ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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Urdnot Fire: Feb 13, 2012

Speaking of which, apparently Emilia Clarke is now going out with Seth MacFarlane. GRRM must be frothing with rage.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 20:02

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# ? May 31, 2024 07:36

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Urdnot Fire posted:

Speaking of which, apparently Emilia Clarke is now going out with Seth MacFarlane. GRRM must be frothing with rage.

There's something unbelievably, bizarrely creepy about that.

Like the guy who always writes rape and pedo jokes was pursuing the girl portraying the Stockholm syndromed child sex slave.

Or maybe she really likes references to 80's cartoons and pursued him. :shrug:

# ? Sep 26, 2012 20:16

IRQ: Sep 9, 2001; SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!

Well, you know, after having to interact with Gurm on a regular basis, anything seems normal.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 20:24

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

There's something unbelievably, bizarrely creepy about that.

Like the guy who always writes rape and pedo jokes was pursuing the girl portraying the Stockholm syndromed child sex slave.

Or maybe she really likes references to 80's cartoons and pursued him.

You are now imagining him leaning in to her ear and whispering "Optimus Prime, Khaleesi".

# ? Sep 26, 2012 20:26

bigmcgaffney: Apr 19, 2009

I hate Seth MacFarlane's smug face and now I can't enjoy my vacation I am so enraged. My food has turned to ash in my mouth thanks to you assholes.

At least it isn't Natalie Dormer. Oh ~Margaery-san~ never betray my like that

# ? Sep 26, 2012 20:48

whowhatwhere: Mar 15, 2010; SHINee's back

thornghost posted:

We're so close. Man, I'll totally pull triple duty if I have to. Soon as I get a moment, I'll write another chapter. Everyone else should too.

Also, I never ever ever want to read that thread on how to write erotic fanfiction. This is gross enough without having to assign trends and acronyms and business acumen.

It is erotic fiction. It is TOTALLY ORIGINAL works exploiting the same basic plots and themes over and over again (...just like epic fantasy).

# ? Sep 26, 2012 20:51

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

whowhatwhere posted:

It is erotic fiction. It is TOTALLY ORIGINAL works exploiting the same basic plots and themes over and over again (...just like epic fantasy).

Yes, that's what I meant. Erotic fiction. Definitely.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 21:03

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

thornghost posted:

Yes, that's what I meant. Erotic fiction. Definitely.

For which we get paid. Published authors up in this bitch. :smug:

# ? Sep 26, 2012 21:09

Urdnot Fire: Feb 13, 2012

Next #1 on Amazon, calling it right now.

bigmcgaffney posted:

I hate Seth MacFarlane's smug face and now I can't enjoy my vacation I am so enraged. My food has turned to ash in my mouth thanks to you assholes.

You're right, he does have a pretty smug face.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 21:11

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

I actually irrationally hate her, so I find this news rather pleasant. On a scale of pleasantude, I rate it between "the cashier at the Burger King gave me an extra quarter in change for my Quad Stacker" and "a beautiful bird song".

# ? Sep 26, 2012 21:12

Ginette Reno: Nov 18, 2006; How Doers get more done; Fun Shoe

Thulsa Doom posted:

I actually irrationally hate her, so I find this news rather pleasant. On a scale of pleasantude, I rate it between "the cashier at the Burger King gave me an extra quarter in change for my Quad Stacker" and "a beautiful bird song".

I don't hate her but she creeps me out a little. Whenever I've seen interviews with her about the show she just looks absurdly into it. Like she's waited all her life to be famous and do interviews about her acting and she just can't contain herself.

I'm probably being irrational too though.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 21:22

Shoehead: Sep 28, 2005; Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?

She'll leave him after he tells her his 9/11 story for the 200th time.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 21:30

bigmcgaffney: Apr 19, 2009

Urdnot Fire posted:

Next #1 on Amazon, calling it right now.

You're right, he does have a pretty smug face.

Its the smile, the squinty eyes, and the fact that you know he thinks every reference or joke he makes is a golden laugh machine.

The movie Ted was funny, but there were times when a joke obviously fell flat but you know someone out there thought it was hilarious.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 22:48

The Mutato: Feb 23, 2011; Neil deGrasse Highson

Game of Boners, why don't we just start editing into the document together at leisure to finish the drat thing. People are getting bogged down by the thought of thousands of words to write.

# ? Sep 26, 2012 23:54

MK-Ultramarathon: Aug 12, 2009

For the chapters you haven't finished, you should just do that weird telephone-story thing where it goes around the group with everyone writing one line apiece. Or for added fun, one word apiece.

