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When I come across a woman on OkC who has some reference to Dany as their username, I click hide right away. They're either idiots or completely broken.
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Jan 1, 2013 04:41
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Contra Calculus posted:Oh gently caress I finished it but I'm out on a date right now and I haven't uploaded it to tindeck. Time to do some phone wizardry. Maybe I should see if this girl is interested in TB Thread's masterpiece, A Game of Bones. Get off the internet and start paying attention to her.
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Jan 1, 2013 05:05
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Arbite posted:Get off the internet and start paying attention to her. Yeah. Goons can just log off SA and talk to women.
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Jan 1, 2013 05:10
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All right stopped by my house to grab some poo poo. Here's to another year of lovely fantasy books not in fact actually being written: Wild Cards, bitch! Arbite posted:Get off the internet and start paying attention to her. I posted that while I was waiting for her.  I'm not one of those jokers that browse the internet forums while on a date... I promise!edit: Jesus I sound high in the first 3 minutes of this recording. Oh well.
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Jan 1, 2013 05:10
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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:Yeah. Goons can just log off SA and talk to women. Here are some sweet GRRMy negs for CC to use on the date. "Nice cocktail dress, I really like the way it covers both of your breasts."  "I bet you're over the age of 18 and have had many couplings, whore."
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Jan 1, 2013 05:17
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syscall girl posted:Here are some sweet GRRMy negs for CC to use on the date. Contextually, I actually got told on a date that girls like double negative compliments. I don't really talk to her much now.
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Jan 1, 2013 05:28
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GRRM Negs: "I'm going to the bathroom." "Is that where whores go?  "
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Jan 1, 2013 05:36
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Contra Calculus posted:
Woo, great voices. Only suggestion I have is that you try to cut between taking breaths a bit more, doing so makes it sound like a fancy schmancy professional production and such.
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Jan 1, 2013 05:45
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I'm going to start chapter 3 right now, and will get progressively more smashed as the chapter goes on. You know you're a loving goon when you pass up invitations to go out to stay at home and record an erotic Game of Thrones knockoff novel e: Sorry, got through about page 2.5/6 and I don't think I can go on haha. Will finish tomorrow morning. rawdog pozfail fucked around with this message at 07:30 on Jan 1, 2013 |
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Jan 1, 2013 06:12
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I'm stuck here with sticky paupers gently caress all y'all I am the 99% boitches Edit: chapter 3 is mine and is played super straight, also introduces Martendale and the varys womb man. Ready to see how you perform it's majesty. bigmcgaffney fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Jan 1, 2013 |
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Jan 1, 2013 07:07
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bigmcgaffney posted:Edit: chapter 3 is mine and is played super straight, also introduces Martendale and the varys womb man. Ready to see how you perform it's majesty. I'm loving it so far, especially the fact that I get to do a ridiculous "foreign" accent, but what is with all these chapters without unspeakably horrible sex acts!! I signed up for some hosed Up poo poo god dammit! Can't wait until I get to chapter 5... Seriously though, as I said before the degree to which some of you mimic GRRM is hilarious.
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Jan 1, 2013 07:34
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Holy Calamity! posted:I'm loving it so far, especially the fact that I get to do a ridiculous "foreign" accent, but what is with all these chapters without unspeakably horrible sex acts!! I signed up for some hosed Up poo poo god dammit! Can't wait until I get to chapter 5... Oh ch5 will be fun, that's for sure
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Jan 1, 2013 08:14
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Oh and I tried to explain A Game Of Bones to my girlfriend, but I don't think she totally "gets it" since she's only seen the show. But she didn't disown me, so thats a positive! She also didn't read any of it, but I heard double goatse is a deal-breaker for some uncultured people so I'm all  that I'll have to explain why two dudes are entangling their prolapsed anuses.
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Jan 1, 2013 09:33
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If she makes it that far in the book, I wouldn't be worried (about her not approving, at least).
