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A man's face is struck by a closed fist. Graphic detail of his teeth shattering, his nose twisting, sweat mixing with blood and spittle as deep x-rays show his skull cracking, jaw dislocating. Further still, thermal imaging shows hotspots on his brain where impact trauma causes permanent brain damage. The man hits the groud in ultra slow motion. Blank eyes look on as blood oozes out his nose and mouth, swirling together to form the letters UFC. A guitar riff plays.
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Jan 6, 2015 23:29
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| # ? Jun 9, 2024 07:05 |
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Some kind of Dubstep remix of a drum and bass remix of a marching band while banners spelling out sponsor names flutter from the roof. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irz9dk4Jhj8
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Jan 6, 2015 23:33
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Magic Rabbit Hat posted:A man's face is struck by a closed fist. Graphic detail of his teeth shattering, his nose twisting, sweat mixing with blood and spittle as deep x-rays show his skull cracking, jaw dislocating. Further still, thermal imaging shows hotspots on his brain where impact trauma causes permanent brain damage. The man hits the groud in ultra slow motion. Blank eyes look on as blood oozes out his nose and mouth, swirling together to form the letters UFC.
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Jan 7, 2015 00:08
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*A 20 sided die the size of a bus bursts through a brick wall and tumbles to a stop in the center of a field. It lands on "20"* *The numbers flash and the seams begin to glow. An alarm blares and the die unfolds to reveal a group of fierce of warriors standing inside. Freed, the warriors let out a battle cry and charge down the field where another die is just visible through the mist* *The two groups clash in the middle and battle is joined in earnest. The camera pulls back for an aerial view and the carnage spells out "NATIONAL LARP CHAMPIONSHIP"*
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Jan 7, 2015 01:41
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*Gleaming ceramic statbox box unfolds from single tiny button in blatant violation of the laws of conservation of mass/energy*
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Jan 7, 2015 01:57
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Applewhite posted:*A 20 sided die the size of a bus bursts through a brick wall and tumbles to a stop in the center of a field. It lands on "20"* A man stands tall atop a mountain of corpses, flanked on every side by heavily armoured soldiers, their guns ejecting flame and death in every direction. The man holds his hand up and hurls a set of dice from the pile. Thunder strikes and explosions erupt as every die settles, impacting themselves into the skulls of orkish thugs assaulting the corpsepile and disappearing into ash. Behind the vignette artillery rips the earth asunder while the bespectacled man throws up his arms and roars in triumph. A spiked metal marquee bursts out of the ground behind him to loudly proclaim the commencement of the 12th annual Warhammer 40k tabletop championship. The promo passes and we return to the game, where a 400lbs man is having a heated rules argument with a 13 year old boy.
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Jan 7, 2015 02:09
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*Camera flies between rows of giant sewing machines. They piston up and down, binding together huge swatches of jersey material together with steel cable. The cloth is then taken by robot third world children and riveted together into a giant Ravens jersey*
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Jan 7, 2015 02:11
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Back in my day it was flashy but not too over the top https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xnm22ouXsu4 bonus Stuart Scott
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Jan 7, 2015 02:26
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Quick and dirty in paint
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Jan 7, 2015 02:40
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*Ta Na Na! Ta Na Na!*
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Jan 7, 2015 02:47
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*White text on red background, with current item highlighted for emphasis* *pointless countdown timer until next item is discussed*
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Jan 7, 2015 02:55
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ikanreed posted:*White text on red background, with current item highlighted for emphasis* *time gets shorter every season to keep up with rapidly diminishing audience attention span*
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Jan 7, 2015 02:56
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*the camera speeds through a hallway as different metallic doors open. first a porthole numbered 5, then a vault numbered 4, a grate numbered 3, then a large portcullis numbered both 2 and 1 with a squeaking bug just in front only to reveal Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo getting to their seats to watch the 1972 USA Olympic trials*
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Jan 7, 2015 03:35
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Brock Hardchin posted:*the camera speeds through a hallway as different metallic doors open. first a porthole numbered 5, then a vault numbered 4, a grate numbered 3, then a large portcullis numbered both 2 and 1 with a squeaking bug just in front only to reveal Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo getting to their seats to watch the 1972 USA Olympic trials* Very nice but could use a few more exploding cubes and turbines.
