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you know if you think about it Dirk you're starting to sound awfully like the villan. Like planning to kill everyone and restart the would so you can rule like a God sounds like what a villan would say.
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Apr 24, 2024 03:29
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Ghost Armor 1337 posted:you know if you think about it Dirk you're starting to sound awfully like the villan. Josei can bring this up when he's not busy trying to keep from dying. Outrail posted:Assie, what in the actual gently caress? INSIGHT ROLL: 12 +3 PERK BONUS (LUCK, ODIN) = 15 VS DC 12. SUCCESS! You contemplate somehow using the assegai's ability to return to your hand to get yourself back to the ground. Then you realize something.  JOSEI: So... are you able to control your enchantment? ASSEGAI: Are you able to control your breathing? JOSEI: Yeah? Why? ASSEGAI: Well there you go, dummy. JOSEI: ...touche. Anyway. So like... if I told you to consider Dirk your owner... ASSEGAI: Uh-huh? JOSEI: And I threw you just a little bit, would that make you return to him? ASSEGAI: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You'd have to hold on pretty tight, though.You shrug. JOSEI: Better than just waiting to go splat, you know? You ready? ASSEGAI: I was born ready. Or made ready, anyway. gently caress, you know what I mean.You snort, and give the assegai a tiny little toss, before gripping the handle. Sure enough, the enchantment activates. You feel your arm almost get wrenched out of its' socket as you start rocketing towards Dirk. You can't help but grin as the lunatic robot looks up with an expression of stark terror on his face as you speed downwards towards him. Activating auto-twenties. Please select a twenty. COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 > Dieroll selected: potato Loading personality randomizer - NULL POINTER EXCEPTION. You let go just in time for the assegai to close the last bit of distance before he could recover from the surprise. There's a sound reminiscent of a bell tolling as his ring activates, and he manages to turn JUST in time so that the handle slams into his chest, glancing off the heavy platemail. You bounce against the ground, and feel yourself bruise a rib before gravity abruptly returns, and there's another sense of discontinuity - ASSEGAI: OW gently caress.- and you suddenly feel really sore, right in the chest. And you're covered in platemail. And you're holding a flaming sword, and wearing a ring that glows with an evil red color. After a brief moment of utter confusion, you realize what happened - somehow, you've switched bodies with Dirk. You panic, and spin around to stare at yourself. You - he - whoever begins swearing gutterally in a Slavic language, and you realize that probably is Ivan. You turn, and regard Ivan (or Ivan's body), Rebecca and Ryder. They all look dazed, but that probably won't hold long. You probably need to figure out which one is Dirk pretty quickly. Along with making sure the other guys don't attack you, or something. Character Sheets & Inventory USD ACCOUNT BALANCE: $374,911 SM ACCOUNT BALANCE: Ω4.55
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Apr 24, 2024 03:42
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Throw the ring far away Then yell 'Kiara, are you okay who are you? Outrail fucked around with this message at 03:46 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 03:44
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Outrail posted:Throw the ring far away Before you do that try to hit the ground using the ring.
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Apr 24, 2024 03:59
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Ghost Armor 1337 posted:Before you do that try to hit the ground using the ring. I'm not sure what this means. Punching the ground?
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Apr 24, 2024 04:00
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Outrail posted:Throw the ring far away
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Apr 24, 2024 04:08
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JessAlias posted:I'm not sure what this means. Punching the ground? Eh sure why not.
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Apr 24, 2024 04:10
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Ghost Armor 1337 posted:Before you do that try to hit the ground using the ring. Since I always accept all commands that are not contradictory... You spend a moment trying to punch the ground, hard, with the hand that has the ring. Maybe to try to break it? You're not really sure. What you do know is that this wastes some precious time, because nothing happens. Outrail posted:Throw the ring far away BraveLittleToaster posted:Seconding this. DEXTERITY ROLL: 3 +3 PERK BONUS (LUCK, PERK) = 6 VS DC 8. FAILURE. In a moment of clarity, you realize this is an excellent moment to neutralize Dirk's greatest advantage. Even before saying anything, you reach down to pull the ring off. Unfortunately, you are wearing heavy platemail that you are NOT used to wearing, and your movements are slow and clumsy. DIRK - COMBAT ROLL: 13 VS DC 12. SUCCESS! You begin yanking the ring off, and at that exact moment, you notice Ryder(?) gets an intense expression of panic. He suddenly throws the zweihander he is holding at you, and you utter the foulest swears you know as the ring flares, obviously trying to protect you/Dirk/Dirk's body- Activating auto-twenties. Please select a twenty. COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 > Dieroll selected: 20*6=120 RELOADING SAVE STATE. -you're hurtling back towards Dirk again, holding on to your assegai as you rocket towards him. Most of the events recur, with you bouncing along the ground like a skipping stone as gravity resumes. As soon as you stagger back to your feet, you notice something - you are back in your own body, and Rebecca is patting herself down frantically. The others are in the same boat as well. Dirk is distracted, checking to make sure his ring is back on. You seem to have a brief opening. Character Sheets & Inventory USD ACCOUNT BALANCE: $374,911 SM ACCOUNT BALANCE: Ω4.55
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Apr 24, 2024 04:23
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Alright you could try throwing you're buddy at dirk agan but try to miss. Not in a obvious way since you're bating Dirk to use the ring to doge the shot. And since the rings effects always screw up...
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Apr 24, 2024 04:29
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Scream 'Control Alt Delete' at the ring and throw a healing potion at Dirk. We're in lol random mode now, as long as we don't do anything dangerous the ring is going to eventually turn him inside out or something. Just keep triggering it.
