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My understanding is that a lot of insurance policies mandate the testing and if you're super valuable the company will just eat the increased premiums for their druggy all stars.
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Apr 25, 2018 18:39
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:Update: I passed. Old work booted me this morning after I gave notice and is paying me out 130 hours of PTO and paying me my two weeks notice. Getting hosed up on beer now at 10 AM. 
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Apr 25, 2018 18:40
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Devils Affricate posted:OP already has a job. In this position, yes you can pick and choose. SniperWoreConverse posted:see I disagree with this The DOT mandates random drug tests for companies involved in heavy construction so if you're in the trades like me you just don't have a choice. Too bad cuz i like to do drugs occasionally but a failed DOT screen will follow you for years if not forever and the welding jobs that don't regularly test are low skilled and low paid in my experience
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Apr 25, 2018 18:53
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:Update: I passed. Old work booted me this morning after I gave notice and is paying me out 130 hours of PTO and paying me my two weeks notice. Getting hosed up on beer now at 10 AM. Great news! I did a swab in Oregon where I think the tester was kind of impressed at how high the pink bar for THC was. She also didn't care and we talked about how she had to pass a test for a different job she was interviewing for.
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Apr 25, 2018 18:55
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so like how do you end up in the cock gazer position in the military do you have to like really gently caress up and piss someone off but not gently caress up enough that they can kick you out so its just like "lol ur job is u have to stand there watchin dudes rock a piss all day" or something?
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Apr 25, 2018 19:04
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Nooner posted:so like how do you end up in the cock gazer position in the military do you have to like really gently caress up and piss someone off but not gently caress up enough that they can kick you out so its just like "lol ur job is u have to stand there watchin dudes rock a piss all day" or something? it's one of those jobs you get after you've "paid your dues"
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Apr 25, 2018 19:12
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Nooner posted:so like how do you end up in the cock gazer position in the military do you have to like really gently caress up and piss someone off but not gently caress up enough that they can kick you out so its just like "lol ur job is u have to stand there watchin dudes rock a piss all day" or something? Lol, guys who join the military most likely want to be looking at dong all day, even if they won't admit it (even to themselves)
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Apr 25, 2018 19:15
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I went to prison for shrooms as a teen (thanks Texas!) and had something like 10 years of probation where I had to piss in a cup while a dude stared at my dick every other week. This went on for about two years before they called me to say I pissed hot. Naturally this came as a surprise to me because I hadn't done poo poo since getting out of prison, but hey what are you gonna do. Anyway, the P.O. was pretty much "lol you're hosed, kid" and trying to get me to sign a confession so that I could spend the next 3-6 years in a halfway house, or not sign and go to court, and go back to prison for the same period of time for violating probation because gently caress if I was gonna win the case with a hot piss test. It was a hosed up situation to put a teenager in because you're pretty much between a rock and a hard place and don't REALLY have any choice whatsoever. However, I am a man of PRINCIPLE, and told the dude I wasn't gonna admit to something I didn't do. He had me come in the following week and was pushing the paper in front of me to sign and I just kept refusing, while telling him I didn't do poo poo. Anyway, when I was just about to cave in (cause gently caress going back to prison), he gets a call at his desk. After hanging up he says "well, I'm not gonna apologize to you. The company that did the drug screenings just reported they had a huge batch of false positives in the last month. So I'm gonna let you go this time, but I'm watching you." poo poo was straight out of a tv drama I swear. It's only now, looking back on something 20 years past, that the cynical side of me wonders if he didn't have that whole thing planned out trying to get me to confess to something I didn't do just to hit some bullshit quota or something. Because honestly it feels a bit too pat that the dude HAPPENED to call RIGHT when I was in the office after like half an hour of waffling. Anyway that's my piss test story. I hate piss tests now. EDIT: Also, gently caress the police
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Apr 25, 2018 20:19
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Congrats op
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Apr 25, 2018 20:25
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Nooner posted:so like how do you end up in the cock gazer position in the military do you have to like really gently caress up and piss someone off but not gently caress up enough that they can kick you out so its just like "lol ur job is u have to stand there watchin dudes rock a piss all day" or something? Well, in my case let’s just say that the dude watching my dick pee probably didn’t mind looking at dicks all day. Edit: Misread. I wasn’t in the military. I just had a PO that would literally stare at my dick while I was peeing in a cup.
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Apr 25, 2018 20:58
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Usually the pecker checker duties fall to the buck sergeants
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Apr 25, 2018 21:19
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EX250 Type R posted:Usually the pecker checker duties fall to the buck sergeants This goes back to like Roman times tho right? Well before ANY kind of spectrometery.
