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BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Prof. Crocodile posted:

have we gotten to the part where we argue about The People Who Invented Chili and what they would think about beans?

Pineapple in chili, yes or no?

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flubber nuts
Oct 5, 2005


BigBadSteve posted:

Pineapple in chili, yes or no?

yes. unless you are scared, then no.

Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

Is Mapo Tofu technically chili?

LadyAmbien
Oct 22, 2015

BigBadSteve posted:

Pineapple in chili, yes or no?

It isn't chili without pineapple

istewart
Apr 13, 2005

Still contemplating why I didn't register here under a clever pseudonym

EEKA GEEK posted:

It is my firm belief that man can subsist on nothing more then chili and anger.

To that end, I have decided to share my own favorite chili recipe with the lot of you, so that you may convert your shame and anger into chili and anger. In this way, I am the best humanitarian who has ever or will ever survive.

I'm going to be breaking a few sacred chili rules here. Too bad; I apologize to no one.

Ingredients:

  • 1 & 1/2 to 2 lbs of ground PORK (perfect way to uncover jews)
  • 2 packages of french onion soup mix (be prepared for your chili to surrender)
  • 2 tablespoons of chili powder (less if you're a baby, more if you're a man)
  • 4 teaspoons of ground cumin (omit this and I will devour your soul)
  • 1 teaspoon of black pepper (slightly racist)
  • 1/2 teaspoon of salt (or none if you're heaving a heart attack right now)
  • 6 ejaculations (squirts) of Tabasco sauce
  • 1 21-ounce can of red beans and 1 21-ounce can of black beans (I have a dream)
  • 2 6-ounce cans of tomato paste with garlic (regular tomato paste = you're an rear end in a top hat)
  • 2 8-ounce cans of tomato sauce (real men need more than just paste)
  • 1 yellow, orange or red pepper, chopped up (green peppers are Satan's taint)
  • 1 package of sliced mushrooms (yes, you can slice your own mushrooms, smartass)

Instructions:

  1. Put the meat in a huge chili pot and brown it over medium heat
  2. Add 4 cups of water and the french onion soup mix. Stir and let simmer for 10 minutes
  3. Stir in the spices and the Tabasco and simmer for another minute or two
  4. Add the beans, the mushrooms and the chopped pepper
  5. Turn to low and let simmer for at least 20 minutes, 40 is better, stirring every 5-10
  6. Call your mother and tell her she's not allowed to hug you anymore

And that's it, you're done. You just went from a pathetic, flaccid pushover to a chili-chewing boner-owner in about an hour. Your life will thank me.

Who's next? Don't even think about posting a recipe with corn in it. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Look pal, I know you're excited about having more than 280 characters to work with, but this isn't the Twitter refugee thread

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

istewart posted:

Look pal, I know you're excited about having more than 280 characters to work with, but this isn't the Twitter refugee thread

Why is pork capitalized? :thunk:

feller
Jul 5, 2006


istewart posted:

Look pal, I know you're excited about having more than 280 characters to work with, but this isn't the Twitter refugee thread

That’s a freakin sa classic

naem
May 29, 2011

reminder that any legume plus any whole grain eaten together constitutes a complete set of amino acids meaning it’s nutritionally complete

so whole wheat bread and baked beans, rice and beans obviously, um, cornbread and any bean, rice and peas, lentils and, thing

the possibilities are endless

Prof. Crocodile
Jun 27, 2020

BigBadSteve posted:

Pineapple in chili, yes or no?

I'm not a big fan of pineapple in general. Maybe I would try it in chili if the opportunity presented itself.

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

Satanically Summoned Citrus


Just had a big bowl of chili with beans. :yum:

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

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I’m of the “no beans” camp about chili but I respect others choices to include beans

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
More like oldbeanless

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:

Beans are so good

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




also i make chili without meat because i'm vegetarian, so i put in even more beans and it's good

Angry BIerds
Nov 3, 2022

by Fluffdaddy
I respect people's preference to omit beans from chili. Just make sure there are mushrooms in there.

