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Pope Mobile posted:Oh Jesus gently caress the old lady that should have retired gently caress that. "Hello HR? There is a religious display that is offensive to my religion outside of my cube, I don't want to be a bother as I don't press my religion on others so why are others allowed to press theirs on me?" Wield the Sword of HR with impunity and hilarity. I have a complete and utter hatred of Christmas music and the fake happiness you have to put on. I am a goddamned anger troll, get your poo poo out of my ears.
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Dec 6, 2011 01:48
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I like the cut of your jib. You're promoted!
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Dec 6, 2011 08:33
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rolleyes posted:We've had 'rightsizing' before. It really doesn't get any more insulting than that. Yes it does. (FYI: Anywhere with out-of-place capital letters in the rest of my post, that's your typical HR slogan.) In September, I was "an unnecessary component of the Engine for Sustainable Innovation." I am not making this poo poo up. People in this year's layoffs at my former company were declared unnecessary engine components. The previous major layoff set before mine was referred to as "defining our Path Forward" and people would be told that they were either "on the right Path" or "off course" in their layoff meetings. The time before that (lasted like 4 years) was "Adapting to Scale", and people's notices informed them whether they'd been ATS'd or not. We've moved past right-sizing. The future is a scary new place.
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Dec 6, 2011 14:24
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Sundae posted:Yes it does. (FYI: Anywhere with out-of-place capital letters in the rest of my post, that's your typical HR slogan.) You win. Do these idiots ever stop to think about the fact that real people have to hear this asinine 'conflict avoidance' language in a situation which can be life changing*? It's just utterly  *Answer: "no" edit: I think what riles me and others most about the term 'Rightsized' is that it's a positive term used to describe a (very) negative action, implying that you ought to somehow be grateful for being laid off. At least most of the other nonsense terms are still negative ones. rolleyes fucked around with this message at 14:45 on Dec 6, 2011 |
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Dec 6, 2011 14:28
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quote:I think what riles me and others most about the term 'Rightsized' is that it's a positive term used to describe a (very) negative action, implying that you ought to somehow be grateful for being laid off. At least most of the other nonsense terms are still negative ones. I agree with you on Rightsizing. Rightsized is pretty atrocious because of how insulting it sounds. It sounds like something you do while figuring out how big of a cheeseburger to order, not something you do in laying everyone off. (Tangent: Two of those three phrases bring up my people bitching about my former employer within the top five results on Google. Awesome.  )
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Dec 6, 2011 14:59
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Sundae posted:In September, I was "an unnecessary component of the Engine for Sustainable Innovation." I am not making this poo poo up. People in this year's layoffs at my former company were declared unnecessary engine components.  why is there no job loyalty anymore?! Back in my day...Listening to my grandma rant about her day when she had a union, healthcare, and full time hours and how easy I have it sends me into fits.
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Dec 6, 2011 17:05
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workape posted:gently caress that. "Hello HR? There is a religious display that is offensive to my religion outside of my cube, I don't want to be a bother as I don't press my religion on others so why are others allowed to press theirs on me?" Alas, they are Peanuts characters playing various instruments and generic "Holiday" songs (most of which are Christmas related). There's no Santa, Jesus or Chanukah Zombie. I'm loving the noise maker idea, though.
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Dec 6, 2011 17:16
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Pope Mobile posted:Alas, they are Peanuts characters playing various instruments and generic "Holiday" songs (most of which are Christmas related). There's no Santa, Jesus or Chanukah Zombie. Christmas is inherently Christian, though. People have complained about less.
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Dec 6, 2011 23:53
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Sunblood posted:Christmas is inherently Christian, though. People have complained about less. Just remember, they'll figure out who it is that went to HR. Depending on where in the country you are, they won't do poo poo, and/or label you a filthy Muslim-atheist, and proceed to shun you for ruining Christmas for everyone.
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Dec 7, 2011 01:00
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Sunblood posted:Christmas is inherently Christian, though. People have complained about less. I'm just going to step in and point out this is not remotely close to a Title VII violation. If HR acted on this complaint, it would be out of a desire to nip co-worker friction in the bud rather than fear of costly litigation.
