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TV Showdown Expected As ‘Sleepy Hollow’ Debuts Tonight Against HBO’s ‘Ichabod,’ TNT’s ‘Headless Horseman,’ Showtime’s ‘Cloaked Rider’
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Sep 17, 2013 08:59
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I read this one before this morning before I found out about the actual shooting. So that was kind of weird.
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Sep 17, 2013 12:59
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Once again The Onion predicts the future in spectacular fashion. "Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc3jMoFJrBQ "Justin Bieber imposter Robert Hunter jailed over child sex videos" http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-24108311
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Sep 17, 2013 15:57
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http://www.theonion.com/articles/12yearold-hispanic-boy-not-sure-if-hes-supposed-to,33889/ 12-year-old boy not sure if he should idolize Marco Rubio
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Sep 17, 2013 19:07
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I really like this one, because I know there are people who actually believe it.
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Sep 18, 2013 18:38
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Grandmother Shown Around Retirement Home Where She Will Diequote:Upon entering Tellinder’s prospective apartment—a 15-by-15-foot residence where a night-shift employee is likely to find her body lifeless and stiff with rigor mortis—her 52-year-old daughter Eileen Caruso commented on the space’s coziness. 
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Sep 19, 2013 18:56
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11 AMAZING Photos Of Doug Bramowski As He Slowly Realizes His Wife Is Having An Affair
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Sep 19, 2013 19:07
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DaveWoo posted:11 AMAZING Photos Of Doug Bramowski As He Slowly Realizes His Wife Is Having An Affair Ha, that is a follow up to this uncharacteristically cheery article by the way: Meteorologists Report Sky Just A Little Bluer Today, And It’s Because Minneapolis Resident Doug Bramowski’s In Love. Dammit Onion, not everything has to eventually turn to poo poo!
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Sep 19, 2013 19:25
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khwarezm posted:Dammit Onion, not everything has to eventually turn to poo poo!
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Sep 19, 2013 19:29
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Area Man's Intelligence Probably Just Too Intimidating For Most Women
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Sep 19, 2013 19:37
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goons.txt again. Liquor Commercial Featuring Dance Party On Pirate Ship Also Includes Important Message About Responsibility
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Sep 19, 2013 20:08
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khwarezm posted:Ha, that is a follow up to this uncharacteristically cheery article by the way: Meteorologists Report Sky Just A Little Bluer Today, And It’s Because Minneapolis Resident Doug Bramowski’s In Love. Dammit Onion, not everything has to eventually turn to poo poo! Haha, I didn't even realize that. Man, that relationship went to hell fast.
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Sep 19, 2013 21:30
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khwarezm posted:Ha, that is a follow up to this uncharacteristically cheery article by the way: Meteorologists Report Sky Just A Little Bluer Today, And It’s Because Minneapolis Resident Doug Bramowski’s In Love. Dammit Onion, not everything has to eventually turn to poo poo! That is loving unbelievable.
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Sep 19, 2013 22:31
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I choose to believe the divorce is first and the love one is second.
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Sep 19, 2013 22:38
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Barudak posted:I choose to believe the divorce is first and the love one is second. Just wait until the next Bramowski update comes out. 
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Sep 19, 2013 22:40
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prefect posted:Just wait until the next Bramowski update comes out.
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Sep 19, 2013 22:51
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This is my favorite article they've done in a while: Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culturequote:“It’s really refreshing, frankly, to live in a place where nobody gives me any weird looks when I walk hand-in-hand with my girlfriend,” Aldridge continued. “And all of the other eternally damned homosexuals down here feel the same. I thank Satan every day for welcoming me here.”
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Sep 20, 2013 08:23
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Looks like the onion has been reading CineD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPOX2kNAZ6I
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Sep 20, 2013 21:24
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Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something
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Sep 21, 2013 21:34
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I am filled with a large number of conflicting emotions: Lonely Nation Gathers Outside Window Of Happy Family Eating Dinner Together EDIT: Picture + headline: Hang-Glider Gang Terrorizes Elderly Hot-Air-Ballooning Couple Lysidas has a new favorite as of 18:19 on Sep 23, 2013 |
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Sep 23, 2013 18:08
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Rediscovered one of my all time favourites: Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War Producers said depicting the fictional, non-German-controlled America cost upwards of 40 million reichsmarks per episode, with much of the budget going toward recreating the cities of Washington, D.C. and New York exactly as they would have appeared before the famous tide-turning Luftwaffe strike of 1951. In addition, test audiences reported being impressed by the show's painstaking portrayal of a topsy-turvy 2009 in which American big-band music plays on every radio, Mickey Mouse spouts pro-Semitic propaganda from every cinema screen, and dilution of the supreme race runs rampant.
