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Wait, there are people who think those paranormal tv shows are real?
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Jan 25, 2017 03:54
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Mad Hamish posted:Wait, there are people who think those paranormal tv shows are real? Why else would it be on TV?
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Jan 25, 2017 04:05
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limp_cheese posted:Why else would it be on TV? gently caress, I don't know, I can't stand having one of those shows on the TV for more than five minutes.
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Jan 25, 2017 04:10
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Wasn't there a goon that had one of those shows come to their house or something?
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Jan 25, 2017 04:32
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Have we had enough fake Trump confessions yet? "Hi, my confession is I hate women and I'm racist and I weigh four hundred pounds and I smell bad and oh btw I totally voted for Trump! Just wanted to make sure you know that I, someone disclosing horrible opinions anonymously, am a Trump supporter. " I'm not a Trump supporter or even an American but I'm disappointed by the high-volume of politically motivated obviously bullshit confessions.
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Jan 25, 2017 11:58
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Hi I'm a Trump voter, unlike the millions of people who have gone out on the streets to show their disapproval, I am too much of a pathetic coward to publically admit my political leanings. Instead I must make an anonymous confession on dead gay comedy forum Something Awful to let everyone know just how superior I am.
Kim Jong ill fucked around with this message at 13:46 on Jan 25, 2017 |
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Jan 25, 2017 13:24
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Mad Hamish posted:Wait, there are people who think those paranormal tv shows are real? Millions upon millions, bud. I can't talk too much poo poo, though, because in college I made a bunch of beer money by doing psychic readings and stuff. "I think my boyfriend is cheating on me, he never answers his phone and I saw him holding hands with some other girl" *shakes rocks out of bag, hums a tune, moves rocks around randomly* "Oh, this isn't looking good. I'm sorry, but the stones say he has 'other interests.' I'm afraid that might mean he's seeing someone else." "OH MY GOD I KNEW IT"
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Jan 25, 2017 13:31
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quote:A lot of people have fond memories of the movie "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" and specifically the Rube Goldberg breakfast machine. Not me. quote:I got banned from Barnes and Noble bookstore this weekend. May also have some small legal trouble. I saw "manga section" and knew exactly where this was going
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Jan 25, 2017 14:02
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lmao that first one owns
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Jan 25, 2017 14:09
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Lunchmeat Larry posted:lmao that first one owns It's so good.
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Jan 25, 2017 14:16
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Lunchmeat Larry posted:lmao that first one owns
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Jan 25, 2017 14:19
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Lmao. Thought it was leading to a gun shooting him in the head
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Jan 25, 2017 14:28
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That is fantastic. The second one, we see that kind of confession a lot and I'm not really sure what people are trying to do when they send those. Is it supposed to be funny, or are we supposed to be trolled in some way? I mean, you wrote a short piece of fiction where you're a douchebag, good job I guess?
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Jan 25, 2017 14:29
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I choose to believe Rube Goldberg dad is a true story.
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Jan 25, 2017 14:39
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Goddamn idk if its how iowhatshisface is filtering them but the confessions lately are great
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Jan 25, 2017 14:41
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free basket of chips posted:Goddamn idk if its how iowhatshisface is filtering them but the confessions lately are great code:
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Jan 25, 2017 15:41
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ALFbrot posted:
I thought it sounded more Latin-y this way
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Jan 25, 2017 15:43
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Rube Goldberg dad's biggest mistake was making himself the end of the machine rather than the last mechanism that turns on the toaster.
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Jan 25, 2017 16:17
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Fitzy Fitz posted:Rube Goldberg dad's biggest mistake was making himself the end of the machine rather than the last mechanism that turns on the toaster. the tension in the rope pulls down a huge room-sized banner reading "YOU DID THIS"
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Jan 25, 2017 16:23
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Enola Gay-For-Pay posted:The second one, we see that kind of confession a lot and I'm not really sure what people are trying to do when they send those. Is it supposed to be funny, or are we supposed to be trolled in some way? I mean, you wrote a short piece of fiction where you're a douchebag, good job I guess? loquacius should just funnel those ones into the PYF STDH.txt thread. They're all pretty much the same: I was a creep/rear end in a top hat and oh-so-oblivious, someone got mad, police/court involved, it wasn't my fault, and I didn't learn my lesson. Guys and gals, there are plenty of legit stories like that out there, no need to make up fake ones.
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Jan 25, 2017 16:23
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confession posted:tall, strong, 7" penis man namechange please
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Jan 25, 2017 16:29
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Enola Gay-For-Pay posted:
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Jan 25, 2017 16:49
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So wait, Rube Goldberg dad was standing there on a chair, rope around his neck, waiting for the door to open for who knows how long? And the whole contraption seemed slow and unreliable. A good engineer would have designed a fail-proof system that doesn't rely on dominos and matches successfully striking, and that can't be stopped once set into motion. And for sure a guillotine. In fact probably several deadly contraptions in sequence. Head chopped off, stabbed, shot, body dumped in a tank of piranhas. Also this Fitzy Fitz posted:Rube Goldberg dad's biggest mistake was making himself the end of the machine rather than the last mechanism that turns on the toaster.
