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Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

Nuckelavee posted:

It's the Norman way!

Moral of the story: don't give poo poo to men with crusading armies in your territory. See also: the Fourth Crusade.

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GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice
Oh thank god we've finally made it to a new page. My computer can relax once again.

Here's the last update at the bottom of the previous page.

Kayten posted:

History Update 11 - The Angevins

So, last time we continued with Dukes of Normandy/Kings of England, and took a look at William's awful descendants, namely Stephen de Blois, well-known lovely king. Today, we're going to look at Matilda's and Geoffrey of Anjou's descendents - Angevins, the early Plantagenets.

To simplify things, I'm going to refer to a member of the same dynasty but a generation older as an uncle; a member of the same dynasty in the same generation as a cousin; and a member of the same dynasty but a generation younger as a nephew. Because removing the "n times removed" from these makes my life much, much easier.


Henry II of England, King of England (1154-1189)

With Geoffrey's death in 1151, by this point Henry was already the Count of Anjou. He was also married to Eleanor of Aquitane, the duchess of Aquitane, and ex-wife of Louis VII, King of France, which caused problems. While Henry had sworn fealty to Louis VII earlier in order to retain the Duchy of Normandy, he was now in control of far too much land. Louis led a coalition against Henry, which included his uncle Stephen, several French Counts, and Henry's brother Geoffrey, who claimed he got screwed on his inheritance. Keep in mind, that this was happening during Henry's invasion of England, so he was busy on two fronts. Luckily for the Angevins, Louis got sick and pulled out of the campaign, letting Henry win his war against Geoffrey. He then concentrated on fighting Stephen in England, eventually agreeing to become his heir in a peace treaty.

Stephen died in 1154, giving the throne to Henry. Henry inherited a kingdom ravaged by nineteen years of civil war, with outside forces meddling in the lands pretty heavily. The Welsh revolt, completely unchecked by Stephen continued burning, while King Malcolm of Scotland, Henry's cousin (?), kept the lands in north, taken during the Anarchy. Henry first focused on fixing these trends, and took back the land from the Scots in 1157, and the land from the Welsh in 1158. Later on, he would run into quite a few problems with a turbulent priest in Canterbury, Thomas Becket, whose martyrdom we had already talked about in our pilgrimage update.


Henry's claims in France, in red

In France, Henry's pissing contest with Louis VII continued. The two continued building alliances with minor counts against each other throughout the 1150s. By 1158, Henry had pressed his grandfather's claims in Brittany, and secured the duchy as his vassals. He then tried allying himself into getting control of Toulouse, which brought him head to head with Louis, a supporter of the local count. Fighting broke out, and the king and Henry signed a treaty in 1160, granting Henry his grandafather's claims in return for holding onto Henry's children. However, Louis instantly began to move against Henry with a few choice marriages that broke one of his key alliances. In return, Henry forced a few papal legates to marry Young Henry and Margaret, Louis' daughter. This gave him a claim on Vexin, which he promptly seized.

By 1167, Louis has had enough, and declared war on Henry over some loving nonsense about taxing crusader states. Louis's allies included Wales, Scotland and a really pissed off Brittany. The war did not go over as planned, as Henry seized the king's arsenal and burned it to the ground, forcing him to peace out. He was then free to bully the Bretons around some more. In order to ease the tensions somewhat, Henry decided on his inheritance: his oldest son, the Young Henry, would receive England and Normandy; Richard would receive the Aquitane; and Geoffrey would receive Brittany. Each of them would swear fealty to Louis, enforcing his authority as king. Louis agreed to this, and immediately set off to start poo poo between the brothers. This worked out pretty well for Louis, as his sons felt mistreated, and in 1173 raised a flag in rebellion, supported by Louis, King William of Scotland and the Count of Flanders. Despite the large geographical spread of teh Great Revolt, Herny took out Scotland, and then France in 1174. White peace followed. His youngest son, John, quickly became his favourite, due to the whole "not revolting" thing. Louis died soon after in 1180.


Phillip "Augustus" II of France, King of France (1180-1223)

Louis's son, Philip Augustus, continued his father's policy of siding with Henry's sons against Henry. This came to head in 1188, when he proposed to grant Henry all the lands he's had claims on for so long, if he named Richard, his third son, his successor, and married him to Alice, Philip's sister. Henry refused, and Richard himself demanded to be recognized as his heir. Henry said nothing and Richard publicly swore fealty to Philip on the spot. Richard, with the assistance of Philip, launched an attack against the king. Henry, already dying from a stomach ulcer, lost spectacularly, and named Richard his heir in the surrender. When he was later told that John had sided with Richard, the shock was enough to kill Henry. He died as he lived, hated by everyone he knew.