Alternately just write time-skips. Make them as awkward and jarring as possible.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 00:18

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

We could cut down on the workload by feeding the document into a markov chain generator and have it spit a chapter out for us.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 00:18

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

Alright folks, I've got beer, honey mustard pretzels and the wife is at roller derby practice: I'm gonna write. I'm just gonna go down the list and start knocking out chapters.

I'll ignore SaviourX's chapters for now since he seemed pretty jazzed up about it a couple of pages ago, but everything else is wide open.

I'll update as I write. It's seriously not hard at all. Feel free to hop in and take chapters I'm not writing.

Chapter 2, here we go.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 00:21

IRQ: Sep 9, 2001; SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!

Reposting the crap I wrote for my Sensa chapter, feel free to build on it or include time skips or butt stuff:

quote:

Sensa, ready with her new sexperience, makes a date with Jeffrey. The two swoon about and flirt for a while and then retire to the king's chambers where they do it. Sensa is swept up in the moment and actually improves the technique or whatever and Jeffrey is really pleased. He falls asleep and Sensa is right pleased with herself.

Sensa awoke as her servant, Shmaye, hurled open the curtains of her chambers unceremoniously. Still glowing from her education with the Pound, however, she didn�t mind so much. It was a new day, and Sensa knew that she had quite the day ahead of her.
Reluctantly, she broke her fast, still savoring the lingering taste of the Pound in her mouth. The table was laid with savory sausages, eggs, fresh baked bread, and lime pie � her favorite. Sensa partook of her breakfast slowly as she plotted the day, giddy with anticipation, yet fraught with anxiety. Would it work? Would she perform to Jeffery�s desires? Could so inexperienced a girl satisfy the needs of a King? She was determined to find out, and to succeed.
Sensa resolved to make her best effort at impressing Jeffery, and so bade her servant send him an invitation to dinner, in his very own chambers. As well, Sensa sent word to the castle�s kitchens to prepare a special meal for the King, one of her own devising. A full nine course meal, fit for a king, complete with suckled pigs, lemon stuffed quails, orange and dragonfruit glazed prime rib, and, of course, a very special desert of lime pie drenched in honey and brandy. She knew of his favorite foods, and planned a desert to rival any he had yet to experience, aided by her recent enlightenment by the Pound.
As Sensa wiled away her morning dancing on her horse Rapalca, she wondered at how Jeffery would take her invitation, and worried that he might not receive her. Her fears proved unfounded, however, as the Pound himself approached her to deliver his response � Jeffery would dine with her that very night. Sensa was elated, and very eager to please her prince.
At the toll of the seventh bell, Sensa gathered her courage and steeled herself for the coming evening, assuring herself that she could, and would, be all that her dear prince desired. All that he could ever want. She dismissed her maids and began to dress herself, in preparation. No underclothes for such a meeting as this, and the most sheer and close-fitting dress as she could find in her wardrobe, perhaps even a good bit smaller than was proprietary! Sensa was committed to this night, to her Jeffery, and to pleasing him as a king deserved. At last, she affixed her hairnet of luminous blue sapphires. She would be positively irresistible, unlike her tomboyish sister, [Arya whatever]. Tonight would be magical, Sensa was sure of it, but even so, she said a short prayer to the old gods and the new.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 00:25

The Mutato: Feb 23, 2011; Neil deGrasse Highson

Pommelgranate. That needs to be worked in somehow.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 00:48

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

thornghost posted:

the wife is at roller derby practice

You poor, poor bastard. You're married to one of... one of those. :sigh:

# ? Sep 27, 2012 00:59

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Derby owns, Bot, please don't let's disagree on this.

Also, mum's been in the hospital (for routine stuff), among other things this week or so. I promise I will write more about boners than anything else, including stuff for CC.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 02:57

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

Argh, got a series of phone calls totally no less than two hours total right as I was finishing Chapter 2. But, I got that poo poo done now. I've updated the main post. It took like an hour tops to poo poo out 2,000 words. Seriously, this is nothing to be scared of.

Also, it's okay my wife is a derby girl because I am a derby announcer. It's a family thing!

# ? Sep 27, 2012 03:30

MK-Ultramarathon: Aug 12, 2009

So I'm reading Ulysses because I hate myself and I just came across the word "nuncle." GRRM is a secret James Joyce, can anyone confirm/deny?

Also roller derby owns.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 04:16

Urdnot Fire: Feb 13, 2012

ExpletiveDeleted posted:

GRRM is a secret James Joyce, can anyone confirm/deny?

I would not doubt it, given Joyce's letters to his wife.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 04:24

lobotomy molo: May 7, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

gently caress yes, A Memory of Light loving owns so far, and it's coming out like two years after the last, also awesome book.

