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Yeah... she's not coming back. That long without decent blood flow to the brain, with the state she's in right now, that's not happening. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise doesn't know what they're talking about or is holding onto a tiny little fraction of a percent that's irrelevant in reality. But you know that. I have no words for you, OP. There is nothing I can do that matters, and you already said you don't care for empty gestures. All I can do is tell you that it's not your fault, based off the situation you described there's nothing anyone could have done, and this entire world is load of horseshit. Again, you know that, though, so I'm not really sure why I'm posting. Most of her brain is dead. What's left is half-alive and loses its poo poo the moment it tries to do anything (resulting in seizures). I can't say I disagree with you on the whole CPR front, especially in a country like the US where keeping her alive this long has no doubt cost you a ridiculous amount of money and will only continue to rack up those costs. But you did the math yourself, there was a small chance that she might have come out OK, and that chance is worth it; once it's obvious you lost that dice roll, there's nothing left to do, really... You're handling this far better than I fear I would. I'd be grasping at every last available straw until the cows came home, even though I'd know it would be futile. For not doing that, you have my admiration, as worthless as it is. A friend of mine had a stroke 18 months ago that wiped out a significant layer of his left hemisphere. He still can't speak properly, though he's getting better. He might even reach the point where he just comes across as a bit stupid instead of literally brain damaged. The MRI shows a big white flat dead layer of brain material and that hasn't receded at all, it's just gone. That MRI diag says basically the same thing has happened... but to almost the entire brain instead of one tiny little area. We are far too fragile creatures. This post was pointless. I'm sorry.
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Feb 23, 2016 02:54
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 14:01 |
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The great thing about people in a vegetative state is that you have a lot of time to make your decision on ending their life! Can't hurt to gamble on that 3% for a bit longer!
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Feb 23, 2016 03:19
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T8R posted:Can't hurt to gamble on that 3% for a bit longer! well it can, bc it costs a lot of loving money, and the inability to seek definite closure.
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Feb 23, 2016 03:20
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T8R posted:The great thing about people in a vegetative state is that you have a lot of time to make your decision on ending their life! Can't hurt to gamble on that 3% for a bit longer! 
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Feb 23, 2016 03:28
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i dunno i'm still in a pretty weird place so i'm searching out and jotting down novel testing because the worst that happens is it's going to help align everyone to her original wishes to cease support and let her go which i guess is tied with the worst that happens which is it completely demolishes all the discussions i've had and forces her to stay like that a bit longer code:
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Feb 23, 2016 04:14
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You're burying the lead, here: How do her new boobs look?
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Feb 23, 2016 04:27
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T8R posted:The great thing about people in a vegetative state is that you have a lot of time to make your decision on ending their life! Can't hurt to gamble on that 3% for a bit longer! Jeb bush?
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Feb 23, 2016 05:16
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"try to pavlov your new coma partner"
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Feb 23, 2016 06:57
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FAN OF NICKELBACK posted:i dunno i'm still in a pretty weird place so i'm searching out and jotting down novel testing because the worst that happens is it's going to help align everyone to her original wishes to cease support and let her go Make sure you're not playing the tone super loud. If you do, you might just be triggering a reflex in response to a loud sound. This also sounds like complete bullshit to me because at best all you've done is teach a couple strings of neurons to fire on response to a buzz, which is a far cry from any sort of consciousness. I wouldn't be doing anything to try to "prove" either way. That's what doctors are for.
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Feb 23, 2016 09:05
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ok my last idea was terrible and i had a lot of bad days but i am reopening this because there's a thing i found that actually seems to work to a degree. i mean in theory because she doesn't have it yet. i hope anyway, but look i am sharing this because what if and junk so why not. the doctors are like "sure ok this isn't crazy, i guess we'll see" and the guy doing it is like "yeah i've seen it work twice so let's give it a shot. anyway so i guess hope this helps if you have a lovely and applicable situation laying around? https://www.researchgate.net/publication/6441867_An_unexpected_recovery_from_permanent_vegetative_state http://www.hindawi.com/journals/crid/2013/129234/ http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11916-014-0466-8 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25416459 http://clinmedjournals.org/articles/ijbdt/international-journal-of-brain-disorders-and-treatment-ijbdt-1-003.pdf http://258c188952b70d6e4685-bab8b91...port%20(28).pdf btw seriously having doctors trust an idea you find yourself about doing a surgery/treatment on your wife is pretty stellar and also pretty scary for a ton of reasons FAN OF NICKELBACK fucked around with this message at 07:22 on Mar 1, 2016 |
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Mar 1, 2016 06:55
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hey op really sorry to read about this. but for what its wqorth i like youre av a lot
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Mar 1, 2016 12:20
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I briefly considered shitposting it up, but when DGSW can't even bring himself to invite you to suck his drat balls, you know it's not that kind of scene. There aren't any words and I'll spare you empty platitudes but I do want to realpost about your kid: Not to add to your anxiety at this, time, but please don't think that just because she's not displaying adult-like affect and communication about the situation your kid isn't potentially also going through her own process. Kids are nowhere near as simple as we'd like to think, and even if they seem diverted by pokemons or candy or whatever it could be the same kind of denial/mental escape some adults go through as part of the grieving process rather than a complete lack of understanding. So as much as your own grief lets you, be there for and with her and talk to her about things as best you can, and rely on loved ones when you can't or it's too much. I can't imagine the grief and suffering, and I'm sorry as Hell anyone has to go through this.