Richard 'the Lionheart' of England, Henry II's third son, King of England (1189-1199)[left]; Salah ad-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub, Sultan of Egypt and Syria (1174-1193)[right]

Richard got off to a pious start, by banning women and Jews from his coronation. Hell, Jews had a rough time under Richard in general: the population of London had a spontaneous pogrom after hearing the Richard was planning to kick Jews out. He punished the murderers, and allowed Jews to return to Judaism if falsely converted. With that nonsense out of the way, he and Philip turned to the important question: crusadin'. In order to ensure that neither king fucks them over while they're in the Levant, both went to fight Saladin at the same time in 1190. Richard used England to raise funds for his crusade, famously saying "I would have sold London if I could find a buyer". He and Philip made a short stop at Sicily, where they overthrew the government before moving onto Cyprus. The island was held by the Byzantines who were willing to start poo poo, so Richard quickly conquered that as well, leading to Catholic rule of the island until 1571. He reportedly kept the governor of the island in silver chains, because he promised not to place him in irons.

The king has fallen sick with scurvy, but nonetheless led his troops at the siege of Acre. There are stories about he was carried on a stretcher, firing at the walls' defenders from a crossbow. He took Acre and Jaffa, and eventually marched on Jerusalem, where, due to some weather, he was force to withdraw. After a lot of faffing about on the coast, and minor skirmishes with Saladin, the men made peace. Richard had problems to deal with back home, since John was taking advantage of his travels in England, while Philip was screwing around in France.

On his way back, he was thrown off course several times, before finally wrecking in north-eastern Italy, and attempting to cross Austria by land. He was found in the forests, despite his disguise as a Knight Templar, and arrested by the Duke of Austria for murdering Conrad of Montferrat. While imprisoned, Richard wrote an honest-to-god prison song, "Ja nuls om pres" (No man who is imprisoned), bitching about his sister and his people abandoning him. He was then transfered to the dungeons of Henry VI, Holy Roman Emperor, who held him for ransom. Richard refused to defer to the Emperor, proclaiming "I am born of a rank which recognises no superior but God". Pope Celestine III excommunicated both the Duke of Austria as well the Emperor for the wrongful imprisonment. The Emperor nonethess demanded 65,000 pounds of silver for Richard release, roughly three times the annual English crown income, same amount that was raised before Richard went a-crusadin'.


John "Lackland" of England, King of England (1199-1216), seen here played by Paul Giamatti in Ironclad

Prince John, meanwhile, had sent a letter to the Emperor, offering 80,000 pounds of silver to keep Richard imprisoned. The Emperor refused that deal, and in 1194 released Richard upon receiving his 65,000. While RIchard was away, Philip had helped John revolt, and took Normandy. Once Richard returned, he forgave his brother, and marched on Philip. During this war, Normandy was pretty much excommunicated, with any church services forbidden in the duchy. Richard was making serious gains on Philip, when he was shot in the neck by a teenager during the siege of an insignificant castle at Chalus-Chabrol. The wound became gangrenous, and in 1199, Richard died.

John was crowned soon after, and rode off to war against Philip, eventually stalemating into a kind of white peace. Philip named John Richard's legal heir, and controller of his continental lands, while John swore fealty to Philip as his lord in France. However, after a bit of fuckery by John, Philip proclaimed John in breach of his feudal contract, and granted his western French lands to Arthur, John's older brother, while taking Normandy for himself. In three years, John managed to lose all of his continental possessions other than Aquitane.

John continued warring against the French king for the rest of his reign. This caused a lot of tension between him and his Barons in England, who weren't big fans of supporting the king in a losing war for so long. By 1214, he had lost enough to Philip that he ceded him Anjou. John's barons in the north renounced him as their feudal lord, and marched on London. John was quickly losing his allies, and agreed to grant the barons (and some freemen) a long list of rights, codified as the Magna Carta. The barons didn't buy it, and continued warring. John had sent his forces north, where the rebels had allied with King Alexander II of Scotland and Prince Louis of France. Losing a war on two fronts after the French invasion of the south-east, John eventually succumbed to illness in 1216. John's son, the 9-year old Henry III of England inherited the throne.

With this, the Angevin line is generally considered finished (they lost Anjou by this point), and from Henry III on, English rulers were referred to as Plantagenets. SO we'll leave it here for tonight, with another idiot son pissing away his father's work.

