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Stairs posted:Never go into a body of water that you can't see the bottom of. As another person with anecdotal evidence, I have spent 27 years of my life swimming in the ocean as much as I possibly can, and the worst I've experienced was a crab nipping at my toes a few times.
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Jun 10, 2014 17:45
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RCarr posted:As another person with anecdotal evidence, I have spent 27 years of my life swimming in the ocean as much as I possibly can, and the worst I've experienced was a crab nipping at my toes a few times. And being bit by a shark/water moccasin/big ugly fish/homicidal Dolphin only has to happen once! That will never happen in a swimming pool.
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Jun 10, 2014 18:48
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It's so rare that you encounter a shark in the ocean that I'm counting this as my one-off. I'm not going to be scared about swimming in the ocean. I always knew sharks were there and could possibly get up in my personal space but frankly they're pretty cool and the chance of seeing one, let alone getting attacked by one, is pretty low. I don't know if I'd feel differently if I had been injured but as my foot is totally fine I wont worry about it much.
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Jun 10, 2014 19:00
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The summer when I was 7, my family vacationed on the east coast, I think somewhere in South Carolina. Playing in the ocean with my older sister on a well-populated beach, I had a jellyfish tangle itself around my legs. Scared the hell out of me and stung like a bitch, and it certainly put the kibosh on my ocean fun times for that trip. It was slightly what-the-christ because of all the poo poo that can gently caress you up in the ocean, jellyfish was pretty far down on the list of what I would have expected (at least anywhere other than Australia). I had pretty sweet burns on my legs that I got to show my 2nd grade cohorts when school started back up, though.
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Jun 11, 2014 03:58
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Oh god the ocean. I used to ride standup jetskis quite a bit, sometimes in the ocean. A few years ago I was riding about 200 yards off the beach in Lincoln City, Oregon, with my brother-in-law on another standup about 30 ft away from me. Out of nowhere, a juvenile (?) Minke whale surfaced RIGHT THE gently caress BETWEEN US. It startled both of us pretty badly but when we realized what it was, it turned from horrifying to "sort of neat, but that's still tons of ocean critter right next to me". I've never had a shark encounter - that I know of - but plenty with sea lions. Curios guys they are.
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Jun 11, 2014 04:10
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JibbaJabberwocky posted:I had a moment of what the christ over the weekend. I've been to the beach as much as the average person I think and until Sunday had never really had an encounter with an ocean creature beyond wearing goggles and staring at it. The water was too murky to actually see anything and so choppy with waves it would have been difficult to do so even if it had been clear. So when I'm riding a pool noodle majestically through the waves just off the beach this weekend and I feel something graze against my right heel, I basically lose my poo poo. I jerked my foot back instinctively because it sure did feel like teeth gently sliding across my ankle and then kicked out to push myself away from whatever was trying to nibble me. And I kick a very dense, cylindrical thing and feel my foot sliding across skin that feels like wet suede. From the feel of the circumference of the abdomen, it couldn't have been more than three or four feet long (I hope). Sharkskin doesn't feel like suede, though. It's covered in pointy ridges.
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Jun 11, 2014 04:13
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Kumaton posted:I found a colossal bedbug colony under my bed yesterday Diatomaceous Earth. Your best loving friend. I've dealt with them and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Put that poo poo everywhere. On your box frame, around the legs of your bed, in the cracks of your baseboards. Closets. Drawers. Bathe in it if you can stand it. It is the only topical poison you can use yourself and will actually work, because it's not a poison, it kills them by making microscopic cuts in the bugs' carapace as they walk though it and eventually dehydrating them to death. I recommend this because no matter what else you do, you can't be sure you got them all and their eggs too, which sets you up for future infestations. If you can make sure any access to your bed (via walls, bed legs, on the frame) is covered by the diatomaceous earth, they will ALWAYS have to crawl though it to get to you. (What I did was pull my bed to the middle of the room and put the legs in tupperware containers full of the stuff) Other people have made great recommendations about dealing with your stuff, but this one is just for you - that kind of set up will make sure anything left over to have a snack on you will die shortly afterwards. If they can't feed, they can't breed and you break the infestation. Not wanting to be too far off topic, my moment would be finding out those weird bites I'd been getting were in fact, bedbugs. I moved in and was given a wooden bed-frame by a neighbor who was moving out, and a day later, woke up to an itch on my arm and a bedbug crawling across the pillow. They had made a nest inside a dark knot of wood and I never noticed. Something Awful actually provided me with all the info I needed to do battle from a thread in GBS. I managed to save 90% of my stuff, but for those first few days I didn't sleep at all. This developed into a sleeping disorder that lasted for three years and I'm just now starting to get over it.