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Apr 24, 2024 04:34
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Keep triggering the ring, throw something at him, make it keep doing weird rear end stuff.
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Apr 24, 2024 04:45
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Keep triggering the ring, throw something at him, make it keep doing weird rear end stuff. Outrail posted:Scream 'Control Alt Delete' at the ring and throw a healing potion at Dirk. Ghost Armor 1337 posted:Alright you could try throwing you're buddy at dirk agan but try to miss. Not in a obvious way since you're bating Dirk to use the ring to doge the shot. And since the rings effects always screw up... You decide that obviously, the ring just is activating with random effects. Eventually it will kill him or something. You try pulling out a healing potion, and scream something suitable at him. JOSEI: CTRL ALT DELETE!You throw it at him, and then fling yourself randomly at him, not really to hurt him. Just to bait him into using the ring. Unfortunately, Dirk just stands there in bemusement as the potion shatters against him harmlessly. You tumble next to him, and as you recover yourself, he tries to slam his armored foot into your arm. You attempt to deflect him with your assegai... COMBAT ROLL: 1 +3 PERK BONUS (LUCK, ASSEGAI) = 4 DIRK - COMBAT ROLL: 11 +6 PERK BONUS ("HERO") = 17 OPPOSING ROLLS - JOSEI: 4 VS DIRK: 17. CRITICAL FAILURE. ..and you fail, as it glances off his foot harmlessly. You hear a snapping sound as your arm breaks. You scream with a considerable amount of volume. You suspect you miscalculated how Dirk's malfunctioning ring works exactly. As you try to recover, you hear the bark of the combat shotgun as a plume of flame erupts above you, it looks like Ryder used one of the dragon's breath rounds. As always, Dirk's ring activates to protect him - Activating auto-twenties. Please select a twenty. COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 > Dieroll selected: 42 Music Handler: EasyListening-Jazz-1.mp3 -and smooth jazz begins playing from an unknown source, echoing in the heavens. Dirk twirls his blade with a flourish, and prepares to bury it in your head. Your earpiece crackles with Nike's voice.  NIKE: We're almost there! Just hold on for but a few moments longer!> If we don't make a good choice here, we're going to end up owing Sami another 25 soulmarks. You might be wondering why Dirk is getting his +6 modifier here, but he didn't when he was in Ryder's body. That's because he was not just in a human body which would be an analog to his own, but a fae body. Now he's back to 'normal.' Also incidentally, the lolrandom effects are actually on a coinflip. Either something helpful to Dirk, or something helpful to Josei. JessAlias fucked around with this message at 05:06 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 04:58
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Is our semtex on us in, say, a pocket or is it on someone else right now? And do we have a detonator rigged up already? Either way, Activate soul speed sneakers and leave. Just roll out of the way of his sword. Or otherwise find out what happens when you turn them on while lying down, maybe trying to get a foot on the ground first. Hopefully they'll jolt us up or apply to our rolling or something?
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Apr 24, 2024 05:07
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Aesculus posted:Is our semtex on us in, say, a pocket or is it on someone else right now? And do we have a detonator rigged up already? Ivan has the explosives and detonator right now, since he's an expert at using them. We could try screaming an order to him. Also I'll add your sneaker suggestion to the bucket. Going to wait overnight before moving forward because if we make a bad decision, Josei will definitely die here. We need to survive long enough for the cavalry to arrive.
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Apr 24, 2024 05:10
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Well it's obvious that we're physically out matched by Dirk so why not mess with his mind... Ghost Armor 1337 fucked around with this message at 14:19 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 05:12
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Hit the amulet if the others are outside the radius
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Apr 24, 2024 05:15
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Outrail posted:Hit the amulet if the others are outside the radius So much this.
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Apr 24, 2024 05:48
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Before you squeeze the amulet put on you imagine that Nike appeared behind dirk with a smug rear end grin as he draws his sword and prepares to deny you you're just deserved vengeance, then let an look of rage form on you face and yell out: NIKE !!! you bastard! Don't you dear steal my vengeance from me! Edited to allow Josie to display his more genuine emotions. Ghost Armor 1337 fucked around with this message at 14:12 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 07:55
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Ghost Armor 1337 posted:Well it's obvious that we're physically out matched by Dirk so why not mess with his mind... Honestly this isn't a bad idea for once. Dirk is a ye olde adventure hero and we already know he has a penchant for monolouging, he'd probably stop for a bit to give some 'last words' if we told him he was no better than Veldrin if he kills us.