TL;DR: Matilda's descendants were incredibly unpopular, took over western France, and then pissed it all away.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Oh thank god we've finally made it to a new page. My computer can relax once again.

Here's the last update at the bottom of the previous page.

Hey, if you guys commented more, the thread pages wouldn't be so dense.

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice

Kayten posted:

Hey, if you guys commented more, the thread pages wouldn't be so dense.

I usually try to leave at least one comment per update per Mega-Campaign but it gets hard remembering who conquered what among all these LPs. That and I can comment with "Oh god, so many updates on this page, my poor computer" before it becomes a gimmick.

I am enjoying this LP though. I especially like how it's not all about one country. I was planning to do that with a campaign of my own, but who knows if I'll ever get that off the ground.

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
Just want to check in and say that I am following this LP and enjoy it even though I don't feel like replying much because I don't have much to add.

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

Those Zun borders are disgusting

Gygaxian
May 29, 2013
One point/story on the Sicilian misadventure: Richard's sister Joan was married to the old king of Sicily, William II, who had died without heirs a year before Richard came to Sicily. Joan supported William's aunt Constance claiming the throne of Sicily, which didn't please the new king Tancred (who was Constance's nephew, but older than her; its complicated). Tancred proceeded to imprison Joan because he feared her support of Constance and her husband Henry VI (a later Holy Roman Emperor).

Cue Richard stopping by in Sicily and demanding not only the release of Joan but every penny of her dowry (to fund his Crusading, of course). Tancred was a bit annoyed at these demands, but when Richard seized a castle and monastery, he began to change his mind. Cue the also restless Philip Augustus finally showing up. The two rowdy crusader armies make the Sicilians even more nervous, and Tancred finally agrees to give Joan and her dowry to Richard. In turn, Philip and Richard recognize Tancred as king, and Richard apparently recognizes his nephew Arthur as heir, with Tancred agreeing to marry one of his daughters to Arthur when Arthur came of age. Supposedly, Richard also gives a sword he claims is Excalibur to Tancred.

After the Crusaders leave, Constance and the new Holy Roman Emperor Henry VI (the same emperor that captures Richard) come in, and Tancred fights back against them, using the Sicilian heat and malaria to defeat the imperial forces. The imperial forces leave due to the heat and sickness (which tends to happen throughout Sicily's history), and Tancred manages to capture Constance, defusing the only claim the empire had on Sicily. Unfortunately, the pope demanded that Tancred be a nice guy and release Constance to his care in return for the Papacy recognizing him as rightful King of Sicily instead of Constance. Tancred reluctantly agrees, and in the process of getting Constance to Rome, imperial knights kill the Sicilians guarding Constance and take her back to Germany, renewing the imperial claim on Sicily. Tancred fights back against rebellious barons and is on the point of winning, but then dies suddenly, a few weeks after his son and heir. Sicily tries to hold off the imperial control by crowning his youngest son king, but they quickly surrender to Constance and Henry. From then on, Sicily is never independent, and is usually under the control of the Holy Roman Emperor.

TL;DR: Richard messed up Sicily just in time for the Germans to take over.

Nine of Eight
Apr 28, 2011


LICK IT OFF, AND PUT IT BACK IN
Dinosaur Gum
For those of you who don't speak French, I wish to point out that our latest king is literally named "Wolf". A true successor of Creat.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!
Film Update 11 - God's Right Hand

Honestly, we've been a bit too classy for the past few film updates. French movies, black and white, meditating on the human condition, all that. gently caress it, let's have some fun and watch a B movie.


Welcome to Ironclad (2011), directed by Jonathan English. It's got an aggressively mediocre script, and some very middling direction. It's pretty much Seven Samurai, but worse. However, it has a lot of really good actors in it, who keep this whole thing afloat with good performances. The story is pretty simple: after King John signed the Magna Carta, he brought a huge army of Danish heathens, sanctioned by the Pope, to take everything back. A brave group of warriors, fighting for the common man (also, God, somehow) fight back against by holding Castle Rochester with twenty men against the heathens. Among these are the Baron of Albany, a Templar knight on his way to recant his vows, and people that owe them a few favours.


As I said, the script is mediocre, but it does do some very creative things to history. Plus, hey, some good line squeeze through here and there. What's the biggest sell of this film is Paul Giamatti's stellar performance as King John, the cruel tyrant, and self-proclaimed God's right hand. Guy's clearly having a lot of fun. The cast in general is pretty great: you've got Charles Dance (Tywin Lannister from Game of Thrones), Derek Jacobi (from a lot of things, including Claudius in Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet), Brian Cox (William Stryker from X-Men 2), James Purefoy (Mark Anthony from Rome) and Kate Mara (Zoe Barnes from House of Cards). People do a good job with what they're given.

