Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja
My wife and I went through premarital counseling (and post-marital). I'd highly recommend it. Of all of it I would say that the post-marital counseling was surprisingly the most helpful. Once you finally get into the trenches you realize the view is very different.

I would recommend a church group since they seem to be much more upfront in discussing expectations, sex, and gender roles. Many secular counseling groups seem to be too afraid of excluding anyone and gloss over very difficult issues. At some point you need to ask very hard questions and we were very glad that those issues were laid out in the open before we tied the knot.

Good counseling with someone who had been there before gave us a much more realistic view of married life. Let's face it - Most of us have our parents terrible marriages as the template we're bringing in with us. It's good to get a fresh perspective.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

dopaMEAN
Dec 4, 2004
So where would one even find secular premarital counseling? My boyfriend and I are both atheists but I could definitely see the merit of completing counseling like that prior to making a major life decision, even if things were absolutely perfect.

Exelsior
Aug 4, 2007

dopaMEAN posted:

So where would one even find secular premarital counseling? My boyfriend and I are both atheists but I could definitely see the merit of completing counseling like that prior to making a major life decision, even if things were absolutely perfect.

Many churches will run premarital counseling for secular couples. It is in the best interests of the church for everyone to have successful, long lasting marriages after all. You may be required to make a donation to the church.

There are secular books available too, although I do think the Christian based ones are more realistic and long term. Christian marriage books aren't all about pray God Bible pray pray pray Bible God. You can easily skip over the intro and few mentions of God. The books For (wo)men only are almost secular, just a few mentions of prayer.

Here are several hundred relevant books.

e: I'm not trying to push faith on anyone. Secular premarriage books are a rather new phenomenon, while Christian marriage books have been around for decades. There are so many more Christian books and programs than there are secular ones, and so many people take Christian courses which means they are refined and improved at a faster pace. If you don't mind just skipping over the God stuff, Christian books can be a very good resource.

Exelsior fucked around with this message at 06:49 on Jan 25, 2010

Lord Hawking
Aug 8, 2002

SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!
SHUT UP!!!
My fiancee is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and runs with a whole crowd of people who do secular marriage prep work. In fact, she and I are doing a round of it ourselves, so I can personally recommend the Prepare-Enrich measure and subsequent counseling. On their website, they have a listing of people who administer the program, and you can select based on whether you want to work with a licensed mental health professional, a religious minister (many of whom will still provide you with counseling even if you aren't a member of their congregation or denomination), etc.

You might even be able to not only see that person for this program, but also do it very cheap/free plus get really in-depth counseling if you have coverage under the behavioral health portion of any health insurance. I'm obviously biased towards LMFTs, but I have had really great experiences with all the ones I've met and interacted with. The two of us are getting some really good work done with Prepare-Enrich and our LMFT and while we have talked about all of the issues presented in the diagnostic before, we found that it has really broadened, deepened, and otherwise enhanced our conversations about various topics.

So, in summary, go for it!

Visual Sneeze
Mar 4, 2008

Rose City 'til I die!
Just checking in to this thread over here. We've been engaged for almost 18 months now and still haven't set a date, though narrowing in on this August seems like a possibility. We're having a hell of a time just getting around to setting up nearly any details whatsoever. We're both big on ecology and environmentalism, so I think we'd like to have the ceremony in a natural setting and work some green theme into the whole experience (green colors, leaf design on the cake, care taken to minimize garbage produced).

I just finished putting together a list of guests I'd like to see there. Including family, friends, and the wedding party itself, I've come up with about 40 people I could conceivably invite. I don't know about my fiancée, but I figure it'll be more than this because she has ridiculous sorority connections. We're both recent college graduates with a total of around $10k in general savings but she's got student loans nagging her. We don't expect much financial help from either family. Is a wedding with about 75-125 or so guests a possibility for us or is it time to start trimming the guestlist already? Keeping in mind that we don't want to blow our whole savings on a wedding if we can avoid it.

We're both non-religious and so are our immediate families. I've never been to a wedding before, so I only really know the stereotypical church weddings from the movies. What goes on at a non-religious wedding ceremony? Of course I know the answer is "whatever you two want to do!" but I'm looking for some examples of what is typical from anyone who's been to such a wedding. Also, in this case, what is there to seperate the ceremony from the reception, really? I mean, what's to stop us from just walking over to a table across the park or whatever and getting some cake and dancing? I have to ask because my fiancée wants to know specifically who I want at the ceremony and who to invite only to the reception. I guess I should ask what she has in mind...

