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Halfway through the two week wait. Man, I hate waiting. How's everyone else doing?
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Jul 22, 2015 10:36
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nyerf posted:Halfway through the two week wait. Man, I hate waiting. How's everyone else doing? Well, I've learned what's after the two week wait. It's an even longer wait to get a sonogram to confirm it's in there and doing stuff. Fingers crossed for you!
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Jul 22, 2015 13:23
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Eh. I'm thinking that my husband and I are such scientists that we will end up needing test tube babies. I have 4 days left to wait, but I'm pretty sure that I am having pms symptoms.
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Jul 22, 2015 16:45
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I'm going to do a test tomorrow morning - I'm a week late on my period now although I'm having no pregnancy symptoms. I've had a couple of period-like cramps, but actually very little when I think about it, I'm just very hyper-aware at the moment. I've also been getting quite a bit of discharge, though, which I thought was a pre-period thing but it has lasted since a day or so before my period was due and I can't recall having discharge for this long before. I don't want to get my hopes up in case my cycle is just messed up from coming off the implant. Good luck to everyone! Min_sora fucked around with this message at 19:44 on Jul 22, 2015 |
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Jul 22, 2015 19:41
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detectivemonkey posted:Well, I've learned what's after the two week wait. It's an even longer wait to get a sonogram to confirm it's in there and doing stuff. Fingers crossed for you! Congrats! Hope all is confirmed by sonogram soon!
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Jul 23, 2015 04:10
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Thanks! I had meant to say, this thread has been really helpful and I'm glad it's available as a resource. Reading from the beginning and seeing the pattern of almost giving up and then getting a positive happen over and over is really helpful. It was also helpful to have around when my sister announced her pregnancy 
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Jul 23, 2015 04:16
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Got a negative  really disheartening. I just want to know where my period is. What could be making my cycle go off-whack?Edit: It's also my birthday today, so hopefully some cards and presents will cheer me up! Min_sora fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Jul 23, 2015 |
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Jul 23, 2015 06:29
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That sucks. But happy birthday! Considering your implant just came out (was it an IUCD or a bar in your arm?) it can take a few cycles to get back to normal. Sometimes up to a year, depending on how long you've been on hormonal contraception. It's why I got off the pill at age 28 and we switched to barrier methods, in advance of trying to conceive around when I was 30-31.
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Jul 23, 2015 22:37
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Min_sora posted:Got a negative That sucks. It's not uncommon to have weird cycles when coming off birth control. If it lasts more than 45 days, you might be able to have a doctor prescribe you Provera to shed your uterine lining.
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Jul 23, 2015 22:48
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nyerf posted:That sucks. But happy birthday! Considering your implant just came out (was it an IUCD or a bar in your arm?) it can take a few cycles to get back to normal. Sometimes up to a year, depending on how long you've been on hormonal contraception. It's why I got off the pill at age 28 and we switched to barrier methods, in advance of trying to conceive around when I was 30-31. I thought I was being smart by going off birth control while my husband was out of town for a few months before officially trying, but if it turns out that I do have PCOS then I should've just waited because I was more fertile when my hormones were lower when fresh off birth control. 
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Jul 23, 2015 22:55
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Maybe kinda probably way premature, but my partner and I have been discussing kids a lot recently and will probably be trying in the next 1-2 years. Thing is, there are lots of resources and advice for women (understandably) but very little for dudes. I know that my part in the actual conception is very limited, but I figure maybe I should do some research on this. - Do I as a dude need to worry about my fertility? Aside from avoiding getting kicked in the nuts or resting my laptop on my crotch, what should I be doing? - What kind of questions should I ask my doctor? Should I even ask my doctor? - Are there any blogs or resources for dudes considering parenthood or fathers that would be good to read and not crazy conservative nonsense? For reference I'm 30, fairly healthy, no injury or ailment more serious than tendonitis, a sinus infection, and a concussion in my entire life (no broken bones, nothing) and I've not been inside a hospital ever except for visit people. My partner is 29, is fairly healthy (although she has a history of migraines and mild hypoglycemia) and is slightly worried about the whole ticking clock thing. As far as I know no one in my family has ever had a problem conceiving (if anything the opposite) and on my partner's side her mother's family has had some difficulties conceiving but nothing of note on her father's side. Mat Cauthon fucked around with this message at 04:08 on Jul 24, 2015 |
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Jul 24, 2015 04:05
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nyerf posted:That sucks. But happy birthday! Considering your implant just came out (was it an IUCD or a bar in your arm?) it can take a few cycles to get back to normal. Sometimes up to a year, depending on how long you've been on hormonal contraception. It's why I got off the pill at age 28 and we switched to barrier methods, in advance of trying to conceive around when I was 30-31. It was a bar in my arm, I was hoping it had straightened itself out quite fast because I had a period a week and a half after taking it out (a normal one, not the 2-week long river of blood that I tended to have with the implant in) but researching online I can see people who had periods and then skipped cycles or just had them all over the place for a while. I think because the nurses in the clinic said it was possible for some women to get pregnant immediately after the implant was taken out, I secretly hoped I'd be one of the lucky ones! Ah well, just a waiting game now.