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Mar 1, 2016 13:20
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FAN OF NICKELBACK posted:i dunno i'm still in a pretty weird place so i'm searching out and jotting down novel testing because the worst that happens is it's going to help align everyone to her original wishes to cease support and let her go That's the guide to evaluating Skilrex music
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Mar 1, 2016 16:15
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lol at the edgy poo poo posters ITT just kill yourselves imo
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Mar 1, 2016 16:26
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Nickelback is such a loving gimmick. They just give you brain damage until you're stupid enough to like their poo poo.
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Mar 1, 2016 16:29
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that sucks OP
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Mar 1, 2016 16:30
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hey op i hope intrathecal baclofen makes so that your wife has some meaningful level of consciousness and quality of life
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Mar 1, 2016 16:38
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I have to try basically everything before we run out of statistically relevant time. I know I owe her a standard of living or a kept promise. See, I am a short skinny nerd idiot and she is (can't use past tense or I might not try as hard as I need to for every percent of chance in her favor . . . Much harder emotional falls, but I have to guarantee no chips were left on the table when I look back on this) a legit genius and center of conversations, tall and beautiful to boot. Like objectively, and compliments follow her everywhere. We just happened to find out that we made pretty great best friends, and it went from there. She'd have gone mental on the docs to try everything for me, still calling it if was the right thing, and I know that. She helped improve who I am as a person every day. She gave me a daughter that lands me ridiculous compliments about my parenting even though I mostly just worked a ton and leaned on my wife to make up for the support I couldn't be present to offer. My wife worked hard to be who she is as a person. If it's possible for her to play with her daughter in any capacity, or to see her first day of school in a few months, then i owe it to her to get her there. If it's not, then I owe it to her not to leave this state as her daughter's most prominent memory. Also, it's a weird dynamic now; I worry my daughter is going to associate mom with being the reason for less attention from me before, now that I'm working twice as hard to be available for dumb pretend games and stuff. There's no real worry free moments anymore, I'm learning. I guess this is just basically more venting, but also writing this out here helps me keep the best perspective on things I can. I guess. Maybe it will help someone eventually I dunno! Either way it's better than talking to myself or blogging about it and getting a million prayer image macros and useless natural remedy tips.
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Mar 1, 2016 18:19
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Everything you're going through is powerful
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Mar 1, 2016 19:07
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FAN OF NICKELBACK posted:
This isn't even the most elaborate scientific schema a goon has used to try to communicate with a woman good luck OP
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Mar 2, 2016 13:23
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thats a real sad story, op wish I'd read it 
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Mar 2, 2016 13:52
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Every time this thread has posts, I click it in hopes of reading that the op's wife woke up.
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Mar 2, 2016 15:30
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She woke up on the 2nd-3rd day, so ~18 days ago now. Sorta. So basically it’s weird finding out how her awful habit of grinding teeth / clenching her jaw at night was always driven by base reflex issues in her brain stem. As of now she:
And she had corneal / pupillary reflexes since ~24-48 hours in, but never had dolls eyes; currently has a fixed gaze. So . . . yeah, I mean, she “woke up” . . . To find restricted diffusion, bilaterally, in the splenium and semiovale. Doctors love the phrase “uncharted territory” and “we just can’t say for certain” when it comes to brain injury, because you can’t necessarily. Weird things happen. But look people buy lottery tickets all the time, but they ain’t going out and making actual plans before the numbers are drawn. That is the rough part, because you have to hope a ton or you won’t even bother trying to find things like the intrathecal baclofen pump stuff, and you are consciously aware the whole time that you're simultaneously setting you up for a wayyyyyyyyyy bigger emotional fall in the end--especially if you have to make the decisions. That’s love I suppose, though. It's where you look at the chart in the upper right and force yourself to think "OK, sure, 10%. That's definitely not impossible." and ignore the breakout of what that 10% looks like. 