Please forgive me for asking any really simple questions, I suppose I should be reading more of the thread and some Google research before posting here, but I thought I'd post something, organize some thoughts, and put out some feelers while I had the motivation to do so.

Visual Sneeze fucked around with this message at 14:33 on Jan 25, 2010

Abbeh
May 23, 2006

When I grow up I mean to be
A Lion large and fierce to see.
(Thank you, Das Boo!)
My fiance's grandfather is a JP and will be doing our ceremony, but asked if he could meet with us first for a little quick counseling. Is that weird? His family is Irish Catholic and mine has a history of people running off to islands and marrying the pretty girls they find (I'm half Bahamian, my aunt is from Palau... my sister in law is from England, lol).

I don't think his grandfather is especially religious, but does anyone have a general idea of couples counseling?

Nione
Jun 3, 2006

Welcome to Trophy Island
Rub my tummy

Visual Sneeze posted:

I just finished putting together a list of guests I'd like to see there. Including family, friends, and the wedding party itself, I've come up with about 40 people I could conceivably invite. I don't know about my fiancée, but I figure it'll be more than this because she has ridiculous sorority connections. We're both recent college graduates with a total of around $10k in general savings but she's got student loans nagging her. We don't expect much financial help from either family. Is a wedding with about 75-125 or so guests a possibility for us or is it time to start trimming the guestlist already? Keeping in mind that we don't want to blow our whole savings on a wedding if we can avoid it.

It's absolutely possible to get married with 75-125 people for less than $10,000. We're getting married in September with a guest list of about 70 and our budget as of right now is $4200. Granted, we're getting a LOT of help from friends and family. Well over half our budget is food and bar for the reception. A friend is getting ordained online to be our officiant, another friend who is a pastry chef is doing dessert, my cousin is a photographer and giving me a great deal, I'm doing the flowers and invitations myself, and my brother is doing all the music with a rented sound system and his ipod, set up to be automated but using an iphone as a remote in case we want to queue up a song. So those things alone are saving us, conservatively, around $3,500. A lot of it will depend on where you live, what day of the week you want to get married on (Saturdays are more expensive), what things will be important to you, etc. What you really need to do is sit down and start writing things down. Tons of websites have checklists you can use, and then just start calling vendors. Even if you don't have a date set most places can give you an idea of their price range.

quote:

We're both non-religious and so are our immediate families. I've never been to a wedding before, so I only really know the stereotypical church weddings from the movies. What goes on at a non-religious wedding ceremony? Of course I know the answer is "whatever you two want to do!" but I'm looking for some examples of what is typical from anyone who's been to such a wedding. Also, in this case, what is there to seperate the ceremony from the reception, really? I mean, what's to stop us from just walking over to a table across the park or whatever and getting some cake and dancing? I have to ask because my fiancée wants to know specifically who I want at the ceremony and who to invite only to the reception. I guess I should ask what she has in mind...

My brother had a non-religious ceremony back in May and ours will be as well. For his they had the ceremony at a park and then the reception in a loft space downtown. They had a justice of the peace marry them, which was pretty much just like what you've seen on tv, just without the religious references. Their wedding looked just like any other wedding, she walked down the aisle, they said their vows. Her family is greek so they incorporated a part where they both drank from the same glass of wine.

Ours is going to be very short. I'll walk down the aisle, my friend will do the whole "we welcome everyone to celebrate the marriage of blah blah blah", we'll say vows which we're writing ourselves, and then he'll pronounce us husband and wife, kiss the bride, and leave. Our ceremony is at the same place as the reception but the ceremony is outside and reception is inside so when people arrive they will go straight to where the chairs are set up for the ceremony and then we'll stand at the back of the aisle and greet everyone and welcome them inside for dinner. Hopefully nobody sneaks inside to eat cake before that, I guess. We're not inviting anyone to the reception that isn't welcome at the ceremony and vice versa.

GoreJess
Aug 4, 2004

pretty in pink

Visual Sneeze posted:

Also, in this case, what is there to seperate the ceremony from the reception, really? I mean, what's to stop us from just walking over to a table across the park or whatever and getting some cake and dancing? I have to ask because my fiancée wants to know specifically who I want at the ceremony and who to invite only to the reception. I guess I should ask what she has in mind...