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Jan 1, 2013 09:38
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syscall girl posted:Here are some sweet GRRMy negs for CC to use on the date. "It's wet, but its hardly glistening" - its a neg AND a double entendre AND a confusing statement about your own sexuality. That'll keep her guessing! Not a neg, but an excellent line to whisper to her on her doorstep at the end of the night: "You know, there is no word in Dothraki ... for "rape" Blade_of_tyshalle posted:When I come across a woman on OkC who has some reference to Dany as their username, I click hide right away. They're either idiots or completely broken. Yes, but broken in all the right ways.
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Jan 1, 2013 09:44
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bigmcgaffney posted:Oh and I tried to explain A Game Of Bones to my girlfriend, but I don't think she totally "gets it" since she's only seen the show. How could you possibly explain this both fully and satisfactorily to someone who wasn't there for its creation?
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Jan 1, 2013 09:48
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whowhatwhere posted:How could you possibly explain this both fully and satisfactorily to someone who wasn't there for its creation? GUY: "Did you know that 50 shades of grey is just twilight fan fiction with the names changed? Yeah, me and my online friends are doing something similar with Game of Thrones... rewriting it to be more sexually charged... like 50 Shades of Grey. But like, ironically. Unless it makes us really rich. Well, especially if it makes us really rich." GAL: "Ha ha, I get it, can I see some of it?" GUY: "Ha ha, No loving way" GAL: "Seriously! I loved Shades of Grey and Twilight, and I'd love to see your 'sexy' writing" GUY: "No haha its a bit too.... Wait a second. Did you like Twilight because its stupid and goofy? or like like it" GAL: "...well, I don't know, I just liked it. I like vampires and I thought it was fun" GUY: "Wow.. I never knew that about you. I mean its cool and all.. but wow" GAL: "Hey listen, I'm not the one writing porn about Dwarves and 13 year olds, so maybe you can dial that judgmental tone back a bit?" GUY: "Well first of all, the characters are all 18 in "real years"... but Westeros has a weird calendar, so when I say they are 12, they are "really" 18. And second, I'm IRONICALLY writing about just 1 dwarf, and it is just to point out the absurdity of the main stream acceptance of 50 Shades of Grey, as well as a nod to the ridiculous way that George R R Martin writes his sex scenes" GAL: "So are you also ironically posting on that forum for the last 2 years? That seems like a lot of time and energy to spend "fake" liking something you are making fun of. Not to mention all the constant whining I've had to listen to about how Martin doesn't write fast enough. Oh wait, is this like that whole kid's cartoon you also "ironically" like? My pretty ponies?" GUY: "It's my LITTLE pony, and DON'T YOU DARE BRING FLUTTERSHY INTO THIS!" Blade_of_tyshalle posted:If you want it bound in leather, just upload it to a usb drive then jam it in your foreskin. new .sig EDIT: I cant believe you bastards finished GoB. /salute. EDI2: wrote a glowing review, but don't see it listed. kcroy fucked around with this message at 10:52 on Jan 1, 2013 |
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Jan 1, 2013 10:06
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:When I come across a woman on OkC who has some reference to Dany as their username, I click hide right away. They're either idiots or completely broken.
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Jan 1, 2013 10:16
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I hope Chapter 5 is read by the first voice who took a stab at it.