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Jan 25, 2017 17:27
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limp_cheese posted:Why else would it be on TV? It is somewhat entertaining to see a swole bro yell at and threaten imaginary things.
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Jan 25, 2017 17:42
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loquacius posted:the tension in the rope pulls down a huge room-sized banner reading "YOU DID THIS" With confetti poppers and maybe balloons!
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Jan 25, 2017 17:50
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quote:I bullied in high school. No excuse for it now, I did it because I was deeply closeted at the time and I was terrified of having to admit that part of myself. So I lashed out with violence. That's not the point of this. I've told people about that, including my therapist and my husband, and have come to accept that I was a kid who reacted in the worst possible way to his own insecurity. that kid is inhuman quote:I basically had my sexual awakining to a weird combo of Titanic and The Mummy. My first erotic dreams were all about getting it on with Imhotep after he drew me like one of his French girls before I died because I was a 3rd class passenger. I guess he had kind of a Xerxes From 300 thing going on in that movie yeah (fun fact, the guy who played Xerxes in 300 was in Westworld)
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Jan 25, 2017 18:57
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Another fun fact, Xerxes has the same letters as SexRex
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Jan 25, 2017 21:50
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So I'm just assuming the mother looked at the dad straight in the eyes with a very bored expression while his dominoes fell over or whatever Also good for that kid with the pepper spray. He could have gone and pulled a Columbine but he did the mature thing instead.
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Jan 25, 2017 22:07
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I wish somebody had given me pepper spray and advice on how to fight dirty as hell when I was a kid. Everyone was like "just challenge them to fight one on one" which would probably have worked because teenage bullies are known for being serious as hell about dueling etiquette.
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Jan 25, 2017 22:14
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Rube-Goldberg-machine dad hears the doorbell, and steps on to the chair, looping the noose over his head and ensuring the knot is snug just under his ear. He sighs deeply, and after a brief pause, calls out, "Come in..." He hears the door open, sees his ex-wife peer around the door as she softly calls his name into the foyer. They both started at the solid thump of the counterweight striking the floor somewhere behind him, and he smiled faintly as he heard the scrape and flare of a match lighting. "Oh my god, what are you--" She was cut off by the snap of gunpowder and the sudden clatter of dominos. Then a slight thud, and another, and another, each louder than the previous, clangs now, the crash of glass, the floor beginning to shake, and she catches a flash of the 150 year old grandfather clock behind him, tipping forward and smashing in the back of the chair, sending him into a brief freefall before the rope caught him dangling, inches from the floor, leaving his shoulders and now-purple face still visible as she struggled to comprehend the banner's message: YOU DID THIS Stars and Stripes Forver began to play. She watched now, numb, as more small pyrotechnics detonated and showered her with smoldering debris. She hardly noticed the spring-loaded railroad spikes that fired into his skull, or blade that slashed across the foyer, separating head from dangling body and sending spurts of blood first over the banner and then under, pooling rapidly. The last thing she noted before all became light and chaos, was a familiar metallic springing sound, and the smell of fresh toast.
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Jan 25, 2017 22:49
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a mysterious cloak posted:Rube-Goldberg-machine dad hears the doorbell, and steps on to the chair, looping the noose over his head and ensuring the knot is snug just under his ear. I wanna go out and buy a toaster now
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Jan 25, 2017 22:59
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a mysterious cloak posted:Stars and Stripes Forver began to play. nice
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Jan 25, 2017 23:05
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I was planning on just taking a bunch of sleeping pills. I can't even kill myself without feeling inadequate.
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Jan 25, 2017 23:16
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it is posted:I was planning on just taking a bunch of sleeping pills. I can't even kill myself without feeling inadequate. There's no reason you can't Rube that up! Some sort of elaborate conveyor belt, I'd imagine.
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Jan 25, 2017 23:24
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it is posted:I was planning on just taking a bunch of sleeping pills. I can't even kill myself without feeling inadequate. Dont kill yourself, just torture yourself to death by working a backbreaking job that pays jack poo poo.
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Jan 25, 2017 23:56
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Mr. F! posted:Dont kill yourself, just torture yourself to death by working a backbreaking job that pays jack poo poo. Roofer it is!
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Jan 26, 2017 00:21
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Solice Kirsk posted:Roofer it is! Too much potential for accidental immediate death. Work retail instead.
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Jan 26, 2017 02:40
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The Management posted:So wait, Rube Goldberg dad was standing there on a chair, rope around his neck, waiting for the door to open for who knows how long? And the whole contraption seemed slow and unreliable. like that helmet that simultaneously fires 6 shotgun shells at the same time directly into the brain
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Jan 26, 2017 03:53
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Hardawn posted:like that helmet that simultaneously fires 6 shotgun shells at the same time directly into the brain That thing was awesome, kudos to the guy who made it.
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Jan 26, 2017 04:02
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