Samuel L. Hacksaw posted:

I farted and shitted so much yesterday I lost 2.5 lbs.

bossy lady posted:

probably

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ7AQVE-aRY

buglord posted:

Holy crap lmao that was terrible

Internetjack posted:

Ages ago I worked at a place with a cubicle farm on the second floor. Two guys I worked with got into a farting war that lasted several months. They'd do a "drive-by"; going to the other's cubicle for some excuse, "Hey Phil, you have those progress reports we discussed?" FRAAAAAP, and leave chuckling. This became a daily thing; each bombing each other.

It escalated to the point where they were intentionally eating hard boiled eggs, bean burritos, spicy foods, having a beer at lunch, etc. It got bad. They tried to rope me into the fun and got me each one time. I came up with a new technique, the "stealth bomb". My cubicle was on the path to the break room, so it was easy to see when someone was going there for coffee, beverage, or whatever.

If I had one good to go, I'd hop up, go to their cubicles and let it fly, then get back to my cubicle before they returned. In my defense I only did this once each.

It all came to a head when a lady in the cubicle next to one of these guys finally complained to Human Resources about the daily stench. They both were called in for a discussion about farting on each other at work and how that was not professional conduct. I dodged the bullet and was not called out. Our manager had to attend as a supervisor role though. After being told this behavior had to be logged in their employee records they agreed to stop, and they did.

I got to be a fly on the wall afterwards when our manager chewed them out, mostly for wasting his time, and told them he'd can their asses if anything like that happened again.

And these guys were electrical engineers making near 6 figure salaries. Good times.

LuckyCat posted:

I dare you to eat a tablespoon of pure sorbitol. I call it the fart challenge and all the Tik tokers will be doing it in less than a week.

Dr.Axe posted:

Within a fart, several sulfur-related compounds develop that contribute to the intensity of the fart’s smell. These include:

Hydrogen sulphide: This is the component of a fart that usually smells like rotten eggs. Not only does it smell unpleasant, but it’s also flammable and can be toxic when consumed in large amounts. The human body makes some of its own hydrogen sulphide, but interestingly, it’s also produced within the environment in things like swamps, sewage systems and certain types of explosive volcanic rock.
Methanethiol: This is found naturally within the human body, mostly within the blood and brain. Ever open up your refrigerator and get a strong whiff of leftover veggies? Methanethiol has a strong smell similar to cruciferous veggies. including broccoli or cabbage. This same compound also contributes to other types of body odors including bad breath.
Dimethyl sulphide: Here’s another chemical compound that contributes to the smelliness of veggies. This is responsible for the smell produced when you cook things like Brussels sprouts. It’s present in foods along with methanethiol and created from the formation of certain bacteria.

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:

Panic! At The Tesco posted:

everybody farts

even jesus farted

Private Cumshoe posted:

Jesus wept after he smelled he own fart

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:

Jesus who dealt it Himself for our farts so that He might smell it from this present evil age, according to the fart of our God and Father.

madmatt112 posted:

You lead me besides hot diarrheas

Bored posted:

That was a story straight from one of our goons over a decade ago. Like, I think he was one of the farters.

Internetjack posted:

Yeah, that'd be because I originally posted it about 10 years ago.

Mr. Smile Face Hat posted:

I know this is a bold claim, but if you don’t believe it, try it yourself – you will regret. This is worse than the time I ate an entire box of sugar free cookies.

This is not a loving joke or a god drat game. We’re at that point where I think we should start trying to have a baby. We had both agreed that we wanted a kid so I brought it up and ever since then he hates my guts. I ate 3 boxes of “Fiber one bars” as my exclusive food due to extreme laziness in the last 2 days and I cannot even understand how much I am loving farting. He’s not actively hostile but I can see that my presence ticks him off. This is beyond insanity, and I am NOT exaggerating. We don’t have sex, we don’t kiss, we don’t touch. I am farting at least 2 loud boisterous farts out of my rear end per 1 minute. So, I talked to him about it and he said that it was work and after that he seemed ok with me. I have been farting incessantly for the last 18 hours. No sex but that’s fine, because he has a much lower libido than me anyway. I want to die, it’s like I’m inhaling through my mouth and exhaling through my rear end. However, I still feel like he’s kind of ticked off from me. Its a visible change when he comes home and sees me. I thought it wasn’t work anymore so I turned on a USB camera to record him when he comes home, and I deliberately went out of the house during the evening so he can come home to empty house.Basing this on what I saw from a week’s recordings, he comes home and when he realizes I’m not there he literally celebrates. He calls out my name and when there’s no reply he physically celebrates. Later, when I do call telling him that I’m coming home, he yells out “gently caress, leave me alone”, “gently caress off”, “gently caress my life” when the call cuts off. Continuous loud yelling moans are destroying my rear end in a top hat.

Introverts prefer no vegetables on their pizza.

me posted:

Is it possible to fart so hard that your trousers fly off?

chatgpt posted:

No, it is not possible for the force of a fart to be strong enough to remove one's pants. While farts can create pressure and sound, the force is not significant enough to have this effect. The idea of pants being removed by flatulence is a comedic trope and not based on any scientific evidence.

Ralph Hurley posted:

When I was a kid I discovered I could inhale air into my rear end and fart it back out, producing both an in-fart and an out-fart. I did this a bunch of times in succession until I poo poo my pants. I never attempted it again but I have no regrets.

Happy Landfill posted:

How do you inhale air in to your rear end?

Happy Landfill posted:

How do you inhale air in to your rear end?

Ralph Hurley posted:

When I was a kid I discovered I could inhale air into my rear end and fart it back out, producing both an in-fart and an out-fart. I did this a bunch of times in succession until I poo poo my pants. I never attempted it again but I have no regrets.

Olewithmilk posted:

I don't know how they do it (presumably trade secret) but it's how professional farters do it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIyrp5Aj7LY

Ralph Hurley posted:

The way I did it was on all fours with my rear end in the air because I found that I could fart more powerfully that way. Then I guess my butthole relaxed allowing air to go in. Hold and repeat with extreme caution.

I did a similar trick with swallowing air and burping in and out. I did that until I threw up.

Kids are gross, me especially.

Olewithmilk posted:

I don't know how they do it (presumably trade secret) but it's how professional farters do it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIyrp5Aj7LY

Olewithmilk posted:

I don't know how they do it (presumably trade secret) but it's how professional farters do it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIyrp5Aj7LY