Unless you have your ceremony & reception at 2 different locations, you can't really have 2 separate guest lists. How awful would it be to attend a couple's wedding & then not be invited to the reception when you can visibly see where everyone will be partying?

Your wording has me confused though. Is your fiancee wanting a small ceremony & then more people at the reception? If that's the case, then it's really easy to just have people show up later for the party & miss the ceremony. But if you're trying to save money, the ceremony is the cheap part. It's the feeding & providing drinks that gets expensive.

Munchee
Jun 7, 2006
EAT BEES

GoreJess posted:

Unless you have your ceremony & reception at 2 different locations, you can't really have 2 separate guest lists. How awful would it be to attend a couple's wedding & then not be invited to the reception when you can visibly see where everyone will be partying?

my best friend did this. I was talking to some high school friends before the wedding and asked them if they wanted to hang-out before the reception started. they responded, "we weren't invited to the reception." :froggonk:

this is the same best friend who gave-out way too many save-the-date's and then had to un-invite some guests.

zap actionsdower!
Aug 7, 2004

in favor of festivals

GoreJess posted:

Unless you have your ceremony & reception at 2 different locations, you can't really have 2 separate guest lists. How awful would it be to attend a couple's wedding & then not be invited to the reception when you can visibly see where everyone will be partying?

Your wording has me confused though. Is your fiancee wanting a small ceremony & then more people at the reception? If that's the case, then it's really easy to just have people show up later for the party & miss the ceremony. But if you're trying to save money, the ceremony is the cheap part. It's the feeding & providing drinks that gets expensive.

I did this. Invited about 40 people to the ceremony, 150 to the reception. At first I had a lot of angst about it, but no one cares as much about the ceremony as they do about the party, anyway.

Visual Sneeze
Mar 4, 2008

Rose City 'til I die!

GoreJess posted:

Unless you have your ceremony & reception at 2 different locations, you can't really have 2 separate guest lists. How awful would it be to attend a couple's wedding & then not be invited to the reception when you can visibly see where everyone will be partying?

Your wording has me confused though. Is your fiancee wanting a small ceremony & then more people at the reception? If that's the case, then it's really easy to just have people show up later for the party & miss the ceremony. But if you're trying to save money, the ceremony is the cheap part. It's the feeding & providing drinks that gets expensive.
Yeah, just confirming it's more people to the reception than the ceremony. I guess she's thinking that some people might not want to sit through the ceremony, specifically some of our friends (obviously the family would be welcome to both). Though if we do make it a short and sweet ceremony then perhaps it won't matter.

This past autumn one of her friends from college got married up in Seattle. We weren't invited to the ceremony, which was more for family. We only went to the reception afterwards. Maybe this is what got her thinking about it and it's certainly my only wedding-related personal experience other than when I was a kid.

Fire In The Disco
Oct 4, 2007
I cannot change the gender of my unborn child and shouldn't waste my time or energy pretending he won't exist
Just about the only time I can imagine a separate wedding list and reception list would be if you were getting married and planning a reception for a later date, or a different location, or both. For example, if you were getting married in, say, Seattle, where your parents lived, but holding the reception three months later in Phoenix, where you went to school and have a ton of friends. If you're doing ceremony and reception on the same day, I can't even fathom not inviting everyone to both.

Nione
Jun 3, 2006

Welcome to Trophy Island
Rub my tummy
A friend of mine had a ceremony with immediate family only followed by a reception for all family and friends. She had to do this because she was getting married by a judge at city hall and they limited the number of people who could come with them. That's a really nice inexpensive idea if you don't really want to have to pay for a ceremony. Where I live the city hall is gorgeous and makes for great photos and it doesn't cost anything for a judge to marry you except for the license, which you have to get anyway. It may be completely different where you live but is worth checking into if you want a really simple ceremony with just a handful of people.

GoreJess
Aug 4, 2004

pretty in pink

Visual Sneeze posted:

Yeah, just confirming it's more people to the reception than the ceremony. I guess she's thinking that some people might not want to sit through the ceremony, specifically some of our friends (obviously the family would be welcome to both). Though if we do make it a short and sweet ceremony then perhaps it won't matter.

