Post your Lowtax probes and bans

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Post your Lowtax probes and bans

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Regarde Aduck posted:

Gbs hasn’t really had a ‘bright’ time

It's true but at least GBS 1.0 and 4.0 mods have generally been pretty chill and allowed this to be a big poo poo post playground where we can have fun and relax even if we are man/woman/insert preferred gender-here children who have never left Neverland

# ? Nov 12, 2021 02:35

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# ? May 28, 2024 07:53

Slider: Jun 6, 2004; POINTS

got probed twice ever, that's it lol.

i remember reading SA in early 2000s with the emulation and gaming reviews, thing they were the most hilarious thing ever. finally registered an account in 04. from there it's history

# ? Nov 12, 2021 03:32

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Space Camp fuckup posted:

lol RIP

Lmao

# ? Nov 12, 2021 04:05

TenementFunster: Feb 20, 2003; The Cooler King

Slider posted:

got probed twice ever, that's it lol.

i remember reading SA in early 2000s with the emulation and gaming reviews, thing they were the most hilarious thing ever. finally registered an account in 04. from there it's history

you're history, pal!

# ? Nov 12, 2021 05:25

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

CannonFodder posted:

This is me being old, but, weren't you also Adventures of Jesus and a few other gimmick accounts?

This is completely unrelated, but thank you for not absolutely demolishing me after I flattened you with a potato cannon at gooncamp. It was not malicious, only me being a completely negligent loving moron. I honestly thought the human firework launcher guy was being dangerous, then I went and did something even dumber.

I was sorry then, and I am still sorry.

# ? Nov 12, 2021 05:34

Yurpdod: May 31, 2003

My only ban or probation ever: downvoting Lowtax's mangosteen juice referral link thread. Truly my most prized possession.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Nov 12, 2021 06:04

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

TenementFunster posted:

heh.

uhh what's this about a rapist

# ? Nov 12, 2021 13:12

Stunning Honky: Sep 7, 2004; " . . . "

Yurpdod posted:

My only ban or probation ever: downvoting Lowtax's mangosteen juice referral link thread. Truly my most prized possession.

This one is really good

# ? Nov 12, 2021 13:16

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

u posted:

this was before the goons thing was widespread

he posted a forum thread and put my email in it, accused me of taking down the forums, then everyone in the thread worked together to dox me and sent me angry messages and spam etc

i survived the goon doxing and harassment, actually I didn't feel too bad about it at all. Was really happy I got free platinum

man i would hate that

goons would probably call me all sorts of poo poo and then when the truth came out it's like you don't just take that back you know

negativeneil posted:

I believe there was a reset back in 1999, otherwise my regdate would've been earlier. I never got banned for anything because I mostly lurk D&D and Games.

Anyway, I talked to lowtax on the phone once. The company I worked for, Maker Studios, was trying to sign his Gaming Garbage youtube channel onto their adsense network. On our initial call I told him I'd been on SA since the age of... 13? and that it was hugely influential on me as a teen. He said that was sad and then asked if Maker Studios were interested in purchasing SomethingAwful LLC. We weren't.

the closest thing I ever got to a ban is when some goon from TCC sent me some psilocybin mushroom spores in the mail and my mom, sensing that I had done something bad on the internet, took my PC for a few months.

lmao I wrote for them at one point. Say what you will, Lowtax outlived Maker Studios

# ? Nov 12, 2021 13:18

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Nocheez posted:

This is completely unrelated, but thank you for not absolutely demolishing me after I flattened you with a potato cannon at gooncamp. It was not malicious, only me being a completely negligent loving moron. I honestly thought the human firework launcher guy was being dangerous, then I went and did something even dumber.

I was sorry then, and I am still sorry.

lmao

# ? Nov 12, 2021 13:35

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Alan Smithee posted:

uhh what's this about a rapist

Using context clues, I have determined it was GI Joe Dirtbag.

TenementFunster posted:

Hey everybody! I just learned a little story about the shittiest poster I know of on the Something Awful Forums, and I thought I should share. That means it is story time! I'd just like to point out that I'm not making any of this up and this is indeed a long post, but I promise it is worth it, because GI Joe Dirtbag is loving terrible and everybody needs to know the complete scope of his moral depravity. In short, I really, really hate GI Joe Dirtbag because he pollutes my favorite subforum, and by sheer providence, I was just told of this wonderfully true story about him!