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Jun 11, 2014 04:14
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TotalLossBrain posted:Oh god the ocean. I used to swim quite a bit for fun as a kid. Nothing formal but enough to feel comfortable in deep or running water. When I was 10 or so I went swimming at a beach with a nearly submerged breakwater maybe 100 feet from shore. The water was only about 12-15 feet deep and pretty clear, so it weren't no thang for me to paddle around near the rocks. At least until I got close enough to them that the backwash started to pull me backwards. I remember swimming as hard as I could to keep moving forward but still moving in the opposite direction. It wasn't until I felt my feet scrape the breakwater that I was able to kick myself forward with just enough force to resume forward motion, but that and the subsequent swim to shore drained me. Realizing I almost got swept to sea as a 10 year old was pretty  / for me, and also explains why I stopped swimming shortly after that now that I think about it.
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Jun 11, 2014 06:39
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Ugh shark talk. Probably my only real fear is swimming in water than I can't see through very well, kind of a fear of the unknown. A few years ago me and some friends were doing some shallow diving for abalone and I was having trouble prying a good 10" ab off of a rock. I took a break for a moment and saw a 4 or 5 foot shark swimming not 15 feet away from me on the other side of a rock. He was probably harmless and just hanging out but this was in an area where a guy was killed by a great white while abalone diving 2 years prior. I can't stand being in situations where you can be caught unaware so easily.
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Jun 11, 2014 06:54
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Hydrolith posted:Sharkskin doesn't feel like suede, though. It's covered in pointy ridges. Yo JibberJabber this turkey's calling bullshit on your story. What you going to do bro?
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Jun 11, 2014 09:08
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Davfff posted:Yo JibberJabber this turkey's calling bullshit on your story. What you going to do bro? Well, no, just saying it wasn't necessarily a shark.
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Jun 11, 2014 10:11
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Hydrolith posted:Well, no, just saying it wasn't necessarily a shark. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
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Jun 11, 2014 10:20
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Aperture Priority posted:Ugh shark talk. Probably my only real fear is swimming in water than I can't see through very well, kind of a fear of the unknown. A few years ago me and some friends were doing some shallow diving for abalone and I was having trouble prying a good 10" ab off of a rock. I took a break for a moment and saw a 4 or 5 foot shark swimming not 15 feet away from me on the other side of a rock. He was probably harmless and just hanging out but this was in an area where a guy was killed by a great white while abalone diving 2 years prior. I can't stand being in situations where you can be caught unaware so easily. I went SNUBAing in Belize a few years back. While I was flailing around like a jerk, er, I mean swimming gracefully, I heard the tour guy tapping on his tank to get my attention. He pointed at me, pointed at something near him and pantomimed taking a picture (he knew I had my underwater camera). I swam over to him and looked where he was pointing. Lionfish. Probably about the size of a football, but to me it was A GIANT POISONOUS SEA BEAST OF DOOM. Remember the scene in Hunt for Red October when the submarine shot up to the surface and out of the water? That was me, followed by a brief Jesus impression as I walked across the water to dry land. When I later asked the guide if those are indeed poisonous, he just shrugged, smiled, and said "It was only a little one."