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Apr 24, 2024 08:57
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Aesculus posted:Honestly this isn't a bad idea for once. Dirk is a ye olde adventure hero and we already know he has a penchant for monolouging, he'd probably stop for a bit to give some 'last words' if we told him he was no better than Veldrin if he kills us. Well currently he's closer to a JRPG villain. due to wanting destroy the world and remake it and all... Edit: but seriously I think messing with his mind is the way to go. Either delaying him by bating out a monolog or a more advanced version of the make you look gambit. Either way would buy Jose a few seconds to come up with a plan. Ghost Armor 1337 fucked around with this message at 13:33 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 09:42
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Outrail posted:Hit the amulet if the others are outside the radius McSpanky posted:So much this. Ghost Armor 1337 posted:Well currently he's closer to a JRPG villain. due to wanting destroy the world and remake it and all... Aesculus posted:Honestly this isn't a bad idea for once. Dirk is a ye olde adventure hero and we already know he has a penchant for monolouging, he'd probably stop for a bit to give some 'last words' if we told him he was no better than Veldrin if he kills us. Your mind races, and you think of the perfect way to buy enough time to use your Amulet of Paralysis. JOSEI: Go ahead, kill me! But that will make you no better than Veldrin.DIPLOMACY ROLL: 14 +5 PERK BONUS (LUCK, DIPLOMACY) = 19 VS DC 12. SUCCESS! Dirk narrows his eyes in fury as you speak those words, his lips curling up into a sneer of utter disgust as he brandishes the blade above you, his teeth bared in a primal snarl as his metal foot is firmly pressed against your injured arm to keep you down. As expected, he begins a monologue.  DIRK: How DARE you accuse me of being anything like that monstrous-This buys you enough time to reach out and squeeze the gem on your Amulet of Paralysis. As expected, his ring activates, and Dirk's eyes widen as he manages to duck away JUST in the nick of time - Activating auto-twenties. Please select a twenty. COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 COMBAT ROLL: 20 > Dieroll selected: I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I am unable to modify dice rolls in your simulation. Would you like to talk about something else? ERROR: HP Overflow Detected. Performing stack trace and resetting to default levels. - and you, and everyone around you glow for a moment. Your wounds appear to be healed. This is a relief. What's less awesome is that Dirk's are as well, and he looks quite refreshed and ready to murder you and your friends. DIRK: Filthy knave! I will TEAR THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES FOR THAT!As he begins to run towards you, you hear someone bark a series of arcane words, and a shimmering blue portal appears in front of AND behind Dirk. In utter confusion he runs through the set of portals, causing him to loop several times. You turn, and see a battered and bruised Veldrin holding his hands out towards Dirk while maintaining his spell. Nike is jogging up as to close the distance, holding a sword in one hand, and his other hand aloft. His own ring glows a shining blue, and you notice the red glow of Dirk's ring grow more muted. Dirk gets a panicked expression, and turns, rushing into the castle. You hear the combat shotgun that Ryder is borrowing boom a few more times, along with the strange crackling noises that Rebecca's stasis rifle makes, but the bastard moves quickly, and doesn't bother looking back. Veldrin lowers his hands and staggers a bit, looking pale and sickly, and you see him lean on Elara. The captain of the town guard looks worse for wear too - her armor is bent and scratched up in a few places. Her eyes are wild with fury, though. She had taken part in the fight herself, it seems. Nike helps you up to your feet, and looks you over, sighing. NIKE: I'm sorry I took so long, I wasn't expecting you to get ahead of me like that. I'm hoping that means the factory reconaissance was fruitful-The ground shakes, like from an earthquake. However, no rift opens up like earlier. After a moment, you remember something. The huge boiler... the gauges were in the yellow and the red, so Belisarius probably left it to explode on a timer of sorts to hide his involvement in this situation. As a sinking feeling falls in your gut, you glance at Rebecca. JOSEI: We had some complications... Becca, do you still have the footage?She pauses, and makes a pulling gesture. You see her goggles flicker, and she gives you a thumbs up. You heave a sigh of relief. JOSEI: Yeah. We got a bunch of footage, but we didn't get to keep any souvenirs. Can we talk about it after Dirk's over and done with?Nike nods, and gestures at you all to follow him inside Nocturna Silvarum. As you begin walking in, he speaks. NIKE: In any case, Dirk is severely weakened by his deteriorating ring. Owed, in some part, to my own efforts. It's time for the final chapter.The foyer of the castle is a mess. There are dead bodies everywhere. Most of them are in the livery of Veldrin's castle guards... but there are some who wear the blue and gray of the town guard as well. All of them have wounds from Dirk's weapons - zweihander. flaming longsword, or crossbow. Some of them have been hacked completely to pieces. Veldrin grimaces in disgust at the sight of it all.  VELDRIN: Brutal savage. NIKE: On the other hand, it's good to see that Dirk didn't have the sense to try to bend the guards to his will. Small comfort, I know. NIKE: Now... Josei. I am going to ask a big favor of you.You nod uncertainly. JOSEI: Sure, what is it?He turns, and puts a hand on each of your shoulders, getting a grave expression on his face. NIKE: I need to speak to you away from your team. I have a plan to defeat Dirk, but it can only be completed by you, alone. Is that alright?Feeling more than a little bemused, you nod. JOSEI: Sure? I'm not the best fighter, though.He shakes his head. NIKE: That isn't the important part. You're the best one for this specific job. But let's step away...He pulls you aside to a small alcove nearby. You nod at the others as you both walk away. JOSEI: Just be a minute. REBECCA: 'Kay! RYDER: Don't have too much fun.When both of you are separated, Nike clears his throat and begins speaking. NIKE: The issue is that if we just kill Dirk, the simulation will reset, with everything that entails. We need to sever his connection with the keystone, so that my ring can block the reset process.He removes the ring on his hand, holding it out to you. You take it with a surprised expression. JOSEI: You're okay with me having this? NIKE: I can tell that, in the main, you're a good person. A rascal, like me when I was first getting started. And sometimes you make terrible decisions, but to be honest, I did the same too. Multiple times. It's a wonder I'm still here.You snort. You have trouble believing someone who seems as competent as Nike could ever make the stupid decisions you've made. He seems to notice your disbelief, because he laughs at your expression. NIKE: Remind me to tell you about the time I almost gave myself a cerebral hemorrhage with a lockpick. JOSEI: Er, what? NIKE: Long story. Well, no, it's a short one, but it has context. Anyway!He coughs. NIKE: Are you aware that there are certain essential truths about the universe?You blink, feeling whiplash at the suddenly philisophical turn the conversation has taken. JOSEI: Uh... I guess? Do you mean like, "Why are we here?" NIKE: Sort of. More... certain immutable facts. Knowledge that is so vast, and so powerful, it can cause earth-shattering effects.You nod uncertainly. JOSEI: Okay? NIKE: I'm going to share with you one of those pieces of knowledge. A lesser one. However, when used correctly, it can fell the most powerful of villains, or even bring an empire to its' knees. JOSEI: Is it a magic spell? I'm not really a mage, Nike.He shakes his head. NIKE: In some ways, it is more powerful than any magic spell. There is only one condition. You must use it sparingly. Do NOT share it with your friends unless absolutely necessary. Can you promise me that?You contemplate your options. Lying is definitely one, for example. Character Sheets & Inventory USD ACCOUNT BALANCE: $374,911 SM ACCOUNT BALANCE: Ω4.55 JessAlias fucked around with this message at 15:40 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 15:30
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Be honest. Promise we won't tell. Nike knows what he's doing much more than we do, trust him.
