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Selachian posted:I don't recall Incarnations of Immortality (the first couple books, at least) or the first series of Split Infinity books being all THAT awful outside of the occasional strangeness eruption. But admittedly that might be nostalgia goggles. Well, Death is tempted by Satan giving him damned sex slaves. Later, we find out that Death's girlfriend was mentally raped by a demon so it would teach her magic. Then at the climax of the story, Satan kidnaps Death's girlfriend, has her stripped naked, and tortured with electricity. I'm sure I'm glossing over quite a few unpleasant things, but I remember those being the Big Ticket Horribleness. To be fair, though, I remember picking it up because it had a pretty interesting cover: The Grim Reaper sitting in a fancy car hanging on the steering wheel and looking depressed. I remember my thirteen year old self liking the first two books because they were focused on total magical newbies thrown into some huge magical bureaucracy and having to pick up the skills they needed on the fly. Watching them learn all of their powers and what they could do was pretty neat. I seem to remember that the later books weren't as much about how being DEATH or TIME was awesome once you got the hang of all your new, awesome powers, which was disappointing to young me.
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Jul 24, 2013 01:42
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Basically the scale of weirdness is kind of exponential in growth. By the end you've got some off the charts poo poo.
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Jul 24, 2013 02:37
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Chapter 12 picks up where 11 left off. Fanchon goes and takes the magic gourd, wrapping it in a blanket picked from a nearby plant. (I don't think that's a pun, just weird.) Bink and Trent decide against coastal travel. Bink suggests turning he and Fanchon into rocs to travel, but Trent says he doesn't want to attract attention, since...well, the punishment for breaking exile is death. quote:"If you had forgotten such details two days ago," Trent observed wryly, "we would not be here now." Fanchon looked unusually sober, as if there were some special significance to the remark. Oddly, the expression made her look less ugly than usual. Probably, Bink thought, he was merely getting used to her. Fanchon suggests going into hiding, though Bink doesn't like the idea. Trent says to worry about it after escaping the wilderness. quote:Fanchon spotted a fabric plant and efficiently fashioned togas for them all. The men tolerated this with good humor, having become accustomed to nudity. Had Fanchon been a provocatively proportioned woman there might have been more reason---and less desire---for bodily concealment. Still, Bink remembered how she had professed modesty in the prison pit so as to gain a private section in which to hide the bricks. She probably had her reasons this time, too. They continue their travel, running into several hazards (including a spot of land that compels them to poo poo or piss, in order to fertilize the plants). They meet a magic-sniffer, a sort of critter that can smell magic and likes strong magic. It reacts to Trent and Bink identically, but less so to Fanchon. Trent provides food easily, by transforming local trees into fruit trees. They become nervous of the forest as they go on, for it seems to be encouraging them onwards and it doesn't like when they go back, and even stops them. They end up running into an old castle. Trent likes it, though Fanchon fears ghosts. They aren't sure why the forest herded them there, however. The castle shuts them in, however, once they enter, and Fanchon spots a ghost and screams. Trent has no fear of ghosts - they have no physical threat. Bink and Fanchon volunteer to stand guard, and Trent gives Bink his sword. This leads Trent and Fanchon to realize that Trent is actually trustworthy, as an untrustworthy person wouldn't trust them not to kill him. They don't know why he trusts them, though, and they don't like the idea that he is honorable. quote:He woke at dawn. Fanchon was asleep beside him, looking less ugly than he recalled--in fact, not really homely at all. He certainly was acclimatizing. Would it ever come to the point where Trent seemed noble and Fanchon beautiful? So yeah, Fanchon/Dee/Wynne/Chameleon is a giant menstruation metaphor. Fun! A sound comes from above, and Bink and Chameleon run off to see what happened to Trent. They find him studying a book upstairs. At first, Bink thinks him enchanted, but he just likes reading. The crash was him breaking an old, fragile chair. The books have revealed the castle to be the ancient Castle Roogna, dating back to the Magician King Roogna of the Fourth Wave and abandoned for eight centuries. quote:Trent glanced at her, his gaze lingering. "I believe this locale behooves you, Fanchon." Trent has realized that the castle wants a Magician in residence, but has been very selective, which is why it's been lost. It wants a new King, and has picked Trent. Chameleon vows to stop Trent once their truce is over. Trent says that he'd intended to let them do as they wished and hoped they'd do the same for him, but feels the castle won't give Xanth a choice about him becoming King...or, at least, one of him and Bink. Trent suggests they are now rivals, and that they should separate if they can. Once they do, he will consider the truce over. He believes nothing will hurt them if Roogna allows them leave. Bink agrees, and decides to leave with Chameleon. A ghost appears and warns him to stay, but he ignores it, though he needs to find a new exit due to the portcullis being closed. (Bink doesn't understand how to open it.) They end up trying to cellar, but the place is infested with rats which chase them out. The castle doesn't want them to leave. Zombie snakes emerge to stop them when they try to slip out the back, and zombie crocodiles await them in the moat. Human zombies also show up. Bink and Chameleon decide not to leave and say so, and the zombies stop to let them head back into the castle. Pun Count: Probably still 13 by the end of chapter 12.