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Jul 24, 2015 06:14
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Rap Record Hoarder posted:Maybe kinda probably way premature, but my partner and I have been discussing kids a lot recently and will probably be trying in the next 1-2 years. Thing is, there are lots of resources and advice for women (understandably) but very little for dudes. I know that my part in the actual conception is very limited, but I figure maybe I should do some research on this. My partner and I found that it is really hard to find decent info for dudes and it sucks. It seems to almost get worse once you're actually pregnant when all the dude material just turns into bro-talk bullshit and all the women material assumes that you are having this kid without any other human in your life to help out. Having said that I had a couple of friends who were more worried about this than we were and they did the following which I consider useful if you feel you want to be doing something: - Have a sperm test. They are reasonably affordable and will be able to tell you whether there are any fertility issues on your part. It's nice that this is quite straight forward for guys. Obviously this isn't a must do - but it's a readily available option these days. - Get a general health check and make sure all is well, check which of the key immunisations are up to date and which are not (can be done by blood test) that way you'll know what you might want to get topped up during the pregnancy/close to birth (MMR & Whooping Cough especially). -a decent diet and exercise are good for healthy sperm as well as healthy eggs so that's always a good one if you have a longer time to plan and are not so on top of this (but it's obviously also not essential). Other than that, as the women, I found it really helpful that my partner actually understands the female cycle and how all this reproduction poo poo works and was happy to help with planning and tracking and to discuss all the gory bits of trying to get knocked up. So if you're not up on the female anatomy and how it functions then any of the books recommended in this thread are just as useful for dudes and for women. We found that the ones written for men are awful and assume that the average reproducing male has no more than 3 active brain cells. Being well informed about these things also means he can engage meaningfully during our appointments with the midwife, doctors and ultrasounds etc when we have been pregnant which makes the medical staff more likely to treat him like he's not just a hobo off the street there for no reason (which seems to be the default position, especially for doctors - our midwife is great but then inclusion of my partner in every step of the process was a key requirement in which midwife to choose for us). I don't think my man found any blogs or similar for guys that he found useful but I'll double check with him. I think there's more useful stuff available once you hit the parenting stage than the pre-pregnancy and pregnancy stages.
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Jul 27, 2015 01:01
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I got body trolled again. Found out a cousin is pregnant. Made an appointment to talk what's next. Pretty sure from the way my cycles are before and after laparoscopy that I've progressed from straight nothing to very early miscarriages, possibly auto immune stuff happening. The appointment coincides neatly with the last day of my surgeon's proposed three to six months for natural conception. Weee, literally loving needles!
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Jul 27, 2015 13:14
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That sucks. Hope the talk goes well. The deeper, more esoteric parts of assisted reproduction technology go way over my head. Once you're into immune system modulation stuff it all really sounds like magic voodoo science to me. Still fascinating though! Day 12 post ovulation. Going slightly mad- I've still got a vascular corpus luteum on the left ovary but I feel maybe premenstrual now with the sore boobs so I dunno what the gently caress. Just hoping I guess. Next 48-72 hours are going to suck I'd be happy just to be able to have a reason to test this cycle.
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Jul 27, 2015 13:51
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We were supposed to start IUI with Femara next cycle, but I've been testing positive on home pregnancy tests every day for the past 4 days. I'm 14 days past ovulation. I've never been pregnant before, I've been trying for a year and a half, and I'm too scared that this won't work out to be happy yet. I can't even bring myself to go take a blood test or cancel the appointment in a few days for going over IUI and the logistics of freezing sperm when the military sends my husband away. The only things I did differently this cycle was use progesterone cream from Amazon starting a few days after ovulation, and myo-inositol (for possible PCOS). I only tested to see if I could quit using the progesterone cream a few days before my period was due, so it didn't get too delayed. I have sore boobs, weird cramps, and clear/white discharge. Supposedly that's all normal stuff for early pregnancy.
