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KirbyKhan posted:I do think that the American culture not being as family oriented is largely because this sleeping distance is enforced between parents and baby. I’d wager it’s more likely due to the pervasive, competing American work culture narrative that stands in direct conflict to parents spending quality time with their families while consistently devaluing unpaid home/childcare work. Bedsharing isn’t all bad, but many resources here struggle to differentiate between different levels of risk in its practice and don’t want to be held responsible for ‘bad’ advice. That said, the little bit of bedsharing we did with our first baby was hands down some of the worst quality sleep I got as a mother. I slept way too lightly to feel any sort of refreshment, so I personally strongly prefer the separate box/crib but still manage to bond with my kids.
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May 18, 2021 16:43
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Yeah, there's many different reasons why we are off here. I didn't mean to single that out.
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May 18, 2021 16:51
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The bedsharing debate is too nuanced to draw many insights, both from a safety and cultural perspective. Cultures that bedshare also tend to have a more communal environment, so that parents, sisters, aunts etc help raise the baby during the day while mom sleeps. That’s very different from the typical American family, where mom passes out in bed (or in the rocking chair) at the end of the day and may have to go back to work in a couple months. Alcohol and tobacco consumption is lower, mattresses / futons are thinner, people are healthier in general, and on and on. Given all these factors, it’s hard to make any direct comparisons.
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May 18, 2021 16:53
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Does anyone have experience being induced? If so how long did it take you to go into labor? I started at 3 cm and they administered pitocin at around 11 today, and its 3 now. This is my first baby so I'm a bit terrified right now, haha. I opted to wait and let them know if or when I want an epidural because I wasn't sure how long the pitocin would take. There was a woman down the hall screaming bloody murder so I'm a little intimidated at the moment.
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May 18, 2021 20:06
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hallo spacedog posted:Does anyone have experience being induced? If so how long did it take you to go into labor? I started at 3 cm and they administered pitocin at around 11 today, and its 3 now. Hey, you are doing great! I started at 0 cm, locked up tight. I got a balloon cath thing put in my cervix to help it start to open around 6pm day one. It fell out at some point, I don't remember. They started pitocin in the morning, maybe around 8am? I had pre-e so the meds I had to take for that meant I couldn't walk around anyway so I got the epidural early, maybe around 11am? It was painless and worked well. I gave birth at 10:56 pm day 2. I think pushing maybe took a half hour for me once it started. I stalled for a long time around 7 cm and they were thinking about a C section but baby flipped around at the last minute which caused everything to move quickly after that. Active labor seems scary, but I swear you will get through it. Your brain gets supercharged with hormones and chemicals to help you. I still was able to feel enough to push well with my epidural, I would absolutely recommend it if it's something you are comfortable with. For me pushing felt like I had to poop really badly and had to pass a very large BM. Good luck! You get to meet your baby soon! ❤️❤️
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May 18, 2021 20:16
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marchantia posted:Hey, you are doing great! I started at 0 cm, locked up tight. I got a balloon cath thing put in my cervix to help it start to open around 6pm day one. It fell out at some point, I don't remember. They started pitocin in the morning, maybe around 8am? I had pre-e so the meds I had to take for that meant I couldn't walk around anyway so I got the epidural early, maybe around 11am? It was painless and worked well. I gave birth at 10:56 pm day 2. I think pushing maybe took a half hour for me once it started. I stalled for a long time around 7 cm and they were thinking about a C section but baby flipped around at the last minute which caused everything to move quickly after that. Thank you, this is a huge comfort. I had planned to get an epidural immediately when I wasn't planning on the induction, but since that part changed I am playing it by ear and the nurse said to let her know when I want to get the epidural, so I am waiting on that for a bit. I guess when I get closer to being more dilated and starts to feel painful. I am so excited to finally meet this baby!
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May 18, 2021 20:27
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hallo spacedog posted:Does anyone have experience being induced? My wife's induction started at about 8pm on Thursday and our baby was born at 4pm on Saturday.