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Jan 1, 2013 10:21
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Welllp, I sent a mail to you thornghost. Also, in the spirit of good times, IRQ, BoT, A_H, and everyone else I irrationally hate, I don't actually hate you as much as, say, dudes in the self-pub thread. Cheers, jerks. And so, for a happy new year, have something that isn't GoB! (reppin this poo poo before lovely tumblrs) ----------------------------------------------------- Small council member Baelish had had just about enough of this poo poo. Last night the guard had found six more hovels with bodies stuffed in them, rat-eaten and the gods knew what else. 'Casualties of the growing poppy trade', the sweating captain had told him at their morning review. And still, he had to sit here and listen to these pampered assholes go on about contractor funding for additions and renovations to the Great Sept. He didn't know if they were intentionally blind, or just really that self-absorbed. The worst, of course, was that pompous dwarf, lording his position over everyone, taking the free ride into office instead of building up a career toward it. Sure, he was popular with the nobles, and any detractors were always a short quip away from being dismissed, but something about the whole thing stank. The council was finally wrapping up for evening, which snapped him out of his stupor. His mind was still stuck on the growing violence between several of the lords of the shanties and slums, and the vicious Southeros population that had moved in, known as the 'island milk crew'. He had heard several beat guards laugh it off as scum taking out scum, but that was hardly a good reputation for King's Landing. This War of the Flowers, as his aide had called it, that would be a starting point for his campaign platform. And to speak of the devil, just as he was leaving chambers, his friend and campaign manager, came shuffling by his side. “I heard a little birdie say that you weren't too happy with the reports from last night. I heard that you have been greatly troubled today.” “Well, you heard loving right.” They walked side by side out onto the walls that overlooked the bay, watching crabbers bring in their catch. “Something tells me that our esteemed Hand is keeping quiet on the whole thing because he's got something to gain. But I'll tell you this, the loving mother that comes home to a house ransacked by milk-heads, or the guard that gets knifed for breaking up a bad deal, they're the ones that pay.” “Oh, you do sound so frightfully self-righteous, my little lord, but I wouldn't speak such thoughts so brazenly. Not with an election so near.” As they walked, his perfumed friend leaned in closer. “It would help your cause to speak more to the common folk about this, but... if you needed ammunition...” “Spit it out!” “Well, some little whispers say that the dwarf himself has had meetings in the dead of night with some scary, rough types. Islanders. Especially one infamous one that calls himself Maro the Little. Now, what would the King's Hand have use for such people? Especially with an escalation in violence?” Baelish leaned against a stone crenel, staring out. “Do you think this can work without playing like they do? Slinging dirt and mud?” “Delicious things can sometimes be found in muddy waters, my friend.” “Yeah, and loads of poo poo, too,” said Baelish. The sun was going down fast. Tomorrow would bring them one day closer to voting day. “You think we have a good shot at this? This city needs cleaning up, and you can bet your rear end it won't be the dwarf doing it.” “Maybe you can contest him at the royal debates, soon enough. As ever, though, do remain cautious.” “Oh, I'll do both, believe me. Yeah, come that night I will kick his rear end. Then the next day I'll wake up a lowborn to a court that ain't.” He breathed out slow through his lips. “Dinner, Petyr?” “Yes, Varys. On you. I'll get you back when I'm in the big seat.” The king may always stay the king, but the 'little finger' would be hosed if he wouldn't go down without a fight over being the one behind the throne.
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Jan 1, 2013 11:44
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Joramun posted:The ones with Cersei references are even worse. I actually want all my potential dates to eat my heirs.
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Jan 1, 2013 11:59
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The things you people get up to on a social holiday evening are concerning.
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Jan 1, 2013 15:00
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On a what now?
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Jan 1, 2013 15:12
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pr0p posted:I actually want all my potential dates to eat my heirs. You should message me if... you're willing to eat my cum before we actually meet
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Jan 1, 2013 15:28
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Holy Calamity! posted:Woo, great voices. Only suggestion I have is that you try to cut between taking breaths a bit more, doing so makes it sound like a fancy schmancy professional production and such. You don't like my Gurmy inhaling? Well I, goon sire, am offended.
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Jan 1, 2013 15:30
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Arbite posted:I hope Chapter 5 is read by the first voice who took a stab at it. Hahahah...hah...ahhh. I don't know if I can do that again after all. I can't do voices. I'll get drunk tonight and try, though. My mic is crap.
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Jan 1, 2013 17:46
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I'll go for Chapter 4 then. This time I'll cut out the breathing so it doesn't sound like Gurm is reading this after he just ran a 20 meter marathon.
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Jan 1, 2013 17:53
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As soon as I'm done being hung over I think I may try to work on an actually decent cover for the book. I've heard erotic books sell better on the open market with more abstract covers that are less embarrassing to be seen reading. You know, because when you're reading about medieval pegging you need to at least look sophisticated.