This past autumn one of her friends from college got married up in Seattle. We weren't invited to the ceremony, which was more for family. We only went to the reception afterwards. Maybe this is what got her thinking about it and it's certainly my only wedding-related personal experience other than when I was a kid.

Well that makes sense if you just want to have a smaller, more intimate ceremony, especially if you go with a courthouse wedding. If intimacy & space aren't an issue though, I'd at least give your friends the option of attending the ceremony. If you aren't having a religious ceremony, your friends won't be offended or uncomfortable & you may be surprised how many of them want to watch you say your vows to each other. If you keep it short & sweet, which most secular ceremonies are, it can be a really beautiful thing to be a part of.

SomaticHM
Jan 14, 2008
Another bride-to-be here having problems with her mother!

I am getting married next year. My mum very generously offered to pay for it all, but the latest arrangement is that his parents will contribute a bit, and we will put in what we can afford as well. Before we knew she was going to pay, we were thinking we could try and do the wedding on the cheap, with getting our friends to make food for everyone, trying to get mates' rates on photographers etc.

Since then, my mum has got very excited about wedding planning, and it has turned into a very traditional affair with church, (being walked down the aisle by my dad, which I gave in to to avoid argument, though I haven't spoken to my dad about any wedding things!), designer wedding dress in cream, posh flowers, and a full sit-down meal in a smart reception venue. This is slightly startling but very nice, it will be an amazing time and I'm glad my mum is having fun (in all seriousness, she doesn't get out much).

Now the problems start. I currently have an undercut on one side of my head. Occasionally it has been bleached&dyed in fun patterns; my fiance thinks it would be fun to get a hairdresser to dye it properly with a picture of a flower or something suitable - he is a bit taken aback by the formalness of the planned wedding, and I think doesn't want us completely flattened by "tradition".

My mum disagrees. She just told me she doesn't want to put the deposit on the reception venue until we have "talked about [my] hair", claiming maybe if "that's the kind of style you're going for then maybe it would be best to go back to your original plan", and "I don't want to spend £5000 on a reception for someone with a shaved head". I don't know what to do really. She is very capricious so I can often wait for her to "forget" about things, but also she loves to dig in her heels and get her own way. I don't want to grow my hair out, I am still enjoying having this haircut. I also agree with my fiance, I would like to show a bit of rebelliousness/alternativeness at my wedding (although it sounds like I am the one being inflexible put like that!). She did initially suggest a compromise wherein I would have smart hair for most of the day - it is assymetrical but the short bit can actually be covered - and then put it up for the dancing part, but apparently she hates this idea too. I honestly don't see that having goth/punk hair is completely contradictory to wearing an expensive dress and doing everything else very traditionally?

She has no problem (allegedly) with the idea of playing rock, metal, industrial, powernoise and EBM at the reception however, to put this in context.

Does anyone have any advice on how to proceed from here?? I know lots of people have been through similar situations!

maso
Jul 6, 2004

fuck bitches get stud fees
At the end of they day it's your wedding, not hers. Do what you want to do. You've already bent to her wishes as it sounds like she's transformed the entire wedding from what you both originally had in mind. Tell her she's not paying for a reception for "someone with a shaved head," she's paying for a reception for her daughter. You're getting married. It's a great excuse to dress up, but not to dress up as someone your not, or someone your family wants you to be. She volunteered for this. Don't let her use that against you. My mother tried wielding that kind of guilt like a weapon with me and I put my foot down as soon as I realized what was happening. I don't think they mean to do it, but it certainly happens. She got to have her wedding, now this one is yours. I say do the hair how you like, and if she's not the kind of mother who would break down in tears and overdramatize it (like mine did) try and tell her -gently- exactly how you feel. Bring your fiance if you have to.

Exelsior
Aug 4, 2007

SomaticHM posted:

Another bride-to-be here having problems with her mother!


See, once parents start dropping (or considering dropping) loads of money on something suddenly they want a say in how everything is run, which may or may not be fair. If she is getting this caught up this early (ie you haven't even booked a place yet) over your frikkin hair, think about how controlling and demanding she will be closer to the wedding about actual important things!

Also, what maso said.