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Jul 24, 2013 04:00
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Mors Rattus posted:So yeah, Fanchon/Dee/Wynne/Chameleon is a giant menstruation metaphor. Fun! This is what pissed me off a couple of posts back. The implication that Iris was frumpy and middle-aged despite her illusions was pretty insulting to start with, but here we've got a fairly clear statement that a woman can be pretty, or she can be intelligent-- oh, and they're lunatics, cycling back and forth between desirable and detestable, ain't that right, boys?
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Jul 24, 2013 04:15
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Here's an odd bit of trivia. Armored Core: For Answer has a wholly inexplicable and irrelevant reference to Chameleon. http://armoredcore.wikia.com/wiki/Wynne_D._Fanchon I'll admit the whole series would be greatly improved with a giant robot laying waste to everything.
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Jul 24, 2013 04:21
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Selachian posted:
Bearing an Hourglass has probably the most  part of the first five books with the whole Orlene situation (though basically all of Red Sword comes close) and the main villain of the second SI was a militant lesbian. Other than that they were okayish sci-fi/fantasy, but you could say something similar about Xanth too.
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Jul 24, 2013 07:18
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Add me to the "what was middle school me thinking!?" chorus.Selachian posted:I don't recall Incarnations of Immortality (the first couple books, at least) or the first series of Split Infinity books being all THAT awful outside of the occasional strangeness eruption. But admittedly that might be nostalgia goggles. If memory serves me correctly, Split Infinity features a planet where everyone is naked all the time and act as sex slaves for the super-rich, and the hero indulges his cosplay fetish and then rapes a sexbot - and that's just in the first chapter.
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Jul 24, 2013 09:41
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Lottery of Babylon posted:If memory serves me correctly, Split Infinity features a planet where everyone is naked all the time and act as sex slaves for the super-rich, and the hero indulges his cosplay fetish and then rapes a sexbot - and that's just in the first chapter. I don't remember that he actually raped the robot, more that he coerced her into revealing something she didn't want to reveal and that being presented as being as bad as rape... but I don't remember much more detail than that. I could be wrong about that. But you know, from what I can remember of the series as a whole, really whatever sex was in the first book was probably creepy and of dubious consent anyway.
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Jul 24, 2013 10:28
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ibntumart posted:I don't remember that he actually raped the robot, more that he coerced her into revealing something she didn't want to reveal and that being presented as being as bad as rape... but I don't remember much more detail than that. I could be wrong about that. I do remember finding the 'games' concept in that book interesting. Like, that would have probably been a better centerpiece for some kind of story than what was included. Anthony seems to get passable ideas now and then, they're just transmitted through his fundamental Anthoniness.
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Jul 24, 2013 10:31
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ibntumart posted:I don't remember that he actually raped the robot, more that he coerced her into revealing something she didn't want to reveal and that being presented as being as bad as rape... but I don't remember much more detail than that. I could be wrong about that. I guess the robot was consenting as much as a robot can consent from what I remember, but later on when he forcibly tames the unicorn and is rewarded by being able to gently caress her at will things really go south on the "not rape" front.
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Jul 24, 2013 10:35
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HiggsBoson81 posted:I guess the robot was consenting as much as a robot can consent from what I remember, but later on when he forcibly tames the unicorn and is rewarded by being able to gently caress her at will things really go south on the "not rape" front. I'm really glad I haven't reread this series since high school as I had managed to completely forget about unicorn rape. Going to do my best to excise that from my memory again.
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Jul 24, 2013 10:54
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Oh god. These loving books.
