bring that thing into my house. He said it wasn't a big deal and that he would leave it in his luggage. I agreed on the condition that if I saw it outside of his luggage in my home then I had the right to destroy it. He backtracked on staying with me and is at our parents house. Where he is miserable. They still treat him like a little boy instead of a guy who is almost 30.

He called me again after supper and asked to please stay with me. I said he could so long as we, together, took his thing and put it into a storage unit until he leaves. I get the key.

He won't do it.

He says that I'm being a bitch for not letting him stay with me. I think he needs to get therapy or medication. Or both. Or a girlfriend. Boyfriend. Dog. Cat. Hamster. Something. Just not a GD prosthetic leg.

quote:

Update - 11 days later

I didn't realize how much attention this was going to get. Enough that someone informed the woman my brother stole it from, and she was able to figure out what happened. She called the cops and he got arrested.

I guess he was sort of trying to do the thing where he could be the hero that tracked down her leg.

Please don't ask me what the gently caress was going through his head.

The leg was expensive enough that he is facing real criminal charges.

That's all.

Sorry there is not more to tell.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:39

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

From what I remember she was told by a coworker at IHOP.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:45

HelleSpud: Apr 1, 2010

For poop chat, this guy's wife convinced him that taking a shower and washing his rear end counted as foreplay:

quote:

AITA for asking my girlfriend to continue doing my laundry if she wants me to buy groceries?

My gf (28F) and I (32M) have been living together for 4 years now.

She works from home since covid most of the time but sometimes does go into the office, I go to my office every day.

My girlfriend has always done our laundry together and never had a problem with it for all these years. Since she works from home, she takes care of a lot of the house work but I do help out, where I can when I get back from work although she often refuses my offers with reasons like I should wash my hands better, I do wash my hands though.

Lately she has started separating my undergarments and vests from the laundry pile and not washing them when she had no trouble doing that in the past. She that my undergarments with contaminate her clothes and wants me to do them myself in a separate load. Yet she still washes hers in the same load. I suggested we do all our undergarments in a different load and she said no because hers are cleaner and that would be worse.

She got pretty mad and made some nasty comments about my hygiene saying I should keep myself cleaner in my privates, not soil myself (I do not) and learn how to wash my hands. I do shower and I do wash my hands but maybe it is natural that men smell more idk.

I am getting pretty annoyed at being treated like I am disgusting when I am not,, I lived with my mom before her who did my laundry and never said my boxers were dirty. I said if she keeps doing this, I will stop buying the groceries she keeps telling me to bring on my commute from work and she can do that herself.

Edit: Ok point taken I will take her advice about hygiene and shave / wax down there and see a doctor in case I have some condition. And apologize to her

Comments in the thread:

quote:

Info: are there streaks in your underwear:

"I am hairy there and sometimes yeah but I explained to her that it is not something guys can do anything about and that I do wipe. She brings it up in a mean way all the time, but that is why I put them in the laundry so they get cleaned."

PLEASE invest in a bidet:

"We do have one, but I do not like it and she uses it. It splashes everywhere and makes it damp, when I tried using it it was even more unclean."

"We have a bidet when I try to use it, it makes a mess and is worse as there is brown liquid everywhere even after trying as I cannot completely dry it off."

Do you actually wash your butthole?

"She does as part of her foreplay, i do not feel like putting fingers there. But ok point taken I will shave there maybe get a professional wax and start cleaning more."

Girlfriend:

"She has never gotten a UTI or infection. She makes me shower in ways she wants before we do."

"She forces me to shower everytime we are intimate, under her supervision in her way."

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:45

mystes: May 31, 2006

HelleSpud posted:

I remember someone asked for the stolen [valor] prosthetic leg story, but I can't remember if anyone posted it so, here:

Wow, the first two lines of that were already a wild ride and it only gets crazier from there

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:47

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

HelleSpud posted:

For poop chat, this guy's wife convinced him that taking a shower and washing his rear end counted as foreplay:

Comments in the thread:

That's not foreplay, you horrifying filth goblin.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:51

Cookie Cutter: Nov 29, 2020; Is there something else that's bothering you Mr. President?

This hero of a woman discovered the insecure guy cheat codes. Ooh it makes me sooooooo horny when you shower and clean yourself babe

# ? Mar 6, 2024 17:56

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Lemniscate Blue posted:

That's not foreplay, you horrifying filth goblin.

He's got to be awesome in every other way, though, right?

# ? Mar 6, 2024 18:02

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Oh Fry, I love it when you PRACTICE RUDIMENTARY HYGIENE.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 18:03

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# ? May 23, 2024 22:11

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

I cannot imagine staying turned on and ready to go all the way through having to watch your partner shower and make sure all their bits are hygienic enough that you won't get infections.

# ? Mar 6, 2024 18:08

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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