Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

Does anyone remember the goon with early-onset dementia? Who was that? Did he or she continue to post about it?

CPColin posted:

You ask that every week, ugh!

Roosevelt posted:

my girlfriend is dipping oreos in milk, but the way she's doing it is by sticking a fork in the creme filling and using that to put the whole cookie in the glass. full immersion, no mess.

The Fool posted:

she will be a leader in the coming post apocalyptic society

Glorgnole posted:

this is some Quest for Fire type poo poo

Resting Lich Face posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiFB7hHg9Tg

Dashcam Owners Australia March just dropped. Excellent schad incoming!

MarcusSA posted:

Holy gently caress so many people driving the wrong way 🤪

Resting Lich Face posted:

Yeah the whole drat country.

Chris Knight posted:

President Beep posted:

this is the new nermal

aardwolf posted:

Gutter Phoenix posted:

LifeSunDeath posted:

Last year I saw mommy kissing santa claus, this year I'm gonna slit his throat.

girl pants posted:

Sister, your titties are at best worth $50/mo, MAYBE $75

Solarin posted:

what the gently caress is this poo poo

*turns on monitor*

this sucks too

goth smoking cloves posted:

I see you have a dual monitor setup...

Mega64 posted:

This history of American football clearly explains that the Orc Billy Johnson used the tears to perform a prayer ritual in front of a burning bush while being sodomized to give his thanks to God for creating the race of Nigers which in turn created southern bells whose ringing transformed Billy Johnson into a Half-Orc.

Like, I don't see what's confusing about this.

Paladinus posted:

Just wanted to post these exact words. It's pretty straightforward, really.

Loden Taylor posted:

Imagine four Orc tears rolling off the face of Mr. Johnson as he watches his daughter have sex with the America niger Bubba. The formerly first tear becomes the second, the second becomes the third, and the fourth falls off the Orc's face and is collected by Fannie May's younger brother Billy.

The NFL works the same way.

tote up a bags posted:

and so the mystery of the tears was solved

food court bailiff posted:

I think I just had a stroke, and not the fun kind that makes my underwear sticky.

smarxist posted:

trump looks like a cryptid

NoneMoreNegative posted:

Captain Log posted:

Have you ever been choked unconscious by a man in leg braces?

tarlibone posted:

No, I haven't. The place I go to charges extra if you want them to put literally any kind of costume.

Smirr posted:

Chairman Yang: It is every citizen's final duty to go into the stonks, and become one with all the people.

Dazerbeams posted:

Just time travel if you can't be bothered to wait.

homeless snail posted:

Don't tell people to cheat

IronicDongz posted:

the developers of animal crossing do not consider it cheating

homeless snail posted:

That's a rationalization. I'm not sure that a particularly good answer to mild criticism that some people aren't crazy about some of the changes they made to the intro is "go into the settings and start loving with the clock", either

IronicDongz posted:

that doesn't change that it's not "cheating"

frankly it's kinda insane to call anything at all cheating in animal crossing, a game series explicitly designed without stakes or challenge that you cannot lose in which barely has any non player made goals

that's like saying someone's cheating at listening to relaxing ambient rain noise loops on youtube because they skipped forward to the part with different rain sounds

SneezeOfTheDecade posted:

pantslesswithwolves posted:

That's not accurate. To my knowledge, no agency in the UN system, of which the IMF is one, has lost anyone due to COVID.

Source: I work for a UN agency.

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

HES A DEEP STATE GET HIM

pantslesswithwolves posted:

Uh I'm a (((globalist "word that cannot be typed out but begins with a c and ends with the last three letters of a waterfowl that goes quack"))) please get your terminology right

piL posted:

I believe the bird you're referring to is a Mallard, you card.

cumshitter posted:

My family's surname was O'Caimſeiſfter before my great great grandfathers arrived at Ellis Island.

PipHelix posted:

While I'm here, I've been talking with people about how little this pandemic resembles any cinematic Pandemic. Newspaper literally published a 'Five comforting soup recipes to help you get over the quarantine blues" article, like. I dunno. If you had a character in Contagion or Outbreak or like, Dawn of the Dead ratatatting in their reporter's bullpen 'Five fun crafts projects to take your mind off Captain Tripps', anyone reading the script would be like, we get it man, consumerism/capitalism is soulless and lame, maybe don't beat the audience over the goddamn head with it, Jesus, they aren't idiots or children.

Anyway, what I'm saying is all this talk about sociological freight of the movies and the difficulty of the sequels... we've seen the Ice Road Truckers in the Convoy 70s and the OohRaw Marines in the post Nam 80s and the superpredator prisoners in the Lockemup 90s and the Scooby Crew in the snarky 00s, and whatever the gently caress brainworm abomination Prometheus and Covenant were (only saw Prometheus, and only cause I heard it was unelievably bad).