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Jul 24, 2013 13:51
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t3h_z0r posted:I'd like to see someone take on the Sword of Truth series at some point. I first got into it because there was a Piers Anthony blurb on the cover of the first book, which in retrospect should have been a red flag the size of the moon GUESS WHO JUST STUPIDLY CLEARED THIS WITH WINSON Gonna wait to start this until after Mors has done a bit/wants a break, though
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Jul 24, 2013 13:56
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Syrg Sapphire posted:GUESS WHO JUST STUPIDLY CLEARED THIS WITH WINSON I'll be looking forward to this. Chapter 13! quote:Chameleon was now well through her "normal" phase, which Bink had known before as Dee, and moving into her beauty phase. It was not identical to the prior Wynne; her hair was lighter in color, and her features subtly different. Apparently she varied in her physical details each cycle, never exactly repeating herself, but always proceeding from extreme to extreme. Unfortunately, she was also becoming less intelligent, and was no help on the problem of escaping the castle. She was much more interested now in getting friendly with Bink--and this was a distraction he felt he could not afford at the moment. Castle Roogna is happy to keep them fed and healthy as long as they don't try to leave, though they have to cook themselves or the zombies try to do it for them. No one wants that. Chameleon instead does the cooking, advised by lady ghosts. quote:The inner partitions of the castle were as solid as the roof; there seemed to be weatherproofing spells in operation. Each person had an opulent private bedroom with costly draperies on the walls, moving rugs on the floors, quivering goose-down pillows and solid-silver chamberpots. They all lived like royalty. Bink discovered that the embroidered tapestry on the wall opposite his bed was actually a magic picture: the little figures moved, playing out their tiny dramas with intriguing detail. Miniature knights slew dragons, tiny ladies sewed, and in the supposed privacy of interior chambers those knights and ladies embraced. At first Bink closed his eyes to those scenes, but soon his natural voyeurism dominated, and he watched it all. And wished that he could--but no, that would not be proper, though he knew that Chameleon was willing. Chameleon explores safely, as she isn't a Magician and isn't being kept around by the castle. She finds a tree that grows explosive fruits. quote:"Oh, Bink!" she cried, turning to him with woeful relief. Her homemade dress was in disarray, exposing her finely formed breasts above and her firm round thighs below. What a difference a few days made! She was not at the height of her loveliness, but she was quite adequate to the need. Anyway, it turns out that she's found some cherry bombs. Pun Count: 14. Bink decides to stockpile the things, and places them in strategic locations around the castle. He then goes to talk to Trent, and tells Chameleon to bomb any zombies she sees, and to blow a support column if Trent comes down without Bink. Bink runs into Trent with a pair of people he's never met - a handsome middle-aged woman and a young boy. He leaves, then comes back more loudly, to announce his approach. This time, Trent is alone. Trent explains that he turned a pair of roaches into his dead wife and son, so he could at least look at them again. Bink then tells Trent that they're leaving, and they plan to force the castle to let them go with the cherry bombs. If it tries to stop them, they will destroy it. He's warning Trent because he doesn't want Trent to die in the blast - he doesn't think that's a clean victory. Trent says that the plan won't work - the castle won't understand the threat. Trent also explains how he could ruin the plan entirely, but is choosing not to, by transforming Bink and sending something that looked like him down in his place. He does get Bink to agree to listen to him for a bit first. He explains that he has no desire to harm Xanth at all, and that he feels Xanth will die unless he conquers it. He explains first that Mundania has weapons that can't be stopped by the shield - bombs, for example, which can easily be launched through it. So they need to establish peaceful relations to prevent that. Also, Xanth is a threat to itself. He shows Bink pictures from an old bestiary of many creatures, all of which have human components. quote:Bink was increasingly worried that Chameleon would foul up, or that the castle would figure out a way to neutralize the cherry bombs. He was not certain that Castle Roogna could not think for itself. Was the Evil Magician stalling to make time for this? "I'll give you one more minute to make your case. Then we're going, regardless." Trent says that Humfrey's children may well be true gnomes, even though he's human, and that may be why he doesn't marry. Trent explains that the shield needs to come down and that mundane creatures and people need to come in to preserve the species. Bink is horrified, and asks what happened to the original humans. Trent suggests that there was probably some obstruction to movement for a while. Bink decides he can't listen any more and is leaving. He won't defuse the bombs, either. He can't accept what Trent is saying. Trent decides to compromise - he'll join them and ensure Castle Roogna lets them go by talking to it, since he's learned how to do that. He sends Bink to go defuse the bombs. quote:She was growing lovelier by the hour. Her personality was not changing much, except as her diminishing intelligence caused her to be less complex, less suspicious. He liked that personality--and now, he had to admit, he liked her beauty, too. She was of Xanth, she was magic, she did not try to manipulate him for her private purposes--she was his type of girl. Pun Count: Probably 14 by the end of chapter 13.
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Jul 24, 2013 17:22
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Very belatedly, did he really name a country with no magic 'Mundania'? Really?
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Jul 24, 2013 18:16
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Cosmic Afro posted:Very belatedly, did he really name a country with no magic 'Mundania'? Really? It's the word that Xanth uses to refer to 'the entire rest of the world.'
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Jul 24, 2013 18:17
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I remember only getting part of the way through With a Tangled Skein, because it was really boring. There's one thing that's stuck with me though, like a bit of popcorn hull stuck under my gums. The Incarnation of Fate is three people-- your Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos figures. They're three women, three bodies, who... time-share an existence. One of them is dating another Incarnation; which one eludes me, and I don't feel like Googling. Of course, when the new Aspect's duties are being explained to her, it includes a bit on what to do if the other Aspect's boyfriend comes bearing carnal intentions. Can you guess what that instruction is? If you guessed 'Spread your legs, because it's your duty!' you'd be horrifyingly correct! I've no idea if it ever actually came up in the story, but Jesus Christ on a nuclear pogo stick, of all the things that should have been scratched out by an editor...
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Jul 24, 2013 18:42
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Wasn't the new Clotho dating Satan?