Anyway, it's not as thoughtful as the other stuff I've recommended so far, it's a lot of fun. Plus I never really payed attention to just how wrong the script is about King John before. If you like some simple action and eating scenery, go check it out.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

Gygaxian posted:

cool Richard the Lionheart in Sicily details

That's cool, thanks for adding that bit!


Nine of Eight posted:

For those of you who don't speak French, I wish to point out that our latest king is literally named "Wolf". A true successor of Creat.

Better still, with his retinue being called Loups du Roi, and his name being Loup, his great knights are called Loups de Loup.

mcclay
Jul 8, 2013

Oh dear oh gosh oh darn
Soiled Meat
This is getting to Space Wolves level of wolfness.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!
Update 12 - Vivat Imperatrix in Aeternum

The Baronne walks on a dusty road leading to a small town. The Caravan follows her, a herd following their shepherd. They are in a far-away land, lost and alone.

The younger man catches up to Sophie.


: Madame, where are we going?

: I'm going to Erdeven. I am due here in about nine months.

: Oh.

They walk along in silence.

: Madame de Beaumont, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to Loup? And La Societe?

: I owe you no toll, Monsieur.

: Of course not. Mere curiosity, Madame.

: Fine. If you insist on tagging along, we might as well pass the time.


: The hand of St-Romain, the protector of Rouen, has been in the Batemann family for generations, since it was rediscovered in 835. Loup directed the local Perfect to properly handle it while blessing the fields outside Rouen.

: Loup was a pious man. He was eager to show this to his subjects, to win them over.


: So pious, in fact, that he granted a county to the Teutons. The knights would keep pressure on the Germans and Bavarians from Wurzburg, letting Loup deal with the Muslims.

: The knights were ever so grateful.


: Eager to show his martial prowess, Loup arranged for a tournament in Rouen. He would compete in the melee personally.

: La Societe quite enjoyed these tournaments. Drunk nobles were very easy to ply. Our influence spread under Philippa's watchful eye. Loup saw no reason to remove such an efficient Master of Whispers, of course.


: Loup's performance was admirable. Beaten in the final skirmish by the Comte d'Orleans, he was graceful in defeat.

: Philippa was most impressed. She gave a grandiose speech at the pyramid that night. Loup might not have been Creat, but he was close.

: What did she know about Creat? She was ten when he died. But the others liked her speeches. I let them be.


: After the tournament, Loup had declared an impromptu hunt. Something about a white stag. He and the Ducs were gone for a month.

: Which suit us just fine. There were plenty of quiet, unassuming Comtes in the capital for us to whisper to.

: Philippa used her speeches to convince the new bloods that our cause was a worthy one.

: I was confused. What was our cause? Loup was a decent king, and his position on the throne was secure. What more did we need to do?

: Philippa started to "forget" to invite me to meetings.


: Oh his return, le Roi declared war on a small break-away duchy near Bavaria. The heretics stood no chance.


: He has gotten very good at killing heathens. The Mohammetans and the papists sent their children to bed with stories of the devil Loup, who burned the faithful with his gaze.


: And the Pope, Sergius II, had declare another great Crusade for French lands.


: A pitiful sight. The combined papist might stood at four thousand men. Less than le Roi's personal demesne troops.

: Le Roi didn't even send his entire forces against to Rouen. He was personally fighting the Catholics in the East.


: The Bavarians fell before the Romans did.


: At this point, Loup started seeing Papist spies everywhere. His niece's husband, a somewhat overzealous Catholic, attempted to breach the subject of the Pope's supremacy with him.

: It did not end well.

: But the seeds were planted. Le Roi began seeing Papist threats in his shadow. He started trusting none but Philippa.


: He reassembled his army and moved south, to Rome. On the way, he was approached by the Grandmaster of the Teutons. The Knights wished to defend France while he dealt with Rome.


: Loup agreed. The Loups de Roi remained with the Teutons to safeguard against the English Catholics, while Loup himself burned Rome down.


: As the great city burned, we received news from the east. The Sun worshippers have succeeded in their holy war.


: The Zunbils grew.


: The Pope, wherever he was, has sent his missive to Loup. Rome would surrender. The Second Crusade for France has failed.

: The celebrations in Rouen lasted a full week. Philippa was ecstatic. More and more nobles flocked to La Societe.