Basically, I'm just saying that George Rape Rape Martin should ~~eat~~gently caress poo poo and die. :yosbutt:

# ? Sep 27, 2012 04:28

The MUMPSorceress: Jan 6, 2012; ^SHTPSTS; Gary’s Answer

I have not read any of the chapters anyone's posted really, but I can take up a chapter if someone's willing to toss me a quick summary of which characters should be involved and what bit of their plot needs writing.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 05:06

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

^^^
Commin' atcha!

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3422738&pagenumber=429&perpage=40#post405415531

# ? Sep 27, 2012 07:15

Arbite: Nov 4, 2009

I'm halfway done with chapter five, and I'm going to finish this sucker by the end of tomorrow. Goddamn, it can be hard to transcribe what Mike Tenay was saying.

# ? Sep 27, 2012 11:37

Thinky Whale: Aug 2, 2012; All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Fry.

I read a lot of fantasy books when I was a kid. When I was around 12 or so somebody got me Wizard's First Rule for Christmas because it had a dragon on the cover and it was really long, so it'd keep me busy for a while.

The pedophile eating his own balls and 100+ pages of lovingly detailed torture were things I was not equipped to deal with. And yet, I ate up the series unironically, because when you're young, dumb, and angry at everything, a guy hitting over the top stupid poo poo with a magic libertarian sword is all you can ask for.

In retrospect I think my favorite is at the very beginning, when the bad guy outlaws fire in what is, in retrospect, the weirdest gun control metaphor ever. If you use a gun to keep warm or cook your food, I am pretty sure you're doing it wrong. But the real gem of it is that Goodkind establishes this and then immediately forgets about it.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 03:34

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

Sometimes, I wonder how editors actually read this poo poo. Someone read the name "Richard Rahl" and thought it sounded like a hero of an ongoing fantasy series. Did Goodkind include the pain dildos in his synposis?

# ? Sep 28, 2012 03:38

Kavak: Aug 23, 2009

Thulsa Doom posted:

Sometimes, I wonder how editors actually read this poo poo.

Lemme stop you right there.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 03:45

rejutka: May 28, 2004; by zen death robot

I know poo poo all about Terry Goodkind except in pictures he looks like he's being crushed under the weight of the world's largest invisible shoulder chip. Also, I'd bet money he preens like gently caress over his hair.

I suppose this makes him Cersei in real life or something.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 03:55

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

rejutka posted:

I know poo poo all about Terry Goodkind except in pictures he looks like he's being crushed under the weight of the world's largest invisible shoulder chip. Also, I'd bet money he preens like gently caress over his hair.

I suppose this makes him Cersei in real life or something.

I don't think there's any doubt over who is the cock and who is the oval office in this instance.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 03:56

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

Guys if you're needing inspiration to get to writing your Game of Bones chapters, just listen to this dramatic reading of Sandra Hill's "Rough and Ready".

The phrase "suffered from dick Parkinsons" is, I think, particularly amazing.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 13:46

Arbite: Nov 4, 2009

I'm 3/4's done with my latest. I've got the first half and the ending done, I just need the right recipe for the big meet.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 14:19

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

Arbite posted:

I'm 3/4's done with my latest. I've got the first half and the ending done, I just need the right recipe for the big meat.

Fixed it. There's your recipe right there.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 14:26

The Mutato: Feb 23, 2011; Neil deGrasse Highson

Chapter 4, A Game of Bones:

quote:

Sensa's eyes fluttered open to a room bathed in morning light

Chapter 6, A Game of Bones:

quote:

Kate awoke to the sun streaming through her bedchamber�s massive windows.

Chapter 7, A Game of Bones:

quote:

Morning light streamed through the narrow window, turned a thousand shades of red and gold by the stained glass image of the Wheelwright.

Good job guys.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 14:27

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

Perhaps you've heard of anal fisting, Arbite. But what about anal fisting with a roasted glazed lamb shank, followed by a delicious rear end-to-mouth?

# ? Sep 28, 2012 14:28

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

The Mutato posted:

Chapter 4, A Game of Bones:

Chapter 6, A Game of Bones:

Chapter 7, A Game of Bones:

Good job guys.

If I know one thing about women, it is that they are ALWAYS waking up. Like once a day at the very least. This seems quite realistic.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 15:40

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# ? May 31, 2024 07:36

rejutka: May 28, 2004; by zen death robot

thornghost posted:

If I know one thing about women, it is that they are ALWAYS waking up. Like once a day at the very least. This seems quite realistic.

Stop trying to save money by skimping on chloroform.

# ? Sep 28, 2012 16:05

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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