Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma

facialimpediment: Feb 11, 2005; as the world turns

I have a new Idiot of the Month candidate:

https://twitter.com/kylieatwood/status/1787558870765674598?t=BuAlGL4XR9vyj66jDiJGxA&s=19

my bet's on scammer russian internet girlfriend

# ? May 6, 2024 20:05

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 18:16

Punished Ape: Sep 17, 2021

Article:
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/us-soldier-detained-russia-officials-say-rcna150928

Stationed in Korea, USFK stays winning.

# ? May 6, 2024 22:07

Gorilla Radio: May 10, 2007; On behalf of the Serbs, we're very sorry for the Hillary Clinton sniper incident. Next time, we'll aim better.

One our weirdos left the army expecting to move to Hungary to go to Hungarian medical school and marry his hot Russian internet girlfriend. No, he was not Hungarian and did not speak any Hungarian.

I KNEW this was going to be him until I saw staff sergeant, because Weirdo definitely left as a specialist (might have been private first class, can't remember if he got demoted or not).

# ? May 6, 2024 22:39

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

https://twitter.com/docstrangelove2/status/1787482952210718750

:jerkbag:

# ? May 7, 2024 00:41

Voyager I: Jun 29, 2012; This is how your posting feels.
🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

Well that seems loving insane.

# ? May 7, 2024 01:00

golden bubble: Jun 3, 2011; yospos

facialimpediment posted:

I have a new Idiot of the Month candidate:

https://twitter.com/kylieatwood/status/1787558870765674598?t=BuAlGL4XR9vyj66jDiJGxA&s=19

my bet's on scammer russian internet girlfriend

https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/06/russia-us-soldier-south-korea-00156328

quote:

The soldier, a staff sergeant who is stationed in South Korea, was arrested last Thursday, said one of the officials, who was granted anonymity to discuss a sensitive incident. The soldier had traveled to Russia to meet a woman, possibly his girlfriend, the official said.

Come to Russia to meet your totally real, hot Russian girlfriend. We totally won't arrest you and hold you hostage the moment you step over the border.

# ? May 7, 2024 01:58

Punished Ape: Sep 17, 2021

Third article:

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2024/05/07/soldier-held-russia-had-relationship-russian-woman-being-detained.html

quote:

Videos and photos posted to social media resurfaced Tuesday showing Black and Vashchuk together in South Korea, apparently showcasing their relationship. In one of the videos, Black is interviewed by Vashchuk and says NATO is "pretty aggressive," that he understands Russia's position on Ukraine, and that U.S. policy toward Russia was better under former President Donald Trump -- as Vashchuk prompts him to criticize President Joe Biden.

...

He is the second Camp Humphreys soldier to cause an international incident with a U.S. adversary in less than a year.

lol, lmao

# ? May 8, 2024 01:17

Itchy_Grundle: Feb 22, 2003

Jesus what a dumbass.

# ? May 8, 2024 01:34

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Punished Ape posted:

Third article:

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2024/05/07/soldier-held-russia-had-relationship-russian-woman-being-detained.html

lol, lmao

Bad fuckin time to be on the Hump, Jesus Christ.

# ? May 8, 2024 02:19

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

quote:

He is the second Camp Humphreys soldier to cause an international incident with a U.S. adversary in less than a year.

Nominate this sentence for an award, god drat.

# ? May 8, 2024 04:31

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Quick and dirty:

# ? May 8, 2024 04:58

Volmarias: Dec 31, 2002; EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

I appreciate that there's only 2 numbers, implying that they can't even go about 3 months without someone loving up.

# ? May 8, 2024 05:52

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

What about defecting to a domestic adversary?

# ? May 8, 2024 06:05

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

The AF doesn�t like taking prior army dudes.

# ? May 8, 2024 09:21

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

The Lone Badger posted:

What about defecting to a domestic adversary?

They wouldn't get out of single digits if they counted the confederacy

# ? May 8, 2024 09:48

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

The sex must have been pretty amazing to lead to light treason

# ? May 8, 2024 12:55

Jimmy Smuts: Aug 8, 2000

I wonder if she was at least hot.

