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Does anybody have suggestions of books or material to read about dealing with anxiety and depression as an autistic person?
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Mar 1, 2024 10:14
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nesamdoom posted:I'm kinda curious if it's normal to push poo poo to be worse, or if I'm just the kind of person to make stuff worse and see what happens. I do this all the time. I don't know if it's normal but it's because the mode I exist in is always kinda figuring out where boundaries to things are so I know what my limits are - I'm way more comfortable knowing what I can work with in various situations. It's always an 'oh no' moment when I realize that yes, I've found the limit for X, Y, or Z, but I've also totally hosed it. Which yes, is followed by a 'why am I like this???' moment, sigh.
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Mar 4, 2024 01:36
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StrangersInTheNight posted:I do this all the time. I don't know if it's normal but it's because the mode I exist in is always kinda figuring out where boundaries to things are so I know what my limits are - I'm way more comfortable knowing what I can work with in various situations. It's always an 'oh no' moment when I realize that yes, I've found the limit for X, Y, or Z, but I've also totally hosed it. Which yes, is followed by a 'why am I like this???' moment, sigh. Yea, that moment of 'oops' gets me often enough to question it.
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Mar 4, 2024 01:45
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Black Feather posted:Does anybody have suggestions of books or material to read about dealing with anxiety and depression as an autistic person? I'm not sure I know of any books that deal specifically with anxiety and depression but most of the books I have read address it as kind of a central theme of being autistic, if that makes sense. I always recommend Unmasking Autism by Devon Price.
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Mar 4, 2024 03:35
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The Doctor posted:I'm not sure I know of any books that deal specifically with anxiety and depression but most of the books I have read address it as kind of a central theme of being autistic, if that makes sense. I always recommend Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. The author put out a new book recently called Unlearning Shame which could be relevant since it talks about dealing with anxiety, depression, etc. though it isn't specifically for autistic people. I haven't read it yet though, so take it with a grain of salt.
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Mar 4, 2024 23:39
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Thank you for the recs, I'll try to get my hands on those. The clinic wants me to have an actual evaluation, because at this point they are pretty sure I'm on the spectrum and having documents on hand will enable them to provide more help for me and have it covered by my insurance, and my emotions about it all are still a complete mess.
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Mar 26, 2024 10:13
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I happen to be one of the people that gets stuck on a food. It can be pretty much anything and I have no problem eating the same thing daily for a long time. What I wonder is, are there good ways to work these meals/foods so that I could eat a spicy ramen and then also fry some green beans for the next meal in a day, then eat completely different stuff the next day... but I never go long without eating the stuff I really like? for example I was hooked on frying quesodillas with spicy cheese and then i'd slap a cold tortilla on top with spinach and I ate that for like 3 weeks. 90% only that. It was good and not the worst thing healthwise. I just don't know how to work other stuff into the mix, unless it's my fallback of just ramen with loads of stuff thrown in. Is there a trick to managing whatever it is that's just eating the same thing over and over? I don't mind cooking, but I'll just be hungry until I go get the stuff to cook what I had the last time I ate.
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Apr 26, 2024 13:11
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Try having a habit of cooking the same things on the same days maybe? Then you still get the nice feeling of knowing what you're doing on each day and having a good routine, but your diet is more varied. Honestly though if the thing you're stuck on is reasonably healthy then I don't see what's wrong with eating it for three weeks straight. Have a list of things you like that you pick from if you feel like making something new?
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Apr 26, 2024 13:31
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Seconding the list, my family has always kept a list of stuff we like and when we plan meals and can't think of anything, we go for the list.
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Apr 26, 2024 14:37
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Dear Autism Thread. I need help. My son is 6 years old, almost 7. He was diagnosed with level 2 Autism several years ago. We have our ups and downs but it's not been bad. His only real issue until last month was not being toilet trained. He'd use the potty at home but refuses to use the toilet anywhere and has been going to school in nappies. 3 or so weeks ago, it started. School refusal. He's always been hard to get out of bed in the morning but he's been going to daycare/kindergartner year 3/4 and prep. But now he's in grade 1 and we've hit School refusal. We've got an online meeting with all therapists and the school vice principle but I fear there is no solution. I feel very hopeless about it. Any advice from parents who went through it, or those of you who lived through it.
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May 20, 2024 08:27
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drat. i'm stuck on level 1
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May 20, 2024 11:03
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Comstar posted:Dear Autism Thread. I need help. I don't have any good advice, my mom somehow forced me through that phase until.. well i graduated. However The Autism Thread over in E/N might have some good resources as we have a fairly active community over there, including a few parents who pop in for advice 
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May 20, 2024 14:12
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Did anything happen at school? If he didn't have any issues before, that might be the cause?