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Jul 24, 2013 18:43
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This was mentioned before the new girl met Satan, because that's about as far as I got before sending the book back to the library. ...and Wikipedia suggests that it might have been the old Clotho, which somehow makes it even creepier. And on the other side of the scale, at the far end of immature, 'They learn that Satan plans to cause political turmoil in the UN by having one of his minions plant a stink-bomb.' Bieeanshee fucked around with this message at 18:54 on Jul 24, 2013 |
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Jul 24, 2013 18:45
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quote:"I think this background does justify my assumption of power, Bink. Because the accelerated evolution and mutation produced by magic and interspecies miscegenation is changing Xanth. If we remain cut off from the Mundane world, there will in time be no human beings left---only crossbreeds. Only the constant influx of pure stock in the last millennium has enabled man to maintain his type--and there really are not too many human beings here now. Our population is diminishing--not through famine, disease, or war, but through the attrition of crossbreeding..." Uh. What are Anthony's feelings on the preservation of the white race, I wonder?
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Jul 24, 2013 19:34
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Meh, whatever his other faults, Anthony hasn't ever struck me as particularly racist.
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Jul 24, 2013 20:01
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PleasingFungus posted:Uh. Awful, but not in the ways you think. In at least one other series he shows a future where interbreeding has completely wiped out all racial differences, with the implication that is is both inevitable and largely a good thing. And then in that context he then shows a holdout black subculture/enclave, and its... Well, this is Tarot. And I already warned against going near those books, and that's a big part of the reason.
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Jul 24, 2013 20:04
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PleasingFungus posted:Uh. given that he's literally parroting white nationalist rhetoric i think its pretty clear?
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Jul 25, 2013 03:52
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He at least tries to be not-racist, albeit in a typically inane manner. It doesn't really get highlighted until the computer game novelization or so, which is a while off though.
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Jul 25, 2013 04:19
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I could be wrong, it's been years, but I really think this is the last book in the series where some holds the opinion "HEY DON'T gently caress THAT HORSE". Later books are more or less literally mythical gangbangs.
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Jul 25, 2013 09:37
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BrainParasite posted:I could be wrong, it's been years, but I really think this is the last book in the series where some holds the opinion "HEY DON'T gently caress THAT HORSE". Later books are more or less literally mythical gangbangs. So Trent was pretty much right.
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Jul 25, 2013 10:47
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Chapter 14 opens with the trio leaving Castle Roogna. Trent explains that he plans to stick with them until out of the wilderness - he has to become king and bring Roogna back to glory, and he can't do that while trapped in the jungles of Xanth. They wander into a mass of sneeze bees, which I don't think is a pun, and then run off past them and into the path of a dragon. Trent transforms Bink into an immense sphinx, which can easily scare off the dragon with the aid of some rock nuts. Pun Count: 15. Bink decides to remain a sphinx to make travel easier. However, Chgameleon needs to go to the bathroom, so they stop for a bit. Bink and Trent discuss the finer points of transformation magic for a while, such as where racial memory comes from and why Bink has riddles buried in the back of his brain now. Bink thinks magic may come up from the rock, and Trent says he'll have a study done when he is king.quote:"The lady is taking her sweet time," Trent muttered. Bink moved his ponderous head, searching for Chameleon. "She's usually very quick about that sort of thing. She doesn't like being alone." Then he thought of something else. "Unless she went looking for her spell--you know, to make her normal. She left Xanth in an effort to nullify her magic, and now that she's stuck back in Xanth, she wants some kind of counter-magic. She's not very bright right now, and--" They decide to go hunt Chameleon down, with Bink being turned into a bloodhound to track her. (No pun - a normal bloodhound.) They find that she has somehow been magically lured away, probably by a will-o-wisp. They then hide in a beerbarrel tree (which may be a pun, but is not one I get, if so) to avoid being stomped on by an invisible giant. They run into a griffin, but all it wants is directions. They eventually wind up finding a vast collection of creatures gathered together, doing some strange ritual attacking of empty air. Some of the creatures are dying, but they have no idea how or why. They find Chameleon smashing rocks together in the air. That's when an old centaur wanders up and tells them to hide north and go use rocks to fight 'the enemy', not Trent's sword. It appears the wiggles have returned. They must be crushed or chewed or burned or drowned, or they will escape and swarm again. The centaur is Herman the Hermit, exiled a decade ago. The wiggles are tiny worms that hover in the air, then shoot forward for a bit like a laser, making a hole through anything in their path. Everyone does their best to destroy the wiggles, but they hurt a lot of the creatures helping. There are a lot of wiggles. The giant, Bigfoot, gets hit and falls over. Herman recognizes Trent, but promises to keep his secret. It seems that Hermit was exiled for having a magic talent, which centaurs consider obscene. He can summon will-o-wisps, and he understands the humiliation of exile. However, they need Trent's talent to fight the wiggles. So Trent turns Bink into a salamander, so that he can burn off the Wiggles. Salamander fire burns only in one direction, so they plan to make a circle of inward fire. The giant is trapped in the flames, but not dead...though he's doomed to die now. Chameleon nearly gets trapped in the fire, but manages to escape. (And looks hot while doing it, as Anthony is always sure to tell us.) The fire moves, though, and traps both Bink and Chameleon. Herman arrives to save them, leaping over the fire. quote:Bink wrapped his arms about Chameleon and heaved her up onto the Hermit's back. She was wondrously supple, slender of waist and expansive of thigh. Not that he had any business noticing such things at the moment. But his position behind her as she slid on her belly onto the centaur made the thoughts inevitable. He gave her graceful posterior one last ungraceful shove, getting her balanced, then scrambled up himself. Herman leaps, but he's hit by a wiggle as he does, and he falls short, though he gets the pair out. Trent offers to transform him, but Herman knows he's dying, and asks only that he be killed quickly. Trent cuts his head off without another word, and HGerman thanks him for it. The will-o-wisps come to pay their respects to the guy who could control them, and Trent orders a moment of silence for all those who died fighting the wiggles. He also uses the silence to listen for any wiggles moving, since they make noise when they do and don't wait very long. The trio then resume their journey, with Bink becoming a sphinx again, and Chapter 14 ends. Pun Count: Probably Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 18:48 on Jul 25, 2013 |
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Jul 25, 2013 15:52
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Mors Rattus posted:They wander into a mass of sneeze bees, which I don't think is a pun, Maybe "bee's knees" ===> "sneeze bees"? I admit I only get like a third of these lovely, lovely puns, but that might be my brain purposely not thinking about them as a form of self-defense. Also, I can not think of a worse name for something you want to seem scary than calling it a "wiggle".
