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Robert Denby posted:Russian Man Recalls Oppressive Days Under Communism When No One Could Speak Freely Or Protest Government They managed to lift the climactic speech from The Dictator and make it even less subtle. Bravo, Onion.
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Aug 15, 2013 06:37
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Group Of Friends Engage In Passionate, Incoherent Discussion About Current Events This is every discussion ever had at the bar of a fraternal lodge where I bartended for about 4 years.
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Aug 15, 2013 19:06
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Hello Sailor posted:Group Of Friends Engage In Passionate, Incoherent Discussion About Current Events Is it bad that the first thing I noticed was the bar in the story was on Bar Rescue? edit: If this story ended with the discussion segueing into how The Dark Knight Rises wasn't as good as they thought it was when they first saw it and, how Heath Ledger was so great in The Dark Knight, then it would describe most of my nights out drinking this summer. Gaunab has a new favorite as of 19:44 on Aug 15, 2013 |
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Aug 15, 2013 19:36
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Egypt Plunges Into State Of Middle EastThe Onion posted:[...]while the Middle East in Egypt is showing no signs of letting up, the situation has thankfully not yet boiled over into a full-blown Africa.
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Aug 15, 2013 19:41
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8 of the hottest celebrities without their flesh. http://www.theonion.com/articles/8-of-the-hottest-celebs-without-their-flesh,33505/
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Aug 16, 2013 06:25
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Terrified Laptop Wakes Up Inside Case (sponsored by Samsonite) There's something deliciously absurd about these sponsored articles.
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Aug 16, 2013 10:21
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It Says Here On Your Résumé, Mr. Zimmerman, That You Shot A Boy?
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Aug 16, 2013 17:59
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I read an interview in a newspaper right after the verdict was announced that basically said the same thing as that article regarding Zimmerman's future employment prospects.
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Aug 17, 2013 08:41
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FrozenGoldfishGod posted:I read an interview in a newspaper right after the verdict was announced that basically said the same thing as that article regarding Zimmerman's future employment prospects. I think the Onion is being uncharacteristically optimistic and underestimating the amount of wretched people who hail Zimmerman as a hero for killing Martin because he's a proxy for Obama, or because he got to say the n-word AND cracker, or some other equally insane reason.
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Aug 17, 2013 08:50
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Dr Christmas posted:I think the Onion is being uncharacteristically optimistic and underestimating the amount of wretched people who hail Zimmerman as a hero for killing Martin because he's a proxy for Obama, or because he got to say the n-word AND cracker, or some other equally insane reason. he did a drug A DRUG I TELL YOU
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Aug 17, 2013 09:04
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The onion shop is pretty great.
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Aug 17, 2013 13:34
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quote:You weren’t deemed a murderer by the state. So, on the record, you’re not a murderer. But off the record, you are. It's extremely funny and also deeply depressing!
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Aug 17, 2013 13:35
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Does anyone remember an Onion article titled something like "We must not allow the other side to win this election?" The joke was that the author's party was never identified and the article contained nothing but generic political rhetoric ("we stand for the values that made America great, but the other side wants to destroy those values," "we represent the hardworking middle class, while the other side is beholden to special interests") that could have come from a politician on either side.
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Aug 17, 2013 23:06
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Giant Squid posted:Does anyone remember an Onion article titled something like "We must not allow the other side to win this election?" The joke was that the author's party was never identified and the article contained nothing but generic political rhetoric ("we stand for the values that made America great, but the other side wants to destroy those values," "we represent the hardworking middle class, while the other side is beholden to special interests") that could have come from a politician on either side. Is it this? http://reason.com/archives/2012/08/20/the-wrong-side-absolutely-must-not-win Cause I found it by searching google for exactly what you put in quotes...without quotes
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Aug 17, 2013 23:21
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CarForumPoster posted:Is it this?  Well, I feel dumb. I was so sure it had come from the Onion. Thanks for finding it!
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Aug 17, 2013 23:28
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I've always loved this article: http://www.theonion.com/articles/84-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-c,18003/ It pretty much sums up exactly how I felt when I made up my mind to get out of New York City. It's beautiful.
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Aug 18, 2013 16:50
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Ugly In The Morning posted:I've always loved this article: http://www.theonion.com/articles/84-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-c,18003/ Note, however, that Bloomberg says "the people there aren't loving insane" about the town that brought us Amy's Baking Company.