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Jul 28, 2015 19:54
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Congratulations though! This Internet stranger is happy for you even if you're scared  What's the consensus on faint Wondfo HCG lines again? Positive until period turns up? Because I bit the bullet this morning and opened the HCG pack of strips for the first time and we're reasonably sure there's a definite second colour line there, just faint. I suppose if I get my period today that'll go out the window but I do feel slightly different to my pms self. Boobs are sore but not swollen. Pelvis doesn't feel congested. God this is so weird.
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Jul 28, 2015 23:17
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nyerf posted:Congratulations though! This Internet stranger is happy for you even if you're scared If it's within the time frame, it's positive! For being so supposedly sensitive, my Wondfo line didn't look dark. And even the First Response was light enough to make me use a Clearblue to spell it out for me. I've heard of people getting bad batches of cheap tests to the point where they test the water out of their faucet and their water is pregnant. 
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Jul 29, 2015 00:55
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Congrats to those of you who are (potentially) seeing positives, I hope all goes well! Still waiting on my period, I don't think I've ever wanted one so bad in my life.
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Jul 29, 2015 15:49
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Had a moment this morning and pulled out four hcg strips- two of the knock off variety and two Wondfos. The knock offs had darker double lines but the Wondfo ones had double lines too. Still faint. Still no period. Boob tenderness has eased a bit, so I don't know wtf. If this period doesn't show up the plan is to go to the GP for some blood tests to check rising levels. And then if that works out I'll have to somehow broach the subject with the boss since someone at work is going to have to do the formal ultrasound. Going to be so awkward. Oh, and probably should start posting in the pregnancy thread huh. Thanks for the support guys! Good luck and see you on the other side soon 
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Jul 29, 2015 23:34
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nyerf posted:Had a moment this morning and pulled out four hcg strips- two of the knock off variety and two Wondfos. The knock offs had darker double lines but the Wondfo ones had double lines too. Still faint. Still no period. Boob tenderness has eased a bit, so I don't know wtf. The batch of (real) Wondfos I had with my second son never got dark. Until I spent the $ to test a few times with brand name tests, I constantly thought I was mid carrying.
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Jul 30, 2015 00:26
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I just bought Wondfos for OPK testing.  I hope they work. This will be month 5 of trying.
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Jul 30, 2015 02:21
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nyerf posted:If this period doesn't show up the plan is to go to the GP for some blood tests to check rising levels. And then if that works out I'll have to somehow broach the subject with the boss since someone at work is going to have to do the formal ultrasound. Going to be so awkward. I forget, is there a reason you can't just wait and do an abdominal scan?
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Jul 30, 2015 18:27
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Well, I guess I could. I'm a wuss and never been pregnant before though. I was thinking that if the levels weren't rising then I'd try to keep work (I work at basically the only ultrasound provider out here) out of my personal life as much as possible and not book in for the scan. They need to check my vitamin D and thyroid levels anyway too.