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Jul 25, 2013 16:05
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I would call Herman the Hermit a pun.
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Jul 25, 2013 18:37
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Victorkm posted:I would call Herman the Hermit a pun. Eh, sure, why not. At the start of Chapter 15, the trio is finally out of the wilderness. Bink is turned human again, and they prepare to part ways. They're sad to see him go, but they don't have the same goals, so they decide to leave each other among a bluejean plantation. Which I am certain is a pun I'm not getting, so Pun Count: 17. quote:Bink took the hand and shook it, feeling oddly sad. "I suppose by definition and talent you are the Evil Magician--but you helped save Xanth from the wiggles, and in person you have been a friend. I can not approve your designs, but . . ." He shrugged. "Fare-well, Magician." However, that's when Iris shows up. quote:"Thank you for the elegant introduction, Bink," the now-solid-seeming woman said. She stood among the jeans, ravishing in a low-cut gown--but Bink felt no temptation now. Chameleon, at the full flush of her beauty, had a natural if magical allure that the Sorceress could not duplicate by her artifice. She and Trent know of each other but have never met. Iris says she didn't spy on them, since the jungle has too many counter-illusion spells for some reason, and she's pretty sure no one knows he's back. She only knows because she wanted to investigate the huge sphinx and saw it turn back into Bink. quote:She looked at each of them in turn. Bink had not realized she could project her illusions so effectively, so far afield, or perceive things from such distances. The ramifications of the powers of Magicians and Sorceresses were amazing. "Now shall we get down to business?" Do you know, I have no idea how Iris knows Chameleon's problem. quote:"The deceptions of the Sorceress are apt," Trent murmured to Bink, obviously with double meaning. Bink denies her again, and Iris moves on to talk to Trent. quote:"Now you, Magician Trent," Iris said. "I have not been watching you long, but you seem to be a man of your word, at least when it suits your convenience. I could make you a formidable Queen---or I can have the palace guards on the way to kill you in five minutes." Trent and Iris discuss the various counters and why they won't work very well. He decides that he should accept her offer, though obviously they work out the details. Bink objects, but Trent thinks the offer's quite reasonable, really - he can share power, perhaps defining influence. It'd be a marriage of convenience, of course, but Trent has no desire to marry for love right now. quote:"Well nothing!" Bink cried, conscious that his prior decision to stay clear of this matter was being abrogated. "You're both traitors to Xanth. I won't permit it." Trent insists they be allowed to part company, but Bink insists that he can't let them conquer Xanth. Trent tries to talk him into just going away, but Bink decides to just ignore it, since he knows he can't out-argue Trent. Bink challenges Trent to a fight and Trent makes it a formal duel. Trent tries to explain the concept of the second, but, well, it doesn't seem to work. Anyway, they decide to fight within an area of one square mile, until the sun sets. During that time, neither will leave the earea and, if both survive, they will go their seperate ways peacefully. quote:The Evil Magician seemed so reasonable--and that made Bink unreasonable. "To the death!" he said--and immediately wished he hadn't. He knew the Magician would not kill him unless he were forced to; he would transform Bink into a tree or other harmless form of life and let him be. First there had been Justin Tree; now there would be Bink Tree. Perhaps people would come to rest under his shade, to have picnic lunches, to make love. Except that now it had to be death. He had a vision of a fallen tree. They seperate for five minutes, and Bink tells Chameleon to leave, but she won't. She also says she's too dumb to go by herself. Trent shrugs and just allows Bink to have her help. It won't actually help him, after all. Bink tries to come up with a plan, and gets mad at Chameleon for not helping. quote:"Don't just say yes!" he snapped. "This is serious business. Our lives are at stake." At least, until Iris shows up. quote:Reality intruded all too soon. "There you are!" Iris exclaimed, appearing over their makeshift bower. "Tut-tut! What have you two been doing?" Trent shows up quickly. quote:"I have ruined you!' Chameleon cried. "I knew I shouldn't have--" Of course, Iris can easily follow them. Bink takes the hypnogourd that Chameleon's been carrying around, and plans to trap Trent with it. Trent tells Iris to stop interfering or he'll consider their alliance broken. Iris goes away, and Trent suggests starting over. Bink accepts, though he knows he probably won't have another chance to use the gourd. Bink harvests some nooses from a plant - they tighten on anything that touches them. And then they run into ant lions. Literal ant lions. (Pun Count: 18.) They plot to lure Trent into them. quote:"I wish we didn't," Bink said. "They wouldn't actually eat him; he'd transform