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Gypsum Fantastic posted:Shooting a gypsy in the face that you catch trying to scrump your apples/poach your game birds loving that'll learn the dirty oval office. imo it's not a perfect crime if it gets you shot in the face
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Aug 21, 2014 13:29
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lesbian incest between consenting adults in an undisclosed location e: just read this back and it looks like a HorseEbooks tweet
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Aug 21, 2014 13:30
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It's that Roald Dahl thing where you beat your husband to death with a frozen leg of lamb then defrost that leg of lamb and cook it for the well meaning police investigators when they come to look for clues.
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Aug 21, 2014 13:55
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Get ebola and then gently caress your wife
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Aug 21, 2014 13:56
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I fought crime for a while in the Big City and take it from me: If you want to get away with the crime, observe the following guidelines: 1. Don't kill. Death makes the cops investigate if this happens. A brutal assault and no one cares. 2. Don't steal from rich white people. They'll want their poo poo back. Steal from immigrants instead.
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Aug 21, 2014 13:56
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PIV sex
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Aug 21, 2014 14:04
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kill youre family
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Aug 21, 2014 14:05
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child rape
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Aug 21, 2014 14:09
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pleasuring yourself with an icicle in one of those states where dildos are illegal. because when it gets stuck up your bum it'll melt before the cops come to arrest you in ER.
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Aug 21, 2014 14:13
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Unironically -> Being rich
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Aug 21, 2014 14:20
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Berious posted:pleasuring yourself with an icicle in one of those states where dildos are illegal. because when it gets stuck up your bum it'll melt before the cops come to arrest you in ER. I think we can all agree that ice crimes are the best crimes.
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Aug 21, 2014 14:21
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speedball
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Aug 21, 2014 14:22
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Wait until the clerk is turned away from you(maybe ask them you would like to purchase some condoms from the wall back there) and take the pennies in the Leave a Penny Take A Penny tray and eat them
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Aug 21, 2014 14:27
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Spreading your semen on community surfaces that are not commonly cleaned.
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Aug 21, 2014 14:30
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I always take a penny but never leave one, haven't been caught yet. in fact this is how I paid for plat
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Aug 21, 2014 14:40
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Ebola Roulette posted:Get ebola and then gently caress your wife https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nmto54-xx1o
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Aug 21, 2014 14:42
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Shuffle posted:I always take a penny but never leave one, haven't been caught yet. This is literally what the rich do, except they take millions and sometimes trillions of pennies. Consequently, 47% of Americans are impoverished or nearly impoverished.
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Aug 21, 2014 14:50
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Being a cleric. Your job that you get paid for is literally playing pretend with people.
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Aug 21, 2014 14:51
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running these forums
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Aug 21, 2014 15:07
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No clue, but I bet it's one you don't talk about online, ya jabrones!!!
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Aug 21, 2014 15:17
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Ice Arrow. Close thread.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:26
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Charging $15 a month to play WoW
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Aug 21, 2014 15:36
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Paying for contractors rather than employees
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Aug 21, 2014 15:37
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Triple posting
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Aug 21, 2014 15:37
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downloading rom of festers quest but not deleting it after 24 hours
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Aug 21, 2014 15:38
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serious norman posted:Ice Arrow. Close thread. -Crush someone with a huge block of ice. MAKE SURE IT ISN'T WINTER OR SIBERIA. -Hit and run on a NASCAR track -Be a banking institution, rob everyone blind, cause global economic meltdown, collect your bonus. -As President of the United States, accuse a nation of having weapons of mass destruction, provide fake evidence, convince everyone of this, and create ISIS. -Throw a bean at a dog that's highly allergic to beans. Eat the bean after the hives start forming.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:43
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Okay so what I'm picking up here is that the perfect crime usually has to involve some sort of bean, preferably a poison bean, and an arrow made of ice.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:46
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sneaking into an elementary school and going to the bathroom by the kindergarten and peeing on some kid's pants cause what's more believable, a little kid peeing their pants or some crazy story about a man breaking into the bathroom and peeing on him?
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Aug 21, 2014 15:47
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:sneaking into an elementary school and going to the bathroom by the kindergarten and peeing on some kid's pants cause what's more believable, a little kid peeing their pants or some crazy story about a man breaking into the bathroom and peeing on him?
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Aug 21, 2014 15:48
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The perfect crime, setting up a goon meet in San Francisco and then not showing up and praying for the building to burn down.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:50
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Waltzing Along posted:The perfect crime, setting up a goon meet in San Francisco and then not showing up and praying for the building to burn down. rude
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Aug 21, 2014 15:51
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we're onto you, lowtax
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Aug 21, 2014 15:52
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Going back thru time and kicking your own dad in the balls so hard that you immediately vanish.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:52
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Doing Thoughtcrime WITHOUT writing it down in a secret diary.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:53
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Telling people that you can talk to god but that they cannot and if they want you can talk to him for them as long as they pay you and allow you to chop off their childrens penises.
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Aug 21, 2014 15:54
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exquisite tea posted:Going back thru time and kicking your own dad in the balls so hard that you immediately vanish. the perfect crime: ruining a thread about perfect crimes by covertly calling on the grandfather paradox in your own perfect crime example thus causing hours of pre-grad level philosophy discussion
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Aug 21, 2014 15:54
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Lowtax posted:You;d be better off shooting an ice arrow through the window at his crotch, then the ice would melt and it'd look like he peed his pants, but you'd be away from the scene of the crime. Bonus if the target is hydrophobic with rabies.
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Aug 21, 2014 16:00
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telling people you can talk to god, then offer communion wafers at your church (the wafers have a poison bean in the middle) the poison bean takes awhile to work so they will all die after the service in their own homes. remember, when you are asked about it say: "i hope it wasn't a poison bean"
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Aug 21, 2014 16:00
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killing someone then eating them, like eat 100% of them organs bones and all. can't identify the body if it's been turned into poop
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Aug 21, 2014 16:03
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Shooting an ice arrow with a poison bean inside a dog's mouth. All evidence will be destroyed and so will the dog.
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Aug 21, 2014 16:08
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