: Her speeches have changed. She spoke of Creat's soul, and of Loup's. She sent men and women to the furthest reaches of France to find babes that looked like him.

: Philippa has gone insane. But at least she wasn't dangerous.


: With the failure of the second Crusade, more Catholics still took the Consolamentum. There were only as many of them as there were Slavs now.

: The bishopric of Rome was losing its lustre.


: After the Crusade, Loup took the most loyal of his retainers, and went searching for the white stag again.

: Philippa remained. She despised hunting. The killing was nowhere near subtle enough for her.

: When Loup returned, he returned with a woman. A young girl, found in the wilds, she struck Loup with her beauty.


: He quickly abandoned his wife, paying an exorbiant divorce fee to her family.


: He married the girl right away.

: I believe she was with a heavy belly by the time they said their vows. No matter. If he wanted to be like Creat, he was taking the right steps.


: After the wedding feast, Loup had called for a meeting of the Ducs. He claimed that old kings, like himself, had an unfortunate habit of dying quickly. He had decided that his heir was his eldest daughter. For the good of the realm, of course.

: Philippa was livid. La Societe were the ones that chose the heir, not the king himself! This was nonsense! This was treason.

: And then she did what every Spymaster that hates their king does. She just let some things happen. A missed letter here, a blind spy there, and a plot was allowed to grow.


: Echive was a nice enough woman, if a bit cruel. She was, of course, incredibly happy to be the next in line for the throne. She had locked herself in Rouen libraries, and studied chronicles and tomes of law in preparation.


: Le Roi, meanwhile, had declared war on every Muslim state outside Hispania on this side of the Pyrenees.

: He rode off to war in his grand suit of armour, atop his armoured stallion.


: The inside of the armour was coated with poison, I was told. He looked like he merely fell asleep in the saddle.


: After the appropriate period of mourning, his daughter was crowned Echive la Premiere, Reine des Francais.

: She, too, had kept Philippa in charge of her spies. The Batemanns have always been stubborn, and slow to adapt.


: She fulfilled her wifely duties with the Duc de Luxembourg adequately.


: She toured her dominions, and was generous to her monasteries and abbeys.


: She handled her family well.


: She was pleasant in the matters of faith.


: And she was ruthless on the battlefield. One by one, the Muslim counts surrendered to the rule of the Perfects.


: Philippa had approached her soon after the victory at Bourgogne. It would seem the Hispanians were dealing with several revolts at once. Their troops lay dead in the thousands.

: That night in the pyramid, Philippa proclaimed the Muslims to be a holy test of Echive sent by none other than Michael, Son of God himself.

: There was also some rambling about Creat having Michael's soul, being greater than any Perfect. I didn't listen. I walked out, proclaiming her insane, and left La Societe.


: Le Reine, however, did take Philippa's advice seriously. She marched on Toulouse. France would have a Mediterranean port.


: And she let al this talk of holy wars get to her head.


: Regardless, the war was going well. The Muslims were too busy in their Maghreb dominions to defend Toulouse.


: She even had enough time to learn the falconry trade.


: Took to it like a fish to water, I was told.


: The Hispanian Badshah had called for peace quite fast. He simply could not spare troops. He was decreed to be decadent in his own lands, and was fighting off a massive rebellion.


: No sooner was this affair completed than she had received a stern letter. A grand alliance of Ducs, including the new Doge of Bretagne, all men of La Societe, had proclaimed her laws to be too restrictive. They demanded a return to the freedom they had enjoyed under the Karlings.

: I assume La Societe just wanted more room to maneuver, searching for Creat's soul in a child's body or whatever nonsense they tied themselves to now.


: The Ducs composed most of Central France, as well as Bretagne, of course. I don't think Creat was thinking too far ahead with his Breton gambit. There hasn't been a single revolt since his death that did not include the Doge de Bretagne.


: Echive took to chase the traitors, and caught up to them near Tholen. The rivers ran red with the blood of Frenchmen, which was nothing new to the Low Countries.

: I don't think the vikings ever left. No King ever deemed them important enough. The Low Countries burned as newer Vikings replaced the older ones.


: After Tholen, the Ducs went to talk terms. They proposed a return to the status quo. They urged Echive to think of her countrymen. Her kinsmen, even.


: She refused. Every traitor remained in the Rouen dungeons, rotting to their death. Every step against the crown was dealt with switly and with no mercy.


: Philippa, who had kept her involvement with La Societe hidden from Echive, had suggested a new target. Many Cathar faithful had risen against the Lombard kings, draining their army. If we struck now, we could take Provence to ourselves.

