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NewMars posted:I can only wonder how he'll take learning that both the Alliance and the Horde ascribed all he did, from destroying Stormwind to smashing Stromgarde and even assaulting Gul'dan to his nemesis, Doomhammer. A bronze dragon did it. Or this is another alternate Azeroth/Draenor. I stopped taking Warcraft lore very seriously when that expansion happened.
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Apr 13, 2018 21:16
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 Episode 6: Dragons of Blackrock Spire or Deathwing's Death Wagon Death March Mission Briefing  : Those guys suck. : They were rightfully angry at you, you did-: Gronn balls! I didn't even kill him! That was all Doomhammer.  : Ahem... Chief, mon?: Eeugh! I keep forgetting you kept that drat thing.: If da negotiations broke down, den why're we still here? : Oh, that. Look, Ner'zhul wants dragons and, really, who can blame him?: Right, but da Blackrock boys said dey were keepin' deres. Wha'd tha' Rend boy say? He was da "real Warchief"?: I'm sorry, that thing on your face looks ridiculous. I didn't hear a word you said. : If I may, Chieftain. Lord Gorefiend-: Zombie Lord Gorefiend.: ...I'm not saying that. Anyway, Gorefiend was approached by a black dragon by the name of Deathwing- : Oooh! Cool! : Is everyone going to interrupt me to-: Yes. : The dragon Deathwing promised us the use of his dragonflight. We just need to... secure them.: Wait, we're securing dragons? Why the Nether can't they secure themselves?! They're freakin' dragons!: Don't you even read the missives that I bring to your quarters?: The ones that you bring with my breakfast rum? Mostly. Sometimes. : Whatever. I know how to do this sort of thing. Get the men out in a defensive... thing. : Like this, Chieftain?: Uh, yeah, why not? Oh, and let's get a lay of the land here. : Mon, didn't choo orcs live here?: Yeah, like... six years ago! Or eight... Maybe twenty? I forget. There was a lot of breakfast rum involved. : Eight years and we also stormed this place. Well, the front door, at least.: Me make Blackhand so proud now that he dead. : But the Blackrock Mountains have numerous caverns. We never would have found this place without Deathwing's guidance.: Should be easy den, mon. Get in, get da dragons, get back ta camp. : Not like da humans have any reason ta be here. : You just had to go and open your big ol' mutton-chopped mouth, didn't you?!: Why would the humans be here?: Me no care! Time for playing! : Limbs fly when me having fun.: I don't think that's correct.: Oh, he got it right, Bloodbelly. : Send the men out. Where there's one human, there's sure to be more. : I hate being right.  : Chieftain, I believe that "being right," is very high on your list of things you love. : Number two, to be exact.: Two?: Save that number one spot for Number One.: Numbuh One?: Himself, Mag'fon. I know you haven't seen us in a few years, but it should be obvious what Nigel loves most.  : Regardless, as this seems like it's going to be a prolonged siege, I've gone ahead and-: BORING! : Hell yeah! Boring! Let's get some death wagons! : And bigga' boulda's, mon!: Et tu, Maggy?: That reference not make sense! Well, in stark contrast to the previous Orc mission, this level is a practically a cakewalk. The AI is set to passive and doesn't seem to upgrade its units. As well, our victory condition is just to recruit the vague "as many dragons as possible" and the dragon roost. You could just take your starting units and run them through the level and grab up the dragons and succeed. But come on. We aren't about that. However, starting this map is slow. You guys just sat through the first 10 minutes of setting up camp. And it is boring.  Here, by the way, is a way that BtDP plays with difficulty and it's not a very fun system. They start you with a huge army, few peons, and less gold. Most of the time is spent getting farms up just to keep your current army before you can even expand it. Even then, most of your supplies then go towards making more peons to get your economy running. It's actually very stressful on a map where the enemy keeps assaulting you, but on passive maps like this... Eh. : Well, the farms-: By the ancestors, SHUT. UP. DEATH WAGONS! : Come on, troll-stache, hop in! : 'Ey, thanks, Chief. It's been a long time! Dunno dat I know how ta still use one. : Let's find out. Looks like these humans have some fortifications here.: What? So close to Rend's clan?: Figures. That dumb little magically aged punk can't do anything right. : Wait, mon. Magically what now?: Incoming! : Finally! : The thrill of battle stirs within my essence once more! : Haha, kids say the darndest things. : Should we be concerned that Vilefeast just absorbed the souls of the dying?: That's... just puberty, right? Our little man is growing up! : Me 38.: Puberty? Does dat mean dat Vile-mon's gonna become a butta'fly?: I am literally surrounded by idiots.: Hey! We were in the middle of something!: Oh, yeah!  : Is... is that it? Are there no more humans within the walls?: Who's the idiot now? Humans can't live in walls. : Aaah! Wall human! : It okay. We safe now. No need to spray for humans now.: Alright. Scouting team: Hirsute troll and triple-souled orc. : Wait, which one o' dose am I, mon?: How many souls you have, Maggy? Me have eleven. : Eleven?: Did you forget that he doesn't know how to count? : Dere's a barracks here, Vile-mon.: Yay!: But it's empty.: Opposite yay!: Boo?: AH! SCARY! : Get to work with establishing a forward camp, Bloodgut.: Certainly, Chieftain. It's just... : The land is too rough to put down a foundation. However... : If we were to place out hall on the other side of the wall, we'll be just fine.: Well it must be easy to carry gold through a solid stone wall. : AND our previous gold mine collapsed. So now we have to teach the peons how to walk through walls.: Chieftain. We can just tear down the wall. : Oh, yeah.: Duh!: SHUT UP, VILEFEAST, OR NO DINNER FOR YOU TONIGHT! : 'Ey, mon. Harsh.: Get to work, troll, or I'm shaving that thing off your face and feeding it to Vilefeast!: Haha, yeah! Dinner!: ...dat was a fast turnaround. : You'd tink dat da humans would defend dere farmland better den dis. : Eh?: Ooh, nap time for friends. : Dese humans love dere towers, mon. Vile-mon, get a death wagon an' join me!: Why? Me stronger than death wagons. : I guess dat's true. Scary ta tink about. : You two done being stupid up here?: Yes.: Good, go scout out these lands. This can't be the last of the humans. : Okie-dokie.: Where does he learn these things? I raised him better than that. : I may have a better solution, Chieftain. : Oh yeah, always glad to have an idiot flying around in a flammable death trap. : Let's see what we can glean from his reports.  : Exciting. Woo. Look, can we just send Vilefeast on a suicide mission already? I mean, is it even suicide if they're already braindead?: Sometimes me forget how to breathe. Then me remember me don't need to.  : It looks as though our goblin has discovered a guard post among the foothills.: ...Vilefeast would've found that, too.: Nuh-uh! Me can't even see! Cloak is over my eyes!: I had been wonda'ing about dat, mon. : Well, I have a solution, anyway. : Hahahaha! Idiots! The ambusher has become the ambushed!: Does that mean me am a bush?: Choo're more like a tree, Vile-mon.: Me am deciduous! : You two! Have your men intercept any human assault.  : I'm proud of you for taking the initiative, Bloodgut.: Really, Chieftain?: NO! Now give me a status report, peon. : Sigh. Well, our workers have deforested what remained of the lumber around Blackrock. : Our scout has confirmed the presence of a human settlement to the north bearing the colors of Dalaran.  : While our forces have begun to break through the human fortifications.: Oooh! Sentence fragment! Bad, Bloodgut! : Good times. Business as usual. Any sign of dragons?: None yet, Chieftain.: Well, back to do what we do best, I guess.  : Burning and looting!: Have we been allowed ta loot now, mon? I thought dat all belonged to da Chief. : Woah, hey, let's not talk about "Necksmasher's War Booty" now. We've got company! : Had. Definite past tense. What's this about a war booty?: Yeah, you know, the whole... everything we don't smash belongs to da Chief? Gold, booze, hats... : Did you guys know that the humans have a WHOLE settlement up here? Wow! Neat!: Hats?! I don't even have a blanket! : Death wagons! Go! : Uh, Chief-mon? We got incomin'.: I sleep in the pig farms and you're picking out hats? I've only ever seen you wear that beat-up old thing! : Hey, hey, hey! You can be angry about the whole "me living off of the fat of the war" thing, but you leave my hat out of this! : I killed a guy for this, you know. : Nigel! I- I- ...is that a roost for gryphons?: Netherspit! Burn that thing to the ground! We don't have time for those oversized chickens! So while Beyond the Dark Portal sometimes really nails the feeling of the different clans and nations, other times... eh. Purple represents Dalaran, the nation of mages that was brutally stomped on in the Second War. However, the Dalaran settlements in the game seem to lack any mages ever. I mean, I could be really weird about this and say that maybe the mages are still busy