FAN OF NICKELBACK fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Mar 2, 2016 |
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Mar 2, 2016 17:13
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FAN OF NICKELBACK posted:thanks to things like family and the rest of life, i can only really vent publicly on message boards no one reads just kidding mods. it's like screaming into a cavern i guess, but for nerds? i promised a lot of family i'd keep things private, but also i am always on the verge of exploding. i hope this works as an in-between and also that it doesn't bite me in the rear end somehow. sorry op if this is true i feel bad for you man you have my sympathies also this just goes to show (as op noted) the importance of having a will and living will so that these things can be decided in advance to make things easier
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Mar 2, 2016 18:01
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she's off propofol and ativan and is still posturing like hell, but now it is pretty similar to when she was doped, except her eyes are wider and she isn't. also no poo poo she spit out her mouth guard and hasn't gnashed her teeth once since, also she moved her eyes away from the side of her head that was at rest. i mean poo poo is still very, very bad and this in no way is a good situation to be in to be clear. but man this whole baclofen pump thing needs a lot more attention
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Mar 6, 2016 06:16
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So was it a nose job or a neck tuck or what?
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Mar 7, 2016 04:58
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get better op wife.
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Mar 7, 2016 05:00
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nomadologique posted:get better op wife.  I check in every time this shows up on the front page, hoping for some improbable improvement for you, OP
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Mar 7, 2016 10:46
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watd he say exercise ur adrenal glands use it well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWBM2whL0bI
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Mar 7, 2016 10:47
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take asprin :-D
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Mar 7, 2016 10:48
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lol the baclofen causes sleep apnea so they can't wean her from the ventilator. even though she is showing her first full sleep/wake cycle ever, as in up all day and sleeping all night. See, since she pauses for a few seconds at night she has failed weaning in the first few days and that's a pretty dire situation it turns out it is the first criteria the insurance company requires in order to remain eligible to stay in a long term acute care facility as "showing progress" and the case worker was basically "welp, so you are what gonna take her home soon or pull the plug or what, i have actual people to attend to" so i get this amazing thing finagled into a lady on weak pretenses by a pretty alright doctor, and within 48 hours she's stopped grinding her teeth and biting her tongue, developed a full sleep/wake cycle and has seriously reduced unintentional movements. she sorta looks like she's constantly disgusted or surprised tho, and looks back and forth sorta snappy and like she's tripping balls. i mean again, still pretty poo poo and depressing, but man even i'm getting a little hopeful and that is a loving miracle in itself. however, she has a lil apnea now so hey "have you looked at any nursing homes?" so . . . either i drop the baclofen and deal with everything else and step backwards so they can take her off the vent or i just cross my fingers the apnea resolves . . . sorta quickly . . . woo. protip, only get into car accidents. do not drown or have a heart attack. if your brain rips in two you get a ton of healing and nurses/doctors on the edge of their seat for the latest update if you have anoxic damage you were a waste of everyone's time before they started pretending that they were going to give a poo poo man i mean i was all but given up but holy cow this stupid pump is actually doing things ugh but also it's still anoxic injury which i shouldn't really be snarky about people giving up on goddamneditall
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Mar 8, 2016 03:13
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This is going to sound really insensitive I fear but I think it's important to ask. Have you accepted the reality that there is absolutely no way the woman you knew is ever going to be back in any way, even if her brainstem does a better job of putting her bodily functions on autopilot? I know you aren't expecting her to jump out of bed but reading your posts I feel like nobody has sat down with you and told you bluntly that who she was is gone forever.
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Mar 8, 2016 05:41
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Moola posted:lol at the edgy poo poo posters ITT Read the thread. OP said he posted this in GBS because he was sick of useless well-wishing. Although it does sound like there's progress, so that's something... hopefully.
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Mar 8, 2016 05:47
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VelociBacon posted:This is going to sound really insensitive I fear but I think it's important to ask. I think the OP understands the margin here but there is something to be valued in hope of this baclofen pump was at least instilling a change. He was referring to her in past tense originally.
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Mar 8, 2016 06:11
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you dont need to tell him that, come on. i was the primary caregiver for a loved one with ALS. you always hold out hope...but you know.
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Mar 8, 2016 06:27
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the hope or the rope, that's what my uncle used to say. he shot himself.
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Mar 8, 2016 06:28
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your uncle was a wise man
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Mar 8, 2016 06:29
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Brutal. Overwhelmingly OP. I feel you. If this happened to my partner and hope had evaporated, I'd without a doubt, kill myself in grief. So I'm sorry 
ziasquinn fucked around with this message at 07:38 on Mar 8, 2016 |
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Mar 8, 2016 07:33
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the great deceiver posted:you dont need to tell him that, come on. i was the primary caregiver for a loved one with ALS. you always hold out hope...but you know. While I have sympathy for both situations, anoxic brain injury is really different from ALS in terms of whether the person you knew pre-disease is still there.
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Mar 8, 2016 08:16
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OP, have you lawyered up already? Preferably with a lawyer specializing in these sort of cases?
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Mar 8, 2016 08:17
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