: Echive like that plan. She was a Batemann, after all. Killing Catholics was in her blood.


: The Lombards had no men to spare to fight in the west. We outnumbered them three to one.


: While dealing with the Lombards, more news came. The Badshah had passed away from a fever. We no longer owed peace to the Muslims. Echive declared war from the battlefield.

: The runner she had sent to the Hispanians had the strangest name. I have no idea how Anglo-Saxons pronounce them.


: With a few key sieges of the Muslim-held castles, the Mahommetans were on the run.


: She had finally caught up to them in Etain.


: While the battle went our way, Echive's leg was pierced through by an arrow. She had remained lame for the rest of her life.


: But the war was won. Dauphine was French yet again.


: With the Muslims dealt with, Echive turned her gaze east again, and struck against the Lombards.


: The Lombards had brought in every man that would lift a sword for gold against us. It was not enough.


: The Italians fell, and Provence was French.


: Echive had a few strange ideas about government. She had several other crowns forged for her: Aquitane, Frisia and Middle Francia.

: She then had them melted together into one grand crown.


: No longer content with being a queen, she proclaimed herself Echive la Premiere, Imperatrice de Francia.

: Even kings would bow to her now. She was the equal of the Roman Basileus in the East.


: Content with this development, she had retired from court to spend more time with her family. Her daughter was afraid of strangers or somesuch.

: She delegated courtly matters to Philippa.


: While Echive dealt with her family, Philippa dealt with me. It seems La Societe did not forget my mockery of their zeal.

: I awoke in my chambers, only to find a pillow held against my face.

She turns to the younger man.

: I knew there was no escape. The hands holding me down were too strong. But my body thrashed. My hands clawed at hers. My lungs tried to take deep breaths, hoping that some air might pass through the fabric.

: It was agony. For aeons, my chest burned a furnace, as I begged and pleaded with my assailant for just one more breath. It is such a small thing, a breath. But so precious when denied.

They walk in silence, as they approach a small barn on the outskirts of the town. The younger man finally snaps.

: Madame, I have to know. Why are we here? Why had you travelled with us for so long, only to find a barn with a broken roof?

She smiles.

: Shh. Listen.

The younger man grows silent and listens to the sounds coming from the barn. He grows red as he hears the moans of passion coming from a haystack inside.

Mme. de Beaumont whispers.


: I have served my sentence. It's time for me to go home.

The moans stop, and a young man sneaks away from the barn, fixing his clothes along the way. Sophie goes inside.

On the haystack, a tired woman lays very still. Her eyes are closed, and she's enjoying the memory of her lover's embrace.

Sophie Marie Karling, Baronne de Beaumont, quietly approaches the woman, and lays her hands on her belly. In an instant, she is gone. Nothing but her stories remain with the Caravan.

Her stories, and hope. You can escape, even if it take four hundred years.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!
State of the World in 969
And so, our time with the Batemanns is at an end. From Norman Dukes, to Emperors of Francia, the Batemanns have left their mark on Europe.


Four kings, two queens, and six hundred holy wars later, French lands thrive under the Perfects.


The French-Hispanian rivalry remains, of course. With the large Hispanic enclave in Southern France, war seems inevitable. Lombardy clashes with the Byzantines in Italy, while Germany eats away at Bavaria.


The ways of the Perfects have swept across Europe. Lombardy and Bavaria remain nominally Catholic, but with massive popular Cathar uprisings. At the same time, centruies under the Muslim rule had turned most of Hispania firmly Sunni.


The Isles remain as they are, a clusterfuck of minor duchies fighting for supremacy. Of the three kingdoms, only Eire remains, with both England and Alba collapsing into principalities.


Most of the people in the Isles follow the teachings of Peter Waldo, with some of the duchies embracing the Perfects instead, or even sticking with papism.


Central Europe broke into duchies and petty kingdoms long ago. The only exception is Lithuania, which managed to hold its own, and Svitjod enclaves in Saxony.


As much of a mess as ever, Slavs, Romuvans and the Norse all fight for the their pagan lands. The Christians were far too busy fighting each other to send missionaries to the heathens. Of note: Suomi Danmark


Svitjod dominates Scandinavia, with Danmark putting up somewhat of a fight on the peripheries.


The Swedish have stayed true to their ancestral ways, while Danmark worked hard on spreading Suomi rituals throughout Scandinavia.


In the East, Rus, split in half by Volga Bulgaria, fights against the Svitjod, Lithuania and the Magyars.