them first. But they might keep him so busy that we could overpower him. If we don't stop him somehow, he's very likely to conquer Xanth." Bink decides to find another way to beat Trent, without the ant lions. He still isn't sure Trent is wrong. They find a river, which has some kind of crab monster in it. They decide not to go that way, but gathers up some rocks to throw, so they can trap him near the ant lions and use the gourd as a threat. While they were plotting, however, Trent was tracking them. quote:But Trent surprised them. While they had been setting up the trap, he had been circling around, orienting on their sounds. Now he came at them from the north. Chameleon, like most girls, had to answer calls of nature frequently, particularly when she was excited. She went behind a harmless mock-tentacle banyan tree, gave one little gasp of alarm, and disappeared. As Bink turned, he saw a lovely young winged deer bound out. Trent then ambushes Bink from a treetop, and tries to run. Trent uses his power...but manages to miss, hitting a branch of the tree, instead and turning it into a rose bush. Bink attacks, but Trent turns the bush into a tortoise to dodge. He charges at Trent...and this time, Trent fires magic at him and misses again, turning the tortoise into a "werehornet." Bink hides behind an invisible bush, which Trent turns into a woman-headed snake. Bink runs...and this time, Trent's magic turns something nearby into a yellow toad. A passing gnat. Trent is shocked. His aim can't be that bad. That's when deer-Chameleon shows up, trying to tackle Trent. She becomes a butterfly, then a wyvern, as Trent tests his aim on her. All of them are pretty, apparently. The wyvern attacks, so Trent turns her back into a doe and scares her off, because she's dumb. Bink has run, but is now in range of his own traps and doesn't remember where they are. Trent heads in close, and sends his magic after Bink again. This time, a flock of 'funnelbirds' appears around him. (I am certain that's a pun but I don't get it. Ah well. Pun Count: 18.) Trent has no idea why his power is misfiring - and then he realizes. quote:"I was not trying to kill you--only to transform you into something harmless, so that never again could you oppose me. I never kill without reason." The Magician pondered. "Something very strange here. I don't believe my talent is misfiring; something is opposing it. There has to be some counterspell operating. You have led a rather charmed life, you know; I had thought it was mere coincidence, but now--" Having realized this, Trent draws his sword and attacks. This, Bink's power can't protect him against. The talent has been concealing itself, since anyone who knows it can do what Trent's doing. Bink attacks, but Trent is easily his better in battle. He also decides that Bink must be a full Magician, and that he wants to know the full nature of Bink's power. However, he can't allow Bink to live if he's going to be an enemy - not with that power. Trent attacks, and this time cuts Bink's hand. Bink ducks the next attack, using Crombie's throw on Trent. However, Trent sidesteps it, having learned similar tactics in Mundania. Trent attacks - and this time, deer-Chameleon leaps in and intercepts the blow. quote:"Bitch!" Trent yelled, though that was not the proper term for a female deer, winged or land-bound. He yanked free the bloody blade. "That strike was not meant for you!" Bink becomes enraged, charging Trent. Trent easily sidesteps and smacks him, then prepares to kill. Bink just accepts it, and asks Trent to kill Chameleon too, but cleanly. HJowever, the blow never comes, and Trent sheathes his blade. He can't kill Bink. quote:The Sorceress Iris appeared. "What is this?" she demanded. "Have your guts turned to water? Dispatch them both and be done with it. Your kingdom awaits!" Iris refuses, since she is blinded by power. Trent turns Bink into a phoenix to send him for help, and does his best to help Chameleon, who will die within the hour. The chapter ends with Bink flying off towards Humfrey's castle. Pun Count: Probably 18 by the end of chapter 15. Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 21:05 on Jul 25, 2013 |
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Jul 25, 2013 18:50
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What even was the point of that? Establishing Trent as a take charge pragmatist? Nope, that's been covered. Getting Xanthians hype for Trent as king? Nope, the dude who recognized him bit the dust. Something to with Bink or Chameleon? Eh, not really. If this isn't a waste of time, its establishing the wiggles as a future threat. But like Xiahou Dun said, they're just such a terrible threat. Amateur hour poo poo. Edit: That was meant for the previous chapter. As for this new one... Those sure are some gender roles, huh? HitTheTargets fucked around with this message at 20:12 on Jul 25, 2013 |
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Jul 25, 2013 18:52
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Mors Rattus posted:
I know it was just a typo, but you have no idea how let down I was when I realized that Anthony didn't just have some random anti-Irish, horribly racist leprechaun, and I just forgot it in the 13 odd years since I read these. I am so disappointed.