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May 20, 2024 16:41
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Comstar posted:Any advice from parents who went through it, or those of you who lived through it. I remember having a ton of anxiety about each new school year and throwing up every morning for the first few weeks of school through elementary school. If it seems linked with anxiety, the Yale SPACE program as laid out in ‘Breaking free of child anxiety and OCD’ may be a good starting point. My ND teenager also periodically flirts with school refusal, but I’ve found that the right school (which allows them to take sensory breaks), and clear expectations for what staying home looks like (no TV, no video games, periodic check-ins, and working semi-independently on schoolwork) mean that they only take that option infrequently.
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May 20, 2024 16:59
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He’s 6. I get the issue if it’s a 13-year-old who’s fully able to cut class and smoke weed behind the school, but how is refusal even an option for a 6-year-old? I would never have gone if my parents just let me say I didn’t wanna. By all means figure out why he doesn’t like school and how to address it, but unless you find out he’s being horrifically bullied or something, he has to go to school
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May 20, 2024 18:16
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i like nice words
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Comstar posted:Dear Autism Thread. I need help. What are his special interests?
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May 20, 2024 19:46
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Anne Whateley posted:He’s 6. I get the issue if it’s a 13-year-old who’s fully able to cut class and smoke weed behind the school, but how is refusal even an option for a 6-year-old? I would never have gone if my parents just let me say I didn’t wanna. So physically drag the child? I mean I get that's how our boomer parents did it, but...
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May 22, 2024 02:47
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It's possible that rather than looking for one thing that's 'wrong,' it might be something intrinsic to the nature of school itself. Classrooms are noisy, other kids are in close proximity, and you have to be 'on' and ready to be social at any moment. Your kid might end up spending so long trying to stave off a meltdown that they don't learn anything. I'm not saying 'that means he doesn't have to go,' I'm just saying you might want to speak to some SEN liasons about troubles autistic kids can have in standard school environments. Just physically dragging the kid in sounds like an extraordinarily bad idea.
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May 22, 2024 03:58
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Communicate with the kid and the people around them, just like you'd do with a neurotypical child that refused to go to school. Did anything happen? Are there problems that could be addressed? For example, too much noise - noise-canceling headphones that the kid is allowed to put on whenever they need them, even during class. Bullying trouble - definitely needs to be addressed with and handled by the teachers. If it's just that school sucks in general, which is completely true, explain to the kid why attending school is necessary, maybe negotiate rewards for good grades and regular attendance. (Please make good grade rewards something the kid can achieve. If they're a good student, asking for A's is fine, but if they're more average, B's and C's should also be rewarded.) There's no magic school refusal that only happens to autistic kids and is exclusively caused by their autism. School life sucks, it sucks worse if you're neurodivergent, but it just sucks in general. Schools mainly exist to keep children out of the way so their parents can work, any education happening is more of a bonus.
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May 22, 2024 06:35
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It might also be helpful to reflect on the fact that the insistence on going to this particular type of structured learning for all children is just a societal construction and it doesn't work for or benefit all children. I was lucky enough to enjoy school but tons of neurodivergent folks have trauma from being forced to go and be in that environment for so much of their life. Honestly school refusal being more of a thing these days seems like a sign that parents are becoming more aware of not forcing children into stuff that is bad for them and that's pretty cool to me. I don't know that that's helpful advice for living in a society that requires all children to attend school but I think it's a clearer mindset to have.
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May 22, 2024 13:11
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e.pilot posted:What are his special interests? Currently: Learning the flags of every country in the the world and their place on the map. I asked him late tonight whats the worst thing about school - he told me it's writing. He's not good at it and I think he's getting pressure from the teacher. I will try and show him tomorrow how to just write with straight lines and PRINT and forget about trying to do curves. And if it works, tell the teacher to shove it. For any of you thinking "how does a 6 year old refuse to go to school" - I direct you to watch this ABC (Australia) Four Corners episode on it- The children refusing to go to school | Four Corners. It's uncanny my son shows the identical behaviors. And I'm acting the same as the parents. Identically (including the crying). Comstar fucked around with this message at 13:38 on May 25, 2024 |
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May 25, 2024 13:33
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Comstar posted:
I made my own font of straight lines. It was the easiest way for my writing to be legible for others. I don't need to write much anymore, but I still use it for anything that people need to read, the rest of everything I scribble and it won't matter.
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May 25, 2024 13:43
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Does he have other issues with fine motor skills? I think that's a pretty common issue. My handwriting has never been pretty, but took a sharp dive into unreadable during college, because of all the note-taking. And obviously that's going to be frustrating for him if he can't make the letters come out the way he wants to, especially if the teacher is putting pressure on him. Printing letters is definitely a good option there.
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May 25, 2024 14:30
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We used Handwriting with no Tears for my son and occupational therapy , it didn’t make the problem go away but helped. For me it was engineering drafting classes that finally helped. Block blueprint lettering. Other than that try get typing asap.