Nicol Bolas
Feb 13, 2009
Amen to what maso & Exelsior said. Also, some food for thought--that sort of "traditional" wedding is typically pretty expensive compared to what it sounds like you had wanted before. Are you really saving any cash at ALL by having her help out? You might save a lot of heartache AND cash by just cutting her out of the equation entirely. "You know what mom, I love you and I respect you, but I don't want to put the financial and emotional pressure on you and I don't want to fight about my wedding. It'll be easier if we just pay for it." Subtext: Please stop using this money to control me. The key phrase there is "I don't want to fight about MY wedding." Because it's YOURS.

AFK SWARM OF BEES
Jun 24, 2008

You are swearing now that someday you'll destroy me. Remember: far better women than you have sworn the same. Go and look for them now.
I can understand a parent wanting a certain level of involvement in the wedding, especially if they're paying for a majority of it, but that sounds a little ridiculous. It IS your day; not to sound Bridezilla-ish, but that's a day that marks a monument in your history. Your mom not only needs to back off, but you should step up!

I got into another fight with my mother recently about wedding plans: same old, same old. "Your father and his family can't come anywhere near the chapel! They have to sit TEN ROWS BEHIND ME! Behind ME AND ALL MY FAMILY! And he CAN'T walk you down the aisle, he doesn't deserve to! I wanna walk you down the aisle!" Endless, vituperative tripe. I don't even have the drat ring on my finger yet (note: resizing heirloom/family rings can be a pain in the butt when the band is so old) and she's already trying to foretell doom and gloom. I've gotten to the point now where I just hang up when wedding or engagement stuff comes up, mostly because "Listen, it's my wedding" no longer stops her rants and raves.

LorneReams
Jun 27, 2003
I'm bizarre
This is why we are paying for everything ourselves. If our parents want to give us money, then it's a wedding gift and we'll use it as we see fit.

quaint bucket
Nov 29, 2007

we're almost done with the wedding prep and it looks like we're on budget for everything without any loans or credits. :]

we just have to finish the invitation no later than the end of march and get flowers for decorations and we're done. woop.

e: that's not to say we haven't run into some conflicts with some people (see: one of the bridesmaid). basically, she seems to have gotten it in her head she can p much tell us what to do, what to play, what to coordinate, etc. It's not that we don't appreciate the suggestion, but she's been rather overbearing and obnoxious to the point where i'm losing my patience.

i just want to go up to her face and tell her to shut her trap and play her designated role but i'm concerned that it will only just cause further complications or some poo poo.

quaint bucket fucked around with this message at 10:41 on Jan 28, 2010

calandryll
Apr 25, 2003

Ask me where I do my best drinking!



Pillbug
We have run into a snag with the photographer. He emailed us the contract and said drop it off with his deposit. Since we have to wait for some checks to clear, selling stocks takes a bit of time, he told us a post dated check would be fine. I dropped off the contract and check to his office on Monday, which I left in his mailbox since he wasn't in. My fiancee called him and left him a message. So far he hasn't gotten back to us that he got the contract and what not. I called this morning to make sure he received it and it said his voicemail box was full. Of course we may be just worrying and what not, but if he never gets back to us what can be our recourse? I looked on things like the BBB and nothing comes up for the guy.

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja
If he cashes your check that is legally as good as a contract.

The photographer already has your money so he has probably just put off returning your call until more pressing work is out of the way.

calandryll
Apr 25, 2003

Ask me where I do my best drinking!



Pillbug

JohnnyRnR posted:

If he cashes your check that is legally as good as a contract.

The photographer already has your money so he has probably just put off returning your call until more pressing work is out of the way.

You are correct, just worrying since it not much money but still money and what not. Plus the way he was with us when we talked to him. He told us how excited he was to work with us and what not, not very good businessman to not return an email or anything like that.

Lingling
Jun 13, 2008

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah~
How much did you guys spend on rings (engagement, wedding bands etc)? I know it's a personal choice, but I'd like to know what everyone's ballpark figures were.

Also, along these lines -- does anyone have any experience with Alexandrite rings? I don't mind if they are natural-mined, simulated, synthetic or found in cow's poop, just as long as there is a colour change and that I can say it is Alexandrite (as opposed to colour change garnet or something). I know there are a couple of you with Alexandrite rings (or maybe just one), but I've fallen in love with the stone and I don't really know where to start. Do I buy a stone first and get a local jeweler to design it? Do I try my luck finding a ring online? Can you tension set Alexandrite, or is it too soft? Ahhh, too hard.

quaint bucket
Nov 29, 2007

Engagement and wedding band -4k. All paid for in hard cold cash :smug:

zap actionsdower!
Aug 7, 2004

in favor of festivals
Engagement: not much. Wedding: $35 each. WE ARE KINGS

Lemons
Jul 18, 2003

$2200 for the engagement ring. I/we could afford more, but the wedding is going to be drat expensive, plus a nice honeymoon. It's still a very nice ring and she's very happy with it.