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Apr 24, 2024 15:39
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Be honest. Promise we won't tell. Nike knows what he's doing much more than we do, trust him. +1
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Apr 24, 2024 18:09
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Be honest. Promise we won't tell. Nike knows what he's doing much more than we do, trust him. +2
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Apr 24, 2024 19:02
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Alright, that looks enough like a unanimous consensus, with three votes in a row for trusting Nike. Working on an update, the end of the chapter is nigh.
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Apr 24, 2024 19:42
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Sure. Also point out that if Veldrin is okay with dying quickly and painlessly (eg, shot in the head), he can reset Dirk infinite times. We have all the time we want at this point.
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Apr 24, 2024 20:00
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BraveLittleToaster posted:Be honest. Promise we won't tell. Nike knows what he's doing much more than we do, trust him. You decide to trust Nike. He's always treated you well, and is a stand-up kinda guy. JOSEI: Yeah. Yeah, I can.Nike smiles faintly, and holds out a hand. NIKE: Swear it, my friend. This isn't a little thing. If you misuse the gift I give you, it both loses its' power, and can cause chaos.You consider this carefully for a moment, then nod. You are confident in your ability to resist the temptation to use it willy-nilly, even if it seems silly to you. JOSEI: I swear I won't tell unless absolutely necessary.You clasp his hand, and as Nike's blue eyes meet yours with intensity, you can sense... something. This wasn't a little promise. This was some kind of Underworld oath, where if you break it, there might be consequences. When you pull your hand back, you see he has slipped his ring onto your finger. You feel tempted to make a joke about getting married, but decide to shelve that for a less serious time. NIKE: Okay. Let's just... step a little further away.He guides you to a side room, where there's no chance of your friends overhearing, and then he has you remove your earpiece just in case. He then shares a piece of knowledge with you that initially, you don't fully understand. Then you process it, and it literally takes your breath away. You instantly understand why Nike was so careful. What you learned is so simple, yet powerful. After you finish processing what Nike shared with you, you take a moment to catch your breath. JOSEI: Jesus... you weren't kidding. And you really have used this to defeat like... evil demon summoning archmages, and immortal black knights, and stuff? NIKE: Yes. Deceptively simple, no? But with that, are you ready?You nod, putting your earpiece back in your ear. Nike gives you a pat on the shoulder. NIKE: I will hold the fort here, with your friends. It's important that Dirk feels like he has the upper hand. Goad him into having a conversation with you, then use the secret I shared. Good luck!He slaps your back, and you stumble a bit. Then you go to the rest of the group and clear your throat. JOSEI: Alright, everyone. I'm going to go confront Dirk now. IVAN: ...by yourself? Are you insane? REBECCA: Yeah, what the heck? He's gonna kill you again!Ryder just gives you a thumbs up, while Veldrin and Elara share a look. The Dark Lord and the guard captain obviously think you're just going to get yourself killed again. Your face reddens a bit. JOSEI: I actually have a plan, you guys, Jesus!The general reaction still is disbelieving, and you groan. JOSEI: OK, OK, Nike came up with the plan, which I'm using. I trust him. Happy now? And worst case scenario, we can reset again, okay?The consensus turns more positive, though there is still grumbling, especially from Veldrin who you can tell is NOT jolly about the prospect of dying again. Rebecca in particular looks sullen, and she pulls you aside. REBECCA: You're SURE you're not gonna die? JOSEI: I promise.She squints at you, and you make an 'x' motion over your chest. REBECCA: Cross your heart? JOSEI: And hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye. OK? It's gonna be fine.With that, you finally say your goodbyes, and make the long trek to the keystone, on the rooftop of Veldrin's inner sanctum. You hear distant thunder, and realize the keystone still has its' traditional flare for the dramatic, and is summoning a thunderstorm. You take a breath, and make sure the ring is turned inwards in your hand, so its' not visible. Eventually, you emerge onto the rooftop. Dirk is standing before the keystone, his sword in