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Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea! HP: 13/20 Flash readies his sword and takes a deep breath. This is it, his opportunity to walk back all the humiliation he's been through so far, and show the world that he's more than just an actor: he is Flash Stardasher, and he's a true hero! He runs up towards the monstrous creature, planning to scale it and leap off its head to his target... (Daring Devil roll with True Love and High Adventure bonus: 2d6+2=11!) Flash flips onto Muhammut's knee, runs up his side without attracting the monster's attention, backflips off his head, jumps through the gaps in the molten chandelier, and manages to land exactly where he wanted to, hanging from the chandelier's chain. He hears a sizzle as his leather glove burns against the red-hot chain. He quickly tips his hat to the bedazzled audience and feels fantastic about it. "Now, fall! HAHAHAHA!" Flash yells as he slices at the chain with his rapier. (Do I need to roll to know if this works?)
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May 1, 2014 05:16
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 18:02 |
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Grizztle The crowd's ramping up in volume every second you move. Kali's awkward from your hit and despite his best effort, can't hit you with his scimitar's grand arc. Though someone else happens to be where he swings... Kag Your unfortunate location reveals what Kali lacks in dance, he makes up tenfold for in golf. The flat of his blade tears you from your spear and sends you shotting through the wall of the arena at a speed worthy of Rakshasa Woods. The crowd alternates between cheers and laughs as you pinball about the stadium, bouncing off lights, scaffolding, billboards and even managing to take out a snack-serving kobold before a blast of force from the a DA maintenance mage shunts you in the right direction to burst back into the arena. A cloud of atomized crystal falls softly about your broken body. "Ooh, that's gotta hurt! You still alive down there, Kag, or did the Dunguun just claim its first Gangstaa?" Take d10 damage, and you are stunned. Everyone No roll needed. Time seems to slow as you fall. It might actually be slow, come to think of it— DA is recruiting some weird wizards these days. You ever seen those particle physicmancers? poo poo's barmy. The spiked bottom of the decorative lighting inches closer, and closer still, until finally, with a noise that sounds like ten million wine glasses sloughing off the back of a 18-wheeler flatbed as it jacknifes into a suburb conspicuously made entirely of glass houses, the chandelier buries itself to your feet in Kali's skull. The god stops his assault there and then, weapons sliding from his fading grip. One arm shattered, third eye blind, and blood slowly consuming his massive head, Kali raises two of his working arms and places the palms together. His eyes are heavy as he releases a long sigh. Namaste. You can barely hear the loudspeaker blare over the stadium-shaking crowd, "BOSS DEFEATED. DUNGEON COMPLETE." Before any of you can catch your breath you're swallowed in magic and regurgitated on a large crystal platform floating above the stadium's torn-up arenas. Other teams flank you on their own, and Wyvernjack soars about on his own chromed disk, but you can feel those ecstatic cheers are mostly for you. You did it. You really godsdamned did it. In one night you tore apart a massive arena, slaughtered every foe that came your way, killed an actual god, and somehow survived it all to win a real Dungeon Attack. Wyvernjack dips low and coasts in towards your hovering team. The other teams look a little pissed you got chosen first. "Ladies, gentlemen and everything else, I'm practically speechless at how absolutely amazing Team Dunguun Gangstaas' heat was tonight! Viewers, let me hear how much you loved that fight with Kali!" The cheers of millions lining the stadium cause the platforms to wobble slightly, disrupting even the magical fields of the burning plane. Wyvernjack cackles delightedly and snaps his fingers, summoning a ball of light that zips down and hovers about the team. With it closer, you can see its actually a pixie equipped with miniature recording equipment. "That's what I like to hear!" Wyvernjack flashes a pearly grin and turns his three-eyed gaze back to the team as the cheer dies down. "There's still our final round coming up, but before the teams lick their wounds, let's get a few words." The pixie fumbles with the large recording kit and turns her mic on. "Dunguun Gangstaas," Wyvernjack asks in a faux-interested tone, "your performance in the Tomb of Tarfuun Suncrusher was extraordinary. How did you survive the deadly combo of lava, falling debris, vicious foes, and somehow still manage to defeat an actual god at his own game? And here's the question on everyone's minds— Can you do it again this round, and emerge victorious at tonight's games?" Wyvernjack has fire behind those eyes, but you'll have to stand the heat for now. You're not the only teams to complete their dungeon. Team Scry'n'Die and Team Kromatik Killas are close competitors, and are sure to give you a run for your money in the next round. Describe a team member for each, and their answer to Wyvernjack's questions. Feel free to be detailed, but it's not required.