The Rus kings have embraced Suomi ways, and have spread the word of Ukko throughout their lands. The Magyars, in turn, had embraced the Slavic faith. Lithuanian remains a bastion of Romuva standing against the world.


Unchecked by the Caliphate, the Byzantine Empire expands in all directions at once. The empire is somewhat stable, running Elective Monarchy.


Unlike the Catholics, who practically died out this century, the Orthodx remain strong in the Byzantine Empire and nowhere else. Serbia and Croatia remain Slavic.


Western Africa is split between Hispanians, Africans, and the Mali, while in the east, the Muhallabids hold Egypt while Axum gathers the Coptics.


Despite the shake-ups with the French, the Sunni faith remains strong. West Africans worship their gods as always, while the Coptics have become a heresy, giving way to the Monophysites.


In the Middle East, the Caliphate holds onto some desert, and not muich else. While Sunni faith remains strong, the Caliph holds little secular power. Of course, the Sun Worshippers to teh East keep the pressure on the independent dukes in Persia and the Middle East.


Some Sunni heresies have started forming, but none have taken hold of any political powers. The Church of Zun grows as always.


India is reduced to six major kingdoms vying for power as the Zunbils occasionally expand east.


Other than the solid Zun domination of the Indus, the Indian religions are what tehy always are: complex, interrelated and immobile.


To the North, Svitjod stands against Rus enclaves and the settled Steppes peoples.


The religions of the Steppes are many, with the greatest powers being Tengri and Buddhist.

The rest of the Caravan has caught up to the younger man standing outside the barn. They huddle together, deciding on who would lead tehm next. Where does their leader come from?

Options:

A. The Petty Kingdom of Gondar. A small state, neighboured by the growing Axum kingdom.
+The Good
++Surrounded by people of our religion
++The Muslims are too busy dealing with the Zunbils to deal any serious damage
++Can restore the Alexandrian Pope to his rightful place

-The Bad
--Axum is much stronger than us, and has been pretty aggressive
--Religious authority is pretty low


B. The Emirate of Socotra. An island nation, far removed from the turmulent Middle East and Abyssinia.
+The Good
++We're Nestorian! Holy poo poo, we have a Nestorian survive for two hundred years
++We're pretty much Prestor John

-The Bad
--We're a tiny island with 2000 men to our name. Expansion is difficult


C. The High Chiefdom of Vestlandet. The last independent duchy in Scandinavia stands against Svitjod and the Danish traitors.
+The Good
++Vikings are pretty loving cool. Also, the most well-developed pagan religions introduced in The Old Gods expansion.
++We're gonna raid the poo poo out of France. Like, non-stop.

-The Bad
--Svitjod has gotten really, really big. Might be worth swearing fealty to them for a while.
--Tribal, with everything that entails, including Gavelkind succession.


D. The Kingdom of Lithuania. The only remaining Romuvan state in the world.
+The Good
++We're in a pretty solid starting position, lots of room to expand into the Slavs to the south
++Reforming the faith shouldn't be too difficult, as long as Svitjod gets stuck fighting with Rus.

-The Bad
--If Svitjod, or Rus, or Danmark focus on us, we're hosed.


E. The County of Bashkiria. A count that swore fealty to the Rus.
+The Good
++Another vassal game, starting even lower to last more than an update as a vassal.
++I got extended family in that part of the world, and the smaller nations that live in Russia are pretty cool.
++We're a Tengri count that swore fealty to a Suomi Russian King. What more do you want.

-The Bad
--Should the Russians reform the faith and raise the crown authority, they can revoke our county. Might need to convert.
--Dumb Russian war are inevitable.
--Probably the weakest starting position of the bunch.


F. The Kingdom of Bohemia. A Slavic king, surrounded by Christians and the Suomi.
+The Good
++Decent starting position, lots of other Slavs nearby to help out with the inevitable holy wars.
++With a few clever maneuvers, might be able to reform the Slavic faith.

-The Bad
--That border with Bavaria is a real problem. They're gonna fall to Germany within like a decade, and then it's endless Cathar holy wars.
--If Svitjod starts poo poo, we're hosed.


G.The Chiefdom of Romny. A tiny county between Rus and Svitjod.
+The Good
++We can bend to either Rus or Svitjod, or even play them off each other.
++Somehow not the weakest start.

-The Bad
--Bordered by a giant Rus on one side, and a giant Svitjod on the other.


H. The Duchy of Otuken. The Uyghurs may have settled, but they can ride again.
+The Good
++We're totaly consoling them to be Nomads.
++Plenty of small counties to expand into.