Anyway, tell me how this isn't a movie. Aliens land on earth/ well populated terran planet. Not some barren rock 'colony'. Hubworld. Things are obviously hosed there's publicly available video of them ripping poo poo up, everyone knows this from like, day one, but, well. It's a big old world. There's only a couple of these weird things way off in Space-China. People just can't imagine it affecting them.

Following some character development, cut to a few months later the grocery store worker we now know and love commuting to work. It's some armored Codehunters type train with turrets/marines blasting stray xenomorphs but with wrecked/burnt out ones pushed over to the side off the rails. This clearly works only most of the time. The Burke character, the store's assistant manager chews her out for being late, reminds her how many people are out of work with this shelter in place order and puts her on one of the poo poo duties, either scanning people at the door for chestbursters or running down and killing the spawn from the assholes who slip in infected and go John Hurt in the Totinos Aisle. And spreading like borax or baking soda on the spill and putting a wet floor sign over the hole and going back to work.

Some Wikileaks thing releases the scene of Ripley yelling about how if ONE of these things, ONE, makes it to earth you can kiss it all goodbye, and you can wipe your rear end with these reports!

And it's news for like, 8 hours. Because the gently caress is anyone supposed to do with the information? Protest? Move off world? Anyone who could afford THAT already did it. Any ship that could travel interplanetary has been gone for weeks if not months by now.

And that's like, act 1. Is this too dark?

Pastry of the Year posted:

MAXIMUM PC editor in May 2000: HOW TO NAB SLACKER EMPLOYEES RED-HANDED

Time-traveler from March 2020: I regret to inform you that the entire internet economy is now more or less unsustainable without the assumption that people are absolutely constantly loving around on the clock

Actually I have a lot of things I regret to inform you

blarzgh posted:

The Blarzgh Flu is the one that give you a huge dick

Outrail posted:

Does that make you an asymptomatic carrier?

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I don't find that over-the-top, though. I'm talking about loving period-blood getting on a guy's leg after some chick is dry-humping with him, or the fact that there was an entire movie based around the premise that some 40-year-old hadn't had sex yet.

The MSJ posted:

He might be poor, but at least he is not anime.

Admiral Joeslop posted:

Sekhmnet posted:

Is that freezer burn or mold?

Admiral Joeslop posted:

It's chock-full of minerals!

Dabir posted:

Cartoon Man posted:

goddamnedtwisto posted:

Purranormal Activity.

Dabir posted:

Gringostar posted:

Tei posted:

We are living in the timeline where many laws has been influenced directly by Bono.

Plank Walker posted:

yeah a significant number of lawyers are pro Bono

blatman posted:

i feel like the name "lobster" is wasted on a creature that cannot throw things

Stairmaster posted:

kramer is from seinfeld dumbass

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

EorayMel posted:

quote:

I have Strong Opinions about all translations of The Art of War

free hubcaps posted:

brave sir Lancelot, quickly rushing to his incapacitated boyfriend’s aid, heroically fainting next to him and decisively braining himself on a rock in the process

Dumb Lowtax posted:

It's not so bad as a fish. I'm the shiny pretty one with long fins from the link now. No more economic worries.

Dixie Cretin Seaman posted:

what a fukkin betta

Pick posted:

Lambert posted:

Why are kids allowed to post on SA?

Quantum of Phallus posted:

FBI Honeypot operation to catch the Mods

3D Megadoodoo posted:

Pick (pronounced /pisk/) we have discussed this and, well, we want you to be vice president.

3D Megadoodoo posted:

*edits wimipedia* kibibyby

Godholio posted:

Absolutely don't lie. You were a dependent. The military has your medical records already.

Godholio posted:

The DOD has his records. The best case scenario is that they notice his lie/omission early enough that it's not worth loving him on.

mlmp08 posted:

Not necessarily. The DOD had his records, but may have lost them in a warehouse fire. China has his records.

Best Bi Geek Squid posted:

TO-DO LIST
----------------------
1. Do not die
2. gently caress

Chris Knight posted:

about that 2nd part
https://twitter.com/elisewho/status/1244469203672825856

ewiley posted:

Raw-doggin’ to help defeat Coronavirus.

Jim Silly-Balls posted:

vasectomy krew

haveblue posted:

more like jim snippy-balls

Alhazred posted:

The romans really did have a god for everything, even the sewers and crying children had their own god.

Jack2142 posted:

Shits important yo.

Isaac posted:

According to what ive read on the goonstation forums its fine to use any language you want as long as the target is:

- Heterosexual
- Police officer

Isaacs Alter Ego posted:

I feel uniquely qualified to tell you that what you have just said is dumb as gently caress.