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Apr 25, 2018 21:20
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Scroto with the clean scrotum FABULOUS
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Apr 25, 2018 21:22
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bradzilla posted:Congrats op Spinster posted:Scroto with the clean scrotum thanks to both of you. i'm sorry for what i said about you bradzilla, i think we could lead these dead forums to greatness even if you hated dgsw. i am hella wasted. i like the drug screening stories so far, they make me feel like society is rejecting a lot of primo talent
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Apr 25, 2018 22:14
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Oh my god I really think that was an elaborate ruse to get me to confess to a crime I didn't do. If the test had actually been hot I woulda been booked immediately, not waited till my next probation appointment. OMG gently caress those people
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Apr 25, 2018 22:25
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Kaedric posted:Oh my god I really think that was an elaborate ruse to get me to confess to a crime I didn't do. If the test had actually been hot I woulda been booked immediately, not waited till my next probation appointment. Yes it sounds shady even for Texas, Satan's timeshare.
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Apr 25, 2018 22:34
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:hey gbs gently caress i'm pretty jealous right now op for real
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Apr 25, 2018 23:03
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i had a pee test for nursing school (starting clinicals soon) just the other week. i don't smoke much pot, maybe a one-hitter a few times a week. never had a drug test though so i just played it safe and stopped smoking like nearly 2 months ago. obviously i passed it. good to know it really only takes like 2 weeks max to get that poo poo out your system if you do the right stuff. will remember that for future tests. also i did it at a labcorp, and if they are all run the same way (probably not but whatever) my experience was that they put me inside a solo bathroom unsupervised to pee, 3 minutes max. I could have had fake/other pee on me and easily cheated the test. just fyi for anyone else going to a labcorp.
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Apr 25, 2018 23:20
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Nooner posted:so like how do you end up in the cock gazer position in the military do you have to like really gently caress up and piss someone off but not gently caress up enough that they can kick you out so its just like "lol ur job is u have to stand there watchin dudes rock a piss all day" or something? if you count too many dongs in the ink blots during psych
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Apr 25, 2018 23:53
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Re: army cockgazers It's something usually assigned at the battalion level. Pretty much whoever pisses off sarnt major can be assigned, usually stuck to sergeants and corporals. It's not a job you can enlist for, but I'm sure whoever assigns the role doesn't mind volunteers. If you're gonna be dumb and smoke weed in the army (like I did), make sure you know the person who answers calls from brigade. Unless command directed at the unit level (suspicion by your immediate command), the orders for piss tests come down from brigade. I was never busted. By the army or cops. Failed a bunch of drug tests for jobs though.
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Apr 26, 2018 00:26
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:thanks to both of you. i'm sorry for what i said about you bradzilla, i think we could lead these dead forums to greatness even if you hated dgsw. It's all good man. Let's be forums friends 
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Apr 26, 2018 00:56
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I took a piss test for a job on 4/20. I had 19 days since smoking weed. I did nothing special. I pretty much got zero exercise, drank very little fluids other than a poo poo ton of booze, and gave them a super dark first piss of the day. I start Monday.
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Apr 27, 2018 07:42
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Warrior Princess posted:Is pee not supposed to be crystal clear, because the only time I’ve ever had pee with color is when I’m sick. uh wait you guys don't regularly piss a spectrum between amber--red--black? puppet pal mitch posted:The DOT mandates random drug tests for companies involved in heavy construction so if you're in the trades like me you just don't have a choice. Too bad cuz i like to do drugs occasionally but a failed DOT screen will follow you for years if not forever and the welding jobs that don't regularly test are low skilled and low paid in my experience no I mean if you like the job it's ok more like people should find their way into doing what they like, and I don't think most people like doing nothing once it gets past like a month or two bradzilla posted:Congrats op yup love goon success stories
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Apr 27, 2018 07:54
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One time I interviewed for an internship with Lockheed Martin and they paid like $150 to get a next day drug test. I passed it fine, and got an offer. I didn't end up accepting the job, so that money was wasted on me. I'm part of the reason the F-35 is over budget
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Apr 27, 2018 08:11
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Had one of those instant result pee tests at a temp agency. After filling the cup past the line, I put it on the back of the toilet while I finished peeing in the toilet. Well it was angled and slid down, spilled piss all over. Sat in the office drinking water until I could pee again (and while they mopped up). They obviously didn't care that the second one was super diluted and I got that lovely job.
