LATE BREAKING NEWS: Psycho in Colorado demolishes town with bulldozer

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > LATE BREAKING NEWS: Psycho in Colorado demolishes town with bulldozer

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the hats broken: May 12, 2001; Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Stevie Nicks!!!

quote:

LLJKSoviet came out of the closet to say:

hay maybe you should read the thread

i think u missed the joek lol

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:43

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# ? May 30, 2024 14:39

Faid: Sep 18, 2003; by elpintogrande

Why are they trying to kill this guy again?

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# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:43

Majnen: Jun 18, 2001; What the hell is a Majnen, anyways?

Anyone else Counting down until the Media does their standard "The Video Games made him do it" Article?

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:43

Magnificent Quiver: May 8, 2003

quote:

LLJKSoviet came out of the closet to say:

hay maybe you should read the thread

He was joking.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:44

Kamakazi: May 7, 2002

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:
The SWAT team wouldn't have something like this? Or be able to requisition one from a gun store?

IN MOTHERFUCKING GRANBY?

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:44

TEMPLE GRANDIN OS: Dec 10, 2003; ...blyat

I listened to that news link, apparently it's one of these:

You can wash my balls with a warm wet rag.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:44

.ardon: Jan 21, 2004; by Fragmaster

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:
It's a loving bulldozer. It doesn't exactly have automated turrets on the outside. Some explosives in the treads would gently caress it up and render it immobile. Just go to a gun store somewhere, or any hobby store, requisition a bag of black powder and some metal piping from Home Depot, and you're set. At that point you have a sniper on a roof aiming at the hatch. When it opens, you pop off a round.

Ehm:

quote:

:foxnews: "He's got gun turrets, he's even got the tracks covered up," witness Scott Schaffer told KUSA-TV. Another resident, Judy Craig, said she heard heavy damage was done to the town library and city hall.

You fail.

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# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:45

KillingPablo: Apr 5, 2003; WHOO! I am DEFINITELY not afraid of the fucking POLICE right now!

Sounds like he is currently stuck in a hardware store. Sounds like SWAT has surrounded him.

EDIT: Sounds like he did this because they built a concrete plant next door to him and it pissed him off. He took out the plant first. :lol:

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:45

Intel&Sebastian: Oct 20, 2002; colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

quote:

Fillerbunny came out of the closet to say:
My roommate and I are watching this on TV. I guess he got stuck in a hardware store?

Maybe he's adding more armor and spikes to increase his destructo-power

And calling in the national gaurd? This is so much like GTA it's ridiculous.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:45

Tombstone: Nov 2, 2001; Always look on the bright side of life.

Here is the bulldozer. No other pictures on any sites yet.

edit: someone else got it.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:45

the hats broken: May 12, 2001; Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Stevie Nicks!!!

quote:

Kamakazi came out of the closet to say:

IN MOTHERFUCKING GRANBY?

Every town across the state should be prepared for a maniac making a war machine out of construction equipment!

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:45

Reformed Pissboy: Nov 6, 2003

Well, the guy certainly has a unique way of going crazy, you have to give him credit for that. Some people shout at cars, some house thousands of cats, this guy chose to go all-out and appeal to the crazy destructive 11-year-old rear end in a top hat inside all of us.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:46

Veen: Oct 26, 2003; Just the tip!

quote:

.ardon came out of the closet to say:
Ehm:

You fail.

drat. Didn't know he turreted and tracked the thing. I guess the SWAT team or national guard had better have a bigass gun to fire through the plating.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:46

Angry Communist: Oct 11, 2003; I'm about to break!

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:
satchel

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:46

Soviet: Jul 17, 2003; stick it in me

quote:

Fallom came out of the closet to say:

He was joking.

poo poo my sarcasm detector is broken

Awaiting pics of riced-out bulldozer.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:47

Lopside Fundip: Aug 15, 2001

quote:

Intel&Sebastian came out of the closet to say:
Maybe he's adding more armor and spikes to increase his destructo-power

OMG. The idea of him driving through a hardware store and leaning out to pick up some supplies has me chortling under my desk.

One thing is certain, no matter what happens, we need to send him letters in jail.

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# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:47

parthenocarpy: Dec 18, 2003

More news. Looks like he hit a library too.

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/3383547/detail.html

quote:

A bizarre situation developed in the small mountain town of Granby, Colo. Friday afternoon, where a heavily-armed man was knocking down buildings with an armor-plated bulldozer.

According to witnesses, the man first ran the bulldozer through the library and town hall, which are in one building and also smashed through the Sky-Hi newspaper office, demolishing it.

There are unconfirmed reports the bulldozer driver is armed with a large-caliber automatic weapon. Officers said the weapon being used by the man was the size of a 50-caliber machine gun.

The Colorado State Patrol closed U.S. Highways 34 and 40 around Granby. The mountain town is located just south of the intersection of the two highways.

Several eyewitnesses told 7NEWS that the scene in the downtown area is chaotic and numerous law enforcement officers were in the area, shooting at the bulldozer.

The bulldozer driver also ran through a cement bag plant and local Xcel Energy building, and over at least one police car, according to witnesses. He also hit the Liberty Bank building, heavily damaging it. The driver then headed west out of town, pursued by law enforcement vehicles.

A short time later, he turned around drove back into town and at 4:30 pm. was attempting to knock down the Gambles Department Store. The store has a large basement and the bulldozer may be immobilized, after sinking into the basement. That's where the Jefferson County SWAT team was moving in at 4:30 p.m.

