|
“Knock knock,” asks Jim. “Who’s there?” sighs Dwight. “Banana,” answers Jim for the twenty seventh time in a row.
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 13:56
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 28, 2024 02:06 |
|
|
Dwight returns home after a long day at work only to find his entire home filled with Cherry Icee. It's oozing out of the windows, the chimney, and even under the front door. As Dwight prepares himself for the insane cleanup job ahead of him, a polar bear mauls him to death. Jim shows up then drinking a cola Icee and then complains about getting brain freeze from it.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 13:57
|
|
|
Jim leaves a brochure for a revolving restaurant on Michael's desk. Michael becomes fixated on the romance and majesty of eating at a revolving restaurant, and declares that the entire office is going out to eat at a revolving restaurant, his treat. Oscar points out that the nearest revolving restaurant is over two hours away in New York City, and that most revolving restaurants are fairly pricey. Michael pouts and decides that if he can't go to a revolving restaurant, they'll just have to work in a revolving office. He tasks Dwight with the job of figuring out how to make the office revolve. Dwight loses several days worth of work attempting to accomplish this impossible task. When a haggard Dwight comes to Michael a week later and reports dejectedly that it's not possible to make the office revolve, Michael is surprised that Dwight is still working on it. He explains that he drove to New York after work a week ago and ate at a revolving restaurant, an experience he describes as "kinda stupid." Michael chides Dwight for wasting so much work time on such a pointless project. Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 14:20
|
|
|
Jim convinces Kevin that Dwight is made of chocolate.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 14:21
|
|
|
Michael signs away Toad Hall to Jim in exchange for a new motorcar.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 14:22
|
|
|
Sir Jim, the cruel lord of Dunder Manor, thrashes Dwight viciously for the loss of Lady Pam’s favorite necklace. Afterwards, he ruefully grins as he holds up the “lost” necklace. Sir Jim smirks at the painter, who captures his cunning glee in portrait form forever.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 14:30
|
|
|
Dwight vacations in Hawaii, hoping to clear his mind of Dunder Mifflin and the stresses of his job. He embarks on a scuba diving trip and, much to his delight, finds an enormous clam complete with pearl. Dwight grabs the pearl and brings it to the surface, overjoyed at the fortune that is presumably coming his way. However, the pearl begins to crack apart in his hand, revealing itself to actually be an egg of some sort. Out of the egg swarm thousands of tiny spider-like creatures with pale white body and beady red eyes. Dwight tosses the shell pieces onto the beach, but the creatures are now swarming over his entire body. Some of them are even crawling into his nose, mouth, and ears. He tries swatting them all away but there are just too many. Now he can feel them starting to bite, a sharp pinch followed by a burning ache. Dwight drops to the sandy beach and starts rolling around to try and remove the creatures. He's desperately trying to remove his scuba gear but it's futile, and the monsters have started burrowing through the scuba suit and into his flesh. Dwight screams in pain and sees a man in the distance surfing. Dwight screams for help and the main seems to notice him, then starts surfing towards him. Dwight thanks God for this bit of luck, until he realizes it's Jim "Hang ten, Dwight! Those are some GNARLY bugs you found!" Jim laughs. Dwight hears ukulele music coming from somwhere as Jim dances a strange hula dance. Dwight feels one of the bugs burrowing through his forehead and realizes the end is coming soon, blessedly. Jim keeps hula dancing and smiles for the camera, then says "WwwiWwwwWWiiiiiiiiiiipeout!" as Dwight passes away.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 15:01
|
|
|
The entire office all takes a simultaneous vacation to Australia for some reason. Jim convinces Dwight to bring along a few snakes to help control the invasive cane toad population. Little does Dwight realize that the penalty for introducing an invasive species is a minimum two years of imprisonment in Australia. Jim watches the ecosystem of the island collapse and smiles.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 15:08
|
|
|
jim grimly clips off dwight's nose with a pair of shears, for some reason
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 15:23
|
|
|
Dwight gets furious at Jim when he sees the gin still in the back of the office. He reports it to Michael, but Jim is able to fast-talk his way around the rules. Toby, wearing a traditional priest's outfit, gamely smiles and passes by, intentionally "not seeing" the interaction. Dwight begins stomping his foot, and Hot-Lips Angela rushes into the break room to soothe him. Jim says that he doesn't know which is worse, Dwight or the Korean bombs. Before Dwight can reply, Pam rushes in. "Incoming wounded." A second later, they all hear it - the sound of chopper blades. Michael stands and they all begin to move. "Conference room, five minutes!"