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May 18, 2021 21:19
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nesbit37 posted:My wife's induction started at about 8pm on Thursday and our baby was born at 4pm on Saturday. Wow... Hoping it doesn't take that long.
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May 18, 2021 21:30
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hallo spacedog posted:Wow... Hoping it doesn't take that long. If it does you will make it through! If it seems like it's not gonna be tonight, do what you can to at least get a little bit of sleep overnight. Future you will be grateful.
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May 18, 2021 22:19
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marchantia posted:If it does you will make it through! If it seems like it's not gonna be tonight, do what you can to at least get a little bit of sleep overnight. Future you will be grateful. Thanks, I will definitely try. I've been luckily snoozing on and off all day so far.
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May 18, 2021 22:45
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Wife started on Saturday, morning. By Sunday morning she was 0 cm. It can take a while. Wasn't home until Tuesday night
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May 18, 2021 22:46
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Get your staffs name before shift change and see what their panama schedule is like. It's heartbreaking to save all your goodbyes but lmao a full week of shifts has rotated while you been busy making a human.
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May 18, 2021 22:48
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I was induced at 42 weeks and even then she had no signs of coming on her own. Cervix high and tight, not descended into my pelvis. They got me on gas and air, maneuvered the baby manually from outside while reaching in with the instrument to break my waters and put an electrode on the baby’s head. Very unpleasant. Once the waters were broken and her head was in position they got me on the syntocin drip and keeping active so she didn’t move out of position again. Once the drip was in and I was up, it was less than 2 hours until I was in active labour, and I wasn’t pushing long before we had baby. Good luck!!
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May 18, 2021 23:00
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What do people think about the upper limit for size before you start seriously thinking about an elective c-section. I've discussed this very briefly with my midwife but I'm kind of on the fence mulling it over. My first baby was 4.65kg (10lb 4oz). They pre-medded me for an emergency c-section but I managed to get him out naturally with a stage 2 tear in one direction and an episiotomy in the other. I had a prolonged recovery from the amount of wound healing that had to go on, and scar tissue on my cervix, but otherwise had no pelvic floor issues or similar complications. Cue baby #2. Trends suggest this one will be bigger especially if its another boy. I know it's possible to naturally deliver a 11lb/5kg+ baby but no one ever talks about the long term complications, and I'm not so gung ho on natural delivery at all costs that I'll take potential urinary incontinence issues, serious tearing and a completely demolished pelvic floor when I could get better health outcomes for myself with a c-section. I just dont really know where to draw the line on predicted size, if that makes sense? What are peoples thoughts? Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 23:41 on May 18, 2021 |
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May 18, 2021 23:33
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femcastra posted:I think a lot of the things that you’ve raised in this post and previous posts are down to cultural differences. The extended period in hospital, the emphasis on mum over mum and dad together in hospital. It’s maybe based on the assumption that mum will be doing it all on her own as dad will be working long hours. It also helps establish breastfeeding. A lot of women go back to their home town to be looked after by their parents in the lead up to labour, and in the time afterwards. Yeah, that's definitely part of why things are done differently in Japan. My brother in law missed the birth of his daughter before COVID hit, simply because he was busy working and his wife went through labor in just a couple of hours. As an American that seems absolutely unthinkable, but that's just how it is over here, I guess. My wife was also interested in the hometown birth thing, but there were no hospitals available in her hometown that gave epidurals, so we decided to stay in Tokyo for her to give birth. I'm unemployed due to COVID, and have been for a couple months, so I would have been able to go back with her, but it just wasn't in the cards for us. Even if I'm unemployed long-term, we will be financially stable, and my wife doesn't speak all that much English, so I've been considering becoming a stay at home dad to help my daughter learn to speak English. My wife was originally adamantly opposed to the idea, even though she saw nothing wrong with her being a stay at home mom if I started working. We've talked about it a bunch though and she's warming up to it. If I end up choosing this route, I imagine all three of us - me, my wife, and my daughter - will start