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Jul 30, 2015 20:43
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I've skimmed through most of the thread and ready to share our experiences so far with trying to have a TysonTomko jr. I apologize in advance for not using the right terminology because I've been trying my best to not over-research stuff and further stress myself out. First of all we've been trying for about 2 years, with lots of fake outs along the way but no miscarriages or anything along those lines, just "my stomach hurts...must be morning sickness!!" type stuff. I was 30 when we started and just turned 32, my wife was 27 and is now 29. Both of our grandparents said it took them like 10 years to have kids, but both of our parents got pregnant from looking at each other so genetics are iffy if it even matters. We've tried timing her ovulations, doing it every day, every 3 days, and every possible wive's tale out there but so far no luck (it's been fun obviously though) I've had a semen analysis done twice and thankfully my boys are just fine, above average count actually  which was a huggggeeee relief. Until recently the only tests my wife has had done were hormone tests, only thing our local doctor could do, and those checked out fine too thankfully.Recently we went to a fertility clinic and she had some additional tests done. She had an ultrasound, about 10 vials of blood worth of other tests, and we scheduled an appointment at our local hospital to get whatever the test is called where they inject dye into her tubes to make sure it's all fine and dandy down there. The doctor said an excellent side effect of having the dye test done, was since it essentially flushes out all kind of "stuff", is that it boosts fertility for around 4-8 months. Anyway the blood and genetic testing all came back perfect, ultrasound checked out and everything seemed to look fine ovary/etc wise, and the doctor said she was very confident she'd get us pregnant within 6 months without having to go the in vitro route or anything along those lines. To bring some humor into the situation, I thought it was funny they had no less than 10 signs saying "ABSOLUTELY NO CELL PHONE USE" in the ultrasound room. I kept imaging some bro of a husband with his phone out taking an up close snapchat video of the procedure or some jazz. So we're driving the hour home from the clinic that day and they call us saying they've got some interesting news...According to the measurement of her wall thickness or what not she said "you may want to take a pregnancy test when you get home" which as you can imagine got us WAY excited. Long story short 2 weeks later it was determined it was a fake out to the extreme but hey it was badass as poo poo to be that happy about it for a little while. Fast forward to just the other day when my wife got the dye test done at our local hospital. The initial results from the exam itself checked out, and when they called us later with the full results everything checked out as well. Everyone we talked to at this point literally said "now go home and get to work :-)" and that began last night My wife is now on prenatal vitamins with folic acid, I'm taking a daily vitamin because why not, and we're at the point now where the doctor wants us to try for 6 more months and if nothing happens she's going to start my wife on some fertility meds (sorry again for my lack of specific terms/medications). The doctor really seemed like she knew her stuff and the fact she's all but guaranteeing us to be pregnant really soon has been one of the biggest stress reliefs of this entire ordeal. So here we are in the 11th hour, fingers crossed, and hoping in the very near future to have a kid on the way! Like many others have said the worst part is practically everyone around us getting pregnant without even trying, many of which weren't terribly excited at the idea of kids while we're chomping at the bit to start a family.
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Jul 30, 2015 21:57
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Work is dreadful at the moment, we've a very small language school with a staff of 8 which now includes 2 pregnant women and my boss' wife has just had a baby too. So all I hear around me is babies, babies, babies. I think if I my cycle could just straighten out, I'd be happier because at least I'd know when to say 'okay, not this month, try again' but I have no idea where my period is, when it's coming and when my cycle is going to go back to normality. Me and my partner are having sex as very regularly and I like to hope there's a sliver of a chance I'll get pregnant anyway, but this is such a pain. Oh, and good luck Tyson Tomko!
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Aug 2, 2015 08:59
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Min_sora posted:Oh, and good luck Tyson Tomko! Thanks and same to you! We were at my parents' place today for a few hours and my wife and my Mom gabbed for a good 3 hours about her being so excited about grandkids and it had us on cloud 9 all day. She's already said she'll do full time babysitting and everything and even drive the 45 minutes to our house and do so with a smile on her face. Obviously I'd force her to let me pay for her gas but otherwise we joked about wanting that in writing haha. But in all seriousness we're as ready in every way possible we can be and just waiting for it to happen
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Aug 3, 2015 05:19