We all know GI Joe Dirtbag is a terrible poster. So terrible is he that it even earns TFR's ire. He's a racist, sexist, homophobic bigot in addition to being a complete white trash fool. But since that isn't enough to get you banned on the Something Awful Forums, this thread is necessary. GI Joe Dirtbag is also a total tough guy poser! He likes to talk about THE ARMY, in spite of he fact that he's currently just a joke-rear end ROTC dipshit. He would have been expelled from college for illegally carrying a loaded gun to class and hiding it in his dorm room if not for the fact that his dad owns a dealership or something. He thinks "penultimate" means "especially ultimate" and loves to refer to "intensive purposes" all the time. Basically, he's dumb.

If his posting didn't make it clear that he is an absolute cretin, did you know he tried to rape a passed out drunk girl (forums poster zerobeerthirty) and nearly succeeded? Neither did I, until about 20 minutes ago! You see, long, long ago, GI Joe Dirtbag parlayed his dad owning a dealership into tricking a girl into agreeing to marry him at a later date. Thankfully for the lady, living with him for a short period was enough to see what a terrible mistake actually marrying him would be for her. The girl then kicked him out of her apartment, leaving him 'out of doors' as hobos like to say.

While most people would turn to friends or family in a situation like this, GI Joe Dirtbag has none of these. He was forced to con one of his EVE Online buddies into letting him "crash" for "a week" while he "sorted things out."

Totally unpredictably, one week turned into six weeks of sleeping on Something Awful Forums Poster martyr (aka the dude with a zillion flashlights) and zerobeerthirty's couch. While GI Joe Dirtbag made nightly use of the couch, in True Goon Style, he did not see fit to routinely use the hygiene facilities – nor pay any bills during his month and a half of freeloading off of internet strangers. Over the course of his six week "crash," he only showered once a week, never washed his clothes, would only change clothes after wearing them for 72 hours straight, left toenail clippings everywhere, and used the same towel for all six weeks. His stench, combined with overactive sweat glands, made the couch reek for months.

You may be asking yourself, "after all that, what could finally force martyr and zerobeerthirty to finally kick his disgusting rear end out?" Well, my friends, this leads us to the climax of my effortpost – his sexual assault of zerobeerthirty (aka THE GOOD PART). During a “girls night in” at her place, GI Joe Dirtbag refused to leave because, let’s be honest, he had nowhere to go. Later that night, our unsuspecting, intoxicated goonette goes to her room to pass out after many drinks with her friends. Using his ARMY (rotc) RECON SKILLS, GI Joe Dirtbag sees his opening, and enters the room behind her. He lays down on the bed next to her and begins groping her chest. When she begins to protest, he lays down the classic date-rapist line, almost certainly sending chills down the poor girl’s spine:

GI Joe Dirtbag posted:

You trust me, right baby?

He then forces himself on top of her, kissing her in spite of her protests. When he realized that he will most likely not have consensual sex that night, he grabs her hand, jams it into his crotch and says the following:

GI Joe Dirtbag posted:

This is what you’re missing out on

Luckily for the about-to-be-raped girl, she wasn’t quite drunk enough for GI Joe Dirtbag to totally subdue her to the point where he could have non-consensual, unprotected sex with her. Sufficiently conscious enough to keep from passing out and subsequently being hosed against her will, she kicked GI Joe Dirtbag out of the room, and tells the whole story to her roommate, Myrtar, who tells GI Joe Dirtbag to get out. Being the total slimeball that he is, GI Joe Dirtbag had the gall to complain to the girl he sexually assaulted that he would be homeless if she kicked him out. Happily, they did anyway! And in gratitude of refusing to help with the bills and almost raping her, zerobeerthirty later repaid GI Joe Dirtbag's kindness by sending an anonymous tip to his school's police department that he was carrying a loaded handgun on campus.

So in conclusion, GI Joe Dirtbag is a goony rapist who is full of himself for no clear reason and I feel truly sorry for any of the slightly-drunker girls he doubtlessly raped before then as well as since.

# ? Nov 12, 2021 13:47

Stunning Honky: Sep 7, 2004; " . . . "

# ? Nov 12, 2021 13:55

Dang It Bhabhi!: May 27, 2004; ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

Space Camp fuckup posted:

lol RIP

lol Yea. Rip.