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Apr 27, 2018 08:44
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Spuckuk posted:Bolded surely isn't an actual thing, right? plain old rehab does this too. pee hot with someone watching and they'll dump your rear end on the street with a trash bag full of clothes and won't even do you the courtesy of bus fare and that's the rehab you pay for through your insurance premiums
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Apr 27, 2018 09:54
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True story of failing a swab test IRL: While I was in college, I applied to work at a Lowe's that was walking distance to my apartment complex. I needed a part time job, and the fact I could walk there made it a good choice. I got a call for an interview at 8am. I stayed up drinking until about 2 or 3 am. I'm talking serious drinking, like had over 10 beers and some liquor. I went in and passed the interview, but they made me take a swab test. They told me before I left "If the test comes back negative you'll get the job. We have them picked up at the end of the day." I never got the job offer and I assumed it is because I was still technically drunk from the night before. Good times, was worth it, got a much more chill job that paid better.
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Apr 28, 2018 05:55
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My work does randoms but only because insurance or something requires it. I got pulled into a swab test with no notice, which would normally be a problem for someone who smokes dabs every day, if I wasn’t also white trash that partakes of chewing tobacco. I took out my dip, stuck in the swab, and 30 seconds or whatever later handed the guy back a swab that was dyed a rich, dark brown. He gave me the “are you serious” look and I just shrugged and walked away. In retrospect I have my medical card, so it was really a nonissue.
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Apr 28, 2018 08:04
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article posted:A Colorado woman has been cited by police after a container of what appeared to be urine blew up as she was heating it up in a microwave at a 7-Eleven. This is why you rubber band a glove warmer to the bottle instead!
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May 7, 2018 02:42
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My last drug test was a hair test. Which was pretty rough, because i had done cocaine and amphetamines and a few other things that really like hair follicles earlier in the year. i've been on and off from non-heroin opioids as well, so i was mostly expecting to fail, however the embarassment of not being hired was smaller than the benefit of just letting them see my drug history as told through a hair test. What saved me, i think, is the low-level infrequent abuse of things like cocaine and amphetamine, and i'm 90% they saw my opioid use and hired me anyway because during training, while going over policy with the new hires the guy looks right at me while talking about how handing out painkillers would be grounds for firing AND prosecution lol
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May 7, 2018 02:48
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Here's my drug testing story: I got arrested for the first time in my life at 16 years old for 3 grams of weed. I failed a drug test for marijuana about 5 months later and they locked me up for 184 days
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May 7, 2018 03:06
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Treser posted:That's bullshit. What kind of school does that kind of poo poo unless your in sports or something? it was an international private school in beijing. Buncha assholes, if you ask me.
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May 7, 2018 03:09
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When I was a wee lad I went to a doctor's appointment and I had to pee in a cup. I thought this was a cool and normal thing to do so later at home I peed in a cup again. I didn't know what to do with it so I left it behind the toilet. My mom confronted me about it and I blamed it on my dad. 
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May 7, 2018 03:10
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wow america sounds awesome.
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May 7, 2018 03:17
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MarksMan posted:Here's my drug testing story: I got arrested for the first time in my life at 16 years old for 3 grams of weed. I failed a drug test for marijuana about 5 months later and they locked me up for 184 days The War on Drugs was a success
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May 7, 2018 03:34
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Kaedric posted:I went to prison for shrooms as a teen (thanks Texas!) and had something like 10 years of probation where I had to piss in a cup while a dude stared at my dick every other week. This went on for about two years before they called me to say I pissed hot. Naturally this came as a surprise to me because I hadn't done poo poo since getting out of prison, but hey what are you gonna do. the moral of the story is don't be in texas
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May 7, 2018 03:36
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I had to take a piss test for a job at the local hospital. I took the test, and then i asked the lab tech where I should put the plastic bag containg the tube that I had just pissed in. He gestured to a table that was in complete disarray and covered with miscellaneous papers. Dubiously, I set down my sample. And then two weeks later unsuprisingly, THE JOB CALLED ME AND SAID I HAD NEVER TAKEN THE TEST. Yes, the lab lost the test, for real. So I had to go back and take it again. Good thing I don't do drugs!
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May 7, 2018 03:52
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Oyak posted:Good thing I don't do drugs! 
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May 7, 2018 03:59
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Oyak posted:I had to take a piss test for a job at the local hospital. I took the test, and then i asked the lab tech where I should put the plastic bag containg the tube that I had just pissed in. He gestured to a table that was in complete disarray and covered with miscellaneous papers. Dubiously, I set down my sample. And then two weeks later unsuprisingly, THE JOB CALLED ME AND SAID I HAD NEVER TAKEN THE TEST. Yes, the lab lost the test, for real. So I had to go back and take it again. Good thing I don't do drugs! that dude guzzled your piss
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May 7, 2018 06:11
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first day tomorrow. had a vacation where i did a lot of hiking, movie watching, and book reading. also, i tried getting through the mass effect trilogy but petered out halfway through the 2nd one. vidya games are just less fun when i am not stoned. thanks pissthread
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May 7, 2018 06:12
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