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Dwight, newly promoted to the title of Regional Manager, is presented with a legacy plan that Andy had greenlit: an invasion of the Bay of Pigs. The entire plan is reckless and poorly considered; the troops are green, air support is inadequate, and Dunder-Mifflin’s loose lips ensured that Cuba is aware of the time and place that has been chosen. Despite all this, Jim urges Dwight to proceed or else look “weak on Communism”
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Jun 1, 2021 00:22
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| # ? May 30, 2024 16:50 |
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While watching music videos, Jim calls Dwight a “fartknocker” and kids him in the ‘nads.
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Jun 1, 2021 00:46
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Jim replaces everything on Dwight’s desk with exact duplicates he bought at the store. Dwight uses the prank duplicates without even realizing he’s been duped. Jim mugs the camera.
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Jun 1, 2021 01:12
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Jim sends Dwight to neighboring Raccoon City to try and land the Umbrella Corp account. Before going, he feeds Dwight an unknown (to him) substance slipped into his "good luck coffee". Jim mugs for the camera as half his face turns into a fleshy, grotesque creature
Seth Pecksniff fucked around with this message at 01:19 on Jun 1, 2021 |
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Jun 1, 2021 01:14
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FilthyImp posted:This belongs in the Op along with the story of Dwight al-shroot low key sex master posted:Agreed Done. I'm kinda disappointed in myself I didn't think to do it sooner. Also, if you guys want to apply your talents outside the narrow scope of Jim and Dwight's dramaturgical dyad, Weird Tales thread still needs posts: url]https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3917502[/url]
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Jun 1, 2021 01:25
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-Jim cuts off Dwight's hands and uses them to leave fingerprints all over a crime scene. -Jim sows dragons' teeth in the soil of Dwight's beet farm under the light of the full moon. The next day, Dwight wakes up to find himself besieged by hundreds of fully armed and battle ready soldiers. -Jim sticks straws up his nose and claims to be a walrus. Dwight spends all day going to increasingly desperate lengths to prove that Jim is not a walrus, only to be frustrated by Jim's continued insistence that he is a walrus. Dwight accidentally passes between Jim and Jim's mate, Pam, sending Jim into a murderous rage. Jim bodyslams Dwight into the ground and gores him with his "tusks."
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Jun 1, 2021 01:40
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Jim reads a Goosebumps book out loud one slow afternoon and Dwight is just like, so spooked you guys
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Jun 1, 2021 02:06
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Jim steals Dwight's notebooks and draws hundreds of dicks in them, then gaslights Dwight into believing he drew the dicks himself while in a fugue state, causing Dwight to waste thousands of dollars on copays for medical procedures trying to diagnose an illness he doesn't have
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Jun 1, 2021 02:08
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jim surgically transforms toby into a bladed killing machine, and unleashes him upon dwight
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Jun 1, 2021 02:25
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jim convinces dwight his name is dwayne
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Jun 1, 2021 02:36
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Jim surgically implants silicone string breast implants into Dwight's forehead, causing Dwight's forehead to grow to monstrous proportions over time.
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Jun 1, 2021 03:25
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Jim forces Dwight to look into Pennywise's deadlights. As Dwight floats into the carousel of lost children in the sewer, Jim mugs at a camera no one can see.
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Jun 1, 2021 03:29
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Jim doesn't bother to show up to work and Dwight is forced to pick up Jim's slack. Jim smirks at the episode of Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman he's watching and stuffs his face with a fistful of Cheetos.
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Jun 1, 2021 04:18
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There is a transporter accident while returning from an away mission which results in Jim and Dwight merging into a new, completely separate being that calls themselves Jwighm. Jwighm is hated by everyone in the office and is forced to be separated despite Jwighm's pleas to be allowed to live.
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Jun 1, 2021 04:27
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Dwight fashions a bunch of AOL free trial CDs into ninja stars which he uses to try and impress his co-workers. Michael puts his head in his hands and says "Dwight... Dwight no..."
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Jun 1, 2021 04:29
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Jwighm even points out that they could just bring Jim and Dwight back by going through the transporter buffers, but they still execute Jwighm.