running into some friction from my wife's family and society at large, but we were bound to run into that anyway as an international couple. I'll probably ask again in the parenting thread once we get closer to birth, but if anyone is a stay at home dad for whatever reason, or knows one, I'd love to hear about your experiences. Emily Spinach posted:Is swaddling common in Japan? That can help with the "baby will be cold" argument. There's also Finnish style baby boxes if your wife doesn't want to spend money on a bassinet the kid will outgrow in a few months. Swaddling is a thing, and you can find swaddles in stores, but I don't think it's very common. My wife was under the impression that we didn't really need to do it. The baby will be born in the middle of the Tokyo summer, which is pretty drat hot, so we're actually worried that the baby will be cold from the air conditioning that we'll eventually have to turn on even while we sleep. I'm of the opinion that layers of clothes (swaddles included) will be able to keep the baby warm enough, but my wife is still worried about not using any kind of blanket at all. Re: SIDS stuff, what everyone has said makes sense. I guess the advice in the US is so extremely strict because they have to account for such a wide variety of situations. I'll probably look into it more and make my own compromises on caution vs comfort, but things like baby futons and side drop cribs still have me scared.
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May 19, 2021 05:17
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hallo spacedog posted:Does anyone have experience being induced? If so how long did it take you to go into labor? I started at 3 cm and they administered pitocin at around 11 today, and its 3 now. We induced at 41+ wks, 18 hours later no change, elected for C-section at the hospital around 10am, baby was out surgically by 6pm C section recovery adds 2 days to the hospital stay, the nurse informed us that from when we checked in after our 18 hour induction, it would be a minimum of 36 hours before babby formed Went home 4 days later, babby still alive, mom happy, a+ would repeat again
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May 19, 2021 06:38
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Spoggerific posted:
I am a creature of LA who has associated and gossiped with many such folks who have enough money that a spouse can just stay home and who's greater family structure is outside of the city. My dude you are gonna be living the DREAM. But you will need to keep the domestic things in order. Rice made in the morning E V E R Y M O R N I N G. I can't give you advice about japanese specific cultural habits to get into, but like asia wide every caretaker's #1 priority is making sure everyone is fed. Never too late to learn to cook, even if your bento box is just a sometimes thing it is going to happen. Push for supplementing with formula as that will make you useful immediately. Make sure to have some sort of baby picture to family member pipeline. Stay good looking, give her the the ammunition to flex that she has a good looking foreigner kept houseman, be a trophy quality status symbol. This can be a good life. I don't know if you were ESL teaching or not, not helldumping to find out, but drat... yeah this is what would have happened to all the ESL lifers across the globe. She will get pushback. Keep her strong. Being a night nurse dad has been the best quality time I have ever experienced in my life.
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May 19, 2021 07:07
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Thank you so much for all the encouragement and kind words everyone. Shortly after my last post the Dr. checked in with us and decided to break my water. From there the contractions progressed very quickly, they did an epidural which worked great and lil spacepup was born healthy and happy at 11:15 pm. She is sleeping in my arms as we speak. I'm biased but of course I think she is just perfect.
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May 19, 2021 08:25
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Congrats! Glad to hear
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May 19, 2021 08:41
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Hooray! Enjoy the afterglow and every amenity your place offers.
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May 19, 2021 08:44
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Congrats spacedog, glad to hear it went well! 
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May 19, 2021 10:06
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hallo spacedog posted:Does anyone have experience being induced? If so how long did it take you to go into labor? I started at 3 cm and they administered pitocin at around 11 today, and its 3 now. Yeah, I was walking (waddling) down the street on afternoon in DC at 37 weeks and my water broke suddenly. No contractions or anything prior to that, but I was standing in front of the Christian Broadcasting Network headquarters, so I blame Pat Robertson. Anyway, I wasn't dilated more than 1 cm or so when I got to the hospital a few hours later, so they started me on pitocin around 8 PM, and the kid was born around 8.45 the next morning. I had an epidural that night so I was able to rest some to prepare for active labor, which I think started around 6 AM? I can see reading downthread that little spacepup is here, congrats!!