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Jan 7, 2015 03:51
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All to the sounds of metallica GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME DUBAJUBASAWWW
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Jan 7, 2015 04:15
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*asteroid smashes into earth, carrying nitrogenous compounds* *zoom to primordial ooze, where carbon first meets oxygen and nitrogen, molecules assembling into amino acids, then proteins, in an ever longer and more furious chain* *To a slow brass crescendo, camera zooms out logarithmically from protein chain, revealing a single hair on Andrew Luck's neckbeard*
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Jan 7, 2015 04:19
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* a tear gas grenade crashes through Joe Everyfan's front window an instant before riot troopers in body armor crash into the living room from all directions. Joe Everyfan receives a beanbag round to his gut. Angry shouting troopers pointing assault rifles swarm Joe Everyfan. The lead trooper peels off his helmet and it is Stuart Scott and right then the lights come up and we see the riot helmets are actually NFL helmets and Stuart Scott talks about how he is taking it to the next level, bringing the game into your living room *
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Jan 7, 2015 17:54
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h_double posted:* a tear gas grenade crashes through Joe Everyfan's front window an instant before riot troopers in body armor crash into the living room from all directions. Joe Everyfan receives a beanbag round to his gut. Angry shouting troopers pointing assault rifles swarm Joe Everyfan. The lead trooper peels off his helmet and it is Stuart Scott and right then the lights come up and we see the riot helmets are actually NFL helmets and Stuart Scott talks about how he is taking it to the next level, bringing the game into your living room * Would love to see a promo like this.
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Jan 7, 2015 18:55
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*Discordant music plays. Close up of bird's nest only the eggs are various sports balls. Football-egg starts to hatch and a gross baby bird starts to emerge. Cut to reverse-film footage of people playing baseball. A man rounds the bases backwards and the score counts down. Football egg bird begins attacking the other eggs, killing the infant birds inside. B&W time lapse of a flower growing. When the flower is at full size a Claymation version of the NFL logo sprouts from the center of the flower.* *Directed by David Lynch*
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Jan 7, 2015 19:37
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A discreet red arrow blinks to direct your attention between the headpin and 3-pin, politely suggesting that your second throw could still pull a spare, maybe if you put down the basket of loaded potato skins for just a moment.
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Jan 7, 2015 19:42
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*a hitchhiker is picked up on a lonely, dark road by a semi truck with an unseen driver* *the hitchhiker is dropped off at a truck stop diner as the semi slowly drives away into the mist* *inside the diner the hitchhiker relates the tale of the good samaritan who gave him a ride* *patrons of the diner shake their heads and point to a framed picture on the wall that has a small plate on the bottom reading "1932 - 1973, We'll miss you, bud"* *the hitchhiker is stunned, for it is a picture of the MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL LOGO ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOTBALLLL*
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Jan 7, 2015 19:58
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*Heavy metal music blares as a baseball player swings and strikes a baseball. On impact, the player and the ball shatter into geometric fragments. The fragments reassemble themselves as a football player who throws the ball to another player who explodes into fragments on catching it. The fragments morph into a basketball player, then soccer, golf and hockey before flying together and melding into the Sports Center orb. The words "Sport Center" do a Matrix Rain down from the top of the screen. The entire image flickers and distorts a few times before going black* *Ultimate Frisbee comes on*
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Jan 7, 2015 19:59
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*Random number generator just goes nuts in the bottom right corner of the screen whenever instant replay comes on*
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Jan 7, 2015 20:14
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*Score display at top of screen made out of carbon fiber so it's lighter and cheaper than last season's scoreboard, which was made of chrome and steel*
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Jan 7, 2015 20:34
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*the sound of generic 'urban music' with just a little bit of a hip-hop edge plays* *bright 2-D polygons in primary colors fly around the screen* *interspersed footage of Magic Johnson passing, Michael Jordan dunking and Patrick Ewing blocking shows while the music reaches a crescendo* *It is 1992, I have just turned 13, and this is the most awesome thing ever*
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Jan 7, 2015 20:55
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Monkey Fracas posted:*a hitchhiker is picked up on a lonely, dark road by a semi truck with an unseen driver* That means...that means...they were.... *whole diner in unison* A GHOST *turns to camera in shock as playoffs begin*
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Jan 7, 2015 20:57
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Bip Roberts posted:This, but unironically Don't forget: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5YjPteCPLo
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Jan 7, 2015 21:03
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Cender posted:Don't forget: I'm the bear being the size of a building when he crashes, but being the size of downtown Anchorage when he emerges from the crater.
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Jan 7, 2015 21:18
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Applewhite, much like you did a great retro Doctor Who episode, can you do a retro sports graphic? I tried to do a retro sports graphic, but I don't quite have your panache.