# ? Nov 12, 2021 14:09

mom and dad fight a lot: Sep 21, 2006; If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.

I posted in a lowtax ban me thread but it got lost between spam posts and he skipped over me. Someone pointed it out but just got banned too. I posted in there again but he was so forum-absent at that point that it just forgotten about.

And that's my story about not being banned by lowtax.

# ? Nov 12, 2021 14:14

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

mom and dad fight a lot posted:

I posted in a lowtax ban me thread but it got lost between spam posts and he skipped over me. Someone pointed it out but just got banned too. I posted in there again but he was so forum-absent at that point that it just forgotten about.

And that's my story about not being banned by lowtax.

Lmao

Awful Destination

# ? Nov 12, 2021 19:23

STING 64: Oct 20, 2006

lowtax never got me, even with egregious hits for "empty quoting" and "image leeching" on my record

# ? Nov 12, 2021 22:01

DamnCanadian: Jan 3, 2005; Perpetuating the stereotype since 1978.

I got one from Lowtax my first few months here; I deserved it.

Holy crap, I was looking up my rap sheet and saw I got my first sixer in 15 years a couple of weeks ago and didn�t even realize it.

Yeah, I deserved that one too

# ? Nov 12, 2021 23:49

5er: Jun 1, 2000

Yurpdod posted:

My only ban or probation ever: downvoting Lowtax's mangosteen juice referral link thread. Truly my most prized possession.

Christ he was so salty about that. Would anyone really have cared if he had just said yeah he's selling out a tiny bit for some extra cash? I mean, it's not like it wasn't transparent what he was doing when every time he had a divorce filing or court appointment there'd be a sudden ban spree out of him with 'alksdjf' ban messages.

It's nice though to see some of the old 00 and 01 reg shitposters popping in again! Glad to see some old guard still around.

# ? Nov 13, 2021 01:04

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Take a look

# ? Nov 13, 2021 01:07

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Ha ha. I have a bunch of bans by Lowtax

# ? Nov 13, 2021 01:33

TenementFunster: Feb 20, 2003; The Cooler King

5er posted:

Christ he was so salty about that. Would anyone really have cared if he had just said yeah he's selling out a tiny bit for some extra cash? I mean, it's not like it wasn't transparent what he was doing when every time he had a divorce filing or court appointment there'd be a sudden ban spree out of him with 'alksdjf' ban messages.

It's nice though to see some of the old 00 and 01 reg shitposters popping in again! Glad to see some old guard still around.

of all the ways to make BIG bucks off the forums back then, his plan was� selling gross fruit juice health food to the unhealthiest nerds then in existence. incredible.

# ? Nov 13, 2021 03:12

TenementFunster: Feb 20, 2003; The Cooler King

Kirk Vikernes posted:

Using context clues, I have determined it was GI Joe Dirtbag.

lol i forgot the Myrtar cameo in all that. i honestly can�t believe i didn�t say �first, a little backstory� somewhere in all that crappy 00�s-style typing

# ? Nov 13, 2021 03:15

Lono was taken: Aug 26, 2006; This is Detective Faggot Mulder, they want to shut down the Ass Files.

TenementFunster posted:

makes me wonder how many notable goons from 10+ years ago met a similar fate without us finding out.

Remember that twink Asian that killed himself on tfr, stiletto null or whatever, lol good times

# ? Nov 13, 2021 04:03

TenementFunster: Feb 20, 2003; The Cooler King

Lono was taken posted:

Remember that twink Asian that killed himself on tfr, stiletto null or whatever, lol good times

yeah, i remember how all of TFR was really cruel to him and how he shot himself a few months later with his first gun, the CZ-82 we told him to buy.

my question is why are you talking like about some poor, long-dead kid like such an rear end in a top hat we�re all middle-aged now. didn�t you learn anything in the last 15 years? grow the gently caress up.

# ? Nov 13, 2021 04:16

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

CannonFodder posted:

I really hate to tell y'all in this thread but... umm... taoc killed themselves (herself?) last year. The whole situation was very sad with rough cyber bullying. No one on the forums had heard much from them so it happened really suddenly for the GBS old timers.