rebuilding after the Second War, but really I'm being weird just bringing up this nitpicky topic. However, seeing the Gryphon Aviary scared the poo poo out of me. I pretty much only had  : Another one?!: Get dem death wagons turnin', mon! : Chieftain, we may need to call in some assistance.: What? No. We're fine. Look. We're fiiiiine.: Chieftain! Me hand stuck in cookie jar!: I mean, we're fine. Vilefeast is just stupid. : I've reached out to Gorefiend's death knights.: Oh, come on... those guys are so... freaky. : With gold supplies running low, we can't afford this traipse through the mountains much longer. We need all the help we can get.: Ugh, fine. But if you pronounce "magic" wrong one more time, I swear that I'm gonna make you grow out a mustache like Mag'fon.: 'Ey, mon! I 'appen ta tink I look pretty good!: And look at what he considers to be fashion. Bracers and a loincloth? Is that what you want, Bloodgut?: ...no, Chieftain.: ...I'm startin' ta miss my prison cell. : Our scout is out looking for the black dragons that Deathwing told us about.: That is still the dumbest name I've ever heard.: Whatever you say, Chieftain Necksmasher.  : Oh, great, more fortifications. Don't these humans have, like, cities to live in? : Me an' Vile-mon are on dis, Chief.  : It just no fun when there no blood.: But isn't fire jus' a buildin's way o' bleedin'?: Woah. Heavy. : I believe that our scout has discovered a solution to our money problems. However...: However...? : It does appear well defended.: Hahaha, is that all? Bloodgut, have you not seen what death wagons can do? Were you asleep for the past six years?: Eight. It can be hard to keep track of, I know. : Well if you have a solution, I suggest putting it into action already. Our-  : Burn it all!: Look! Those men covered in tower blood!: What?  : I can't help but ta feel like da humans ain't learned a ting since da last war, mon. Two knights against dese ogres? Suicide!: Me could do it.: Vile-mon, you strong, but...: We watched him rip off an ogre's head.: And wear it as a helm. : ...Eech. dat's rough, mon. : Ugh, enough with these human blockades. They're not even trying anymore!: We could make this much simpler, Chieftain. : Eh? What's wit' da skeleton, mon? Da's some bad juju. : Just watch, Mag'fon. It's a wonder we didn't use these knights more during the Second War.  : Eh? Dat elf's skin be meltin' right off!: Cool, right?: ...: I mean... decidedly not interesting. Just a side effect of the fel energies that our death knights wield. : Alright, let me just wheel the death wagons around. : No need, Chieftain! You see, with the powers of the damned at our command, we can... : ...summon a tornado from the souls of the dead! Alright, trying to show off more death knight spells here. This is Whirlwind, which creates a whirlwind of damned souls that damage all units and buildings in the area. Except that you can't control it and it can definitely mess up your own troops and it's movement is pretty erratic. Oh, yeah, and the damage is super low.  : ...Okay, so I'll just have the ogres kill that guy then?: But it's a tornado! Of souls! : Yes. Yes, it is. It just some happens to be stopping our men from advancing. Tusk breath? : Yes?: The Tusk Breath who forgot how to shave. Get the death wagons.: Aye, Chief! : Much better. : ...sigh. Well, the path ahead is littered with human forces.: Tusk breath who can't see because of his stupid cloak, get the ogres ready.: Who said that?! : Wait, belay that order!: HEY.: But me not have any rope!  : Sorry, Chieftain. It's just... the black dragonflight.: Dey look decidedly green ta me, mon.: You really have to squint. : Alright, get the men and let's get the dragons out of here. : The death knights shall lure out the humans.: And then me smash? : Den we smash, mon. : I can't help but feel underwhelmed. : A sort of melancholy that these humans put up such pathetic resistance. Don't they know we're still fighting a war? : ...Did you forget that this is a stealth mission again, Chieftain? The humans shouldn't know about this. : ...yes, stealth mission. With dragons. : Come along, my minions! We have some stealth to enact! And that's how the mission wraps up. A fairly easy push through the human territory to snatch up the dragons and end the level. It feels very sudden and jarring, especially since I ran this blind and completed it on my first try. There's another human settlement somewhere, but it can't be worth the effort to put down since the AI never attacks the entire time. Oh, well. We've got dragons now! : Victory.: Er... Chieftain, you DID remember this was a secret mission, right?: Of course I did!Elsewhere... 