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Sep 25, 2013 01:46
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jojoinnit posted:Rediscovered one of my all time favourites: If you like that article, you have to read The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick.
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Sep 25, 2013 16:10
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 I Wish The Government Would Make Up Its Mind Who Should Be Killed And Who I Can Have Sex With
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Sep 25, 2013 18:45
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Burger King Introduces New Healthy Deep-Steamed French Fries Posted two years ago.
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Sep 25, 2013 19:06
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Phelddagrif posted:Burger King Introduces New Healthy Deep-Steamed French Fries
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Sep 25, 2013 19:33
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Lysidas posted:
That really went in a different direction from what I was expecting.
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Sep 25, 2013 19:40
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Phelddagrif posted:Burger King Introduces New Healthy Deep-Steamed French Fries "That doesn't sound satisfrying at all."
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Sep 25, 2013 20:11
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Robert Denby posted:The American Voices on the new 'satisfries' (yes, that is the actual name of these) is a hoot. "Do you have to order them by name?" -- That guy speaks for me.
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Sep 25, 2013 22:46
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Robert Denby posted:The American Voices on the new 'satisfries' (yes, that is the actual name of these) is a hoot. It's such a dumb joke but I've been snickering at it all day.
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Sep 26, 2013 04:10
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Lysidas posted:EDIT: Picture + headline: Hang-Glider Gang Terrorizes Elderly Hot-Air-Ballooning Couple This led me to Abused Child Running Out of Black Crayon, which might be my new favorite headline+picture combo.
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Sep 26, 2013 04:37
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President Cruz Fondly Recalls 21-Hour Speech That Started It All Beautiful. 
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Sep 26, 2013 17:57
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The last line is actually kind of  Man Who Has Something Seriously Wrong With Him On A Fundamental Level Leaves That Part Off OKCupid Profile
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Sep 26, 2013 18:50
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Roger Goodell Announces NFL Will Begin Collecting Players’ Sperm For New Breeding ProgramRoger Goodell posted:Empty capsules shall be distributed on Tuesday. The player shall fill the capsule with semen and return it on Wednesday, at which point it shall become the sole property of the NFL. All of this is necessary. The league will survive.
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Sep 26, 2013 21:43
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This one is just them being kind of goofy, James Fenimore Cooper, Famed American Novelist, Dies At 224
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Sep 27, 2013 20:39
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muscles like this? posted:This one is just them being kind of goofy, James Fenimore Cooper, Famed American Novelist, Dies At 224 This one too! http://www.theonion.com/articles/district-attorney-worked-way-up-from-police-dog,34017/
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Sep 27, 2013 20:43
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They're on loving fire today. New Poll Finds Americans View Death Of Close Relative More Favorably Than Congress quote:When asked whether they would prefer to select a casket for their child or endure the forthcoming congressional showdown over the debt ceiling, 89 percent of Americans said they would rather bury their own offspring. Bullied Eighth-Grader Incorrectly Thought Classmates Would Leave Him Alone During Field Trip To 9/11 Memorial quote:While touring the museum portion of the memorial, looking at photos of those who lost their lives and listening to 911 calls from employees inside the World Trade Center, Holcombe’s expectation of not being on the receiving end of vicious taunts was once again unmet when numerous students, girls included, reportedly thought it would be funny to approach him and say, “I heard your dad flew one of those planes,” “Your dad’s a terrorist,” and “You’re a Muslim and so is your dad.”
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Sep 27, 2013 21:23
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Loving the recent influx of goofy poo poo. World’s Insect Leaders Attend G20,000,000,000 Summit
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Sep 29, 2013 02:45
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Robert Denby posted:Bullied Eighth-Grader Incorrectly Thought Classmates Would Leave Him Alone During Field Trip To 9/11 Memorial I was actually pretty disappointed that they let up on the gas towards the end of this one and didn't go super-depressing like saying the kid committed suicide at 16 because of bullying or something. Has the onion turned me into a bad person?
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Sep 29, 2013 02:56
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Skeesix posted:I was actually pretty disappointed that they let up on the gas towards the end of this one and didn't go super-depressing like saying the kid committed suicide at 16 because of bullying or something. This never happens. My dark imagination has me believe this future won't really be the case.
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Sep 29, 2013 03:03
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Another great headline/picture combo: Tony Blair Apparently Not British Prime Minister Anymore
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Sep 29, 2013 03:24
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