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Hello gentlemen. In front of you is something that might be familiar to you. This is the salsa bar from Moe's. It is a perfect recreation of it. On the evening of August 12th, gentlemen, you descended upon this salsa bar and devoured all of the El Guapo salsa. Even though you knew a man was behind you in line and probably would have wanted some of that salsa, too. And the restaurant was closing in 7 minutes so they weren't going to put any more salsa out. Do you remember? Perhaps you will when you are forced to put your hand in this vat of salsa to find the key hidden inside. Oh, and this is my special recipe. Let us just say it's a bit more... acidic... than the salsa you might normally get.
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Sep 2, 2021 19:04
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drat, these reunions with my 500 disciples sure are expensive to cater!!!
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Sep 2, 2021 21:34
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*none of the traps are going off* *shuffles over to the router and unplugs it for a second* *all the traps activate at the same time* "Whoops a daisy"
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Sep 3, 2021 00:26
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Jigsaw Killer, you have a bunch of traps to set up and people to kidnap. But it's cold and you don't want to get out of bed and tbh it can wait until tomorrow. Will you get up and progress your plans or continue scrolling twitter and talking to yourself in the second person?
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Sep 3, 2021 12:27
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Splicer posted:Cozy Jigsaw Killer Hello Dominos I want to play a game where you bring me breadsticks with extra sauce and a medium green pepper and sausage pizza
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Sep 3, 2021 12:46
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This is... uh... this knife represents the cutting comments you made to everyone in your life. Yeah. And now... now you must use the knife to cut yourself. I'm sorry, I actually need to apologize here, this isn't my best work. There was a plumbing issue last night and the plumber said he could be out but cancelled at the last minute, so I didn't get to set up everything until this morning. And then he had the gall to charge me the weekend rate even though I called him on Friday. Actually, you know what, you're free to go. I have a much better idea for that fucker.
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Sep 3, 2021 14:28
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Timothy, you said mean poo poo about the Saw franchise online last night. I "saw" that poo poo you fuckin bitch. You're gonna start a new thread and say how dumb you are and that your penis is small or the fuckin' bear trap or whatever will lunch your head I guess. It's the best I could do with spares. Look, gently caress you man just post.
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Sep 3, 2021 15:41
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I want to play a game. But I dunno, man. If you have any better ideas, we can do that instead.
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Sep 3, 2021 16:00
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Dang It Bhabhi! posted:Do you know what a jack off crystal is, Steve? It's not gay. Actually go get the jackoff crystal.
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Sep 3, 2021 16:50
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george you tried too call me out by saying that if all of my traps are custom built to be ironic then why do I keep using the beartrap machine so much. Well as you can see from your current situation this is truly ironic indeed. What? What do you mean this "isn't actually irony" what are the gently caress are you talking about? No, gently caress you the irony isn't how lazy I am. You know what, hold on where's that button Aha! Now who's ironic, bitch? It's you. You're ironic all over the walls now. rear end in a top hat.
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Sep 3, 2021 17:15
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*sniffs* ... You know what you did cmon.
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Sep 5, 2021 13:34
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This PRETZEL is making me THIRSTY!
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Sep 5, 2021 14:38
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Oh man I can't wait. My bulk purchase of cyanide-laced cupcakes has arrived! It'll be so crazy to watch people panic over which one to eat! Wait, these are just regular cupcakes. Oh no. Oh gently caress. [Meanwhile...]  Gee mom, these cupcakes look scrummy yummy! Happy birthday, Timmy! I hope you and your friends enjoy them!!!
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Sep 6, 2021 14:16
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*Jigsaw, muttering* Fuckin Harbor Freight pulleys I never learn my fuckin lesson and now he’s just asleep instead of flayed and splayed. Another fine mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, J-Dawg.
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Sep 6, 2021 17:58
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Lascivious Sloth posted:This PRETZEL is making me THIRSTY! i mean: These FINGERS are making ME thirsty!