hand. His eyes narrow initially, but then he notices you are alone. DIRK: You come to fight me alone, Josei? You must be a fool! JOSEI: Do you want me to monologue too? DIRK: Huh?He tilts his head like a confused dog, and you feel a pang of sympathy for the man-made creation. Even in the limited interactions you've had with Veldrin, or Elara, you felt like they have more of an inner life than this insane automaton. You decide you might as well adhere to the script. JOSEI: A fool I may be, but at least I'm a brave fool. I'm certain I can defeat you alone! For the glory of the kingdom!You wave your assegai with as much vigor as you can muster for this idiotic charade. DIRK: Ha! A fitting end for a fool! Let us do battle then, Josei! We shall duel, and see who is the true hero! JOSEI: Yes, of course! But surely, before we clash in glorious combat... you will let me share some wisdom?The "hero" sneers down at you, and his grip tightens on his zweihander. His ring glows, and you realize he has probably buffed himself with various defensive magics, due to being this close to the keystone. DIRK: What is it?! Spit it out. JOSEI: Have you ever heard the one about the wizard and the farmer's daughter? DIRK: The what?You tell the ULTIMATE JOKE. DIRK: I... that's stupid. Why did you think, ha, that telling me about how that girl... haha. HAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA!You can't help but begin giggling yourself as the effect of the joke hits Dirk. He keeps laughing, even as tears begin streaming down his cheeks from how hard he is guffawing. He lets go of his zweihander as he curls up, wheezing on his knees from the effort. DIRK: What- HAHAHA- w-what have- HA! I can't-! I can't stop laughing-! AHAHAHA!You keep chuckling yourself as you step closer. JOSEI: Hey buddy, would ya mind handing me your ring? DIRK: THE RING- HAHAHAHA- IT'S- HAHA- IT- NO!He feebly tries to turn away from you, still laughing like a maniac, and ends up falling to the floor. You gently restrain him, and pull the baleful red ring from his finger. It dims almost instantly. DIRK: HAHA! NO! YOU- HAHAHAHA- CHEATING BASTARD! JOSEI: Hey, I guess you can say, if I'm the one who is the fool...You put on your sunglasses, as thunder rolls. JOSEI: Then the joke's on you, Dirk.*** After wiping the blood off your assegai, you sit down next to the console that controls the keystone and the AI Director. With Dirk's ring deactivated, the pillar of unstable energy rising up from the keystone slowly begins to lose its' red coloration, and fade. As this happens, Nike, Ivan, Rebecca, Ryder, Veldrin, and Elara come up onto the rooftop to meet you. Nike walks next to you and sighs with relief, removing his cape as he drapes it over the body of Dirk. Rebecca rushes over to hug you and start checking you over for injuries, with Ryder and Ivan following closely behind. JOSEI: Hey, c'mon, I'm fine. It wasn't that bad. REBECCA: Can't be too sure!Meanwhile, Ivan folds his arms and grunts, looking like he can't decide if he should be glad or disappointed. IVAN: Well, I am now twenty dollars poorer. JOSEI: ...seriously, you didn't really- RYDER: Yeah, I put twenty on you killing Dirk, Ivan bet otherwise. I win!Ivan grunts again, and takes his billfold out of his pocket, peeling out a twenty dollar bill as you sigh with a faint smile on your face. Meanwhile, Veldrin rushes up and takes you by the shoulders, shaking you like a rattle. He looks... well, not furious, exactly. But definitely agitated. VELDRIN: How did you defeat him!? TELL ME!He releases you as Nike clears his throat loudly. Veldrin shrinks a little, looking sheepish. VELDRIN: ...please. I have to know. After the first time I confronted him, I never was able to kill Dirk again. How did you do it?You glance at Nike, then back at Veldrin. You can't help but smirk a bit. JOSEI: Well, there's a reason I go by ...You dramatically take off your sunglasses, studying them, before putting them on again. JOSEI: ...Kiepon LeFin. BOUNTY COMPLETE. Josei has gained a perk! THE ULTIMATE JOKESTER: Josei has learned the ULTIMATE JOKE, but is sworn to use it only in times of dire need. When told to someone, it will cause debilitating laughter the first time. Josei has lost a flaw: DIRK'S JUST DESSERTS! Character Sheets & Inventory USD ACCOUNT BALANCE: $374,911 SM ACCOUNT BALANCE: Ω4.55 JessAlias fucked around with this message at 20:30 on Apr 24, 2024 |
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Apr 24, 2024 20:25
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And that's hopefully this embarrassing chapter of our career as wrapped up as well as it could be.
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Apr 24, 2024 20:29
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That went about 50 times better than I was expecting.