Ms. Happiness
Aug 26, 2009

I would like to wear gloves with my wedding dress. How do I go about exchanging rings with gloves? I assume you take the glove off during ring exchange but are you supposed to wear the glove over your ring? I've also heard you can make a small slit in the glove on the ring finger to just kinda peel the glove back to put the ring on.

Anybody run into this during your wedding?

Friendly Geek
Aug 11, 2005
Your friendly neighborhood geek. Friendly and/or geeky since 1982.

Ms. Happiness posted:

I would like to wear gloves with my wedding dress. How do I go about exchanging rings with gloves? I assume you take the glove off during ring exchange but are you supposed to wear the glove over your ring? I've also heard you can make a small slit in the glove on the ring finger to just kinda peel the glove back to put the ring on.

Anybody run into this during your wedding?

My mom's a minister and has encountered this several times. From what I hear, the bride usually takes the glove off when it's time to exchange rings.

Ms. Happiness
Aug 26, 2009

After the rings are exchanged, do she just put the glove back on, or just keep both gloves off for the rest of the ceremony and reception?

Exelsior
Aug 4, 2007

Ms. Happiness posted:

I would like to wear gloves with my wedding dress. How do I go about exchanging rings with gloves? I assume you take the glove off during ring exchange but are you supposed to wear the glove over your ring? I've also heard you can make a small slit in the glove on the ring finger to just kinda peel the glove back to put the ring on.

Anybody run into this during your wedding?

You can take the gloves off just before the ring exchange and hand them to your bridesmaid.

You can put the ring on over the gloves. (Might not fit.)

You can buy special bridal gloves that have a slit for the ring finger so you can just pop that finger out for the ring exchange.

You can buy special bridal gloves that have a bare ring finger.

You could wear gauntlets.

maso
Jul 6, 2004

fuck bitches get stud fees
Mine was $160, his was $80. I didn't get an engagement ring.

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja

Lingling posted:

How much did you guys spend on rings (engagement, wedding bands etc)? I know it's a personal choice, but I'd like to know what everyone's ballpark figures were.

Also, along these lines -- does anyone have any experience with Alexandrite rings? I don't mind if they are natural-mined, simulated, synthetic or found in cow's poop, just as long as there is a colour change and that I can say it is Alexandrite (as opposed to colour change garnet or something).

The current average spent on engagement rings in the USA is $4,500. I receive updated sales data monthly so I can forecast ordering schedules.

Alexandrite is a temperamental gem due to the color change, but it is very hard and will wear nicely in a ring. A top quality one carat specimen of the best color change will cost upwards of $5,000. Lab Grown pieces of similar quality will be one tenth that cost.

Any jeweler should set a stone bought elsewhere without trouble.

Zeitgueist
Aug 8, 2003

by Ralp
So I lucked into a very awesome girl, and I need to buy her a ring. Honestly, she's flat out told me that she wants a ring, but it doesn't have to be extravagant because she knows I'm not loaded. Having said that, I'd still like to buy something nice. I'd rather not have a tiny chip that's dwarfed by the band.

  • She's open to having a non-traditional(clear diamond)stone/color.
  • She does not want a conflict diamond, and would be happy if she could be assured of such.
  • She likes silver metals and the color blue.

All this would lead me towards a blue lab diamond in a silver setting. The reading I've done so far on Gemesis makes me think they're using the "cultured pearl" approach of selling their product for the same prices as natural diamonds. There's also Tanzanite, which is a pretty cool color.

Anyone have suggestions as far as getting her an affordable ring that fits my needs?

Nexus-6
Mar 26, 2008

somewhere in a land of cotton candy and pinwheels where the air smells like sugar kisses
My engagement ring was ~$5500 (estate piece), my wedding band was ~$1100(custom in platinum to fit weirdly shaped estate piece) and his wedding band was ~$450( he wanted palladium because it's lighter than platinum). All paid for out-of-pocket, no financing, because that poo poo gets you into trouble.