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May 7, 2014 22:36
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Grizztle McThornbody, Culinary Mechanic HP: 21/21  Load: 6/9 XP: 6/8Grizztle jostles his way into the frame before anybody else can nab the spotlight, already sketching a stencil of Kali's outline on a stained napkin and sporting the single biggest poo poo-eating grin this side of Schlitzmark, the Elemental Plane of Broheims. "Thanks, Nikolai," he says loudly, looking him in the eye and winking smugly. "You want to know what got us through today's heat? Didn't take too much, if you ask me: just unbeatable dungeon-crawling skills, the best brutalizing tools on the market, a natural flair for the moves, and an elite team of crack dungeon-delvers to back it up." "But I really owe it all to the hardworking men and women over at Ariadne Kitchen Technologies." Oh lord, now he's starting to monologue. He motions the camerawoman over closer, to get a full-frame detail of his suit. "All you folks out there in the audience, take a nice, close look at the hull plating on my suit here today." He clangs affectionately on the machine's flank. "Not a scratch on her, ladies and germs. Not one single scratch on that top-quality Menzobaconzan arasteel after facing down mosquito critters, lizardmen, molten lava, more high-speed collisions than a half-orc drag racing contest, and, if you haven't forgotten, no less a foe than the Lord of the Dance himself -- or, I should say, the former Lord. And that, folks, is how you can be sure when you buy Ariadne, you're buyin' the toughest, hardworkingest tools on the Planes. Try takin' your mom's blender to Muhammut Kali's dinner party sometime; you'll see how it stands up!" "And, of course, I think I owe you a personal thanks, Nikolai; along with everybody here with Dungeon Attack today. Why, without you to cheer us on, we'd be nothin' more than a lousy band of Ravenloft rat-catchers working for a few coppers and a ten-foot pole." He carefully avoids any reference to their little tete-a-tete backstage, but he knows Nikolai knows what he's really talking about. "As for what's up next, I've only got one thing to say." He gets way up in the camera's face and shouts directly into the lens. "LUDI INCIPIANT! WHOOOOO!!" ------------  Over on the Team Scry'n'Die platform, the Killa Kween is flexing a truly astonishing set of oiled pecs in front of an array of athletic-magazine reporters' flashbulbs. A rising star from the Har-Thelen pro-wrestling circuit, this amphibian drag queen won big applause for a well-timed deployment of his signature Anuran Annihilator to take out foe after foe in the first round. Just a shame his enormous muscly arms weren't quite enough to out-wrestle the team's particular manifestion of Muhammut Kali. His flamboyant fighting style is a favorite among fans of the lesser teams. "Oh, I'm not worried, Nickie," he says coyly. "Those lizardmen have nothing on me. And with the Killas at my back, there's nothing we can't take. Bring. It. On!~" He strikes a pose and smiles for the cameras as another round of camera flashes goes off. -----------  Meanwhile, Untze of the Kromatik Killas is coolly expounding on his next EP release to a crowd of adoring would-be mixmasters. Pure humans are an uncommon sight on the professional dungeon-crawling circuit: they're just too gosh-darn squishy to survive past the first heat in most cases. Untze has made a name for himself with a series of brilliantly-executed tactical maneuvers and a talent for working the crowd's enthusiasm just short of giving them exactly what they want -- at least, until he's had them hanging for a good long while. Not even Kali could stand up against his sick Basscannon drops; but it's too bad Untze's own ribcage couldn't either. "Nobody expects you to fight with sound," he explains. "The right wubs are all you need to take down any foe and win through any battle. And for the tougher foes, well, that's when I hit them with the Basscannon." He brandishes an improbably-sized bullpup rifle sporting a boombox speaker instead of a muzzle, hooked up to a backpack cooling array and a jiggling analog dial marked "STARPOWER." "The louder my fans cheer, the louder my drops get; and the louder my drops get, the louder you get. Win-win." He grins cockily. "Let's get loud, Wyvernjack."