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Apr 24, 2024 21:02
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 The pontifex maximus and supreme leader of the Children of Vulcan, Caius Ignatius Ferrum, rolled up the field report, and glowered at the wall. He stood up and shouted at one of his many mechanical attendants. "Bring me Belisarius, this instant!" "Yes, your-" "BRING HIM! NOW!" The spindly automaton leaned back in fear at his shout, and ran off to find the general. He stood up, walking back and forth rapidly, his scepter of office click-clacking against the floor. Caius was technically still human, but many of his prosthetics were enchanted and upgraded by his own hand. In particular, his left hand was replaced with a prosthetic three years prior in a ritual known as the Embrace of Vulcan. He took his pipe from the desk in his study, and with a snap, a small flame appeared on his index finger and lit it up for him. He continued pacing, puffing smoke furiously. After several minutes, there was a knock at the door. He barked, "ENTER!" The door swung open, and Belisarius, the last Roman, strode in, his heavy footsteps clanging on the floor. Caius gestured angrily with his pipe. "Belisarius. I have questions for you." Belisarius stood at attention with a clank. "Yes, your excellence?" Caius took a puff of his pipe, and paced faster, running a hand through his long, black hair. "I received a report saying that the..." He sneered. "The 'Famous Adventurers' corporation has lodged a protest against us, per the Unseelie Accords. Apparently, they have footage of YOU in that bastardized, Abomination of a 'dungeon' they were running." Insofar as Belisarius' face could look surprised, considering its' immobility, he did. "Really?" Caius's sneer grew bigger. "YES." He breathed out through his teeth, and clenched his pipe tight enough that it made a crunching noise from being bent slightly. "A heathen bounty hunter managed to smuggle out footage. Of himself. Talking to you." The pontifex maximus spun on his heel, glaring at his trusted general with an intense fury that would make most humans quail and automata shrink in his presence. "SO. Tell me... What happened in there?" Belisarius visibly paused to think. "Ah... I suppose I miscalculated. I had... relieved them of all physical evidence, but..." He shifted a bit, his eyes glowing with recollection. "Ah. The girl, her goggles... it makes sense now." The general turned his attention back to Caius. "I made an error, my liege." "An error? An error!? You FAILED at your mission!" Caius shouted at him, causing Belisarius to stand straighter, if such a thing were possible. "This is a debacle! The only way it could be worse is if they had recovered evidence of the arms we were manufacturing. As it stands... we are only a hair's breadth away from the Great Work being discovered." He paused, and Belisarius just stood there, silent. "Well?! What have you got to say for yourself, you tin can?" "I... am sorry, my liege. Please forgive me. It will not happen again." He bowed low, and Caius harrumphed. "drat right it won't." He slammed his scepter on the ground. "I am not sending you off to slumber peacefully again for another decade, Belisarius. Thanks to this mess you made, I need YOU to focus on improving our security, and our defenses." He paused. "Start by gathering information on this..." He paused to unroll the scroll again. "...Josei Joker." "Josei Joko." "What?" The pontifex maximus stared blankly at Belisarius. "His name is Josei Joko, my liege." "Yes. That is what I said. Josei Joker." Caius gave a snort. "In any event, gather information on him, and his friends. Increase observation of Sami as well. We've long suspected that she opposes the plots of her kin... perhaps she is playing some manner of long game, while ostensibly staying neutral and fulfilling bounties." "My liege..." Belisarius paused, obviously searching for words. "I will note that Josei is favored by Athena." Caius seemed to swell up with anger at this information. "He is WHAT!?" His voice shook the room with its' volume, and his prosthetic arm began to spasm. "Tell me you're jesting." "I am not." The pontiff took a deep breath, and managed to get his prosthesis under control. "You realize that this is highly suspicious," he said. "I am aware," Belisarius said simply. "And?" Caius gave him an expectant look. "I have nothing else to say. I was once favored by Athena, but that ceased once I was... recruited, by the Children of Vulcan. It's understandable that you would have hesitations. But as always-" "You serve Rome," Caius said with another snort. "No need to belabor the obvious. But with this knowledge..." He trailed off, staring up at the graven image of Vulcan that decorated one wall of the study, laboring over a fiery forge bearing tools of the trade. "I shall have to speak to the Warmonger. He will be interested in hearing that his sister is meddling in our affairs, I am sure." CHAPTER COMPLETE.
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Apr 24, 2024 22:41
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Nike, you absolute beauty. Equipment regained, honour restored, Dirk evicted from our head and existence. Did the Minotaur Map get restored in the resets?
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Apr 24, 2024 23:15
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AJ_Impy posted:Nike, you absolute beauty. Equipment regained, honour restored, Dirk evicted from our head and existence. Did the Minotaur Map get restored in the resets? Sadly, the map was destroyed. Though the pieces can be recovered and put back together. Maybe Nike or Veldrin could help with that? Speaking of which... The next day, you take great delight in being supremely lazy. At one point Sami does call you saying that in return for the evidence you turned in, Nike paid up the 12 soulmarks he promised for finding evidence of what happened. In addition for the 26 soulmarks you took in earlier... that means you made a total of 38 soulmarks off this job. Of course, some of it was spent to get the later payout, and that's ignoring that you, Kiara, and Ivan added 25 each to your balances due to your fuckups. You have gained 12 soulmarks. You do vaguely plan to split up your money to pay people what they're owed. Ryder took one of Dirk's eyeballs along with a single soulmark since that was his fee, and you'll figure out the rest later. Ivan didn't seem to be in a rush to demand payment right after that horrowing ordeal, and Kiara is off getting her head shrunk, or exorcised, or whatever it is that the Catholic church does with possessed people. You have lost 1 soulmark. While flopped on an overpriced couch with Goodboy flopped on top of you and watching some kind of meaningless daytime talk show, you hear a knocking at the door. Your dog perks his head up with a quizzical expression on his face, but you are too lazy to move so instead you just groan and gesture at him to bark at the door or something. He yawns in your face and nuzzles his snout against your arm. The knocking continues, and you swear a bit. JOSEI: Godammit, fine.You push your dog off of you with some effort, and waddle to the door in your coffee bean patterned sweatpants and white wifebeater shirt. You don't bother peeking through the peephole, and open the door fully. There's an awkward pause as Veldrin and Elara take you in, in all your glory. VELDRIN: Are... those underclothes? Or are they some bizarre fashion