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Jan 7, 2015 21:36
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glowing-fish posted:Applewhite, much like you did a great retro Doctor Who episode, can you do a retro sports graphic? I thought your retro one was hilarious but I can give it a shot: *A flurry of images of people laying sports slide across the screen from all different angles while a sped up fight music plays. The aspect ratio of the squares does not always match the aspect ratio of the footage playing inside. The whole intro only takes like 5 seconds leaving the announcers more time to actually talk about sports*
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Jan 7, 2015 21:43
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*stilted animation of man throwing football silhouetted with rainbow chryon trail outlines* *football flies towards the camera and becomes a baseball which is hit by stilted animation of batter silhouetted with rainbow chryon trail outlines* *baseball still flying turns into basketball which is dunked by stilted animation of basketball player silhouetted with rainbow chryon trail outlines* *basketball falls to ground and turns into golf ball which rolls perfectly into the hole, stilted animation of caddy triumphantly waving the hole flag silhouetted with rainbow chryon trail outlines* *star wipe to dumpy middle-aged man in ill-fitting polyester suit and bad hairpiece*
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Jan 7, 2015 21:43
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^^^^^^^ Winner
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Jan 7, 2015 21:45
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Howard Beale posted:*stilted animation of man throwing football silhouetted with rainbow chryon trail outlines* it's this thread, 1970's edition
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Jan 7, 2015 21:45
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Jan 7, 2015 21:47
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*Picture in picture boxes have little red "x" at top right corner as if you could click on that poo poo to close them*
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Jan 7, 2015 22:02
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*Image appears flat when viewed from above but a shift in perspective reveals what appeared to be a single large picture is actually made of of many smaller squares all situated at different heights!*
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Jan 7, 2015 22:59
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Monkey Fracas posted:*a hitchhiker is picked up on a lonely, dark road by a semi truck with an unseen driver* * Relaxing in his luxurious man cave, the superfan eases back into a leather recliner and enjoys the SportsCenter recap of NFL Week 19 on a 84" plasma screen with surround sound. Stuart Scott's witty insights on the second half of the Patriots-Ravens game are especially satisfying. The superfan cracks open another bottle of artisinal microbrew pilsner and grows relaxed, drifting comfortably asleep * *A loud crashing truck noise jerks the man awake. The first thing he sees is the sports section of a week-old newspaper, with Stuart Scott's obituary on the front page. Before he can begin to decide what it means, his thoughts are muddled by a blinding headache and bone-deep shivering. It takes every bit of focus and determination for the man to disentangle himself from the pile of newspapers, rags, and urine-soaked cardboard in which he has sheltered himself. Slowly, painfully, he begins the tormented shuffle back to the 24 hour pharmacy, to shoplift another quart of mouthwash to guzzle to keep the cold and the nightmare tremors away for a few hours more. * * Fade to an NFL logo, tastefully carved in granite, with the motto beneath: "EVEN IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR, WE ARE YOUR LIGHT AND YOUR COMFORT" * h_double fucked around with this message at 23:10 on Jan 7, 2015 |
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Jan 7, 2015 23:05
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*Al Michaels announces player introductions for the Seattle secondary* *Fonts change to Chinese-like script as each player speaks* "Earl Thomas, Wu-Tang" "Richard Sherman, Wu-Tang" "Kam Chancellor, Wu-Tang"
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Jan 7, 2015 23:20
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*A long zoom-out of electrons running along circuits, racing to a series of computer chips, powering moving parts to a massive armor-plated robot in the center position. Lasers shine out of it's helmet to scan the football, and the huge robots on the other team in front of it. The cathode tube play clock counts down just as the quarterbot calls hike, and the center's servos activate to furiously jam the football into it's own rear end.*
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Jan 7, 2015 23:37
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*a blonde woman is performing fellatio on a muscular man. Beads of sweat speckle her forehead as her mouth rides up and down on his turgid member. The man's muscles twitch and his moans puncture the sounds of oral sex in the empty warehouse. The camera zooms in on the man's penis as a bulge roughly in the shape of the letters "NFL" travel up the penis's shaft. "Here it comes!" The man shouts. *The blonde takes her mouth off the man's penis as "NFL" flies out of the tip of it. It slams into a brick wall and begins to slide down it in a greasy fashion.* "It's football." The man sighs. Trumpets blare. The warehouses walls topple over to reveal the football stadium and the two teams run out to the field. *
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Jan 8, 2015 00:05
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