Jelly
Feb 11, 2004

Ask me about my STD collection!
Every time I see this thread it just pisses me off. God OP you're such a loving idiot.

Riot Bimbo
Dec 28, 2006


That's intense man

feller
Jul 5, 2006


Jelly posted:

Every time I see this thread it just pisses me off. God OP you're such a loving idiot.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

EEKA GEEK posted:

I respect people's preference to omit beans from chili. Just make sure there are mushrooms in there.

This is great advice just make sure to fry em up separately and add near the end so they're not slimy bullshit

ninjoatse.cx
Apr 9, 2005

Fun Shoe

Riot Bimbo posted:

That's intense man

Know what’s not intense? Plain boring sauce like chili

Like yours, you dork t:mad:

Revins
Nov 2, 2007





tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea
That recipe better be a repost from reddit

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag

Jelly posted:

Every time I see this thread it just pisses me off. God OP you're such a loving idiot.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
Op makes me so mad every time I see a can of beans I squeeze it so hard it busts open and the beans flow directly into my waiting mouth like a bean-eating Popeye and I do it purely out of spite for op and their extremely BAD opinion Re beans in chili.

poverty goat
Feb 15, 2004



the last time i made lovely ground beef style chili I ironically used the whole can of black beans w/ the bean juice, because I was making it for the alex jones thread, but I never got around to taking pics and posting about it before it was gone because it turned out really good. someday everyone will know this as virginia style chili

poverty goat fucked around with this message at 13:18 on Nov 13, 2022

Chernobyl Princess
Jul 31, 2009

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.

:siren:thunderdome winner:siren:

I put mushrooms in my chili. Where is your god now?

they're eating my superior chili is where

Angry BIerds
Nov 3, 2022

by Fluffdaddy

SilvergunSuperman posted:

This is great advice just make sure to fry em up separately and add near the end so they're not slimy bullshit

Yeah this, also to this end they should be fresh. Personally I sautee everything together before adding the tomatoes because they stop everything else from cooking once they're in.

Angry BIerds
Nov 3, 2022

by Fluffdaddy
I dislike the vibe of this one almost as much- if there is one bean that doesn't belong in a chili, it's green beans:

naem
May 29, 2011

strong “i’ve never lived alone or cooked for myself before” vibes

Riot Bimbo
Dec 28, 2006


hurry up and make this mothershitting chili

Snowy
Oct 6, 2010

A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense



Chili is the ultimate anything-goes meal. If it’s even vaguely stewish and tastes like chili, you’ve done it.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
I don’t think I ever noticed before how much tomato sauce he uses. Like IF I even use tomato sauce it’s one of those little 8oz cans per pound or so of meat, but usually it’s just a few tablespoons of tomato paste and I let the beer be the braising liquid.

E: not counting diced tomatoes of course

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

EEKA GEEK posted:

Yeah this, also to this end they should be fresh. Personally I sautee everything together before adding the tomatoes because they stop everything else from cooking once they're in.

People that use canned mushrooms are perverse

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
Also if you aren’t sautéing your meat and veg in steps in one large pan/Dutch oven before adding your seasonings and liquid ingredients into that same vessel you’re cooking wrong. Like not just chili but in general.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

Revins posted:

That recipe better be a repost from reddit

it's an SA classic actually

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe
most bean chili eaters put in more bean than they should but it's still ok. chili is good and a few beans aren't going to change that.

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

Satanically Summoned Citrus


About to have another bowl of chili with beans in it for lunch. Also going to have some fresh made cornbread as well.

Riot Bimbo
Dec 28, 2006


Zil posted:

About to have another bowl of chili with beans in it for lunch. Also going to have some fresh made cornbread as well.

Did you put sugar in that cornbread

feller
Jul 5, 2006


AARD VARKMAN posted:

it's an SA classic actually

bean sayin this

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

Satanically Summoned Citrus


Riot Bimbo posted:

Did you put sugar in that cornbread

No, but did put a little bit of honey.

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Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003


Corn goes in the chili

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