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Sep 6, 2021 20:03
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*boots up steam* I would like to play a game
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Sep 6, 2021 20:09
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GIRL BRAINS posted:*boots up steam* *laptop clamps shut on his hands, severing them immediately*
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Sep 6, 2021 21:25
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"so... you reviewed my previous outings as childish.... well in this installation, I don't want to play a game... I NEED to play a game, and that's a responsibility"
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Sep 6, 2021 23:27
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*in 60 seconds, your rear end will explode* 3 hours later, sitting at home watching the game: "poo poo, did I remember to set the timer?"
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Sep 7, 2021 02:29
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im gay
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Sep 7, 2021 02:39
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You know, this Mr Bucket has some good ideas.
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Sep 10, 2021 16:22
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i am the kigsaw killre
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Sep 10, 2021 17:58
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Sorry Greg, I SWEAR the watermelon thing was because of your obsession with Gallagher and nothing else. I've got tons of black friends and if you ask them about me...
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Sep 12, 2021 02:48
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Give me the poop bucket, Michael You do not get to ask why. I demand your poop bucket. Give me the poop.
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Sep 12, 2021 02:52
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hey I'm Mitch, I'm filling in for the regular guy, he's got a hangover, he didn't leave me the instruction manual for this thing so you're gonna have to be patient with me
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Sep 12, 2021 02:56
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I would like you to do your best to take this seriously. I lost the old dummy in the last move. I know this stuffed Pikachu is a poor replacement, but until the new dummy is done, this is what we're both working with.
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Sep 12, 2021 13:07
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It puts the skin on the lotion..... uh fug 
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Sep 12, 2021 16:31
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"Hello Wallace, you have spent your life mocking poor moviegoers who just want to enjoy some nice baked beans while watching Cars 2."
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Sep 12, 2021 16:52
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Lascivious Sloth posted:It puts the skin on the lotion..... uh fug Lol E: oh I finally get the boob Photoshop reference joke, still no idea wtf that thing is tho
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Sep 12, 2021 21:50
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Now that I've explained my trap to you Kathy I"m........... gently caress! I forgot about the 40 minute limit on Zoom. I wonder if she'll try to use her nose to reconnect?
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Sep 12, 2021 22:21
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Gee and I thought my typo was risque
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Sep 12, 2021 23:24
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Key is under the body I gotta go. Honor system ok?
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Sep 13, 2021 05:19
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Bonzo posted:Now that I've explained my trap to you Kathy I"m........... OK you're going to laugh but remember like 10 minutes ago when you asked if I'd left my torrents running and I said no
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Sep 13, 2021 11:46
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*keeps accidentally rhyming*
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Sep 13, 2021 12:29
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Ok Ted, you can come back to life now that you've learned your lesson from this experience. Ted? TED?? Oh gently caress he's really forever-dead. What have I done? Wait, did all the others not come back to life? I just assumed....oh gently caress.
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Sep 13, 2021 20:29
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The floor of the room you are in is electrified with 200'000 volts of electricity. Between you and freedom is just that one magnetically locked door at the far side of the room. I have set five screen each showing a live video of five people who you.... Ah gently caress the powers out. gently caress, gently caress, gently caress... um could you just sort of wait there and not escape for a minute until I um go grab some bear traps from the bear trap storage cupboard or something. poo poo, I can still salvage this, I can still salvage this.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:02
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Ugh, yeah, just, like, stab yourself in the leg with this seam ripper a few times or I'll shoot you I don't know how many times! Like, nine, that'll do.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:06
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Drunksh? Ahhhh'm not drunksh. Now put... Put, put put put put on that dresh and tell me yer my mom and yer proud of me. Don't ashk queshtionsh! Or orororor I'm gonna b-URP-beartrap yew
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Sep 13, 2021 21:19
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Ok, ONCE AGAIN, I am reminding you to wear your mask correctly and cover both your nose and mouth. I cannot risk the broken glass pit getting contaminated and until we come up with some new protocols you MUST keep wearing the mask. Ok, thank you. Please continue.
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Sep 13, 2021 22:21
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Andrew Smith, you seem to have a great deal of trouble keeping your mask over your nose, despite all of the literature advising you otherwise. Perhaps this beartrap over your face will OK seriously how did you get it under your nose it's cast iron
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Sep 14, 2021 01:56
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