Azzur fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Apr 14, 2018 |
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Apr 14, 2018 02:33
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Well, that's some stealth right there. Also I have to agree with Necksmasher, trollbeards are not a flattering fashion choice. 
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Apr 14, 2018 03:35
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"Wait, we're securing dragons? Why the Nether can't they secure themselves?! They're freakin' dragons!" I love this line. And our main troll's new look.  So many other great moments in this post too. I was also wondering about Vilefeast's Cloak. Back when I played this game, I tried to clear all enemies off every map before Victory if possible. In retrospect, that was not really worth it. Especially with the trend towards it becoming impossible in a lot of freeform open world strategy games I play these days (mostly Koei titles like DW9 and Spirit of Sanada)- oh well, they're still fun. And drat, that is an ominous ending. 
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Apr 14, 2018 04:09
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I just want it on record Azzur that this image of Vilefeast ripping out the souls of the living would make a great heavy metal album cover. And that "Vilesoul" would be the perfect band name to go with it. 
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Apr 14, 2018 04:19
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Was thinking the exact same thing Dr. Snark, heh. I'm surprised that Necksmasher remembered Wells' name. Not surprised he would specifically taunt him in that fashion.
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Apr 14, 2018 05:10
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SirSystemError posted:Was thinking the exact same thing Dr. Snark, heh. Necksmasher is laser focused when he has a goal. He's something like an idiot savant. He'll forget exactly what the hell he's doing out in the middle of a war, but he'll always remember someone he wants to kill.
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Apr 14, 2018 05:26
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Azzur posted:Necksmasher is laser focused when he has a goal. He's something like an idiot savant. He'll forget exactly what the hell he's doing out in the middle of a war, but he'll always remember someone he wants to kill. To be frank, I'm not sure why exactly he wants to kill Wells. I mean, sure he wants his hat back, but the last time they met he shanked the guy and left him for dead. Seems like he already came out on top, there.
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Apr 14, 2018 05:52
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NewMars posted:To be frank, I'm not sure why exactly he wants to kill Wells. I mean, sure he wants his hat back, but the last time they met he shanked the guy and left him for dead. Seems like he already came out on top, there. I don't like overtly stating motivations, but it's something like this: Necksmasher fell in love with the war after a fashion, but what he really loves is winning. He's a winner! Then the Second War ends in absolute disaster and for reasons that are completely out of his hands. He's lost. Then out comes this human dead set on vengeance and he suddenly has something new to focus on. Someone he can point to and say, "He's why it failed." He's goal-oriented, but he also just loves the fighting and the feeling of conquering someone, so he's gone out of his way to ensure he's got a rival. So of course he's super into taunting. If Necksmasher returned home to chill on Draenor, what else would he have to do? Just sit around and think? Nah, he's got to have stuff to do. People to kill. Captains to murder.
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Apr 14, 2018 06:05
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Azzur posted:I don't like overtly stating motivations, but it's something like this: Basically Nigel never realized that he wanted a nemesis so badly until he got one, is what you're getting at.
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Apr 14, 2018 06:17
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Glad to see that this is back, loved following your original thread the better part of a decade ago, and I look to seeing your take on the rest of this expansion as well!
GhostStalker fucked around with this message at 06:55 on Apr 14, 2018 |
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Apr 14, 2018 06:19
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Dr. Snark posted:Basically Nigel never realized that he wanted a nemesis so badly until he got one, is what you're getting at. Nailed it! ...look, I won't admit to being the best writer. I'm just keeping in line with high quality Blizzard standard.
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Apr 14, 2018 06:35
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Azzur posted:...look, I won't admit to being the best writer. I'm just keeping in line with high quality Blizzard standard. Considering some of the stuff Blizzard's put out, I think your writing quality often exceeds theirs.