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Jun 1, 2021 04:31
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Jim objects during Dwight and Angela's wedding on the grounds that Dwight is gay
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Jun 1, 2021 04:56
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Jim sneaks into Dwight's farm in the dead of night and salts the earth
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Jun 1, 2021 05:03
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Jim keeps leaving hundred-page-long articles on proper beet soil balance in the printer tray. Michael keeps telling an increasingly baffled Dwight to stop wasting so much paper on personal matters
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Jun 1, 2021 05:08
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Jim gives Dwight the tenderest of massages in the break room, away from the cameras. He whispers sweet nothings into Dwight's ears. As he melts into the chair he asks "Why are you doing this?" and Jim says "Because no one will ever believe you." He then calls in the cameras to film a Dwight so supernaturally relaxed that his pants are filled with poo poo.
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Jun 1, 2021 05:23
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Jim steals Dwight's identity and ends up having so much fun being Dwight, growing beets and suchlike, that he refuses to return it causing Dwight to have to live Jim's life and date gross Pam and mug at the stupid camera all the time.
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Jun 1, 2021 05:45
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jim makes dwight read the first page of this thread without realising, instead of the current, 50th page. "drat, there's a lot of new posts", thinks dwight, before realising his error. jim doesn't exist
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Jun 1, 2021 09:27
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TheIncredulousHulk posted:Jim objects during Dwight and Angela's wedding on the grounds that Dwight is gay Angela looks at jim and says "Dwight gay, so what"
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Jun 1, 2021 09:37
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Michael declares it’s “pizza day” at the office and everyone has to bring in a pizza. Dwight is an expert pizza maker and gets up at 4am before work to cook a delicious artisanal pizza made with fresh, unpasteurized mozzarella and prosciutto. He also adds a secret ingredient: a new beet cultivar bred specially for pizzas. Jim plops a few slices of rancid beets onto a Domino’s pizza he ordered the night before. When the office takes a break for pizza day, everyone tries Jim’s “beetza” first because Jim has been talking it up all morning. Naturally it’s terrible. When it comes time to try Dwight’s pizza Michael Scott sees the beets and makes the unilateral decision to throw the entire pizza in the trash without even trying it. Jim mugs the camera as Kevin commiserates with Dwight.
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Jun 1, 2021 10:58
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Jim gifts Dwight a “choose your own adventure” book, but it’s mainly just a novelization of Tenet with the pages out of order. Refusing to accept that “you ends up [sic] nonexploded by an unrocket, Dwighty!!!”, Dwight re-reads this garbage dozens of times in an effort to change the outcome.
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Jun 1, 2021 11:35
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jim hurls a baseball at full force into dwight's testicles
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Jun 1, 2021 12:13
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Jim creates a miniature replica of Scranton in his basement, including Schrute Farms. He throws a handful of pebbles at the replica farm and the real Schrute Farms is bombarded with meteors.
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Jun 1, 2021 12:45
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jim jerks off over the minature farm, while mugging the camera
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Jun 1, 2021 12:47
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Jim locks Angela in one of the break room cupboards.
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Jun 1, 2021 12:50
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On a quiet Thursday, Jim stands up and jumps, launching himself through the ceiling and into the sky. The office crew quickly loses sight of Jim as he rockets into the sky. 50 years later, an elderly Dwight recounts the story to his grandchildren, explaining that Jim was never seen again and scientists were never able to explain what happened. At that, Dwight's youngest grandson (Guiseppe) remarks that Jim flies around his school sometimes, and will occasionally swoop down and grab birds and small mammals. Dwight dismisses this as a joke, until he hears a faint rustling of leaves followed by the screech of an owl. When he looks towards the sound, he seems a disheveled and elderly Jim, who smiles smugly at him and then flies off again.