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May 25, 2024 18:53
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I actually liked writing more once I learned enough cursive to write each word as a continuous line rather than stopping and starting pen strokes for print. It was completely illegible to everyone else but that's beside the point.
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May 26, 2024 01:00
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Organic Lube User posted:So physically drag the child? Absolutely work on the handwriting and whatever other issues he or the teacher can tell you about. I just think the message has to be “we’ll work on them together, but you have to go to school while we do.” (Again, unless he’s in danger or being bullied.) I guess it’s too late, but the kid shouldn’t even be aware that not going is an option. If a kid learns they can get their way by hitting you until you cry and back off, that’s a lot of positive reinforcement and you’re going to see a lot more of that behavior. Anne Whateley fucked around with this message at 09:00 on May 26, 2024 |
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May 26, 2024 08:52
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Anne Whateley posted:I guess it’s too late, but the kid shouldn’t even be aware that not going is an option. If a kid learns they can get their way by hitting you until you cry and back off, that’s a lot of positive reinforcement and you’re going to see a lot more of that behavior. Lets say...that may have already happened. How do i reverse it 
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May 26, 2024 09:46
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Honestly if it’s past the point where you can suck it up, and in situations where you can’t do the “natural consequences” way, I feel like it might be time for a pro, a child psychologist or something. But it really needs to be fixed asap. The thing is right now you have a 6-year-old punching you, but before long you’ll have a 16-year-old punching you who’s had 10 years of knowing that punching is how he gets what he wants. It’s going to be a hell of a lot harder to fix then, and incredibly worse for you and for everyone else he interacts with.
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May 26, 2024 09:53
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Yeah, and also, don't give in any more. Make it clear to your child that this was an exception, not the rule, and that punching you will not get him what he wants again.
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May 26, 2024 12:17
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I want to preface this by saying that I don't support physical punishment or letting kids get their way through violent(to people or objects) outbursts. I don't see what the actual problem with a 6 year old hitting an adult would be. My son is almost 5 and punches me all the time and I normally just laugh at him and he has to still do what is needed. I'm not supporting it by giving him what he wants, but if his little brain expresses anger that way and towards me it's not really a problem. School can be really dumb and not have had to go sounds awesome, but home education was real iffy when I was a kid and I don't know if it's an option that Comstar could work out. I can say that my daughter went to school and around 12-13 she stopped going and her mum just let her skip. Eventually sending her to live with me because of truancy threats from the school/city. Kid was mad because I told her I'd carry her to the school if I had to and she wasn't skipping, she called her mum whining and went back to live there and just didn't go to school. I washed my hands at that point and just tried to keep her from making really crazy choices(her mum was going to let her move to another state to live with someone she'd never met). But, I'd have followed through with physically making her go to school if needed. At 13 she still wasn't strong enough for me to move her around while being gentle enough to not hurt her. So, a 6 year old is pretty easy to physically move to a school, but there is probably a bigger issue set to deal with. I'm sure not a psych, but you should see one and I hope you get things sorted out so everyone is in a better spot. Cloacamazing! posted:Yeah, and also, don't give in any more. Make it clear to your child that this was an exception, not the rule, and that punching you will not get him what he wants again.  Anne Whateley posted:Honestly if it’s past the point where you can suck it up, and in situations where you can’t do the “natural consequences” way, I feel like it might be time for a pro, a child psychologist or something. But it really needs to be fixed asap. The thing is right now you have a 6-year-old punching you, but before long you’ll have a 16-year-old punching you who’s had 10 years of knowing that punching is how he gets what he wants. It’s going to be a hell of a lot harder to fix then, and incredibly worse for you and for everyone else he interacts with. Comstar posted:Lets say...that may have already happened. How do i reverse it You might have to eat frustration and hold a serious face if he hits you. Make sure he understands that it doesn't work that way. It's emotionally harder than physically, but it reinforces that you are the one that is in control. Hoping that came out reasonable and good luck.
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May 26, 2024 14:28
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nesamdoom posted:I don't see what the actual problem with a 6 year old hitting an adult would be. My son is almost 5 and punches me all the time and I normally just laugh at him and he has to still do what is needed. I'm not supporting it by giving him what he wants, but if his little brain expresses anger that way and towards me it's not really a problem. Not just you, I can't imagine it's going to be particularly pleasant for teachers, friends and future partners to deal with someone who lashes out when they get frustrated. I mean it'd be a massive issue in a neurotypical child, but with the issues of overload and extra stress autistic people face constantly, it's even more important to be taught not to lash out. Comstar posted:For any of you thinking "how does a 6 year old refuse to go to school" - I direct you to watch this ABC (Australia) Four Corners episode on it- If you don't know how to get your child to attend school, that's not a failure on your part and doesn't reflect badly on you, it means you need a different approach that isn't immediately obvious. It's something you need to speak to someone about. Autism charities (watch out for ABA advocates obviously), the school / district's SEN coordinator, your GP to see if you can get a child psychologist referral etc. People have been in this situation before and found a way through it. You and your kid will too.