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I've searched around the thread and not really seeing anything along the lines of my story (so far). I'm looking for some general support during any, "oh god what am I doing?" moments and also happy to share my experiences. Hi everybody! My name is Unagi! I'm single, and I've offered to be a surrogate for a close friend of mine. The Backstory - Warning: [Sads]: My friend and her husband have been trying to have a baby for nine years. Nine years of fertility treatments, adoption application denials, failed IVF attempts, etc. really sucks. A lot. They began an all-out attack on her womb about a year ago combining pretty much every treatment under the sun plus IVF. They were able to develop and freeze 9 embryos in total. After a few miscarriages, she became pregnant with twins. Both boys. Such excite was had. The pregnancy was going smoothly until 19 weeks when she began having braxton hicks. After three days of contractions she was sent to the ER due to her history and risks. Things got serious pretty quickly - cue multiple treatments and attempts to keep labor at bay until the boys were developed enough to survive. Unfortunately, due to an infection that was spreading and weakening her, coupled with an incompetent cervix, their boys were born at 22 weeks. Neither of them survived. Doctors advised that she cannot carry to term. It's been a pretty rough time. [/Sads] Fast forward to now, with me. We're still in the very early stages of setting things up, and the more I read the more real the timeline looks to me. I still have my IUD in place so we have yet to do the preliminary testing and appointments but for now it's a lot of talking to each other, talking to the doctors, prepping lawyers, making sure we know what's covered by my insurance, and so on. We live in New York state and the laws around surrogacy here are quite interesting (it is illegal to compensate a surrogate in NYS and surrogacy contracts are unenforceable by law) but the Fertility Centre we've got really is quite amazing and has more resources than I imagined given the laws. The plan is that I will be fertilized using their existing frozen embryos and... you know, have the baby. I've been pregnant once before and it was very smooth. So smooth that I wasn't aware I was pregnant until I started feeling "off" at around 6 or 7 weeks and the, "wait... maybe I didn't miss my period because of stress, after all..." clicked in my head. However, I did not carry to term and chose to abort around week 9 or 10 - it was unplanned (pills don't work when you don't sleep!) and given that I was only 21, dating a cheating rear end in a top hat, trying to finish at college, and had no place to live - probably for the best. (Note: I am not in a poor position like that any longer, just some rough finances and poor relationship choices during college years) A lot of the reading and forums I've seen so far seems to be directed at the parents to-be and not the surrogate. Most of the surrogate forums read like a 16 and Pregnant episode, so no thanks. I'm excited, and happy, and nervous. The logistics are easy - it's just a timeline, lots of appointments, etc. - all easy-peasy stuff to me. I'm more nervous with how and when am I going to tell my family? My friends? My coworkers? I know I'm making the right choice for my friends, am I making the right choice for me? What if something happens to the baby or I? I know these things will all fall into place, I just know that no amount of data and information can answer those questions for me. So... Does anyone have any stories or experience with surrogacy, IVF, anything? Care to drop some knowledge on me? Unagi fucked around with this message at 07:33 on Aug 6, 2015 |
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Aug 6, 2015 06:58
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Embryo transfer is meant to be a relatively simple process, it's the egg harvest stuff that sucks so hopefully it'll be a smooth process and work first time. Otherwise nothing else of value to add except that you're doing something incredible selfless and generous and pretty much have positive kudos for the rest of your life.
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Aug 6, 2015 09:06
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It's a difficult and incredibly kind thing you're trying to do for your friends. I'm somewhat surprised that the docs are ok with you going through with this-- having not carried to term before, can anyone know for sure you'll be ok? What about the emotional ramifications of giving up the baby even if it all goes well? Do they have counselling services in place for you? What about breastfeeding? You'll still need time off work to have the baby, right? Do you get maternity leave still? If your finances aren't great do you have savings to cover yourself for this? How's your health generally?
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Aug 6, 2015 10:56
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That's a super cool thing of you to do Unagi and I wish you the best of luck! No real update to my story yet, just that we're still trying and trying.
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Aug 6, 2015 14:50
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nyerf posted:It's a difficult and incredibly kind thing you're trying to do for your friends. I'm somewhat surprised that the docs are ok with you going through with this-- having not carried to term before, can anyone know for sure you'll be ok? What about the emotional ramifications of giving up the baby even if it all goes well? Do they have counselling services in place for you? What about breastfeeding? No one can be sure that she and the baby will be ok, what a silly question to ask. Life is a risk, preganacy is as well. If we went by your metric on doctors "allowing" pregnancy then no one would be a first time mother because they hadn't proven that they could carry a pregnancy to term. As far as maternity leave, she would be covered. It is a medical condition. Do you think that women who give birth are somehow beholden to their company to explain exactly what happens after the baby is born?
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Aug 7, 2015 05:16
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Man, what a rough time your friends have had, Unagi, it's really great of you to help them! I got my period! I know that normally sounds like bad news in a pregnancy thread but I'm hoping it's going to be the beginning of my cycle going back to normal. I had my last period around the 17th-18th of June which was my first since coming off birth control at the beginning of June. I hope when it becomes stable I can better keep track of everything.
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Aug 7, 2015 06:45
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nyerf posted:It's a difficult and incredibly kind thing you're trying to do for your friends. I'm somewhat surprised that the docs are ok with you going through with this-- having not carried to term before, can anyone know for sure you'll be ok? What about the emotional ramifications of giving up the baby even if it all goes well? Do they have counselling services in place for you? What about breastfeeding? Thanks for asking these things - so far my experience has been that most don't know how this all works. Hell, I didn't either. You should see the Google doc of research I've been working on... Most doctors and surrogacy centers prefer someone who: - Has come to term at least once with no complications - Is 21-35 - Does not have drug or alcohol history - Is healthy - Not a deadbeat While I may have not carried to term - I am 26 with no family history of complications, I am active and healthy, I have no medical issues, I am not on any medications, and I have had an HSG in the past with no red flags. Part of the pre-IVF testing is another HSG (plus other testing) and they will hopefully have a good picture of things. No one will know for sure even with the tests...But I've thought about it a lot and more importantly to the parents. It's worth the risk to surrogate with someone they love and trust versus a stranger out of state that would cost them $80-150K. Emotional ramifications: This child will have no genetic relation to me and I am going into this with the mindset that this is NOT my child. The best explanation is that I will be "babysitting" for 10 months with my mind, body, and soul. My goal is to provide a loving and safe "home" for the baby until it can go home with its parents. There will be a time and place for me to have my own family, but it is not now... Emotional ramifications: We are working with the largest fertility center in the state and they provide council as needed. I hope to not need the mental council, but it's there if I need it. I also have a wonderful OB/GYN I've been with for over a decade. I trust them with my life. My parents, close friends, and close coworkers are aware of what I am doing and are supportive of me both mentally and physically. Only time will tell how this plays out, but I am comfortable and confident in the resources available. Breastfeeding: The big thing I am keeping in mind is that t's not my child, and it's up to the parents on what they decide. We have been talking and breastfeeding will be settled in our contract. I am pro-breastfeeding and at the very least intend to breastfeed for the first few days, possibly week(s). If it were my own child I would breastfeed as long as possible. But it's not my child, and it''s not realistic for me to breastfeed as long as **I** would if they were mine. However, I am of the mindset that breastfeeding for the first few days/weeks of the baby's life to help build his or her immune system is very important. Maternity leave: My company has a generous but normal maternity leave policy (6 weeks). I do not currently plan on utilizing it to the full term but at least a potion of it. I won't be caring for an infant but I will still go through a recovery and transition period. Even if it's not my baby, there will be healing and hormones to work through. I also have a full month of PTO that I can utilize as needed. My finances aren't where I'd like them to be (honestly, I'd prefer to have millions sitting away somewhere...) I have a well paying job, I have some "emergency" savings, I afford my own housing, I afford my own car, and I pay my bills. I do a lot of international traveling that is all personally financed and I deal with emergencies as they come up. Sometimes it's a stretch, but that's what my savings and bonuses are for. As of today we have appointments with my doctor to remove my IUD and do my initial testing, we have a consultation with the fertility center, and I confirmed what is and isn't covered by insurance. I wasn't planning on telling my parents until after tests - but it was making me nervous. So I told my mother. She was "Worried" but only for my health and said she'd be worried just the same if it were my own baby. We talked a bit about the expectations, my ideals and morals, the timeline, and why I am doing this. She gave me her blessing and is supportive and happy about the situation. It was a load off my shoulders. My father has a history of being less supportive of my decisions, but I won't know until I tell him.