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Jun 1, 2021 12:57
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jim mocks dwight for having a really long face, a damaged hole, and generally bad opinions about things
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Jun 1, 2021 13:12
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Jim shows up to work after Memorial Day decked out in American Flag printed clothing. He asks Dwight "How was your long weekend?" and before Dwight can get a single word out, goes on a rambling rant about how it's "more than a 3 day weekend, DWIGHT" and how "there are men in the ground DEAD so you can enjoy your freedoms that you take for granted." When Dwight explains that he actually spent the weekend reading up on flag code and that Jim is in violation of it, Jim slowly strips to his underwear while maintaining constant eye contact with Creed. Jim is asked to leave the office by Toby, at which point Jim attempts to sue the company for discrimination "on the grounds of how much I love America". Jim's suit holds no water but Toby asks Dwight to voluntarily take a temporary (paid) leave of absence to calm down Jim, which Dwight agrees to. While he's on his paid leave, Dwight realizes how much unnecessary stress working at Dunder Mifflin has brought him, and when he returns to the office he no longer loves it unconditionally like he used to. Jim, in a talking head segment, explains that this was exactly his plan from the start and that he doesn't even know where the United States is on a map.
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Jun 1, 2021 13:28
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Jim rewrites the AI of the Alien in Alien: Isolation so that it goes after Dwight in real life.
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Jun 1, 2021 14:02
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Jim opens a Whole Foods organic grocer market. He prohibits Schrute beets on the grounds it sounds like scrote. And is not family friendly. Dwight's reputation among beet farmers suffers.
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Jun 1, 2021 14:59
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Jim gets hooked on isekai manga, leaving several on his work desk. Dwight, increasingly irritated by the clutter, picks one up entitled "Kami no Mischief!? Schrutely Reincarnated into a World of Paper Sales, I can be the Best!" The story outlines several of Dwight's events through his life. He rifles through the stack and finds this is the 9th volume, with every prior issue detailing events from his day to day life. He turns to the last page of the current issue where Paamu, tears in her eyes, rushes into frame yelling "Shurutu-sama, Mosu! Mosu-san, he's... he's dead" Disgusted by the joke, Dwight rises only to be cut off as Pam, tears in her eyes, yells "Dwight! Mose..." The comic drops from Dwight's hands as he goes pale with shock. On its back is an image of the Dark Lord God of Mischief, Jeem, smugging for the camera.
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Jun 1, 2021 15:07
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Jim invites Dwight to Boston SciFi Comiket.throughout the week Jim peppers conversation with references to a vague and tantalizing property. In the middle of a crowded artists hall, Jim whispers something in Dwight's ear, prompting him to loudly yell "Jim! WHAT IS A *HOMESTUCK?!*" Dwight is torn to shreds.
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Jun 1, 2021 15:11
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Dwight visits a travelling circus and enjoys the show, but is disturbed by the life-like appearance of "The Mummy of Scranton", a supposedly ancient woman who was found mummified deep underground by coal miners. Dwight is so bothered by it that he asks to speak to the ringmaster, who explains that the mummy is just a wax figure wrapped in bandages and treated with various chemicals to look correctly aged. The entire story is made up just to draw in customers. He even offers to let Dwight touch the figure, but Dwight takes him at his word and drives home. That night, Dwight has a horrible nightmare about being buried alive with a woman and wakes up in a cold sweat. For a moment, he thinks he sees the figure of the mummy standing in his darkened hallway, but he blinks and the figure vanishes. Deciding that he needs to resolve this mystery in order to get a good sleep, Dwight takes a vacation day to go to the library and confirm that there are no actual incidents of a mummified corpse being found in a coal mine. Jim even makes a call to Dwight to confirm everything is okay, and when Dwight says he's fine, Jim cryptically ends the call with "Okay, I hope you say hi to your mummy for me." When Dwight asks him to repeat what he says, Jim says "Your mom, Dwight, she's a beautiful woman" and then hangs up while snickering to himself. As Dwight tosses and turns in his bed that night, he has another nightmare. This one is again about being buried alive with a woman, but he's also able to see another figure in the nightmare - Jim. Jim is using a shovel to toss dirt on Dwight and the woman, all while talking