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 15:33
|
|
|
A deer shows up to the office, opens the door, and sits in Jim's desk. It even starts typing away at the keyboard, sending an email to Dwight. DWIGHT IT'S ME, JIM! I AM AN ANIMORPH, I CAN TRANSFORM INTO OTHER ANIMALS BUT AM STUCK. YOU MUST HELP ME STOP KEVIN, HIS BRAIN HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY VISSER-THREE, AN ALIEN SLUG KNOWN AS A YEERK! HE WANTS TO CONQUER THE WORLD! Dwight believes this to be an elaborate joke until Kevin shows up, dressed in a tailored suit and looking much more confident and professional than normal. Jim-deer runs off and Kevin asks Dwight if he's seen "That meddling Jim" around. Dwight says he hasn't, and Kevin goes back to his desk. Dwight agrees to help, and Jim tells him to guard the front door for a moment so Jim can run past Kevin. Dwight agrees, but the front door is quickly splintered as a huge bladed arm bursts through. A Yeerk-controlled Hork Bajir shreds Dwight with its bladed forearms as Jim escapes. "This is war, and Dwight was one of the casualties" says Jim-deer as he escapes in the confusion, then smiles smugly at the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 15:45
|
|
|
Speaker of the House Dwight Schrute goes to President James Halpert with an idea that will revolutionize the economy and the American way of life. Halpert listens intently, seemingly interested. He gives Dwight his blessing to go forth and craft a bill, but only if it's bipartisan in both chambers. Dwight spends months carefully crafting the bill, soliciting input from both parties and both chambers, and finally comes up with something that can get 218 votes in the House and 60 in the Senate. Both chambers pass it, and it goes to President Halpert for his signature. The Oval Office is filled with press and members of Congress, with Dwight beaming over the president's shoulder. The president takes the opportunity to praise both parties for the bill and the work and announces at the signing that he's actually going to veto the bill because it leaves out several provisions that he wanted. Dwight's smile turns to a scared face. The president vetoes the bill and blames Dwight for its failure. He campaigns in Dwight's district, blaming him for its failure and causing him to be only the third House Speaker in history to be defeated in their reelection campaign. On election night, as his party is routed for control of Congress and he's about to give a big speech on his priorities for the second half of his term, Jim mugs the cameras.
|
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 15:57
|
|
|
Jim asks Dwight out as a prank, humiliating him in front of the whole school.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 16:17
|
|
|
Dwight has to spend the summer with his bed-ridden and cruel grandmother, eventually revealed to be Jim in Hollywood quality prosthetics. When Dwight asks where his grandmother is, Jim just starts laughing.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 16:25
|
|
|
Dwight befriends the ghost of a child killed 50 years ago who has been haunting Dunder Mifflin. Dwight vows to bring the killer to justice, letting the boy's spirit finally rest in peace. Jim and Pam show up, insisting that the spirit is a "demonic entity" that's tricking Dwight, then perform a "cleansing ritual" that bind the boy's spirit to a lamp. They shove the lamp in their basement, forever trapping the child on Earth. They then write a poorly constructed book about the event and make millions of dollars. Dwight, meanwhile, discovers that the murderer was Jim's grandfather but is dismissed by the police as "a crazy person" due to the popularity of Jim and Pam.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 17:03
|
|
|
Dwight is at the department store and can't find the mustard yellow shirts he likes. After searching fruitlessly for several minutes, he decides to ask one of the salesmen for help. "Ehyesssssssss?" the salesman turns around dramatically and Dwight is shocked to see that it's Jim! "You again!" Dwight exclaims in exasperation. Jim mugs the camera and waits for the studio audience to stop laughing before launching into his bit.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 18:07