The bulldozer was heavily fortified, with steel plates welded onto it and also had areas for the driver to shoot out of. One witness described some areas on the bulldozer as "gun turrets."

The Grand County Road and Bridge Department moved a large piece of equipment into the path of the bulldozer in an effort to block it.

"The piece of equipment is so big it's hard to stop," said Lurlene Curran, the Grand County manager. "We're doing everything we can to stop this chaos."

"He has systematically severely damaged the town of Granby," said Curran.

The rampage began around 3:20 p.m.

Some residents in the small community were evacuated from the area for their safety.

The identity of the bulldozer driver was not immediately known. The bulldozer is said to be D-5 Caterpillar.

quote:

Yodal came out of the closet to say:
Also: I'd like to add that parthenocarpy is a tremendous human being, and if he were to die, the world would be done a favor, because he'd never be able to post again. SHUT THE gently caress UP DICKWAD.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:48

ArmTheHomeless: Jan 10, 2003

Did he make it out of the hardware store?

I hope he wins.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:48

danifestmestny: Jun 11, 2003; Lincecum, Cain, and pray for rain

I just heard a caller saying the entire sheriff's department is on this. I wish I was in Granby: hello crime spree.

gamble on sporting events for free! http://www.centsports.com/?opcode=312017

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:48

Angry Communist: Oct 11, 2003; I'm about to break!

quote:

parthenocarpy came out of the closet to say:
More news. Looks like he hit a library too.

Check out the video posted above - the library was attached to the City Hall, so it was one of the first ones hit.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:48

Intel&Sebastian: Oct 20, 2002; colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

quote:

Tombstone came out of the closet to say:

Here is the bulldozer. No other pictures on any sites yet.

edit: someone else got it.

Wait, guys I just got an artists rendition of what it looks like after he put a gun turrent and armor plating on it...

Edit: Wow, now that I look at both of them this is kind of eerie

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:48

Veen: Oct 26, 2003; Just the tip!

quote:

Angry Communist came out of the closet to say:

satchel?

Yes. A satchel. Think a mix between a backpack and a duffel bag.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:48

Spazzle: Jul 5, 2003

quote:

danifestmestny came out of the closet to say:
I just heard a caller saying the entire sheriff's department is on this. I wish I was in Granby: hello crime spree.

Die Hard 4, Die Colder

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:49

bonzaisushi: Nov 15, 2003; doo dee doo dmt, lsd doo dmt, lsd doo dmt...

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:
It's a loving bulldozer. It doesn't exactly have automated turrets on the outside. Some explosives in the treads would gently caress it up and render it immobile. Just go to a gun store somewhere, or any hobby store, requisition a bag of black powder and some metal piping from Home Depot, and you're set. At that point you have a sniper on a roof aiming at the hatch. When it opens, you pop off a round.

Also, it's a loving homemade armor system. Break out the loving .50BMG sniper rifle and cap him. I'm sure a bit of sheet metal won't stop an armor piercing .50BMG round, but why they haven't fired on him is beyond me.

I'll also be sorely dissapointed if the bulldozer has actual wheels and tires that they just decided to not run up and slash with a machete.

Seriously, why have they not made a couple of pipebombs and blown this guy to gently caress yet, or just shot through the viewport?

you think if this guy is smart enough to construct something that they havent been able to get him out of yet, he probably coverd the tires with IRON PLATE, not loving sheet metal....

Id rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph ~Ken Kesey

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:49

actionattackgoose: May 4, 2004; by Ozma?

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:

drat. Didn't know he turreted and tracked the thing. I guess the SWAT team or national guard had better have a bigass gun to fire through the plating.

Yes. We must use huge guns and rockets and missiles and mortars to shoot at him. Surrounding him until he surrenders is a poor idea.

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# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:49

BattleSausage: Aug 14, 2003; I'm butter side up, baby.; Taco Defender

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:

The SWAT team wouldn't have something like this? Or be able to requisition one from a gun store?

Very few gun stores would keep a $7,000 gun in stock. It's sort of a special-order deal.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:49

Hardboiled Kid: Jul 27, 2001; This is my club avatar!

quote:

There are unconfirmed reports the bulldozer driver is armed with a large-caliber automatic weapon. Officers said the weapon being used by the man was the size of a 50-caliber machine gun.

This man is NOT playing any games here.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:50

KillingPablo: Apr 5, 2003; WHOO! I am DEFINITELY not afraid of the fucking POLICE right now!

THEY'RE SHOWING FOOTAGE! Colorado goons, tune into Channel 4 STAT!

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:50

Angry Communist: Oct 11, 2003; I'm about to break!

quote:

Veen came out of the closet to say:
Yes. A satchel. Think a mix between a backpack and a duffel bag.

Like, the cartoon dog?

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:50

slayer548: Apr 22, 2003; "I'll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the Life Line exercise card into my anus!"-Kitty in Donnie Darko

CNN just said a witness reported a fortified gun turret. Fun for all! Fun for him, at least...

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:50

Fillerbunny: Jul 25, 2002; so confused.

quote:

danifestmestny came out of the closet to say:
I just heard a caller saying the entire sheriff's department is on this. I wish I was in Granby: hello crime spree.

hello 2 hour drive.

# ? Jun 4, 2004 23:51