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May 19, 2021 15:07
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Congrats spacedog and tiny spacedog! Glad it went well!! I’m at 36 weeks and just had my midwife appointment. 60% effaced, 1.5cm dilated, and at a station of 1. I don’t think I’m going to make it to my due date! A little over two weeks ago I found out my husband is having an affair. He moved out/I kicked him out the same day I found out, and has made no effort to try to fix things. He told me he wasn’t ready to end the affair. The last time I saw him he was being pretty mean to me in front of our two year old daughter, he hasn’t been mean like that before. He says he wants to see her every day and be involved, but he’s only seen her a few times. Thank God I started my maternity leave a few weeks early, because the stress has been unreal, and I’m honestly surprised I’m not in labor yet. I’ve had a ton of help from family and friends with getting stuff done around the house and staying distracted. I lost a pound since my last appointment, I’ve been trying to force myself to eat, but if I don’t gain at all by next week I’m going to have to start monitored eating. Not even Ben and Jerry’s sounds good, and I can usually snarf down at least half a pint in one sitting. I never, ever thought he would be the kind of person to do that, especially with such cruel timing, but here I am.
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May 19, 2021 18:03
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Koivunen, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this at this time. My thoughts are with you as you navigate what sounds like a really rough situation.
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May 19, 2021 19:34
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Oh my god, I am so sorry. No one deserves this, especially not at such a difficult time - both physically and emotionally difficult. Sending you vaccinated virtual hugs and hoping for the best for you and your children.
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May 20, 2021 08:00
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Thanks. The emotional roller coaster is unreal. I’m swinging from “I’ve totally got this single mom thing down” to “How am I ever going to survive??” Lost my mucus plug tonight. With my daughter it was five days until I went into labor after losing it then. Hopefully I can make it to 37 weeks, we shall see...
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May 22, 2021 02:54
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Is there a thread for newborn questions or is this the best place to ask?
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May 22, 2021 05:35
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This or the pregnancy thread, yup
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May 22, 2021 06:11
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My wife and I are trying to get pregnant with our first kid. Obviously you're not supposed to consume alcohol while you're pregnant, but what about when you're trying to become pregnant? She's not much a drinker in the first place, but I'm picturing the scenario where she becomes pregnant, doesn't realize it until 8 weeks or so, and has a few drinks in the interim. That sounds bad in my head?
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May 28, 2021 14:16
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It's fine, really. Especially if she's not binge drinking every night or whatever (which would be its own problem anyway), a drink or two every now and then while you're trying shouldn't cause any problems. If she wants to be cautious and she's tracking ovulation, she can just not drink during that two week wait between ovulation and when her period would be due. Since you're actively trying, too, it's unlikely she wouldn't realize until she's 8 weeks along. Tests these days let you know pretty early, if you take them. Not that it couldn't happen, the body and hormones can be a hosed up thing, but that sort of situation would be more common for unplanned pregnancies. Also, good luck! There's also a thread for trying to get pregnant, which I'll edit in a link to. link Emily Spinach fucked around with this message at 14:28 on May 28, 2021 |
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May 28, 2021 14:23
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Well, I guess I can join this thread now. 9 weeks-ish. I might ask over in the parenting thread, but anyone have any opinions on the absolute bare minimum of stuff you need for a newborn? I live in a very small apartment with my partner, so space is at a premium and I don't want to go overboard.