|
|
|
Jim reveals to Dwight that he's only been using 1% of his pranking power, and announces that he'll power up to 50% to finish Dwight off for good. Dwight is forced to sit for almost 22 minutes as Jim grunts and screams at his desk.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 18:15
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Dwight is at the department store and can't find the mustard yellow shirts he likes. After searching fruitlessly for several minutes, he decides to ask one of the salesmen for help. Dwight: I'm looking for a new shirt. Jim: I should hope so, the one you have on is terrible! Dwight scowls. Dwight: actually I was hoping to find another one just like this. Jim: Have you tried the city dump? Dwight: Why you! I bought this shirt here! Jim: I didn't know we dealt in secondhand... Dwight: Look, can you help me or not? Jim: I know a good fashion consultant who could definitely get you the help you need. Dwight: Oh never mind! Dwight storms off, indignant. Jim mugs for the studio audience.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 18:18
|
|
|
Jim does a Harpo Marx thing for a day and honks a horn whenever anything happens
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 18:29
|
|
|
Jim moves Dwight's desk to the dumpster behind the building.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 18:47
|
|
|
jim wanders around the office, sporting a visible erection and a grin. nobody seems bothered by this except dwight, who is told to 'stop looking at men's dicks' when he complains to michael
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 21:20
|
|
|
Jim fuckin' sews Dwight's rear end in a top hat shut, and just keeps feedin' him, and feedin' him, and feedin' him...
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 21:39
|
|
|
Jim takes the form of a serpent and slithers up Dwight’s butthole.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 22:48
|
|
|
Jim takes up perfuming as a hobby during Covid and finds that he loves creating something unique and vibrant with each new batch of perfume. When Michael finally calls everyone back into the Office because he was lonely and found Zoom too complicated Jim has unique fragrances to share with each of his co-workers, even the warehouse workers that never get named. But Dwight's is special. Because Dwight's perfume is Jim's masterpiece, a fragrance so beautiful that it moves one to tears, and it is made out of Jim's asparagus piss as a base. It took him countless sleepless nights mixing blends of oils and herbs to not only mask the scent of urine but to use that scent to enhance the olfactory experience, like salt mixing with sweet. It was perfection for the nose. In the interview room Dwight explains that only "desperate sluts" masked their scent and that his "natural Schrute musk" was all he needed in order to be "swimming in strange". Dwight hands the perfume to Meredith and tells her to "skank it up". Meredith is delighted.
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 23:35
|
|
|
jim nonces dwight
|
|
#
?
Jun 11, 2021 23:39
|
|
|
Jim fills Dwight's desk with glitter.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 01:26
|
|
|
Following his reality show embarrassing performance as “boss” and a failed business venture, Michael is destitute and depressed. Jim convinces him to run for president as a lark, and make the meek, inoffensive Dwight his VP. Four years later, half the country is calling for Dwight to be executed for not participating in a coup
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 01:43
|
|
poisonpill posted:Following his reality show embarrassing performance as “boss” and a failed business venture, Michael is destitute and depressed. Jim convinces him to run for president as a lark, and make the meek, inoffensive Dwight his VP. Four years later, half the country is calling for Dwight to be executed for not participating in a coup Jim places a bucket of warm piss outside Dwight's office every morning to remind Dwight what John Nance Gardner, a predecessor of his, said about the VP role.