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Apr 14, 2018 06:44
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Azzur posted:Nailed it! ...Define "high quality" in that context. Or "Blizzard standard" 
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Apr 14, 2018 06:50
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Dr. Snark posted:...Define "high quality" in that context. Or "Blizzard standard" "Cocaine fueled," and "maddened ramblings."
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Apr 14, 2018 06:57
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Yeah, I'd rather play an Azzur-written Warcraft 4 than a Blizzard-written one, at this point.
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Apr 14, 2018 07:22
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PurpleXVI posted:Yeah, I'd rather play an Azzur-written Warcraft 4 than a Blizzard-written one, at this point. One criticism I have, though? Blizzard at least makes a token female character, which has been conspicuously absent from these LPs.
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Apr 14, 2018 13:17
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Cythereal posted:One criticism I have, though? Blizzard at least makes a token female character, which has been conspicuously absent from these LPs. You've got me there! In a way I've sort of inherited this work from awhile ago. If we make it to WC3, we'll be getting more characters for sure. At this point, I'm not going to over saturate the LP with characters. It's already pretty difficult doling out "screen time" with four characters with the orcs. I'd say that the human campaign is going to give us Alleria to see how I do writing women, but she's also... sort of one dimensional? At least as of Warcraft 2.  : ORCS! KILL ORCS! KILL! KILL! HIDE FEELINGS FOR TURALYON!I was told that she has a huge role to play in the most recent WoW expansion, but I haven't touched the stuff in years, so I have no clue.
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Apr 14, 2018 13:43
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PurpleXVI posted:Yeah, I'd rather play an Azzur-written Warcraft 4 than a Blizzard-written one, at this point.    
Azzur fucked around with this message at 14:08 on Apr 14, 2018 |
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Apr 14, 2018 13:54
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Azzur posted:I was told that she has a huge role to play in the most recent WoW expansion, but I haven't touched the stuff in years, so I have no clue. Like Turalyon, she does not - not that you'd know it from Blizzard's advertising. She's really into void magic now for no reason the game's yet seen fit to explain and leads a whole band of void elves. This is modern Alleria: 
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Apr 14, 2018 14:03
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Cythereal posted:Like Turalyon, she does not - not that you'd know it from Blizzard's advertising. She's really into void magic now for no reason the game's yet seen fit to explain and leads a whole band of void elves. All of this is keeping in line with how I know Blizzard operates, yes.
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Apr 14, 2018 14:10
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Void elves? Do they fight void trolls and void orcs? Do they go out to quest for void bear asses?
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Apr 14, 2018 14:14
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Poil posted:Void elves? Do they fight void trolls and void orcs? Do they go out to quest for void bear asses? Nope, just regular old trolls, orcs and asses... But they're very, very edgy while doing so. E: So happy to see this back! 
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Apr 14, 2018 14:16
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Azzur posted:All of this is keeping in line with how I know Blizzard operates, yes. She's involved in about half a dozen side quests, and otherwise stands around the main base doing nothing. Turalyon at least hands out weekly quests. Given that the next expansion is void themed (ignore the surface distraction of the faction war, it's another Old God expansion just like Cataclysm and to a lesser extent Mists), Alleria now being a void monkey with a superpowered evil side that occasionally tries to seize control of her will probably come up then. Probably. This is Blizzard after all.
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Apr 14, 2018 14:45
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Ugh, what Blizzard has done with Alleria... at least it isn’t as bad as how they wasted the character of Leah Cain in Diablo 3. I do know the company a bit, living in Austin... I don’t think I’d want to work for them though. Azzur, give Alleria some extra dimensions when you get back to her, ok? Also if you want to pull a secret female gender twist with one of the Orc characters (you pick which) or have an occasional cameo from a female Goblin spy or just leave things as they are, it’s fine on me.
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Apr 14, 2018 16:33
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I... there are no words. Where's the "5" button? I must click it many times.