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Jun 11, 2014 15:48
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Brass Key posted:
This story is a bit of , and a giant helping of .Background: My entire family is from Syria. I was the first person to be born outside of Syria, because my father was doing his residency here in the U.S. We used to go back every summer, to stay in touch with family, learn Arabic, see historical stuff, etc. For those of you who've never spent any time in a country ruled by dictators/tyrants, this may help you understand the upcoming pants-making GBS threads moment. The Assads have ruled Syria for the past 60 or so years with an iron fist. The entire family is possibly the worst set tyrants in an area with nothing but tyrants. The rules in Syria (at least, before the revolution) were that you didn't talk about politics with anyone but your immediate, immediate family (and only very quietly), you didn't get involved in politics (unless you're ordered to by the gov't), and you try your damndest not to draw the attention of the secret police. Even the best Syrian prison makes Guantanamo seem like a nice place you'd take your family to stay. If you get arrested for practically anything, not only are you in deep, up-to-your-eyeballs poo poo, but your entire family is too. Anything they can imagine doing to you is going to be okayed by whoever is in charge, and they won't hesitate to round up your as much of your family as they arbitrarily want. Story: In my early 20s, I went on a trip while in Damascus with my siblings and a friend of the family from the area. Damascus has expanded some in the past few thousand years, and parts of it are now climb up the mountain that used to be next to it, Qasyoon. Our friend drove us up the mountain so we could see the nice, panoramic view of Damascus. This was the early 2000s, so I had a newfangled digital camera with me. We got up to a nice height, and I started taking scenic pictures of the city. It looked pretty neat, so then I turned around to see what the other side looked like. Lo and behold, you could see tanks, fortified bunkers for the tanks, barricades, tank traps, choppers, etc. For a young idiot like me, that was about the neatest drat thing I ever saw, so of course I had to take pictures. I'd taken 10 - 20 or so pictures, when we noticed a guy wearing old sweatpants and a wife-beater jogging up to us. My siblings and I thought he was a bum or beggar, but when he reached us, he demanded I hand over the camera. I was about to tell him where he could take it when the family friend grabbed it and handed it over. The raggedy guy told us not to move, and jogged back to the area with the military hardware. That was when it clicked that I may have done a major boo-boo. So, after a minute or two, the guy jogs back again, but he brings some other guys with him. I spoke pretty basic Arabic, but our friend had advised me to pretend to be a dumb American tourist whose family was visiting the country. They stood around me in a circle, handed me the camera, and told me to show them what I had taken pictures of. It hadn't occurred to me until that point that digital cameras were extremely rare in Syria. I used the LCD menu to show them all the pictures I had taken, and when I got to the military ones, they told me to take the film out. For the next 15 minutes, confusion reigned as we kept trying to explain that there was no film in a digital camera and they couldn't quite grasp the concept. They spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to delete the offending pictures, but couldn't figure it out. They handed the camera back to me and told me to delete the pictures. I did so, and all of them were hanging on my shoulder to make sure I deleted every single one that had military stuff in it. They then told me they were going to be nice and wouldn't do anything, but I had to give them the camera so they could throw it away (or most likely, keep it for themselves). We explained to them that the offending pictures could just be deleted, no harm done. They refused, and started getting agitated, so I gave up and handed the camera over. At that moment, a jeep (or jeep-type vehicle, I can't recall) drove up with a guy in full dress uniform inside. He asked the thugs what was going on, and surprisingly enough, they told him without adding any embellishments or accusations. He looked at us, and asked in broken English if we were tourists. We nodded our heads, he told the other guys that we could keep the camera, and drove off. The men looked at us, then jogged back to the base. You could have probably felt the synchronized sigh of relief over in Europe. To this day, that memory is burned into my brain. My siblings still give me grief about it, but if that's the worst that I have to put up with, I'll take that every day and twice on Sunday. I think I still have the pictures I took of the city on a backup somewhere, but I haven't looked at them in ages.
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Jun 11, 2014 16:24
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Shroud posted:snip  I could read any and all stories you have to tell about your experiences.Here's a little more for all you ocean goers. Not mine obviously, but too good not to share. Dude completely unwittingly captured this image.
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Jun 11, 2014 17:45
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kinmik posted:
And he's on a surfboard with his limbs hanging over as well, which is basically telling a shark I'M AN UNAWARE SEAL PLEASE EAT ME. Dude's lucky that shark presumably wasn't hungry.
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Jun 11, 2014 18:02
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Hydrolith posted:Sharkskin doesn't feel like suede, though. It's covered in pointy ridges. I am fully aware of this. However if you rub along a shark in the direction of the scales, its only a little rough but if you rub it the other way it can actually cut your skin. I didn't rub my foot along the creature, I just kicked it solidly with the bottom of my foot. It was rougher than a fish or a dolphin and "wet suede" was the closest thing I could think of that felt somewhat equivalent to what I felt. Having poked underwater animals before I can say it felt like a more textured ray or dolphin skin but not painful as I wasn't moving along the skin of the shark. Please if you think it was something else explain what it could have possibly been other than a shark considering its lack of "fishy" scales. It had pointy teeth and was very much shark shaped and dolphins aren't that stealthy.
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Jun 11, 2014 20:41
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1stGear posted:And he's on a surfboard with his limbs hanging over as well, which is basically telling a shark I'M AN UNAWARE SEAL PLEASE EAT ME. Dude's lucky that shark presumably wasn't hungry. I first thought it was a killer whale nudging his leg... didn't even notice the shark until you mentioned it.