Gonna go put on stupidravershithead.mp3 again.

ah goddammit

# ? Nov 13, 2021 05:36

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

TenementFunster posted:

we’re all middle-aged now. didn’t you learn anything in the last 15 years? grow the gently caress up.

I banged the OP's mom lol

# ? Nov 13, 2021 06:16

Killed a Girl in 96: Jun 15, 2001; DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP

lowtax once banned me for saying in cases of domestic abuse, we should wait for all evidence to come out before trying to destroy a person's life based on a blog post.

whelp.

# ? Nov 13, 2021 06:20

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

TenementFunster posted:

yeah, i remember how all of TFR was really cruel to him and how he shot himself a few months later with his first gun, the CZ-82 we told him to buy.

my question is why are you talking like about some poor, long-dead kid like such an rear end in a top hat we’re all middle-aged now. didn’t you learn anything in the last 15 years? grow the gently caress up.

the dude with the 4 page long rapsheet is talking about learning somethin and the hosed up part is he's absolutely correct

# ? Nov 13, 2021 07:19

go for a stroll: Sep 10, 2003; you'll never make it out alive; Pillbug

Animal-Mother posted:

He banned my old account and the only comment he made was "worthless"

my previous username on this account was "Animal Mother" and he banned the account I had before that with the a similar one-word comment

# ? Nov 13, 2021 07:22

mom and dad fight a lot: Sep 21, 2006; If you count them all, this sentence has exactly seventy-two characters.

Killed a Girl in 96 posted:

lowtax once banned me for saying in cases of domestic abuse, we should wait for all evidence to come out before trying to destroy a person's life based on a blog post.

whelp.

lmao jesus christ

# ? Nov 13, 2021 07:27

u: Oct 21, 2000; Socialist shemale linux fag

RIP Lowtax, turned banning into performance art

# ? Nov 13, 2021 07:32

Stunning Honky: Sep 7, 2004; " . . . "

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:

the dude with the 4 page long rapsheet is talking about learning somethin and the hosed up part is he's absolutely correct

If you don't have a vicious rapsheet you probably post about like HO scale trains in a forum I didn't know existed

# ? Nov 13, 2021 07:40

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

The one time I got banned, I think by Al (for posting a gif of a dildo stuck to a drill in GBS) Lowtax actually unbanned me. This was back before you could buy accounts so if you got banned you just had to make an alt. It was also before rap sheets.

Vim Fuego fucked around with this message at 08:15 on Nov 13, 2021

# ? Nov 13, 2021 08:08

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

kntfkr posted:

ah goddammit

Yeah, I was sad to hear it. She was really talented. I still get the Inspector Urine theme song stuck in my head once in a while. I think I found a version on youtube 5 or 6 years back but it looks to be completely gone from the internet now.

# ? Nov 13, 2021 08:17

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

Junk posted:

my first probe was from fistgrrl and it was a 12 hour probe for posting a bumper sticker in the bumper sticker thread that someone had already posted

lmao. And they said cat lady gbs wasnt funny

# ? Nov 13, 2021 08:20

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Aeka 2.0 posted:

He threatened to perma ban me if I ever posted the airport vid again. I was the dude that filmed it. If anyone can send me a digital 8 player, ill remaster it.

He shares a small space on my lightsaber test vid.

you should make a thread for this

post the video. Lightsaber test vid and all

# ? Nov 13, 2021 23:56

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Aeka 2.0 posted:

He threatened to perma ban me if I ever posted the airport vid again. I was the dude that filmed it. If anyone can send me a digital 8 player, ill remaster it.

He shares a small space on my lightsaber test vid.

he can't hurt you anymore.
Post the airport vid!

# ? Nov 14, 2021 00:04

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Killed a Girl in 96 posted:

lowtax once banned me for saying in cases of domestic abuse, we should wait for all evidence to come out before trying to destroy a person's life based on a blog post.

whelp.

lmao

# ? Nov 14, 2021 21:04

Stunning Honky: Sep 7, 2004; " . . . "

Alan Smithee posted:

lmao

# ? Nov 14, 2021 21:57

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# ? May 28, 2024 07:53

a creepy colon: Oct 28, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Space Camp fuckup posted:

lol RIP

Pretty great

# ? Nov 14, 2021 22:16

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Post your Lowtax probes and bans

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