Zeitgueist posted:


  • She's open to having a non-traditional(clear diamond)stone/color.
  • She does not want a conflict diamond, and would be happy if she could be assured of such.
  • She likes silver metals and the color blue.

All this would lead me towards a blue lab diamond in a silver setting. The reading I've done so far on Gemesis makes me think they're using the "cultured pearl" approach of selling their product for the same prices as natural diamonds. There's also Tanzanite, which is a pretty cool color.

Anyone have suggestions as far as getting her an affordable ring that fits my needs?

I'd go with aquamarine, personally. Or a sapphire!

Nexus-6 fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Feb 2, 2010

Fire In The Disco
Oct 4, 2007
I cannot change the gender of my unborn child and shouldn't waste my time or energy pretending he won't exist
Our wedding bands were both around $100; his is titanium and mine is white gold with small diamonds. My engagement ring was ~$1,000, for a 1.5 carat fabulous round moissanite solitaire set in white gold.

Zeitgueist posted:

So I lucked into a very awesome girl, and I need to buy her a ring. Honestly, she's flat out told me that she wants a ring, but it doesn't have to be extravagant because she knows I'm not loaded. Having said that, I'd still like to buy something nice. I'd rather not have a tiny chip that's dwarfed by the band.

  • She's open to having a non-traditional(clear diamond)stone/color.
  • She does not want a conflict diamond, and would be happy if she could be assured of such.
  • She likes silver metals and the color blue.

All this would lead me towards a blue lab diamond in a silver setting. The reading I've done so far on Gemesis makes me think they're using the "cultured pearl" approach of selling their product for the same prices as natural diamonds. There's also Tanzanite, which is a pretty cool color.

Anyone have suggestions as far as getting her an affordable ring that fits my needs?

Sapphire's pretty popular for engagement rings. Moissanite's another option. My own ring, as mentioned above, is moissanite, and I love it more than anything.

FormerPoster
Aug 5, 2004

Hair Elf

Zeitgueist posted:

There's also Tanzanite, which is a pretty cool color.

Anyone have suggestions as far as getting her an affordable ring that fits my needs?

Don't get tanzanite for an engagement ring, it's going to get scratched or chipped. Get her a stone she can wear every day without worrying about babying it. Sapphires, Rubies and diamonds (synthetic or natural) are all hard enough that they should be able to stand up to the kind of wear that most women have come to expect of engagement rings. Moissanite is also hard enough to withstand decent abuse, if you want to go in that direction. Aquamarine, as someone mentioned earlier, is a possibility - it's a little bit softer than sapphires, but it's certainly going to take more punishment than a tanzanite.

If you like blue and you have some time on your hands, maybe try tracking down a nice blue spinel? The ones with large concentrations of cobalt in them are an especially nice blue, sometimes comparable to sapphires. Of course, these are all just different options, you should go with whatever you think will make her happiest.

Hawkeye
Jun 2, 2003
The engagement ring band was around $1200 (bought in the store, was from a specific vendor), and the stone was ~$2000 bought online.

It cost an extra 100 for the independent appraisal, and an extra 75 for the store to set the stone in the band, so all together it was with tax around $3500.

I saved up for around a year to pay for it, paid in cash.

While not purchased yet, likely the wedding bands will be: 800 hers, 300 mine.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Rhaegar
Jul 16, 2006
So I turned down a ring that I got made at Spence Diamonds today primarily because I was not happy with how much I was paying for the center diamond ($2250 CDN for a 0.54kt, J, SI1, ideal cut diamond) especially compared to how much I could get for my money at BlueNile. I mentioned this to the guy I had been talking to there and he gave me a spiel on some of the bad stories he had heard from people who went to BlueNile. I don't blame him for trying to win my business back but his issue with BlueNile was that they basically buy huge lots of diamonds ranging in quality from crap to awesome and that you don't really know what you are going to get. This didn't really sit right with me since I figured you pretty much know what you are going to get from BlueNile because it says right on the site all the specs you could ever need and a link to the GIA report. How could you be surprised? He also said that he had heard some horror stories with people trying to return stuff to BlueNile. Anyway, I'm still thinking about going with BlueNile but can anyone corroborate any of the stories this guy told me?

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply