Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Cubone posted:

[trying to recite edward norton's rant from 25th Hour from memory]

gently caress the bull poo poo. especially gently caress the drat dumb poo poo. gently caress all that hosed up and crazy poo poo. gently caress that screwy ol' fucken bull poo poo. in fact, gently caress every drat poo poo that's all hosed up

It worked for Limp Bizkit and SO CAN YOU

# ? Feb 5, 2019 18:29

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# ? May 25, 2024 20:24

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I think it's rude to ghost on people, which is why I hired this blimp to tell you to gently caress off.

me, pointing: hey look at that blimp! it's telling me to gently caress off!

friend [looking where I am pointing]: what blimp? I don't see anything

me: it was right there! right there I tell you!

:ghost:

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Feb 5, 2019 18:33

vanisher

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I think it's rude to ghost on people, which is why I hired this blimp to tell you to gently caress off.

Yes, uh, google adwords? These are some key things that my ex searches for and I'd like them to load a separate pop up window with some custom text, maybe a couple images. I'm looking for maybe a six month commitment?

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Feb 5, 2019 18:34

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

[Limp Bizkit trying to remember Dirty Harry's speech]
I know what your thinkin after that hosed up crime, am I gonna shoot you in this dope rear end rhyme?
How many shots? goin through your thoughts
Did I shoot seven? Did I shoot eleven?
Do I have a bullet left to send your rear end to heaven?
Gotta ask yourself, do I feel lucky, well motherfucker, do you motherfucky?!

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Feb 5, 2019 20:10

Riatsala: All Princesses are Tyrants

A series of pro-life billboards that turn into a hackneyed journal-style horror short story ie

First billboard: at 18 days your baby has a heartbeat

Second billboard: at 30 days your baby has fingernails

So on: at 6 weeks the chrysalis forms

At 9 weeks the baby can hear sounds

At 10 weeks the baby can feel hatred

At 12 weeks the baby begins to plot against you

At 15 weeks your baby has two heartbeats

----------------

# ? Feb 6, 2019 05:30

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Jolo posted:

motherfucky?!

chuckled while thinking about this on the bus

# ? Feb 6, 2019 05:57

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Cubone posted:

chuckled while thinking about this on the bus

In my head I can hear it in his voice so vividly. I wouldn't be surprised if he's said it.

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Feb 6, 2019 16:19

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

This is a thread title i thought of: Porno? I am... a fan

# ? Feb 6, 2019 21:17

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

De-grittying reboots. Glittery reboots if you will.

# ? Feb 7, 2019 21:28

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Improbable accidents

Slip and fall into the sun.

Take off a leg peeling potatoes.

Double-booking a funeral route for your marbles tournament.

# ? Feb 7, 2019 21:30

vanisher

Calling a funeral home to schedule services for my old couch

# ? Feb 7, 2019 21:47

bare bottom pancakes: Production: Complete

Choosing a country to move to based on its national anthem

# ? Feb 8, 2019 05:23

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Proudly wearing my "Sassy and Gassy" t-shirt to my brother Gregg's wedding

# ? Feb 8, 2019 15:37

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

I adjust my grip on a giant bag of chickens and say, "Sell, officer, it is illegal to sell sex. No one said anything about bartering."

# ? Feb 8, 2019 18:49

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

A Real Conversation

Girlfriend: Sometimes I think about how much I love you and feel sick to my stomach.
Me: Wow.
GF: No, but in a good way.
Me: 'I love you so much I'm going to throw up on your shoes.'
GF: Basically, yeah.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 00:57

Farecoal: There he go

for the last time, your dog is not your girlfriend!!

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:03

vanisher

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

A Real Conversation

Girlfriend: Sometimes I think about how much I love you and feel sick to my stomach.
Me: Wow.
GF: No, but in a good way.
Me: 'I love you so much I'm going to throw up on your shoes.'
GF: Basically, yeah.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:09

xcheopis

Farecoal posted:

for the last time, your ~~dog~~ cat is not your ~~girl~~ boyfriend!!

# ? Feb 9, 2019 06:29

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Commissioned to write tutorials for things you do not understand

# ? Feb 9, 2019 13:02

Goons Are Gifts

Knock Knock

# ? Feb 9, 2019 13:10

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Goons Are Great posted:

Knock Knock

Who is there?

# ? Feb 9, 2019 14:26

Goons Are Gifts

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Who is there?

Weed

# ? Feb 9, 2019 14:34

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Goons Are Great posted:

Weed

Weed who?

# ? Feb 9, 2019 16:47

Goons Are Gifts

Barking Gecko posted:

Weed who?

Weed you like to smoke with me? :haw:

# ? Feb 9, 2019 19:02

Dick Bastardly: Muttley is SKYNET!!!

im ihgh already :rznv:

Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

# ? Feb 9, 2019 23:12

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

I keep having this dream where I explode and I can't decide if it's a nightmare or a fantasy.

"Again, this is PHYSICAL therapy."

# ? Feb 9, 2019 23:34

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Buying lettuce offsets for my carbonara footprint.

# ? Feb 10, 2019 00:34

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I keep having this dream where I explode and I can't decide if it's a nightmare or a fantasy.

"Again, this is PHYSICAL therapy."

i did this once irl. I went to Walgreens to find some medicine (for what I later found out was colitis cause by an E. Coli infection that ended up hospitalizing me)
The Walgreens employee asked if I needed help and without even looking up I just started blabbing about my diarrhea, cramps, and describing my stool. She said "you should probably talk to a pharmacist" and walked away to get one for me, then went back to restocking the shampoo.

# ? Feb 11, 2019 07:19

Twenty Four

bare bottom pancakes posted:

Choosing a country to move to based on its national anthem

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Proudly wearing my "Sassy and Gassy" t-shirt to my brother Gregg's wedding

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I adjust my grip on a giant bag of chickens and say, "Sell, officer, it is illegal to sell sex. No one said anything about bartering."

lol

# ? Feb 11, 2019 07:20

Plant MONSTER.: I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

Q: what console does The Queen play?

A: the royal wii

# ? Feb 12, 2019 21:05

Farecoal: There he go

Plant MONSTER. posted:

Q: what console does The Queen play?

A: the royal wii

https://www.polygon.com/wii/2019/1/19/18189516/golden-wii-queen-elizabeth-thq-video

# ? Feb 12, 2019 22:29

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Jesus Is My Co-Conspirator

# ? Feb 13, 2019 03:20

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Stirring poo poo Up (Nerd Edition)

Running through campus shouting "Nano is the best word processor"

# ? Feb 13, 2019 03:21

Twenty Four

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Stirring poo poo Up (Nerd Edition)

Running through campus shouting "Nano is the best word processor"

Wearing a shirt that ranks star trek series in order of best to worse, put in any possible order, for the purposes of Stirring poo poo Up (Nerd Edition) and meeting people

# ? Feb 13, 2019 04:01

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

I legit get annoyed when I see pi and I can tell where they started making it up

a good way to troll me is to post something like 3.14158...

# ? Feb 13, 2019 04:11

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Twenty Four posted:

Wearing a shirt that ranks star trek series in order of best to worse, put in any possible order, for the purposes of Stirring poo poo Up (Nerd Edition) and meeting people

# ? Feb 13, 2019 04:23

Dungeon Ecology

Cubone posted:

I legit get annoyed when I see pi and I can tell where they started making it up

a good way to troll me is to post something like 3.14158...

3.1415822222222222222222222

# ? Feb 13, 2019 05:18

Twenty Four

Cubone posted:

I legit get annoyed when I see pi and I can tell where they started making it up

a good way to troll me is to post something like 3.14158...

Cherry, Apple, Pumpkin, Motor Oil

# ? Feb 13, 2019 05:38

vanisher

Twenty Four posted:

Wearing a shirt that ranks star trek series in order of best to worse, put in any possible order, for the purposes of Stirring poo poo Up (Nerd Edition) and meeting people

with "fight me" at the bottom

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Feb 13, 2019 06:35

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# ? May 25, 2024 20:24

Twenty Four

vanisher posted:

with "fight me" at the bottom

"Wait, who are captain kirk and picard? I just bought it at goodwill because it was $3 and said "fight me" on it."

# ? Feb 13, 2019 07:37

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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