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Dec 7, 2011 02:19
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Sunblood posted:Christmas is inherently Christian, though. People have complained about less. Like many things it technically has strong pagan roots, because it used to be the official birthday of the Unconquerable Sun, a popular syncretic cult god in the late Roman Empire 
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Dec 7, 2011 09:13
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the jizz taxi posted:Like many things it technically has strong pagan roots, because it used to be the official birthday of the Unconquerable Sun, a popular syncretic cult god in the late Roman Empire
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Dec 7, 2011 19:54
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Either way, there's a coworker that hates them more than me and turns them off every chance he gets. I just turn my music up whenever they play. I have to listen to their poo poo, they can deal with Lamb of God for 15 seconds at a time. Passive aggression in the corporate enivornment! E: There's an official flyer on a reader board with a logo that looks like goatse. Oh god I wish cameras were allowed. its all nice on rice fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Dec 7, 2011 |
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Dec 7, 2011 20:00
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I'm fired. I wouldn't admit to doing something I didn't do and she looked dumb so they just fired me.  
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Dec 8, 2011 02:42
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2508084 posted:I'm fired. I wouldn't admit to doing something I didn't do and she looked dumb so they just fired me. Bull. poo poo. PM me your resume if you want another set of eyes. You deserve better.
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Dec 8, 2011 07:57
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Just saying that it's interesting there's some crossposting going on between the Corporate thread and the Passive-Aggressive thread in E/N. Not a coincidence.
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Dec 8, 2011 08:52
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How about I go and make a long rear end bitching post about my life in big organizations. First thing to understand is that I work as a freelance management consultant doing stuff at the implementation side of big software projects. This can be testing or running the project itself. Working freelance has some perks, money being one and freedom to say no to whatever is two. I am close to exercising this specific freedom for stupid reasons. The beginning of November I was hired full-time on an hourly rate of lots of money by a huge retail company in Europe and Asia to work with them on the implementation of a Customer Relations System, mainly by helping end users from all over Europe test and accept the application before it went to production and would affect everything that is their core business like selling things to ordinary people. Okeee, so the budget was not yet finalized but I could start for a month on some spare budget they had somewhere else and prepare to do my actual work that could start when the budget request for my presence was approved. This was week one. In week two the project manager was fired and there was no budget approvals being processed. My preparation was done by this time but was told to lay low and not rock the boat for a bit. Week three arrived and I wanted to know what was up or that I should go and look for another assignment which is always a pain at the end of the year and I just spend six weeks at home trying to find work. So they extended another month on spare budget and I could stay during December when the roles in the project were refinalized. "Oh, did we mention that was the third project manager to be kicked off this project? No, you lay low for a bit and when we know more you can start for sure." Well, I am currently in week 6 and been done preparing since week 2 so I made a lot of money doing nothing. This sounds great but it is not, working gives me energy and not working drains me of it. Four weeks of doing nothing but surf the internet to make someones headcount look better. Besides, around me I see a lot of people receiving mails and other things about the work I was hired to do, so that budget approval for a longer stay will most likely fail. The one thing that could make my search go easier is that I could have used a room for my own so I can play Simcity 4 on company time. So I am sending out my resume to other places to work and will even accept a job as a permanent employee for big and complex projects, preferable more then one at the same time. As a freelancer, I get bored all the time as stuff I am hired for is to easy for me. The strangest thing is now happening, I will be having interviews at two companies next week and am going to do something very weird. Because of the relative success I have freelancing (made more money in one year then the three years before that combined), but the lack of interesting work I am interviewing. For some reason, me being bored easily or put more appealing, working at such an efficiency level that I need only half time for most tasks, makes me apparently very interesting for companies. Basically, in the middle of this so-called crisis, I will put up a huge bluff and make outrageous demands before I will go and work for them. Scary thing: when telling them my desired (and hugely inflated) income by phone they did not flinch, just a "hmhmmm, okee". Seems I could have asked for more... Stupid thing I will be doing: when receiving an offer, I will send them my aptly named "wishlist" with things I want before signing. After ten bullets, I ran out of ideas so anyone can think of something to ask that is crazy to ask for but plausible for a management position?
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Dec 8, 2011 11:24
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Keetron posted:List Can we see the 10 points? Even if only in a PM?
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Dec 8, 2011 14:07
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Keetron posted:Is English your first language? Do you have work lined up in the event that your list is ignored or used as a reason to not hire you?
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Dec 8, 2011 14:25
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evobatman posted:Can we see the 10 points? Even if only in a PM? Sure, why not. I plan to put this on the table as a negotiation starting point after they offer me a job. My reasoning is that they wanted someone with a big mouth, management skills and a sharp business mind, so here you go. A jerk that keeps adding things to the equation. Of course they can dismiss everything, but they will not because I would start with: "I can agree with that if it is compensated in overall salary components". Volvo V70 (businessline edition) company car with a cc for gas, no limit company phone with unlimited calls brand new company laptop with a UMTS card for data everywhere private office with a door company creditcard, limitless, for travelling and general business expenses signing bonus (one month) training budget of 8000 euro every year gym membership Bonus for each successfully completed project 13th (and 14th?) month bonus at the end of the year
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Dec 8, 2011 14:43
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Solaron posted:Is English your first language? Do you have work lined up in the event that your list is ignored or used as a reason to not hire you? No, does it suck that much? No, but not worried about that as I can continue as a freelancer.
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Dec 8, 2011 14:44
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Keetron posted:Volvo V70 (businessline edition) company car with a cc for gas, no limit blimp with minibar aviator sunglasses with pink transition lenses Prussian helmet inflatable, life-size replica of Donald Trump live band playing fitting tunes while you work
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Dec 8, 2011 15:21
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Keetron posted:Sure, why not. I plan to put this on the table as a negotiation starting point after they offer me a job. My reasoning is that they wanted someone with a big mouth, management skills and a sharp business mind, so here you go. A jerk that keeps adding things to the equation. Of course they can dismiss everything, but they will not because I would start with: "I can agree with that if it is compensated in overall salary components". Subscription to newspapers/magazines Annual amount of $£€ for relevant books Paid internet connection at home
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Dec 8, 2011 15:27
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Keetron posted:Volvo V70 (businessline edition) company car with a cc for gas, no limit - No company car, but I get mileage reimbursement if I need to use my own I am an IT helpdesk monkey, and I have outlined what I get. In addition there is a bunch of health insurance and pension things I haven't even gotten into, and we have discounts on home insurance, tires, glasses, new cars, construction equipment rental, work clothes and on and on.
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Dec 8, 2011 17:51
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evobatman posted:I am an IT helpdesk monkey, and I have outlined what I get. In addition there is a bunch of health insurance and pension things I haven't even gotten into, and we have discounts on home insurance, tires, glasses, new cars, construction equipment rental, work clothes and on and on. Where do you work, and are they hiring?
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Dec 8, 2011 19:56
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Cup of Hemlock posted:Third email this week asking me why a batch of charts for deceased patients has not been sent to our Medical Records department yet. Got this email again, so I guess it's a weekly thing now. Fortunately this particular bureaucrat is either not able or not willing to do much more than an email, so I'll just keep hitting the ignore button. Also, one client has called me four times asking why things are different with our schedules today and has been fairly abrupt but at least professional and courteous. It's a convent, though. Regular facilities don't bat an eye when something's different. It must be Thursday.
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Dec 8, 2011 19:58
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I'm a fat whiny baby in this thread a lot, but my main (actual) boss is a pretty cool guy with random sayings for any situation. On a coworker trying to decide on requirements for a vendor: "She's got a list as long as a prostitute's dreams." Others: "Run to the round house Nellie, they'll never corner you there." "Sometimes you have to dance with the girl you brought." "It's a drat dog ladder." (I don't know) "This isn't an emergency room, so don't sweat small mistakes. If a gently caress up actually causes someone to die, you can go home early."