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May 13, 2014 01:32
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Miss Danger HP: 17/23 Miss Danger, still favoring the gash in her side, shoves Gritz out of way of the camera so it can focus on the rest of the group. Herself in front, of course. "Gods are strong. Pro Wrestling is stronger. Pro Wrestling is real." She pulls out a banner for Wizardry and Romance from her Gloves of Storing and wraps it around herself. The blood from her wound starts to soak into the banner; she grabs the pixie camera and shows off the now bloody banner. "I am real. This is real. Wizardry and Romance is Realer than Real." She throws the pixie camera back into the air and walks away. ~~~  Over on Team Scry'n'Die is Regnum the Ripped, who provides the Scry and the Die in Team Scry'n'Die. An accomplished seer and trained Grapplemancer, he has made it his personal mission to break the stereotype of the squishy wizard over his knee. "Let me tell you something brother, Regnum the Ripped flies like a Roc, is built like a jock, can break the neck of a Vrock and has the next round on lock dude. Lava's nothing when you've got Transmute Lava to Rock and stones like me jack."  With the Kromatik Killas is Avorax, the seventh son of the seventh son of dragon nobility. Instead of following in the family business of terror and hoarding, he shocked his brood by becoming a Crawler. Known for his brilliant tactics and his constant smack talk, Avorax is one of the most polarizing new Crawlers around. "You insssult me with your assssinine quesstionss, Wyvernjack. There isss no dungeon layout you could throw at me that I wouldn't be able to dissect. And dissect isss what we will do to anyone or anything that daress get in our way."
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May 14, 2014 22:53
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Stu-D HP: 10/14 Load: 4/15 XP: 7 They won? They WON! Stu is almost dancing for joy. He did it, sort of! He's a bona-fide dungeon crawler! The money! The fame! The groupies, probably! He's so wrapped up in his victory, waving and shouting at the crowd and dancing to the funky music, that he almost doesn't notice the microphone shoved in his face, and even then, it doesn't kill his mood. "'oly Pitt! I wanna thank me team, I couldn't 'ave done it wifaht them, they were incredible tonight! Beatin' a god was Ham and Cheesy wif them 'round!" His cockney accent almost blotting out his speech, Stu turns and flicks a thumbs-up at the crowd, before turning back to the pixie. "As for next round? Brin' it the chuffin' duck on! I could take on the bloomin' world! Nothing's gonna stop me from doin' this, or makin' music, or aahhht! I'm unstoppable!" He wonders if his bandmates, watching in a VIP box, are cheering too. ---  On Team Scry'n'Die, Fihr El-Hashem rolls a few of his scrying stones in between his fingers. A priest of New Egyptism, his voice is softly spoken and almost lost in the roar of the crowd. His pet lemur scuttles around on his shoulders, overwhelmed by the noise. "I put my faith in Anhur, friend. And as he slew the great serpent, so to do I slay all challenges in my way. Bring me more. They shall be slain too." he had been particuarly looking forward to slaying the false god Muhammat Kali, but not this time. Oh well. Horus would grant another opportunity. ---  Kromatik Killas' dwarf engineer, Urist Copperheart, grins as he breaks his shotgun open and unloads it with two fingers of his massive mechanical glove. Next to him, his Konda-brand Warhound growls, smoke belching from its joints. Urist had been a particuar spectacle during the first half, using various gadgets to overcome the hardships of the gauntlet with ease. "Weel, laddie, nothin's a hassle when you got Konda behind ya. Reliable, safe, afforable tech from those fancy folk. Of course, tech ain' nothin' without a good dwarf behind it! I don' think anythin's gonna be a problem, nosir."
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May 19, 2014 00:41
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Sorry this took me so long to do; hope this game isn't totally dead... Kag, The Devil Comets' Sergeant at Arms "poo poo," said Kag, drinking another beer. "We did exactly what we were fuckin' supposed to. I didn't even realize we were really close to the end. I mean, come on, one room and then a 'boss fight'? They must have spent their money on the lava. If the next challenge is anything like that last one, I don't even see how that's going to be a thing. Devil Comets don't quit." He let out a screeching laugh and tossed his empty beer can into the crowd. Then took a second to look the pixie over. "poo poo, if you were two sizes larger, honey, I'd offer you a ride on brainer. Oh, wait, right, about tonight. Yeah, we're going to do the same thing again: I'm going to get drunk, Robo-boy is going to get 'f-f-funky', as he put it, and we're going to work the dugeon just like last time. And with any luck, the man with the ghosts is going to keep the chaos just as high as last time." Leo  The mouse kept stumbling over his works, and almost over himself, so nervous to be onstage. Leo was the newest member of Scry'n'Die, and this had actually been his first run, and it showed. "Oh, you know, you see," said the timid mouse, small and innocent-looking. "I work a lot with traps. So those aren't really going to be a problem. And the rest of my team is so amazing, you know, with all of that scrying and all of that making things die, that I'm just so happy to be a part of it. I, well, you know how it is. I think we'll be fine, and all." Then he gave a nervous nod and tottered off the seat. The camera followed him for a moment, maybe two, and then the shouts started: the pixie was yelling about her earrings, finely-made Djinn craftswork worth two fortunes, and when the camera swung back Leo had already vanished. MC Sevenfold  MC Sevenfold is a mage, and some say, an actual, true Initiate of the Sevenfold Veil. He als did some vocal work for Untze's new album, including the tracks 'Indigo Drops' and 'Rainbow Abjuration'. He was grinning a stupid grin at the question. "The gently caress you think we did it? Look here, man, I'll break it down for a demon. Lots of the people here, even my team mates, they'll tell you ain't poo poo that's hard when you're rocking some engineered poo poo, or you're some dragon-blessed warrior, or when you can drop beats hotter than hot. Oh, shoutout to Untze. Catch his new EP in stores next month. And that's me repping on Indigo Drops and Rainbow Abjuration. But back to the matter at hand, na'mean? What they ain't say is ain't poo poo hard work when the motherfucking adversarial motherfuckers have to come through kalediscope-colored walls of arcane might to even get a hit in. Did you watch the match? Watch me pull that poo poo outta my rear end, a full-on wall holding the debris off Urist for like ten fuckin' minutes? I don't gently caress around, man, when I'm brinin' it. We gonna win tonight the same way: I'm gonna keep everyone alive, and they're going to kill everything while I do."