# ? May 8, 2024 13:17

Xakura: Jan 10, 2019; A safety-conscious little mouse!

https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-gordon-black-arrested-tiktok-girlfriend-south-korea/32936746.html

# ? May 8, 2024 13:26

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

wtf is up with that head to body proportion? He looks like a live version of one of those �man baby� photoshops

# ? May 8, 2024 13:43

Steezo: Jun 16, 2003; Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

Volmarias posted:

I appreciate that there's only 2 numbers, implying that they can't even go about 3 months without someone loving up.

Its more optimistic than the DUI clock which only has one digit...

# ? May 8, 2024 16:30

Phanatic: Mar 13, 2007; Please don't forget that I am an extremely racist idiot who also has terrible opinions about the Culture series.

Volmarias posted:

I appreciate that there's only 2 numbers, implying that they can't even go about 3 months without someone loving up.

The �be careful on our highways� sign at Fort Hood is like that, and I think the tens digit doesn�t get much use.

# ? May 8, 2024 22:24

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

https://i.imgur.com/7GVXEb1.mp4

# ? May 9, 2024 15:09

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

The Bundeswehr can't afford a fence so they just have to pretend there's one there.

# ? May 9, 2024 21:52

Fearless: Sep 3, 2003; DRINK MORE MOXIE

Moon Slayer posted:

The Bundeswehr can't afford a fence so they just have to pretend there's one there.

And in Canada, at least a half dozen flag or general officers are currently under investigation or have been charged for doing unspeakable things to the fence.

# ? May 10, 2024 05:57

Guest2553: Aug 3, 2012

Was the glory fence wrong? Should we not have done that? :shrug:

# ? May 10, 2024 07:34

ThisIsJohnWayne: Feb 23, 2007; Ooo! Look at me! NO DON'T LOOK AT ME!

Is it a crime to enjoy a fence? A succulent russian fence?

# ? May 10, 2024 08:20

Sormus: Jul 24, 2007; PREVENT SPACE-AIDS
sanitize your lovebot
between users

Any chainlink fence is a glory fence

# ? May 10, 2024 09:40

A.o.D.: Jan 15, 2006

Every hole a chance for glory.

# ? May 10, 2024 12:12

Wingnut Ninja: Jan 11, 2003; Mostly Harmless

Air Force will open the gate in the fence, but will stand there utterly thwarted by a red line painted on the ground.

# ? May 10, 2024 12:25

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

Wingnut Ninja posted:

Air Force will open the gate in the fence, but will stand there utterly thwarted by a red line painted on the ground.

Well yes, because of the implication

# ? May 10, 2024 12:47

SerthVarnee: Mar 13, 2011; It has been ~~two~~ zero days since last incident.; Big Super Slapstick Hunk

Maybe they'll get that moron from the distant past of the idiots thread.

The one who "fixed" a small hole in a fighter jet by stuffing his chewing gum in there.
He did this after the pilot doing the walkaround had noticed it and mentioned it.
He even cheerfully announced that he had "fixed" it.

So now he is just cheerfully stuffing every single part of the fence with chewing gum before the holding the gate open for the officer.

# ? May 10, 2024 13:17

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

I remember that guy.

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

Oh man, idiots in the military. Well I spent two years on PACAF at Kadena where, I swear to God, the parts of your brain related to common sense were surgically removed the moment you were promoted to E-7 or 0-5. I’ve suppressed most of my memories of the place aside from CoCo’s Curry to protect my sanity but a few stories stand out that fit well in this thread.