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May 28, 2021 16:53
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Lien posted:Well, I guess I can join this thread now. 9 weeks-ish. For a newborn? A place for it to sleep A place to change it (doesnt have to be a fancy thing, could literally be your bed or better yet an ottoman that you already own). I mean basically that's it. Some folks like a rocking chair, or have a dedicated pumping area if that's in the cards. I have found it useful to have a diaper genie thing as it keeps your house from smelling too bad. When my daughter was younger, we used a lot of little baby rocker chairs to stash her in while we were eating dinner or on the deck or something, whenever we were tired of holding her. People do tummy time and stuff but if you don't have room for a big thing, the kid is not going to be moving a lot right away. Things you won't need until later include a high chair - again if space is an issue you could get a travel one that attaches to an existing chair. Also, large toys/walkers - definitely not until at least 4-6 months depending on what your kiddo does.
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May 28, 2021 17:08
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Tiny babies don't need much as far as stuff. Bassinet/crib (we started in a crib because I didn't want a bassinet taking up space in my basement after she outgrew it in a few months) for a safe sleep space. We just had waterproof pad liners that we would put under her when changing her on the couch/floor/whatever. That's uh, yeah. About it? Toddlers are a whole other beast, but that's more stuff to keep them entertained. We bought this dome thing that folded up flat when not in use as a safe place to put her down outside the bedroom to sort of protect her from accidently getting stepped on my the dog, but it wasn't super necessary. Might be a good option though for a small space. It is rated as a bassinet, which means it is safe for unsupervised sleep as well.
marchantia fucked around with this message at 18:02 on May 28, 2021 |
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May 28, 2021 17:48
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C-Euro posted:My wife and I are trying to get pregnant with our first kid. Obviously you're not supposed to consume alcohol while you're pregnant, but what about when you're trying to become pregnant? She's not much a drinker in the first place, but I'm picturing the scenario where she becomes pregnant, doesn't realize it until 8 weeks or so, and has a few drinks in the interim. That sounds bad in my head? I personally would limit drinking between ovulation and period to 0 drinks. Drinking prior to ovulation ought not be a problem, although doctors claim alcohol suppresses fertility Alcohol has an oversize impact of correct, permanent expression of genes for face/brain/major organ shape/development, particularly in the first 5-8 weeks, I doubt two glasses per night spread across 5 hours is going to have any measurable impact compared to a nightly binge drinker, but it's something to be aware of. Also up until about 50 years ago, most of humanity has been drinking some small amount of alcohol during their entire pregnancy and society hasn't collapsed yet
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May 28, 2021 18:29
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The most important thing is to never stop banging out. You don't have to do calander magic or ovulation tracking if you don't want to, you just have to bang out every other day. Wife and I tried seriously for 6 months. Doubt starts creeping in around month 4. Never lose hope, always be bangin
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May 28, 2021 20:27
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Toddlers don't need toys, mine is entertained endlessly by pieces of mail, a can of sardines, and the dog's tail.
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May 28, 2021 20:32
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KirbyKhan posted:The most important thing is to never stop banging out. You don't have to do calander magic or ovulation tracking if you don't want to, you just have to bang out every other day. Counterpoint: get a thermometer and tracking app, have sex twice a month for 3 months, get pregnant. That's what worked for us. Do whatever works, but the key is avoiding feeling pressured.
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May 29, 2021 00:15
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There are many alternative methods to schedule the active craft a human making. Namaste. But yeah, pressure also sucks. Best of luck~
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May 29, 2021 00:27
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As someone who had to deal with a previously unknown medical issue to stay pregnant- don’t hesitate to reach out to your obgyn office if it’s taking a while. The standard is 6mo if you’re older than 35 or have known medical conditions that mess with fertility or a year otherwise. Sometimes things may just need a straightforward treatment.
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May 29, 2021 00:32
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Yeah I had a feeling we would have issues getting pregnant because of my inconsistent ovulation, so I went of birth control right away and messaged my gyno about it then so then when we had tried for six months it was easy to get in and work with them.
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May 29, 2021 19:37
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