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Jul 25, 2013 19:38
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Oh god. These books. gently caress. And this early one was one of the ones with an actual plot (if you define plot loosely). Later on I think his outlines devolved into lists of puns and namedropping and weird fetishes.
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Jul 26, 2013 01:48
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I remember quite liking the Xanth books in my early teens despite an increasing sense of unease, right up until one where finding out the colour of one of the character's panties was a crucial plot point. Then I think the next book in the series was called 'The Color of Her Panties' and that was where I had to tap out. Looking back on it Incarnations of Immortality was really filled with bizarre kinky stuff. I think it was the War one where he had a lady demon trying to seduce him and did things like cut her into pieces and mail her back to Hell. As you do.
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Jul 26, 2013 03:26
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We're in the final stretch now - Chapter 16 is it for the book. Phoenix-Bink flies along, but is attacked by a talking dragon. His wounded wing, formerly a hand, slows him down. However, Bink realizes the dragon must be an illusion of Iris, who hoped that if Chameleon died, trent would resume his hunt for the throne. He knows this because flying, fire-breathing dragons can't be smart, due to small brains and overheated heads. Bink flies on, and a storm forms - a giant, tornado-laden hurricane. Bink realizes that it must be a magic storm, and since he's immune to magic, he's fine. Besides, it's jsut another illusion. However, Iris can blind him. He drops down, trying to spot something - and he finds himself looking at Castle Roogna. He almost despairs, but then hears a faint snort. Suddenly, Iris fills the air with clouds and snorting. Iris seems to want him not to land...but there's nothing useful at Roogna. And Roogna has nothing to snort. So therefore thus must be Humfrey's castle, and that was the hippocampus in the moat. Bink flies down to the castle, and the illusions fade as he get close, though Iris is still mad. Humfrey apparently has countermagic. Bink flies in, landing by Humfrey, who recognizes him as Bink despite the phoenix form. Bink tries to talk, but can't. Humfrey takes him to a magic mirror, which shows what's going on.quote:The picture was of the wilderness, Chameleon lying nude and lovely and bleeding despite a crude compact of leaves and moss on her abdomen. Before her stood Trent, sword drawn, as a wolf-headed man approached. Bink tries to explain to Humfrey that Trent isn't the bad guy here, and Humfrey gets out a book to let him talk. Humfrey says he'll heal Chameleon, in exchange for his fee, but they must stop by the North Village to get a stunner to stop Trent. Bink tries to explain, and Humfrey takes his word that Trent isn't being evil, quite. Still, he needs to go to trial. Bink is given no time to explain further. quote:There was so much more Bink wanted to explain, but Humfrey gave him no chance. And of course he probably was being naive; once the Evil Magician had time to reconsider, he would probably revert to form. He was a serious threat to Xanth. Yet Bink knew that Trent had won the duel, and so Bink, as loser, should no longer interfere in the Magician's affairs. This was a devious but increasingly strong conviction. He hoped Trent managed to escape. Humfrey gets out a flying carpet, and takes Bink quickly to the North Village. Bink tries to explain the story again, and Humfrey decides that they need a full investigation. He says Trent will probably be exiled again, or blinded, since he needs to see to transform people. Bink doesn't like it, and Humfrey says he'll have to work to save Bink's life, too, since he's an exile. They land in the North Village to find a massive storm forming, and the King's palace draped in black shades. The King is dead. The Elders want Humfrey to be king, but he refuses. Instead, he seeks out Roland, who is steward right now, and claims he may know someone for the job. Bink believes it will be him, but he doesn't want it. Humfrey tells the Elders that Trent is back, and they send Roland ahead to stun him, then Humfrey to save Chameleon. Bink is worried - there doesn't seem to be a good way out for everyone. Either Trent escapes and Chameleon dies, Trent is caught, or Chameleon is saved but Trent still escapes and Bink is stuck as a bird. Bink and the Elders warp over to where Trent is. Chameleon has now been healed. quote:"Oh, Bink!" she cried, picking him up and trying to hug him to her bare torso. Bink, as a bird with delicate plumage, did not find this as delightful as he might have in his natural form. "Change back." Trent has to stand trial before Bink can be turned back, though. The magic mirror is summoned, and the story of the trio's return is played back, though not the part where Bink's talent is revealed. quote:In the mirror were reflected scenes from the trio's travels in Xanth. Gradually the story came out, though it did not reveal Bink's talent. It showed how the three had helped one another to survive in the wilderness; how they had stayed at Castle Roogna--there was a general exclamation about that, for no one had known this old, famous, semi-mythical artifact remained intact. How they had fought the wiggle swarm--and that produced another reaction! How they had finally dueled. How the Sorceress Iris had mixed in. And how--Bink felt a fury of embarrassment--he had made love to Chameleon. The mirror was merciless. The mirror is silent, so no one gets to hear Trent's dialogue for this. Bink wants to point out that Trent spared him at the last moment, but he is a bird. It then shows Trent defending Chameleon from wolf-headed men, and saving Roland from a two-headed snake when he arrives, though Roland never knew it. Trent is then stunned by Roland, and so it ends. Humfrey asks the Elders if they've made their judgment, and Trent has still not been unstunned. He is released, and he says that he's been given a fair trial and will accept any judgment. Roland says that he is guilty of violating exile, but that he has shown great