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May 26, 2024 15:13
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Bobby Deluxe posted:I think probably what others have said about having a 6 year old getting frustrated and lashing out eventually turning into a 16 year old lashing out, and you can't rely on being able to physically overpower them any more. I agree. For some more context, we punch each other all the time anyways, so it's not specifically in an unhappy situation(which I failed to add this context to my other posting, probably more I'm missing, i apologize). He doesn't act the same towards other people, maybe when upset kicks at his mum's hands because he's trying to not be touched, but he has a bit of understanding that hitting people isn't ok, with me as an exception. And I sure am not worried about him in a decade, but that's personal experience and that I'll still be able to kick the poo poo outta him if I think him punching me in the face was something we don't need to talk about. In no way am I disagreeing and it's definitely on me for my own post and lack of context in aspects of it. I would have a long talk with him if he tries to hurt anyone else. And, it might not be great that I let him with me. My views on being punched are probably very far off from other people ND or NT. So, I look at it as not teaching him to lash out, but to vent in a way that's not harmful to anyone. Bobby Deluxe posted:The other thing to bear in mind is that we are talking specifically about a child with autism, so the tough love crowd might want to take a step back here. 'Forcing' the child isn't going to do poo poo, and anyone with up to date experience of neurodiversity will tell you that. This is a valid point. I'll ease back and shut up until I think I have anything important.
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May 26, 2024 17:20
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Comstar posted:Currently: Learning the flags of every country in the the world and their place on the map. My brother fought going to school nearly every day starting in late elementary. No bullying problems, he just thought school was a snoozefest and hated having to go. I’m almost certain he has undiagnosed ADHD. He’s always had a really hard time finishing or getting started on things he doesn’t want to do even if the consequences are severe, like filing taxes or paying parking tickets. He was actually tested for ADHD but was super uncooperative during the process because he didn’t want a piece of paper saying he was “retarded” (the shorthand for all ND stuff in the 90s). The results came back inconclusive. I don’t know what would have helped short of homeschooling him, which he also would have hated.
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May 29, 2024 16:40
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Comstar have you maybe tried a storyboard and going over what the days activities will be? Like we eat our breakfast, then get on the bus, then after school we do this and that etc. Sometimes knowing the routine for the day can help
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May 29, 2024 17:03
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ProperGanderPusher posted:My brother fought going to school nearly every day starting in late elementary. No bullying problems, he just thought school was a snoozefest and hated having to go. I’m almost certain he has undiagnosed ADHD. He’s always had a really hard time finishing or getting started on things he doesn’t want to do even if the consequences are severe, like filing taxes or paying parking tickets. He was actually tested for ADHD but was super uncooperative during the process because he didn’t want a piece of paper saying he was “retarded” (the shorthand for all ND stuff in the 90s). The results came back inconclusive. Mental health denial was rough in the 90s, probably before also. I got made fun of for having to take meds and that pissed me off at the system so much. And the r-word was thrown a lot, which is probably why it still makes me want to punch people. Homeschooling actually ended up being the thing that got me off of ritalin and rediagnosed. My school refused to let me go and just kept saying I needed more beds even thought I was hyper focused on anything but paying attention towards the end. A thing that did help was individual teachers being super cool and not demanding attention. I could ask questions and follow along or just do whatever I wanted as long as I did the work correctly and didn't bother others. School would have been way better had all the teachers been chill and focused on the people that needed help or wanted it. I also have an authority issue, but I think that's just because I've always been an rear end in a top hat.
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May 29, 2024 17:14
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cinnamon rollout posted:Comstar have you maybe tried a storyboard and going over what the days activities will be? Like we eat our breakfast, then get on the bus, then after school we do this and that etc. Sometimes knowing the routine for the day can help Sorry for doubling. This is a super good thing. Life gets way easier with a schedule. Even if what needs done sucks, it at least is on the list to be done.
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May 29, 2024 17:16
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Having a before school routine can also be helpful, even if it means waking up earlier. Following the routine closely and talking about it being different when it changes, for a holiday for example, helps too. If your son has sleep issues and part of the problem with going to school stems from that then working on a bedtime routine to get to sleep earlier and easier could help the morning situation too.
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May 29, 2024 18:20
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I had a super long bus ride as a kid so I was up before 6am everyday. Growing I helped on farms in the summer and getting up that way was already set. As an adult I did lots of construction and being able to be up and out the door early was just normal. That's at least something I got from schedule. But knowing what's going on tomorrow always makes getting up and doing it easier.
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May 29, 2024 19:23
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