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Jun 11, 2014 21:56
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Along the lines of "scary stuff in the ocean", my ocean experience was not scary or dangerous, but it did startle me. My family had just moved to Florida and I'd never been to an actual beach. I was swimming in shallow water, but still a ways from the beach (still fairly safe, though). I was actually looking out in the distance, where I saw something moving around in the water beyond a submerged sand bar. It was moving back and forth, and I was trying to figure out if it was a scuba diver or canoe or something. I was just curious. I also saw something in the water a few meters away, but it looked like a piece of cardboard floating on the waves. I didn't stop to think about how odd it was that a large, flat piece of cardboard would be drifting around out here, but unfortunately people dump all sorts of trash in the water  Not shark-shaped, though, not dangerous, back to staring at the maybe-canoe.Something brushed my foot, and I felt the initial OH gently caress A SHARK panic and looked down. There was a HUGE (to me) loving MANTA RAY just below my feet. I could have pointed my toe down and touched it. The "piece of cardboard" I'd seen had actually been a manta ray that had come to the surface for some reason. I don't know if it was curious about what I was or not, but at the time I wasn't sure if manta rays could bite or sting you or not (they're harmless, but I didn't know that at the time). I freaked out and started floundering toward the sand bar because it was closer than the shore. When I got to the sand bar, I was able to barely stand on it. I was closer to the possibly-a-canoe, but it wasn't a canoe. It was a dolphin swimming around in the water. Maybe it had noticed me freaking the gently caress out because it had come closer, possibly out of curiosity. Its pod was probably nearby, even though I didn't see any other dolphins. It swam back and forth for a little bit, and it seemed like it was checking me out. The water I was in seemed to be getting deeper, I think the tide was coming in. Staying there probably wouldn't have been safe for much longer. I waved at the dolphin and swam back toward the shore. When I got to the shore and looked back, it was gone. Maybe marine animals think humans swimming around in the water is just weird? It's not like many of us are very good at it. At least a shark didn't try to find out what I tasted like. Ever since, I've never swum very far from the shore. I don't want to risk completing the marine animal encounter trifecta with a shark. Seeing a wild dolphin was really neat, though. I like to imagine that dolphin-buddy may have helped me out, but it probably would have just idly watched my demise.
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Jun 11, 2014 22:17
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Theoretically posted:It was a dolphin swimming around in the water. Maybe it had noticed me freaking the gently caress out because it had come closer, possibly out of curiosity. Its pod was probably nearby, even though I didn't see any other dolphins. It swam back and forth for a little bit, and it seemed like it was checking me out. me out, but it probably would have just idly watched my demise. It wanted to rape you. Imagine the story you would have had for this thread if it had succeeded.
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Jun 11, 2014 23:01
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One of the weirdest wtf moment that happened to me was when I started uni - back then, in my country, cash machines would charge you for every cashback not done in the given bank's ATM. As such, although there was only one of my banks machines in the city, it was at the central, most busiest street, which I'd visit often. The ATM was located in this corridor, with truck gates at the end, yet not so far from the street that anybody would try anything dodgy (furthermore, there were cameras as well). So, one time, I'm getting there to get my cash back - I don't know if I've been reading through something and walking, or just having my sight on the floor and been lost in thoughts, but when I entered this corridor I felt somebody watching me. So, I look up and there's this old woman, with her skirt up, standing like a sumo wrestler, feet apart, staring straight at me. I was pretty shocked, or suprised, or whatever, so I just stood there for a second or two, confused. Then she started to piss in front of me, camera, and the entire street. The situation went from wtf to WTF pretty quickly, and me, being a young at soul and heart quickly turned back and proceeded to enter the bank that was nearby, that controlled the entire thing. To be fair, thinking about it now, I don't know why I've not gone to the security or to the cashiers and said something about women urinating in front of the ATMs. I don't know why I've not taken money from the cashiers. Apparently, I just wanted to take my money out of that ATM and no other thoughts processes registered after the particular, witnessed sight. So, I've waited a minute, or two, in the foyer, I hope too confused to do anything, and then proceeded to go back. Yup, to that pissed ATM. Fortunately the woman was still there, and, probably taken me for a pervert that came back to spy on her. As for me - I've certainly had enough of adventures for one day, quickly turned back towards the dorms.
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Jun 11, 2014 23:11
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JibbaJabberwocky posted:I am fully aware of this. However if you rub along a shark in the direction of the scales, its only a little rough but if you rub it the other way it can actually cut your skin. I didn't rub my foot along the creature, I just kicked it solidly with the bottom of my foot. It was rougher than a fish or a dolphin and "wet suede" was the closest thing I could think of that felt somewhat equivalent to what I felt. Having poked underwater animals before I can say it felt like a more textured ray or dolphin skin but not painful as I wasn't moving along the skin of the shark. Eh, that works. I couldn't think of what else it could be either.
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Jun 12, 2014 00:13
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RCarr posted:As another person with anecdotal evidence, I have spent 27 years of my life swimming in the ocean as much as I possibly can, and the worst I've experienced was a crab nipping at my toes a few times. Crabs are okay, but goldfish shoals would have been better.
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Jun 12, 2014 04:24
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Samizdata posted:Crabs are okay, but goldfish shoals would have been better. Sounds like fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun.
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Jun 12, 2014 04:31
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Shroud posted:Syria I visited Syria in 2008 as a 21 year old pale as a ghost blonde hair Aussie girl and had some very WTC experiences. Not really sure if anyone's interested enough here though. In Syria I did take some sneaky shots of military checkpoints, they were just so intriguing. We were driving through Tripoli on a Friday and there's been a sniper attack killing several the day before. The Aus govt had advised against travel in Tripoli (oops). Man. I got caught up in a anti Israel protest in Amman whilst carrying a bag with "Jerusalem" emblazoned on it. And nearly got kidnapped on Alexandria by the "Egyptian mafia". Greatest experience of my life. Bonus: met my now husband (from Savannah, GA of all places) in Alexandria. Fate would have im is meet again by chance 2 days later in Cairo. That whole trip was pretty WTC actually. I did a thread way back when, I wonder where it is... Tldr: everything happening in Syria and that region breaks my heart, the people I met were truly amazing...Hopefully they'll find some peace soon...sorry for the derail! Miranda has a new favorite as of 06:52 on Jun 12, 2014 |
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Jun 12, 2014 06:49
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Hydrolith posted:Sharkskin doesn't feel like suede, though. It's covered in pointy ridges. It can actually be really smooth when you rub with the "grain" of the spikes. edit: woops, look at all those new posts. welp
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Jun 12, 2014 13:17
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1stGear posted:And he's on a surfboard with his limbs hanging over as well, which is basically telling a shark I'M AN UNAWARE SEAL PLEASE EAT ME. Dude's lucky that shark presumably wasn't hungry. Theoretically posted:Maybe marine animals think humans swimming around in the water is just weird? It's not like many of us are very good at it. At least a shark didn't try to find out what I tasted like. Ever since, I've never swum very far from the shore. I don't want to risk completing the marine animal encounter trifecta with a shark. Pretty much that. One of the things they taught us in SCUBA training is that, once you're under the water, to most wildlife you're just confusing. You don't look like anything that normally eats them or that they normally eat, so even "scary" things like sharks will usually leave you alone if you do the same. It's on the surface that you have to worry, because a human flopping around the surface backlit by the sun is not easily distinguished from an injured seal or other, similar snackfood.
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Jun 12, 2014 14:04
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ToxicFrog posted:Pretty much that. One of the things they taught us in SCUBA training is that, once you're under the water, to most wildlife you're just confusing. You don't look like anything that normally eats them or that they normally eat, so even "scary" things like sharks will usually leave you alone if you do the same. My first instructor told us "you're big, you're ugly, you have 1 big eye that leaks air bubbles sometimes, you've got extra stuff hanging off of you, and you're blowing bubbles. Fish don't know what the hell to think of you." My last moment was reading through Jerad Miller's facebook page after he and his wife executed 2 cops that were eating lunch. That was a whole bucket of  , especially with his final status and some of the other pictures he had posted.quote:The dawn of a new day. May all of our coming sacrifices be worth it.
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Jun 12, 2014 16:14
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Icon Of Sin posted:...you're big, you're ugly, you have 1 big eye that leaks air bubbles sometimes, you've got extra stuff hanging off of you... I thought I had just clicked on the Health Care: Things Stuck In Butts thread. Imagine how many Christs I called upon.
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Jun 13, 2014 05:52
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PhotoKirk posted:I went SNUBAing in Belize a few years back. While I was flailing around like a jerk, er, I mean swimming gracefully, I heard the tour guy tapping on his tank to get my attention. He pointed at me, pointed at something near him and pantomimed taking a picture (he knew I had my underwater camera). I swam over to him and looked where he was pointing. For future reference, lionfish are: -not poisonous enough to really kill you -only sting through defensive spines on their back, so just don't touch them anyway -an invasive species in the Caribbean, and thus exempt from many marine preservation laws -tasty The dive guides down in the Antilles would carry these little things that were like captive spearguns, just a spring-loaded spear in a PVC pipe so it's short-range and reusable. The lionfish aren't afraid of you like most fish are because they're used to being inedible, so you just swim up to them, draw back the spring, and let go. Then they either put the lionfish-kebab in a bag to clean and cook later, or take out your dive knife and cut it into bits right there so you can watch the local fish eat the non-spine bits of the invader.
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Jun 13, 2014 06:17
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elise the great posted:I thought I had just clicked on the Health Care: Things Stuck In Butts thread. Imagine how many Christs I called upon. I've read your stories there, but this was a new and different kind of crazy. Not "stuffs a chicken up their rear end in a top hat then sews it shut thinking that they are about to give birth to the next incarnation of christ but it isn't ready yet" kind of crazy, but rather the malicious kind that ends with 2 cops dead in a Cici's pizza. I still have that story saved from a previous edition of Healthcare Nightmares thread. There's no way I could let that one get lost. Anybody up for a read? 
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Jun 13, 2014 19:42
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How is that a question? Go for it.
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Jun 13, 2014 20:21
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I have no idea whose post this was, or if it was even real (I'm telling myself no, but still  ). It sure as hell belongs here though, either way. At any rate... Sorry, I've been working a triple shift and just got around to checking this thread again, so I suppose I owe ya'll a story. A rather disheveled, morbidly obese and malodorous female in her 50's presented to the emergency department for abdominal pain one slow night. Now, abdominal pain is one of the worst complaints an ED sees because it can be so hard to work up. You've basically got to do a battery of tests including comprehensive blood work with cardiac markers, a 12 lead EKG, and x-ray/CT scans. It's among the most expensive workups done simply because abdominal pain can have so many different causes that are potentially life threatening. After she was triaged, had an IV started with blood drawn, and her EKG done, she went to get her CT. When a patient has a CT scan, the radiology tech and the person transporting the patient stand in a side room so they don't get the massive dose of radiation that CT scans require. The side benefit of this is you can watch the screen in real-time as the scan is performed and get an idea of what's going on. Normally, a radiologist views the scan and gives the physician a report detailing the findings. There was no need to wait. The technician had a complete look of disbelief on his face. There was a small skeleton of... something... clearly lodged in her rectum, along with abundant free abdominal fluid and other findings too technical to go into here. Clearly, this woman was not pregnant, as she was post-menopausal and had said she had a hysterectomy, but, well, stranger things have happened. The question had to be asked, however. "Oh yes" she said, "an angel came to me and told me I was to bear the child of THE LORD!" This last part was shouted so loudly that other staff members and the physician came into the room. Slow night, after all, so they had nothing better to do and this sounded interesting. Perhaps the angel's name was Colonel Sanders? Once she had an audience, she didn't need any prompting. "I've been having some trouble with the baby. It kept coming out and I almost delivered it early, but I prayed to THE LORD and GOD ALMIGHTY spoke to me! And lo..." Yes, she actually said the word "lo" with the dramatic pause and all, "THE LORD answered my prayers and told me how to save HIS child. I'm worried, though, that something's wrong because it hurts so much." This last part was said in a low whisper, as if the very thought that she was in pain was blasphemous. The physician quickly realized where this was heading and had slowly and steadily retreated from the room. He'd almost made his escape when one of the nurses in the room, a particularly grizzled and salty RN with years of experience in a county trauma facility, spoke up with a smile of glee on her face. "OK, ma'am" she said as she turned to the doctor who was already a pale shade of green, barely suppressing a fit of laughter, "we're going to need to take a look to see how the baby is doing." Everyone stepped outside while she undressed herself as the unmistakable odor of putrid, unwashed flesh wafted out of the room. Notes of a brewery - or perhaps baked bread - accompanied it. A sure sign of a good infection and a harbinger of what was to come. No one was eager to re-enter the room save the veteran nurse who charged back inside, the rest of the staff who hadn't already fled from the smell reluctantly following her. Now, when a vaginal or rectal exam needs to be performed on a morbidly obese patient, you frequently need one staff member to lift up the large folds of fat on each leg so the physician can visualize the appropriate area. As the fat was retracted, there was an audible gasp in the room as a large amount of green fluid and chunks of... something worse... leaked from somewhere in the vicinity of the anus. As the fluid pooled around her, strands of something that might once have been white were poking out from somewhere deep inside that gaping maw. No language yet conceived can describe the smell that filled the room. To his eternal credit, the physician had somehow kept his dinner down as he began to... probe. He asked for a pair of surgical scissors to snip the threads of floss that were clearly holding back some lovecraftian horror. What came next is difficult to put into words. There was a loud "GLOOOORRRRRP" from somewhere deep inside as the dam burst and the patient screamed "OH LORD JESUS YOUR SON IS BORN!" What came out could have been the messiah, perhaps, but instead it was more akin to Farmer's Pride. The decaying remains of a canned chicken, purulent pus, and several days worth of feces was born into this world in a violent surge of something Satan might serve you as a pre-flight cocktail on your trip to Hell. The physician vomited. To this day, no one knows how she did it, but that goddamned grizzled nurse gathered the remains of the poor bird and strode out of the room shouting "It's a boy!" Guess what we'd all had for lunch? Fried chicken. 
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Jun 13, 2014 20:26
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Icon Of Sin posted:I've read your stories there, but this was a new and different kind of crazy. Not "stuffs a chicken up their rear end in a top hat then sews it shut thinking that they are about to give birth to the next incarnation of christ but it isn't ready yet" kind of crazy, but rather the malicious kind that ends with 2 cops dead in a Cici's pizza.  fer crissake.
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Jun 14, 2014 00:45
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Phy posted:
 read the post directly above yours.
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Jun 14, 2014 01:48
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Chantilly Say posted:For future reference, lionfish are: Counterpoint: I am a giant wussy. Nature can stay the Hell away from me.
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Jun 14, 2014 04:17
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Icon Of Sin posted:I have no idea whose post this was, or if it was even real (I'm telling myself no, but still This was from the great EMS stories thread in GBS from like a year or two ago, if I remember right. Definitely one of the best that thread produced!
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Jun 14, 2014 14:36
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Does anyone have the links to the old EMS/healthcare stories threads?
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Jun 14, 2014 14:48
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Icon Of Sin posted:"It's a boy!"  My hat's off to the veteran nurse, she's a stone cold badass.
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Jun 14, 2014 15:37
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Chantilly Say posted:For future reference, lionfish are: It is your DUTY as a lover of the sea to eat as many of these little bastards as you can. I have a friend who got stung, and it hurt, but it was not deadly. Sharks are baffled by humans most of the time. I have been surf fishing many times and preferred to stand on the beach when they come a little too close for comfort. They mostly hunt sting rays down in Florida. To contribute: A friend of mine stole a golf cart from the campus cop while he was using the snack machine at the library. He rode around campus triggering the police force from its boredom induced coma. Eventually they were driving cars across the plaza to try and corner him in. All the time he was shouting stuff and yelling stupid stuff. As they blocked him, he would ride through breezeways and escape, rolling to different places. They were on foot and cars and golf carts. It was more uncomfortable because I was scheduled to move the last of my stuff into his place. There was a lot of "hey TampaTango, isn't that your new room mate?" at the bar patio on campus. His great caper ended under the patio where there was a depression where maintenance was, the batteries must have gotten weak and as he tried to climb the hill. he looked up at the crowd holding beers and I could see him looking right at me with cigarettes in his ears and a lit one in his mouth. He was what we call Baker acted in Florida and held a few days. He had other repercussions from the school, but was allowed to stay, as he was considered a pretty talented music student. He had no sane reason except he said the impulse came to him, and he thought it would be cool to drive around since nobody should be able to tell anyone else what they could do. The golf cart was state owned and the people must be allowed to ride it. The cigarettes were makeshift earplugs to drown out the bad yelling of angry overweight cops. The WTC moment was after a month he asked me to move out because I had brought a girlfriend to my room for a visit. He could tell me to not have sex, but maybe he retaliated because of my opinion on him stealing a golf cart. I am told by another roommate he had a ceremony in my room to clear out the bad vibes.
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Jun 14, 2014 16:52
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