Being the military teaches you that folks come in all shapes, sizes, and mental abilities but you will occasionally run into someone who is just aggressively stupid. Airman Butters (I can’t for the life of me remember his name, but Butters sounds correct in my head) was one of those aggressively stupid people. Butters was exactly what you think of when you hear “dirt bag airman” and he reveled in it. He was from West – by God – Virginia and wanted everyone to know it and was very loudly dismissive of ‘drat Yankees’ (Butters had a very tenuous grasp of US history – story is he was stationed in Japan and had no idea we had fought a war with them, I never was able to confirm this firsthand but I believe it because Butters was a loving moron). He was pudgy and wore thick glasses (that were always dirty), he had terrible personal hygiene and was always catching flak from the flight chiefs when it came to uniform and grooming standards which, considering we were crew chiefs, were already pretty drat lax in our unit. He had one of those expressions that you knew the lights were on but no one was home. He was always dirty; if I recall correctly his supervisor was tasked with making sure he showered each day and I’m pretty sure he had to literally buy the dude soap and shampoo although I doubt Butters actually used either. Did I mention he reveled in and was proud of all this? According to him he “wasn’t afraid to work hard and get his hands dirty” and was “a real mechanic” unlike the rest of us because we bathed and at least started the shift clean I guess. So yeah, Butters was this little pudgy disheveled hillbilly with a thousand yard stare that thought he was God’s gift to the flight line. Butters also really liked his dip and always had a big wad stuffed in his bottom lip – even during formations. His love of chew is important for the story I’m about to tell.

One day I was sitting spare on a jet looking over the forms when the pro-super’s pickup comes roaring up to my spot. A pilot was sitting in the back, a grizzled old major who I always liked crewing for because he was a chill as gently caress prior-enlisted. He leans over the truck bed and asks:
Airman nostalgia4infinity, you’re not loving retarded are you?
No sir.
Good, get me in the air as fast as you can.

I got him launched out with no fuss and started walking towards the break room when I noticed just about every vehicle on the flight line parked about 10 spots down – Airman Butters’ spot. Smelling drama (which is like crack for maintainers) myself and a few other guys started walking down that way to see what the commotion was. We get a few spots away and see Butters standing at attention his face beet red being swarmed by just about every leadership person in our AMU. QA is squatting under the jet just shaking their heads incredulously. The expeditor sees us coming and just shakes his head and tells us to go elsewhere.

Turns out the pilot I had just launched had noticed a small hydro leak during his prelaunch walk around and had asked Butters to keep an eye on it. This was normal on F-15’s; they leaked and residual fluid would drip out drain holes but it would stop once systems were pressurized and the seals expanded. After getting both motors running and cycling the flight controls, he asked Butters to check on that leak to which Butters dutifully replied that the pilot shouldn’t worry, he took care of it. Now when a pilot, who is about to take a 30 year old machine with a million moving parts and filled to the brim with explosive fuel on a supersonic joyride, asks you a specific question about the status of the aircraft, you tell them exactly what you are observing and any actions you may have taken or may need to take to address it. Even if the pilot has no clue how the guts of the jet work (many didn’t) you let them know so they can make an informed decision (usually they’ll ask you what you think and at the end of the day both you the pilot have to consent to the jet leaving the spot). You most certainly do not tell a pilot that he shouldn’t worry about it and you took care of it because a.) he’s going to worry about it, his life depends on it and b.) saying “you took care of it” implies that there was something wrong with the airplane and he’s going to want to know what it was. After much haranguing Butters finally tells this pilot that there was a leak but it wasn’t bad, he just stuffed some dip in the drain hole so he (the pilot) would make it past EOR (the last final glance-over inspection that a fighter gets at the literal end of the runway before it takes off). This idiot took some chewing tobacco from his disgusting craw and stuffed it in a drain hole to hide a potentially dangerous hydraulic leak. Understandably the pilot was not thrilled to hear this quick fix and immediately ground aborted. He had some very choice words for Butters. According to the launch assistant on the spot, the pilot told Butters he didn’t even want to see him touch a jet he was about to fly.

Butters didn’t see the big deal with this as he (remember this dude is aggressively stupid) had done the same thing a ton of times. Suffice to say Butters spent the rest of his time at Kadena handing out tools in support. I believe he lost a stripe as well.

Malachite_Dragon fucked around with this message at 00:47 on May 11, 2024

# ? May 10, 2024 14:20

SerthVarnee: Mar 13, 2011; It has been ~~two~~ zero days since last incident.; Big Super Slapstick Hunk

Oh yes. That's the one.