style that exists nowadays? ELARA: It doesn't matter what it is he's wearing. That's not the important thing we're here for.You rub the sleep out of your eyes and scratch your stomach. Somewhere, you vaguely think you ought to be embarassed. But dammit, you just got done saving a (pocket) universe. You get to be lazy on your off day. JOSEI: Uh... what exactly are you guys wanting?Elara fixes you with a piercing glare, while Veldrin coughs politely into his hand. The former captain of the town guard steps forward. ELARA: Josei. We want your house. JOSEI: What?Veldrin clears his throat, taking over in a much more eloquent and less hostile tone. VELDRIN: The situation with our own existence has been... chaotic, as of late. We'd like to strike a deal with you. While NIke has kindly offered to change the 'dungeon' to be more like a historical re-enactment, or something similar, we're... not really interested in returning to that simulated world. ELARA: And the villagers aren't either. Old Tom's still scared of doors since Dirk kept nailing his head to one.You wince. You're kind of glad you didn't get to witness that. JOSEI: I don't have a home, though? This place is rented. VELDRIN: She was referring to a farmhouse property? Our understanding is that you own one? JOSEI: ...I'm renting that too, so, yeah. I was gonna officially cut ties with it at the end of the month since it's paid up until then.Veldrin's face falls and he slumps a bit in disappointment, but Elara presses on. ELARA: What would it take to allow us to live on that property? Could we... pledge some sort of indentured servitude to the owners? Even that would be better than nothing, and it'd be something for us and the villagers to work towards. JOSEI: Uh. Things don't... work like that in the real world. We're not a medieval-You almost say fantasy land, and catch yourself. So far, you've found that Veldrin detests being referred to as a 'fantasy' person, since it suggests he isn't real. JOSEI: -uh. Nation.Both Elara and Veldrin look crestfallen at that. The dark elf rubs his chin. VELDRIN: What would it take? I'll be frank. Nike is being as kind as he can, but he's strapped for cash after the mess we... well, I, made.You cough a bit. JOSEI: Can you guys like... come inside and sit down while I get dressed? I wasn't really expecting to have an intense conversation about adopting a village of fan- medieval peasants and guards and stuff.Elara nods, and you step aside so she and Veldrin can step into your luxury penthouse. A part of you feels guilty for spending so much money on the place, but it was well earned, wasn't it? You shouldn't feel guilty. It's yours. As you awkwardly rub your arm, you realize that they're both studying your surroundings intently with a look of wonder on their faces. You realize that probably all the strange furnishings and appliances seem odd, and possibly even more luxurious than what they're used to. Even if Veldrin had an ornate castle, Elara was just a town guard of a peasant village. JOSEI: You guys haven't, uh, been going around much? VELDRIN: Not really. Nike helped us set up a temporary portal to here. ELARA: My suggestion. My understanding is that a drow like Veldrin wouldn't be welcome around here. JOSEI: More like people would be confused and think he's in a costume, but sure.As the three of you head down to the living room, Goodboy stands up from where he's been sprawled on the couch, and barks once at the two guests. After a tense moment, Veldrin warily raises a hand towards him. Your dog gives a very deliberate sniff, and then begins panting happily, hopping off the couch to bump his head against the pair. Veldrin still seems a bit stiff, but Elara quickly seems to relax at the realization your dog isn't going to bite her in half. She begins patting his head and scratching his ears, which causes great joy. It's odd, really. You didn't exactly trust or care about Veldrin at first, and yet here you are with him as a guest in your home. Strange how things work. You turn, and head into your bedroom to get dressed. As you put your clothes on, you mull over your options. The offer of theirs is interesting, but... they're basically penniless. Maybe you should just turn them away? It's not like you're a charity. And what are you going to do with a village of weird peasant and guard robots, and a Dark Lord with nothing to lord over? A part of you thinks they're probably kind of useless, right? > We can ask questions and try to clarify this whole proposal, along with deciding how to ultimately respond. Or we can just kick them out/turn them away. Character Sheets & Inventory USD ACCOUNT BALANCE: $374,911 SM ACCOUNT BALANCE: Ω15.55 JessAlias fucked around with this message at 02:09 on Apr 25, 2024 |
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Apr 25, 2024 01:50
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"I'm gonna need some info before we make any hard decisions here. First off, how many of there are you, exactly? The village wasn't our priority that first time, and we were kinda distracted when you all showed up at the castle."
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Apr 25, 2024 02:59
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McSpanky posted:"I'm gonna need some info before we make any hard decisions here. First off, how many of there are you, exactly? The village wasn't our priority that first time, and we were kinda distracted when you all showed up at the castle." After getting dressed, you head back to the living room where Veldrin is awkwardly sitting on the couch in front of the television, watching it with a vague expression of confusion on his face. Elara is playing with Goodboy by the window, tossing a little rubber ball across the room that he runs down to bring back. VELDRIN: I don't understand, who are all these people? Why are they sending you all these... messages, Josei? Are you some manner of great lord who they are addressing? JOSEI: No, this is a talk show. The host is famous for his behavior, and gets paid to be crazy for entertainment purposes. VELDRIN: Is he some manner of court jester, then? JOSEI: ...yeah, pretty much. For uh, millions of people. VELDRIN: Millions... of people? JOSEI: Yeah, the population density these days is crazy.You clear your throat. JOSEI: Speaking of which... I'm gonna need some info before we make any hard decisions here. First off, how many of there are you, exactly? The village wasn't our priority that first time, and we were kinda distracted when you all showed up at the castle.Elara pauses playing with your dog, and looks up. ELARA: About 20 households... 60 souls, all told. JOSEI: Including kids?She pauses, pressing her lips in a thin line. ELARA: No children.You can't help but feel a bit confused. JOSEI: Uh... why, you weren't allowed to? ELARA: It's not that we were forbidden. Children just never... happened.You open your mouth to ask her what she means by that, when Veldrin interrupts. VELDRIN: A sore subject. We are barren, for obvious reasons.You wince, and feel a bit bad about bringing it up. It doesn't take a genius to see this is a sore spot for Elara. Also 60 people... you're pretty sure that the farmhouse is on a BIG plot of land by their standards, so it might be able to sustain most of them. They're used to subsistence farming, after all, and the place was originally set up for modern, mechanized farming. That's assuming they all want to be farmers, of course. You doubt Veldrin wants to be one, for example.