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Apr 14, 2018 16:36
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achtungnight posted:Also if you want to pull a secret female gender twist with one of the Orc characters (you pick which) or have an occasional cameo from a female Goblin spy or just leave things as they are, it’s fine on me. what about Vilefeast, she's been right there the whole time
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Apr 14, 2018 16:40
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achtungnight posted:Ugh, what Blizzard has done with Alleria... at least it isn’t as bad as how they wasted the character of Leah Cain in Diablo 3. I do know the company a bit, living in Austin... I don’t think I’d want to work for them though. Azzur, give Alleria some extra dimensions when you get back to her, ok? Also if you want to pull a secret female gender twist with one of the Orc characters (you pick which) or have an occasional cameo from a female Goblin spy or just leave things as they are, it’s fine on me. I have a friend who works at Blizzard, and she says it varies dramatically based on which particular team you're working for. Supposedly - and this has come from numerous sources - the main story of every Blizzard game is designed by committee and subject to heavy executive oversight and editing. Minor side stuff, the writing teams have much more freedom with which is how WoW, for example, still regularly pulls good stories out of its hat for side zones like Vashj'ir, Spires of Arak, and Valley of the Four Winds.
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Apr 14, 2018 16:42
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Cythereal posted:Like Turalyon, she does not - not that you'd know it from Blizzard's advertising. She's really into void magic now for no reason the game's yet seen fit to explain and leads a whole band of void elves. wait, this is bringing up questions from me I thought Alleria died at the conclusion of BtDP
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Apr 14, 2018 16:45
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Aces High posted:wait, this is bringing up questions from me I thought Alleria died at the conclusion of BtDP Absolutely none of the Alliance BtDP cast - the people with huge memorial statues in Stormwind in WoW - are dead.
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Apr 14, 2018 16:46
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Cythereal- That makes a ton of sense. I think tv shows and TSR do the same thing, usually with similar results. Ugh. Kudos to whoever allowed my female Diablo 3 Wizard to end up looking like Evil-Lyn though. 
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Apr 14, 2018 16:47
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Well that's one of the best parts about being present in the thread while the LP is going up. I can get some real feedback from you guys and really try and do right by this whole project. I (weirdly enough) take this seriously and I want to provide the best viewing/reading/sitting around bored at work experience possible. I've got more plans to... plan.
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Apr 14, 2018 16:52
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I don't know if Metzen is still involved with Blizzard at all, but everything I hear, ever, more or less sounds like Metzen grew up on an IV feed of Liefeld comics, writes everything like them more or less, and up to a certain point it definitely felt like he was their lead writing role in everything, and also seemed to heavily inform their art. Which is why everything male is more or less Triangle w/ Pauldrons & Pouches, the usual source of evil is GRIZZLED DARK CORRUPTION, everyone who's powerful has glowing eyes, women are stick insects in pointlessly skimpy outfits half the time, etc. I really wouldn't want to touch another Blizzard project where he was even vaguely credited, as much as I liked Blizzard's earlier projects, at some point it felt like he just curled into an ouroboros of self-parody, and it wasn't even something I could switch my brain off to enjoy. Just something I could go, "great, Metzen, you hosed it up"-at. Especially Starcraft 2, what a poo poo show. Also, Azzur: I'm enjoying the writing. I think what surprises me most is, considering how long it's been since the old LP, how easily I'm remembering the various in-jokes(and how easily YOU'RE remembering them, too.).
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Apr 14, 2018 17:41
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Oh, the poor windrunner sisters, one's undead, one is a void thingie, and one is married to a mary sue. Truly the poster girls for fates worse then death. 
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Apr 14, 2018 17:50
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Klaus88 posted:Oh, the poor windrunner sisters, one's undead, one is a void thingie, and one is married to a mary sue. Relax, Vereesa's a widow now. Rhonin was killed off during Mists of Pandaria.
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Apr 14, 2018 18:05
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Cythereal posted:Relax, Vereesa's a widow now. Rhonin was killed off during Mists of Pandaria.
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Apr 14, 2018 20:18
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Sylphosaurus posted:And everyone rejoiced! Well, not everyone. His death was more a silver lining to the Horde using a WMD to vaporize an entire city and turn Jaina psycho.
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Apr 14, 2018 20:19
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... ...So hey, how about Maggy's new facial hair, eh!? Prison must have done a number on him! Ehehehe...  (Seriously though talking about the WoW era is just depressing in every way, let's just make dumb jokes about Vilefeast or something instead)
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Apr 14, 2018 20:25
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Under that hood Vilefeast has an even funnier hairdo than Mag's muttonchops. Yes, I'm trying for a new page to help catch up the old updates. Why do you ask?
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Apr 14, 2018 20:41
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Come to think of it, Vilefeast is the only one we've never seen without something covering his head, isn't he?
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Apr 14, 2018 23:04
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