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May 28, 2014 20:33
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 18:02 |
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Flash Stardasher - Hero of the Astral Sea! HP: 13/20 Flash all but climbs over his teammates to get close to the camera, his injuries forgotten. "Well, Wyvernjack, I must admit I didn't do quite as well as I expected. I let myself get distracted by the perils my teammates faced in the lava room and let an inferior swordsman land a few glancing blows. But as for Khali, god or not, he's no match for a TRUE hero of the galaxy, working together with his loyal crew. The brute relied too much on his raw power and lacked in wits, so he was no greater challenge than the Taxinian Fang-beast. And we all know how that beastie ended up, don't we?" he pauses for laughter before continuing. "This team has a ton of raw talent, even if some of them are a bit green when it comes to following the chain of command. I have complete faith in this crew, and if we keep working together I think we'll make short work of anything else thrown at us. And once we're done, don't forget to tune into the season premiere of Captain Stardasher and the Spaceketeers on ELX for even more thrills. It's my craziest adventure yet! That's a Spaceketeer promise!" He twirls his pistol out of its holster and fires the sparks towards the camera while flashing a winning smile. --------------------------------------------------------  Holy Captain Colbert of the House of Eagles The human warrior smiles directly into the camera before answering. "The Lord of Eagles protected us this day. I am but his humble chosen number one best servant. The Free Republic of the Stars and Stripes is the greatest nation in the multiverse, and I'm here to prove it. The entire world envies our freedom, but I hope that this message of peace through violence can reach the backward minds of your non-Staritian viewers so that they can understand we think of them as equals in most regards and welcome them to support us from afar. I thank the blessed Falcorp war contractors for this high quality shield and armor and for this sword, and I thank the Lord of Eagles for the holy blessing bestowed upon this sword." He holds the finely-crafted bastard sword aloft as it bursts into golden flames with a suspiciously digitized eagle's screech. "Team Scry'n'Die and I never would have made it without these high quality products and the divine protection of my Lord. If they continue to follow my lead, this dungeon is as good as won." "I also want to address malicious rumors by freedom-hating detractors that claim my powers are arcane in nature. I am not a swordmage, I am a blessed divine warrior for freedom! I fight for Truth, Justice, and the Corporate Way. Buy Falcorp! Buy Staritian! And may the Eagle Lord bless all of us who deserve it!"  M.D.K. Before Murrkh volunteered to test alchemical super soldier formulas for Bio-Arsenal LLC, he was huge, strong and violent even for an orc. Then he got bigger, faster and stronger, with only mild psychotic side-effects. Then there was a bad batch, and the tumors showed up. The surgeries left Murrkh with very slight brain damage and extensive muscle and nerve damage, ending his career as a guinea pig. That's when Cyber Solutions stepped in. They outfitted Murrkh with cybernetic limb replacement, top of the line weaponized extremities, battle programming fed directly into his neural system, battle stimulant injectors, adrenaline regulators, the works. So what if all the wiring and chemical compounds mess with his head a little? Now, Murrkh goes by M.D.K., for his battle cry "MURDER DEATH KILL!" and tears up the Dungeon Attack circuit as part of the Kromatic Killas. Some people say he can't remember his real name, but you can't prove that. He sure isn't complaining about his new line of work, so where's the problem? And hey, he hasn't killed a teammate yet... M.D.K shoves his faceplate into the mic, causing a nasty feedback noise, before yelling his answer. "Everyone DIED! Everything was DESTROYED! M.D.K. wins! M.D.K. is STRONGEST! MURDER DEATH KILL!"
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May 30, 2014 20:55
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