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Apr 25, 2024 03:16
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Veldrin does your magic work out here? Do any of you have skillsets that might be valuable? Offer to help them out ('You owe me a favour') Drop one or two soulmarks to get them all set up at the farmhouse. Tell them they can do whatever they want, but remind Veldrin if anyone tries any evil plots they'll be torn apart by bigger badder powers. Pay someone to deliver food if they eat. Ask Sami to recommend someone/a nanny to live with them for a few months to give them the lowdown on earth, society and the internet etc and after a day or two to make sure they understand toilets and fridges leave them to it for a month or two to figure their poo poo out. Outrail fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Apr 25, 2024 |
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Apr 25, 2024 03:25
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Outrail posted:Veldrin does your magic work out here? VELDRIN: Yes, it does. Though I need to fill in some gaps... my creators saw fit to exclude certain types of knowledge. Things like creating golems, dimensional magic, et cetera.He looks amused. VELDRIN: You probably can guess why.Outrail posted:Do any of you have skillsets that might be valuable? VELDRIN: For me, I am a mage, pure and simple. You could call me an archmage... but I'm coming to terms with the fact that my knowledge was strictly limited in the confines of the "dungeon." VELDRIN: I still do have the ability to enchant items, and even do some forging. Though my focus is more on artisanal tinkering rather than backbreaking hammering out of a plow. ELARA: For the rest of us... well, I'll be blunt. Most of the townsfolk are peasants. We can do basic crafting... tending crops, sewing clothes, those sorts of things. I'm not sure how much your world has use of such things. Nike said we could be historical re-enactors. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad out here? I just know nobody wanted to do it in that fake world. ELARA: Of course, we do have an herbalist, a blacksmith, a cooper, a tailor, and a carpenter. Again, I have no idea if that is helpful in this day and age. ELARA: For myself and the town guard - we're skilled at fighting, of course. And we are not illiterate in the use of more modern weapons, and are willing to learn. Perhaps we could offer some kind of security services?Outrail posted:Offer to help them out ('You owe me a favour') JOSEI: I could set you folks up in return for a favor. VELDRIN: That's a bit open ended. I'd want terms. ELARA: Same here, though frankly... for many of the villagers, they'd just be happy to work for you, Josei. Some of them regard you as a savior already. Even I wouldn't be opposed, as long as we came up with something fair, and I get guarantees you won't be abusing the townsfolk.Veldrin looks uncomfortable. VELDRIN: I thought I was leading them, Elara? In conjunction with you?Elara sighs, and folds her arms. ELARA: Well... you weren't doing the best job of it. I'm not trying to insult you, Veldrin, but... you failed, completely and utterly. It took this Josei fellow two tries, true, but he saved our lives.The dark elf wizard deflates a bit at that, and looks down at his boots sullenly. VELDRIN: Very well then. What manner of work would we be doing for you?You pause, more than a little unsure. You could just table that for now and ask other questions, if you want. Outrail posted:Drop one or two soulmarks to get them all set up at the farmhouse. Tell them they can do whatever they want, but remind Veldrin if anyone tries any evil plots they'll be torn apart by bigger badder powers. These are noted and set aside while we await a consensus.
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Apr 25, 2024 03:48
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We need to get them up to speed on this world and the underworld. Education a priority. Reach out to our various contacts, Sami, the mages. Having an enchanter on staff would be golden but we need to make sure the illuminati won’t ton of bricks him. Modern agriculture, animal husbandry and manufacturing. People are inherently power, with some proper setup we could benefit hugely from this.
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Apr 25, 2024 03:58
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When Veldrin finds out about modern fantasy he's gonna flip his poo poo. Then he starts a massively successful YouTube D&D channel. Medieval peasants playing a Modern Day campaign with a Drow as the DM. It writes itself.
Blasphemaster fucked around with this message at 04:18 on Apr 25, 2024 |
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Apr 25, 2024 04:14
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AJ_Impy posted:We need to get them up to speed on this world and the underworld. Education a priority. Reach out to our various contacts, Sami, the mages. Having an enchanter on staff would be golden but we need to make sure the illuminati won’t ton of bricks him. Modern agriculture, animal husbandry and manufacturing. People are inherently power, with some proper setup we could benefit hugely from this.
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Apr 25, 2024 04:47
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After the requisite period of education and adjustment for the basics of modern living, I think getting most of the villagers set up with jobs in the Renaissance faire/Medieval reenactment/HEMA/simple living communities would work out just fine. There's plenty of opportunities for people with their skillsets in the current era, albeit niche ones, and some of them undoubtedly have skills that have gone virtually extinct in modern times. Either approach has its positives and negatives, though. Integration into modern society will take longer due to more extensive reeducation and the establishment of cover identities, have greater risk of discovery (they aren't biological humans, they could slip up and reveal themselves with something they say, etc.), and certainly be more expensive. However, I think it gives them a better shot at plying their trades in a setting where they'll feel valued for their contributions and ultimately contribute to society. On the other hand, setting them up at the farmhouse lets them integrate at their own pace, is definitely the cheaper option once they become self-sufficient, keeps them from accidentally being revealed, and puts them to work for us. But it's definitely the selfish choice, we're isolating them from the rest of the world, and for what? To have an off-the-books personal supply store, what's the goal here? It's pretty messed up, whatever the objective is. E: I consider Veldrin a completely different issue, what with being visibly nonhuman and a magic user. He's Underworld all the way and probably won't have any trouble making his way once he's acclimated to modernity. McSpanky fucked around with this message at 05:04 on Apr 25, 2024 |
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Apr 25, 2024 05:00
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