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Jan 1, 2013 19:43
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:When I come across a woman on OkC who has some reference to Dany as their username, I click hide right away. They're either idiots or completely broken. Broken in, more like. 
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Jan 1, 2013 20:45
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Hot drat that chapter was an epic.  Prologue, HC Ch. 1, HC Ch 2, Contra Calculus Ch 3, HCe: I'm assuming these are pretty much just for fun but if you want to actually try to sell the audio portion as well I can provide cleaned up versions at that point. I can't fathom anyone actually paying for these though. rawdog pozfail fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Jan 1, 2013 |
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Jan 1, 2013 20:58
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thornghost posted:As soon as I'm done being hung over I think I may try to work on an actually decent cover for the book. I've heard erotic books sell better on the open market with more abstract covers that are less embarrassing to be seen reading. Holy Calamity! posted:e: I'm assuming these are pretty much just for fun but if you want to actually try to sell the audio portion as well I can provide cleaned up versions at that point. I can't fathom anyone actually paying for these though.
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Jan 1, 2013 21:03
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Urdnot Fire posted:For the most part, you can say the same about the book itself. Well I can kind of understand crazed, horny fans buying ASOIAF themed smut. It's harder for me to imagine them paying to listen to ASOIAF themed smut. Maybe if the whole thing was read by a hot sounding chick, since I imagine ASOIAF fans are predominantly male. You never know, though.
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Jan 1, 2013 22:18
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Holy Calamity! posted:Well I can kind of understand crazed, horny fans buying ASOIAF themed smut. It's harder for me to imagine them paying to listen to ASOIAF themed smut. Maybe if the whole thing was read by a hot sounding chick, since I imagine ASOIAF fans are predominantly male. You never know, though.
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Jan 1, 2013 22:36
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Urdnot Fire posted:Roy Dotrice can do a really hot sounding chick. My hero.
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Jan 1, 2013 22:36
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Urdnot Fire posted:Roy Dotrice can do a really hot sounding chick. Anyone can, if you have the secrets I've developed over the past ten years at bars and clubs all across the country. In my book, Seducing Stupid Skanks, you'll find strategies and scripts that will work for anyone against nearly any woman.
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Jan 1, 2013 22:49
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:Anyone can, if you have the secrets I've developed over the past ten years at bars and clubs all across the country. In my book, Seducing Stupid Skanks, you'll find strategies and scripts that will work for anyone against nearly any woman.
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Jan 1, 2013 22:54
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No, I had to get a reedy-voiced manchild who lives in his parents basement, collecting Star Trek model kits. I tried to get hot-sounding chicks to do it, but they kept being driven utterly insane unto death as they realized how easily manipulated the simplistic female brain is, and my insurance carrier was getting really pissed after the sixth woman killed herself in the studio. (And have you ever tried to coerce mantraps into a studio booth with dead women stacked in the corner like cordwood? It's tough, man.) But on the upside, I seduced those stupid skanks beforehand and got some pretty great oral sex out of the deal, so I'll just assume maybe they killed themselves after realizing they would never get anything as good as me again, you know? Haha, women. 
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Jan 1, 2013 23:00
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:No, I had to get a reedy-voiced manchild who lives in his parents basement, collecting Star Trek model kits. I tried to get hot-sounding chicks to do it, but they kept being driven utterly insane unto death as they realized how easily manipulated the simplistic female brain is, and my insurance carrier was getting really pissed after the sixth woman killed herself in the studio. (And have you ever tried to coerce mantraps into a studio booth with dead women stacked in the corner like cordwood? It's tough, man.) v Where can I find that Martendale doll? Urdnot Fire fucked around with this message at 00:41 on Jan 2, 2013 |
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Jan 1, 2013 23:02
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Jan 2, 2013 00:41
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Turtle sigil is appropriate.
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Jan 2, 2013 00:57
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