# ? May 10, 2024 14:29

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

There's such a refreshing joy to the bluntness of military personnel. "You're not loving retarded, are you?" is such an elegant way to communicate so very many emotions in a single sentence.

# ? May 10, 2024 17:56

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Butters didn�t see the big deal with this as he (remember this dude is aggressively stupid) had done the same thing a ton of times. Suffice to say Butters spent the rest of his time at Kadena handing out tools in support. I believe he lost a stripe as well.

jesus loving christ :stonk:

# ? May 10, 2024 23:04

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

If there's on thing they teach us in tech school and airframe familiarization, its that shoving chewing tobacco in vents is a sure way to stop leaks

# ? May 11, 2024 04:15

Gorilla Radio: May 10, 2007; On behalf of the Serbs, we're very sorry for the Hillary Clinton sniper incident. Next time, we'll aim better.

CommieGIR posted:

If there's on thing they teach us in tech school and airframe familiarization, its that shoving chewing tobacco in vents is a sure way to stop leaks

Did they teach you how much chewing tobacco is needed to prevent leaking classified material on Discord?

Lol guess not.

# ? May 11, 2024 04:24

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

Gorilla Radio posted:

Did they teach you how much chewing tobacco is needed to prevent leaking classified material on Discord?

Lol guess not.

More than any airman can afford.

# ? May 11, 2024 04:43

SerthVarnee: Mar 13, 2011; It has been ~~two~~ zero days since last incident.; Big Super Slapstick Hunk

So how many airmen would you say would be needed to pool their resources? Asking for an entire command chain.

# ? May 11, 2024 07:26

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:16

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Oldie but a goodie:

quote:

Army Col. Neal Bralley, a retired Army supply officer with the 704th Maintenance Battalion, 4th Infantry Division, who was at Fort Carson at the time of the incident, recalled the situation in Army Sustainment, a bimonthly magazine published by the Army Combined Arms Support Command out of Fort Lee, Virginia.

As Bralley tells it, he was eating lunch one day when a warehouse supply technician told him he needed to come look at something.

�Chief, I�m eating my lunch; I�ll be out in a minute,� Bralley recalled himself saying.

�No sir, you need to come out now and see this,� the supply technician responded. Bralley agreed, and walked outside.

�We rounded the corner to find a commercial tractor-trailer parked by our receiving dock. A tractor-trailer being parked at this location was not particularly unusual,� Bralley wrote. �What was unusual was the one and only item it was hauling on its flatbed trailer: a rusty, 14,500-pound ship anchor.�

Nobody seemed to have answers to crucial questions like, where did this come from? Who ordered this anchor to Fort Carson � which, for those who may be geographically challenged, is not anywhere near water. Bralley said he told the truck driver that he was going to get a transportation order for him to take the anchor back to wherever it came from.

But the driver had things to do, and told Bralley he needed it gone so he could be on his way to Denver to pick up another load.

So there they were, the folks of the 704th maintenance battalion, trying to figure out how the hell they were going to get this 14,500-pound anchor off the truck when their biggest forklift could only manage 10,000 pounds. Bralley wrote that they ended up using an overhead crane to unload their new (relatively useless) cargo.

The DD Form 1348-1, Single Line Item Release/Receipt Document, helped piece together the rest of the details � like who ordered it and when, how much it cost, and more.

�Although I certainly cannot recall all of the minor details of the event of the item,� Bralley wrote. �I do clearly remember its cost � more than $28,000 dollars.�

It cost around $2,000 just to get the anchor from the Sharpe Army Depot in California to Fort Carson, per the Associated Press.

Bralley reported the delivery to the commander of the division support command, he wrote, who �laughed it off,� saying someone probably sent the anchor to Fort Carson as a joke, knowing he worked there.

It wasn�t a joke.

Turns out, the prescribed load list (PLL) clerk behind the mistake was just one digit off in typing in the order number of a much cheaper item. The AP says it was a lamp, while Bralley said it was a lightbulb for a vehicle � either way, it wasn�t supposed to be an anchor.

According to the AP, the last four digits of the intended purchase order number were �4972.�

The last four digits for the anchor were �4772.�

# ? May 11, 2024 07:41

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma

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