-The Bad
--The winters are brutal here. Have to be very careful with attrition.


I.The Maharaj of Ajatashatru. The furthest reaches of the Silk Road.
+The Good
++Can, theoretically, expand into nearby states. Eventually.
++Can just console them into [insert non-Indian religion here] to make life easier.

-The Bad
--India is really, realy slow. We're not gonna get much done in a century.
--We're a Hindu ruler of an entirely Buddhist realm.

J. Another country. The next Caravan leader comes from somewhere else.

:siren:VOTING IS OPEN NOW:siren:

MatchaZed
Feb 14, 2010

We Can Do It!


E

Bloodly
Nov 3, 2008

Not as strong as you'd expect.
B

mcclay
Jul 8, 2013

Oh dear oh gosh oh darn
Soiled Meat
B

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice
B

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!
You guys aren't making this easy.

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice

Kayten posted:

You guys aren't making this easy.

It's super easy. Just head to India as fast as you can and begin Christianization a few centuries early.

EDIT: Although a lack of holy sites will make that tough...

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

It's super easy. Just head to India as fast as you can and begin Christianization a few centuries early.

EDIT: Although a lack of holy sites will make that tough...

Meh, we did fine without holy sites in France, we can do it in India. It shall be split between the Kingdom of Prester John and the out-of-control Zunbils. The Mongols can't come soon enough.

Kayten fucked around with this message at 07:36 on Sep 14, 2015

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

Man there's some tempting options there and I have been saying I want to get some horses in LP...

But Socotra is way too funny and a lot of the other options have us rubbing elbows too much with our old families.

B

Regarding the Mongols, is there no way you can remove them or have them be Zun, or at least have an option for it? It'd be boring to see the Zunbils crumble for nothing.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

Rodyle posted:

Man there's some tempting options there and I have been saying I want to get some horses in LP...

But Socotra is way too funny and a lot of the other options have us rubbing elbows too much with our old families.

B

Regarding the Mongols, is there no way you can remove them or have them be Zun, or at least have an option for it? It'd be boring to see the Zunbils crumble for nothing.

I'm honestly hoping the Mongols convert to Zunism. The Sun Horde would be pretty great.

AnAnonymousIdiot
Sep 14, 2013

I

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
B, we have championed the Zun and Cathars into empires. Now for the real challenge. Good luck!

Average Lettuce
Oct 22, 2012


D, Lithuania seems to have a lot of interesting options for expansion.

Sinner Sandwich
Oct 13, 2012
C with the goal of eventually moving our capital to a better county and forming a viking merchant republic! :black101:

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
G

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012
Nestorian Islanders would be okay I guess, but I'd really prefer the one Romuvan nation of the Baltic. D!

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013
B.

All praise Prester John!

Chatrapati
Nov 6, 2012
H I want to see some nomads!

RabidWeasel
Aug 4, 2007

Cultures thrive on their myths and legends...and snuggles!
D, let's get as far away from the Muslims as possible for a change.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

RabidWeasel posted:

D, let's get as far away from the Muslims as possible for a change.

Svitjod, the Muslims of the North.

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

Kayten posted:

I'm honestly hoping the Mongols convert to Zunism. The Sun Horde would be pretty great.

By default I think they can only convert to Nestorian, Catholic, Sunni, and Shia.

Lynneth
Sep 13, 2011
Let's Do this.

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice

Rodyle posted:

By default I think they can only convert to Nestorian, Catholic, Sunni, and Shia.

Yeah, you'd have to mod in an additional event to fire that would allow it.

I could scrounge one together if you wanted.

Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Yeah, you'd have to mod in an additional event to fire that would allow it.

I could scrounge one together if you wanted.

That would be actually be pretty rad. You got PMs?

Luhood
Nov 13, 2012

Kayten posted:

Svitjod, the Muslims of the North.

I actually had this in a game once. Or well, it was technically Norway, but their realm stretched over the Scandinavian peninsula and into Finland and it was Muslim so I still count it.

JesterOfAmerica
Sep 11, 2015
C

Time to Norse Europe up!

advokat
Nov 17, 2012
E because I actually am in that part of the world. Well, to the northeast a little. And our smaller nations are indeed cool, and I'd like to see your take on one of them.

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Kayten
Jan 10, 2012

The tiniest of Tims!

advokat posted:

E because I actually am in that part of the world. Well, to the northeast a little. And our smaller nations are indeed cool, and I'd like to see your take on one of them.

Oh sweet, where from? Ufa or somewhere nearby?

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