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Aug 19, 2013 01:43
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Area Teen Quickly Running Out Of Chances To Be First Openly Gay Anything Report: There Only 17 Total Square Miles On Earth Where Gays Not Discriminated Against Bonus: Barney Frank: Being a congressman less socially acceptable than being gay
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Aug 20, 2013 01:11
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San Andreas Fault Feels Terrible For What It’s About To Do Not the most soothing of articles for someone who lives within the San Jacinto Fault Zone (and only a few miles away from the fault itself). 
Cross-Section has a new favorite as of 01:59 on Aug 20, 2013 |
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Aug 20, 2013 01:54
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Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power
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Aug 20, 2013 02:57
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Washington’s Hobby Lobby Lobbies To Strengthen Hobbies
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Aug 20, 2013 20:36
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Adolescent Girl Reaching Age Where She Starts Exploring Stepfather's Body
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Aug 20, 2013 21:35
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A worthy successor to Romney: 'This Is Why They Call Me Turnaround Mitty From Comeback City'
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Aug 20, 2013 23:46
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Obama Family Adopts 44-Year-Old Portuguese Water Man
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Aug 21, 2013 00:03
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I love these wordplay pieces. One of my all-time favorites from them is Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Ever.
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Aug 21, 2013 00:12
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"It won’t be long before her childhood is gone forever.”  As always the last line nails it.
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Aug 21, 2013 00:30
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I saw this on the sidebar and just had to. Elmore Leonard, Modern Prose Master, Noted For His Terse Prose Style And For Writing About Things Perfectly And Succinctly With A Remarkable Economy Of Words, Unfortunately And Sadly Expired This Gloomy Tuesday At The Age Of 87 Years Old
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Aug 21, 2013 01:19
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Oh poo poo, Elmore Leonard is dead? 
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Aug 21, 2013 01:39
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Cleretic posted:I saw this on the sidebar and just had to. This is even better if you read his 10 Rules of Writing first.
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Aug 21, 2013 02:38
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This one made me laugh like an idiot. So good! 'We’ll Lobby For Hobbies All The Way To Abu Dhabi,’ Says Lobby Rep Robbie Stobby
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Aug 21, 2013 03:26
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Ugly In The Morning posted:This is even better if you read his 10 Rules of Writing first. Here is the original article at The New York Times: WRITERS ON WRITING; Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle.
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Aug 21, 2013 06:31
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New Point/Counterpoint! Who Wants A Belly Rub? vs. I Want A Belly Rubquote:Who’s got the best belly? Who’s got the best? And what about those ears? Who wants a scratchy scratch behind those ears? Who does? Who’s a big ol’ scruffy duffy boy who wants scratchy behind those floppy ears?
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Aug 21, 2013 18:30
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Phelddagrif posted:New Point/Counterpoint! Who Wants A Belly Rub? vs. I Want A Belly Rub Oh my god this is perfect. Reminded me of this one: Bo Obama Receives Visiting Dognitaries From Furuguay edit: Good loving christ this one is dark. Awkward New International Student Saw His Entire Family Murdered In The Congo “He’s such a loser,” said Danica Martray of the boy who has seen infants sliced in half, grew up accepting the inherent risk that he might step on a landmine while playing soccer, and has witnessed large groups of men and women grieving hysterically. “I swear to God he was born without a personality. He just makes everyone else uncomfortable.” internet celebrity has a new favorite as of 19:51 on Aug 22, 2013 |
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Aug 21, 2013 19:27
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internet celebrity posted:edit: Good loving christ this one is dark. Awkward New International Student Saw His Entire Family Murdered In The Congo
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Aug 22, 2013 23:56
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New Desktop Folder Created For Sad Little Creative Project That's a little close to home, Onion.
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Aug 23, 2013 00:02
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internet celebrity posted:Awkward New International Student Saw His Entire Family Murdered In The Congo  For all the hosed up articles that the Onion has written, this is the only one that's ever made me look for a palette cleanser right after. Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels This is a good start, but I think I'm going to have to go on a binge.
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Aug 23, 2013 03:09
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Pick posted:New Desktop Folder Created For Sad Little Creative Project Oh no, they got me too.
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Aug 23, 2013 03:25
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If you've ever had the displeasure of reading or listening to Chuck Klosterman, this one is spot loving on: Chuck Klosterman Corners Guy At Party Wearing Dio Shirt
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Aug 23, 2013 23:23
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Seemingly Mentally Ill Internet Commenter Presumably Functions In Outside World Goldman Sachs Announces They’re Blowing Up A Nursing Home And There’s Nothing Anyone Can Do About It
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Aug 24, 2013 02:53
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Aug 24, 2013 03:13
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