|
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 02:08
|
|
|
Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:jim grimly clips off dwight's nose with a pair of shears, for some reason Shrieking in pain, Dwight lurches about, spraying blood around the office. Everyone watches in stunned horror as Jim proclaims, "My Dwight has no nose!" Nobody answers him as Oscar lunges to the break room to find bandages, towels, napkins, anything to staunch the bleeding. Angela sobs in terror as, with no one else taking the line, Pam cheerfully asks, "How does he smell?" Jim pauses for a moment as Dwight screams "WHY?" before saying, "Terrible!" Jim and Pam start shrieking with laughter, grinning like loons as their coworkers come to grips with the horror they're witnessing in their workplace. A few weeks later, Michael leans on Dwight to stop pressing charges because "Jim's a good salesman" and "the joke was pretty good." Dwight, traumatized and a pushover around Michael, quietly agrees as something breaks within him. Jim, delighting in his crime, mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 02:42
|
|
|
Dwight is taking a nap at his desk during his lunch break, and Jim takes a rubber band and snaps it over his eyelid then darts away really quickly and hides.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 03:07
|
|
|
Jim replaces the goose feathers in Dwight's down comforter with scorpions
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 03:08
|
|
|
Jim puts red food coloring in the coffee pot, so when Dwight takes a poo poo he thinks he's bleeding internally and rushes to the emergency room with his poo poo in a ziplock bag
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 03:09
|
|
|
Jim goes into Dwight's computer to microsoft word and sets autocorrect to replace the '.' character with "gently caress ME IN THE GULLET" Later that week, Dwight is found with his wrists slit and a note in his pocket that reads "So long cruel worldFUCK ME IN THE GULLET"
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 03:12
|
|
|
Dwight puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger, but Jim has wished to live in a world without zinc so nothing happens
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 03:18
|
|
|
poisonpill posted:Dwight puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger, but Jim has wished to live in a world without zinc so nothing happens Fuckin 
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 03:25
|
|
|
Dignity Van Houten posted:Jim puts red food coloring in the coffee pot, so when Dwight takes a poo poo he thinks he's bleeding internally and rushes to the emergency room with his poo poo in a ziplock bag The prank goes completely unnoticed, thanks to Dwight’s regular diet of beets.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 05:40
|
|
|
Jim gets cancer, as a prank. He starts acting even more annoying to Dwight. Dwight ignores him out of pity: Jim has undergone a lot of weight loss and his now oversized suit causes him to struggle to land new sales. Plus Dwight has big plans: His Schrute Farms beef jerky has been selling out in local markets. Now he has a big pitch to a major distributor. At the big presentation Dwight is backstage. Jim is there, too, and acting worse than ever. He keeps hiding Dwight's presentation materials. Michael keeps urging Dwight to lay into Jim. Finally, a frustrated Dwight shouts, "no, Michael, I will never snap at a slim Jim!" The beef distributor hears this and pulls out of the deal over this blatant disrespect of their company slogan. Jim mugs the camera, dark rings circle his sallow eyes. Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 16:22 on Jun 12, 2021 |
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 16:19
|
|
|
Dwight is excited for the new Star Trek series: Star Trek: Picard. The show promises the reprise of Patrick Stewart's role as fan favorite character Jean Luc Picard. Executive producer Jim mugs at the camera.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 16:58
|
|
|
Jim carves an akua doll from the wood of the edom tree, and covers it in sticky sap. Pam prepares a basin of mashed beets, and covers the right hand of the doll in it. Jim places the doll near Dwight's desk, and, after tying a spider's silken thread around the doll, hides behind a nearby rock. Dwight, attracted by the mashed beets, approaches the doll and asks if he can have some. Jim pulls the thread, causing the doll to appear to nod in approval. Dwight is delighted, eats some of the mashed beets, and asks if he can share the food with his co-workers. Again, the doll nods, and so Dwight carries the basin to his co-workers, who eat greedily. When they are finished, Dwight returns the basin to the doll and gives thanks to the doll. However, the doll does not nod to acknowledge Dwight's gratitude, angering him. At Michael's suggestion, Dwight slaps the doll across the face to punish its insolence. However, his hand becomes stuck because of the sap. Michael implores Dwight to slap the doll again, with his other hand, which also becomes stuck. At this point, Jim emerges from behind the rock and ties Dwight up with the spider's silk. He carries Dwight to the Sky-God, mocking him for falling for his truck the entire way.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 17:05
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 28, 2024 02:06 |
|
|
Dwight is convinced Jim is going to pull a prank on him but it turns out to be gas.
|
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2021 18:09
|
|