to himself. Dwight wakes up screaming this time and rolls over in his bed, only to find it filled with dirt. He wakes up and turns on the light and sees the telltale signs that someone broke into his house, apparently just to toss some dirt on him while he slept. Needing to solve this mystery quickly, Dwight sneaks into the travelling circus in the middle of the night to find the mummy, intending to take it to authorities and have it tested to determine who (or what) it really is. He's quickly attacked by an overweight clown wielding a fireman's axe, although Dwight is quickly able to disarm him and knock him out thanks to his martial arts skills. As he walks towards the trailer that contains the mummy, Dwight sees a card table illuminated by candles. Sitting at the table are 5 bizarre figures that might best be described as "human-like". The first one looks like an actual skeleton, with papery skin stretched tautly over its frame. The skeletal frame is covered in tattoos, further disguising any signs of humanity. The next two figures are conjoined, one male and one female, linked eternally through the palms of their hands and the back of their heads. The next figure is covered in scaly skin lesions and has no discernable facial features, instead looking like some kind of unfinished sculpture covered in cracks and lumps. The final figure appears to be the leader as it sits at the head of the table. It appears to simply be a pile of snakes, shaped crudely like a human being. The snakes slither over one another seemingly working in unison. Dwight, knowing already that these creatures have been sent to stop him, grabs a loose piece of wood and rushes towards the menagerie, swinging the wood like a baseball bat. The skeleton man is quickly dispatched and Dwight tosses him like a ragdoll into a pile of boxes. The living statue grabs Dwight and Dwight is shocked by its strength. It begins squeezing Dwight in a bear hug, forcing the air out of his lungs. Dwight feels his life slipping away as he futilely swings his legs and elbows at the creature. Nothing hurts him, until Dwight finally lands a blow to its crotch. Dwight lands kick after kick and the monster finally relents, then Dwight lands a running punt and drops the beast. The conjoined creatures scurry off like some strange arachnid. Finally, Dwight faces the snakes. He grabs another board and, wrapping it with a piece of his shirt, lights it with the candle. Using his homemade torch, Dwight attacks the snakes. He drives off many of them, leaving a single albino snake writing alone. Dwight figures this is the head snake, and prepares to bring his boot down on its head. The snake says something that sounds like "Dwight, please, it's -" before the boot squashes the life out of it forever. As Dwight walks into the trailer he hears rapid clapping coming from behind him and turns to see the ringmaster. Dwight explains that he's already beaten his goons, and he's come to solve the mystery of the mummy once and for all. At this, the ringmaster tugs at his face, revealing he has been wearing a latex mask. Under the mask is Jim. Jim then reveals the overweight clown that Dwight first encountered is also standing here. Jim asks the clown to remove his makeup, and the clown nervously says that he "Can't do that anymore." But Dwight recognizes the voice - it's Kevin. Jim laughs and begs Dwight to guess "who the snake woman was. c'mon Dwight, GUESS FOR ME!" but Dwight pushes through his fear and enters the trailer. He find the mummy inside its glass case and shatters the case, at which point he notices a 2nd glass case that was not on display. Looking closer, he notices the inscription: THE GREAT BEET FARM MUMMY OF SCRANTON Dwight sees scraps of a mustard yellow shirt on the mummy, along with a pair of glasses. Dwight realizes with dawning horror that this mummy is meant to be him, at which point Jim calmly enters the trailer and explains that the mummy "is you Dwight, you just forgot". Dwight collapses to the ground and starts crying, begging Jim to explain what's going on. Jim dances happily as calliope music starts to fill the air, explaining that his circus "exists outside of time and space" and that "everybody ends up here, in the end." Dwight is crying now and Jim hands him a ticket and a bucket of popcorn, telling him to enjoy the show.
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Jun 1, 2021 15:11
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jim buys an assault rifle and engages in a spree killing at the dunder mifflin offices, saving dwight for last
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Jun 1, 2021 15:15
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Jim cuts Dwight off in traffic then sticks his arm out the window and gives him the finger.
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Jun 1, 2021 15:16
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| # ? May 30, 2024 16:50 |
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Jim offers to grant Dwight three wishes but fails to warm him to be careful what he wishes for.
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Jun 1, 2021 15:21
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