loyalty, honor and mercy. Therefore, he will not be executed and may remain in Xanth under two conditions. Bink is quiote happy, though he doesn't like what restrictions might be placed on Trent. quote:They were not going to kill Trent. Bink almost danced for joy. But immediately he realized that there would still be stringent restrictions, to prevent Trent from ever again aspiring to the throne. Humfrey had mentioned blinding him, so that he would be unable to perform his magic. Bink had some idea of what a life without magic would be like. Trent would be forced to assume some menial occupation, working out his days in ignobility. The Elders were generally old, but not necessarily gentle; no smart citizen ever crossed them twice. We cut to the coronation-slash-wedding. quote:There were of course some sly remarks at the fringe of the spectator crowd, but most citizens agreed that the King had chosen wisely. "If she's too old to bear an heir, they can adopt a Magician-caliber boy." "After all, he's the only one who can control her, and he'll never suffer from lack of variety." "And it eliminates the last real threat to the kingdom." They were not yet aware of the other formidable external and internal threats. Bink meets back up with Cherie and Chester, the centaurs from the start of the book. Chester is still very mad at him, but Bink tells them about how he met Herman and how Herman saved Xanth from the wiggles. Chester brightens - Herman was his uncle, and he never liked that the guy was exile. Cherie declares that they do not discuss 'obscenity' around fillies, and walks off, annoyed. Chester, however, now likes Bink and wants to hear more later. quote:Now Sabrina approached him. She was as lovely as he had ever seen her. "Bink, I'm sorry about what happened before," she said. "But now that everything is cleared up..." Bink then gets summoned to an audience with Trent. He asks why Trent didn't escape when he had the chance. quote:"Why I did not desert Chameleon and flee into the wilderness? For you alone, Bink, I will make an answer. Setting aside the moral considerations--which I did not--I performed a calculation that in Mundania is called figuring the odds. When you took flight for the castle of the Good Magician, I judged your chances of success to be about three to one in your favor. Had you failed, I would have been safe anyway; there was no point in deserting Chameleon. I knew Xanth stood in need of a new King, for the Storm King by all accounts was failing rapidly. The chances against the Elders finding any Magician more competent for the position than I were also about three to one. And so on. Altogether, my chances of obtaining the throne by sitting tight were nine in sixteen, with only a three-in-sixteen chance of execution. These were better odds than survival alone in the wilderness, which I would rate at one chance in two. Understand?" Trent offers Bink anything short of the throne, and Bink says that he'd like to do what they discussed in the wilderness - find out about the mysteries of magic. Bink is appointed Official Researcher, whose responsibility is all such mysteries, which he must investigate to his own satisfaction and descrive for the royal archives. His first job is to find the true source of magic. Bink quite likes that job. Trent then has them teleported to Castle Roogna, which has been restored entirely, with the zombies returning to their rest. quote:Iris and Chameleon swept up together, wearing castle tunics and slippers. The Sorceress was in her natural form, but so neatly garbed and coiffed that she was not unattractive, and Chameleon was almost back to her "center" stage, average in both appearance and intellect. Bink becomes tongue-tied when faced with Chameleon, and instead of actually saying anything, he sneezes. quote:Iris nudged Chameleon with her elbow. The End! We will begin the next book tomorrow. Pun Count for A Spell For Chameleon: Probably 18.
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Jul 26, 2013 03:28
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The "the hero's power was unconciously manipulating the plot" twist is the same as Ringworld's.
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Jul 26, 2013 04:00
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I'd have less of an issue of it if he didn't show up in quite a few more books. It takes a lot of the fun away when you KNOW one of your characters is a walking Deus Ex Machina.
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Jul 26, 2013 05:55
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I think most of us were young enough that it seemed pretty clever at the time. Which applies to a lot of things about Xanth. Reading Anthony's prose is very strange, since it has a childlike quality to it. Things are because the characters say they are. No one has to prove [insert horrible regressive viewpoints] because they're just taken at face value. You aren't supposed to question them. Compare that to the Thomas Covenant books, (another series I read around the same age) where the main character held some really awful viewpoints but the author had the character question them, or at least they weren't just accepted as the default state of the world. (It has been so many years since I read them that I don't think I can say more on that series.) And then compare that to the Sword of Truth books, where, bondage and child abuse aside it eventually falls into the same traps and patterns as a Xanth book, except much darker and edgier and more explicit (which is really quite unneeded, when you think about it!)
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Jul 26, 2013 08:34
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I know they show up from time to time as the series goes on, but I've never been sure what the gag is with the hypnogourds. Is it because they send you out of yours?
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Jul 26, 2013 15:13
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Bieeardo posted:I know they show up from time to time as the series goes on, but I've never been sure what the gag is with the hypnogourds. Is it because they send you out of yours?
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Jul 26, 2013 16:48
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