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Dec 8, 2011 22:10
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Slopehead posted:fluff, nonsense words, and sheer babble Got the supplier compliance manual for one of our new customers (We make tennis/golf clothing to be rebranded by large sporting goods companies) quote:1. [Company] Policy Statement
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Dec 8, 2011 22:53
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Toasticle posted:DOMINANT Congratulations! You supply sporting goods to a right-wing jingoistic totalitarian government!
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Dec 8, 2011 23:11
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Penguingo posted:Congratulations! You supply sporting goods to a right-wing jingoistic totalitarian government! Nike?
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Dec 9, 2011 01:05
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It's like something out of Idiocracy. "Nu-Time! The timesheet program that CASTRATES labor-tracking inefficiency!"
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Dec 9, 2011 01:06
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Oh gently caress this poo poo. We just got a memo that PTO will be cut across the board by 3 hours a month for everyone. Now instead of 15 days, I get 10. A year. This is to cover sick leave AND vacation. I'm going to Hawai'i for a week in October and am forced to take off the week of Christmas for when the base shuts down. That leaves me one day to be sick or have an emergency where I can't come into work for the entire year. The other kicker is that they told us this AFTER annual enrollment where we could buy up to 40 hours of PTO. Of course, their excuse is to "consolidate and simplify paid leave plans." Goddamn. I never actually had any grievances with my actual company until this point. My manager is awesome and doesn't micromanage us. My sub-contracting manager is the same. The government group I work with sucks, but now my actual company is starting to dick me. What a fantastic way to end the week.
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Dec 9, 2011 01:16
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mpyro posted:Where do you work, and are they hiring? Oil drilling company in northern Europe. Can you work with Autodesk products or on an offshore oil installation/semisubmersible rig?
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Dec 9, 2011 10:31
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evobatman posted:Oil drilling company in northern Europe. Can you work with Autodesk products or on an offshore oil installation/semisubmersible rig?  I thought you lived in Florida...actually you probably could.
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Dec 9, 2011 12:52
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Crowley posted:
The fiancé does. So I'm bringing her over here, where she can mop floors for better pay and benefits than a US executive would get over there.
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Dec 9, 2011 13:34
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evobatman posted:The fiancé does. So I'm bringing her over here, where she can mop floors for better pay and benefits than a US executive would get over there. Ah, Sweden or Finland? This link says it all: http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2010/08/15/interactive-infographic-of-the-worlds-best-countries.html
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Dec 9, 2011 14:59
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So as part of our transition into the new Mother Ship (the company I work for was bought a year or three ago by a gigantic multinational corporation), we're moving to a 'matrix reporting structure'. I report to supervisors in a different state working for a different subsidiary of the parent company, my local direct report (who basically only is here to make sure I show up), reports to another different company than the local one I work for OR the one I report to. When someone wants something done, it's a clusterfuck. "Oh, I can't approve that - I'm not a local resource." "That's not one of the local companies' responsibilities, send that back to <insert other subsidiary>." "They want new software? Okay, fine.... make sure they know it will take a month to get approved, another few weeks for packaging and release. So let's say 3 months until it's installed."
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Dec 9, 2011 15:07
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Keetron posted:Ah, Sweden or Finland? Yes, because of all the Scandinavian countries, Sweden and Finland are the ones best known for their oil drilling  I have lived and worked in Sweden though, and it was nice, but different. Edit; wait, Finland isn't part of Scandinavia. evobatman fucked around with this message at 15:23 on Dec 9, 2011 |
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Dec 9, 2011 15:21
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evobatman posted:Yes, because of all the Scandinavian countries, Sweden and Finland are the ones best known for their oil drilling Now you made me wikipedia... Norway, UK, Denmark, Germany, Netherlands drill for oil in the North Sea and Norway is the most northern of those and all are dirty commie- socialists that have horrible things like universal and guaranteed healthcare, a strong structure of social security and (worst of all) labor laws.
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Dec 9, 2011 15:37
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evobatman posted:Edit; wait, Finland isn't part of Scandinavia. Nope, but Scotland would like to be. (Good think I didn't send my secret wedding present to Orlando  )Keetron posted:Now you made me wikipedia... When Scandinavians talk of oil we always think of Norway first. He's a butterless mountain monkey.
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Dec 9, 2011 16:06
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