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Aug 7, 2015 07:40
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Roxy Rouge posted:No one can be sure that she and the baby will be ok, what a silly question to ask. Life is a risk, preganacy is as well. If we went by your metric on doctors "allowing" pregnancy then no one would be a first time mother because they hadn't proven that they could carry a pregnancy to term. Sorry, I wasn't being judgemental. I was thinking from the medical side of things e.g. rhesus status, or cervical incompetency, or any million other things. Some things can make it more dangerous to go through pregnancy, either for mother/fetus. If the risks were so high that it'd be unethical to proceed no doctor would 'allow'/agree to go ahead. I was only curious if/to what degree they'd run through this sort of thing with Unagi, which they obviously did to great depth! I didn't really expect otherwise, though I'm not familiar with ?America's medical system. It's such a rare thing to find anyone here being a surrogate that I'm always interested in the nitty gritty. I only asked about the leave because I keep reading about different ways of handling maternity leave- someone told me today Canada lets you have a year off at 75% pay but it's ?unemployment pay. Weird to us to consider pregnancy and childbirth a "disability" or "unemployment". In my company you get the same leave regardless of whether you give birth to the baby or not (as in cases of adoption)- but I haven't been game to ask here yet if you'd still get the full maternity leave if you don't actually have an infant to care for (god forbid in the case of a stillbirth not just surrogacy). The govt here still pays the full national maternity leave pay even in the case of a stillbirth. Dunno what would happen if it was a surrogacy birth though. Like I said, I think it's an incredibly kind thing to do. Thank you for sharing your experiences Unagi! nyerf fucked around with this message at 10:37 on Aug 7, 2015 |
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Aug 7, 2015 10:33
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nyerf posted:I only asked about the leave because I keep reading about different ways of handling maternity leave- someone told me today Canada lets you have a year off at 75% pay but it's ?unemployment pay. Weird to us to consider pregnancy and childbirth a "disability" or "unemployment". In my company you get the same leave regardless of whether you give birth to the baby or not (as in cases of adoption)- but I haven't been game to ask here yet if you'd still get the full maternity leave if you don't actually have an infant to care for (god forbid in the case of a stillbirth not just surrogacy). The govt here still pays the full national maternity leave pay even in the case of a stillbirth. Dunno what would happen if it was a surrogacy birth though. The US has some pluses to our laws and some drawbacks. We have the federal law, and then states can add on to that as desired, and then employers can add on to that as desired. The plus is that maternity leave is covered under the "Family Medical Leave Act" which also includes illnesses or caring for someone with an illness and allows for 12 weeks per year of leave. The law does include adoption or foster child care too. It doesn't specifically call out stillbirth but I think that it falls under the umbrella, likely as an "illness". Basically if your doctor agrees that you need time away from work, they fill out some paperwork and your employer lets you take up to 12 weeks. However, it's unpaid leave unless the state or employer decides otherwise. Though I do think my company allows you to use PTO for as much as you want of it so that you continue to be paid.
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Aug 7, 2015 13:42
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Unagi - re: breastfeeding - if your friend wants to breastfeed the baby herself she probably could. Look into relactation/inducing lactation - given that she has been through a pregnancy her breasts eould have gone through spme of the process toward it, and there are medications that can help. And it's just constant baby stimulation that builds up supply. Even if she doesn't, you supplying the baby with colostrum for the first few weeks (either directly or expressed) is a really good idea for the baby's immunities etc.
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Aug 9, 2015 21:29
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Yeah. She confirmed with her doctor that they will induce her milk supply ahead of time so that she is lactating when the baby is born. I will also be pumping for the first few weeks to make sure the baby has colostrum and supplement as needed. Not sure how long I want to pump after going back to work, but our plan is to play it by ear and do what is best when the time comes. Never know what hiccups are going to come along by then anyway. We had our first round of appointments with the fertility doctor and my OB. We now have a time table in place for the next few weeks.. Next steps are to do the HSG and set things up with the lawyer. Barring any problems, we're doing the embryo transfer in mid/late October. We told our families this weekend. Everyone is on board, and it was happy and emotional for everyone. It's been a rough few weeks for them and their families, but they have hope again and the three of us are pretty excited about starting this journey.
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Aug 12, 2015 04:09
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Had a kinda weird period this time, my last one (first off birth control) was just a straight 7-day equal flow everyday one and this time was a shorter 5-day with the first 2 days being heavy and the rest being light. I don't know if that's normal, my body trying to normalise itself or what. It seems to have stopped today and I'm super super super hoping that I'll ovulate this month. I'm not tracking ovulation but me and my boyfriend have sex pretty regularly so I'm hoping I'll be able to catch it if I do ovulate. So, (hopefully) a new cycle and a new start.
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Aug 12, 2015 13:53
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| # ? Jun 8, 2024 21:58 |
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nyerf posted:
 and mat leave:Canada's maternity leave is actually parental leave (paid for by the government) - it can be used for up to 12 months in any split the parents want (eg: one parent takes the first 8 months off, the other takes 4 months off = 12 months). Its also worth mentioning that it covers adoption and same-sex parents. EI is "employment insurance," so it covers a variety of reasons you may need to stop working, including compassionate care (8 weeks every 12 months to care for a close family member who is terminally ill) and parental leave, among other benefits. Canadians need to check into their eligibility for the program, as it has some of the same requirements as regular unemployment benefits (eg: amassing a set number of hours in the previous 12 month period - so if you work part-time at multiple employers, you might still qualify), and the actual remuneration is 55% of your regular weekly earnings up to a maximum of $524/week. Larger employers often offer 'top up' through their private insurance, so it is also worth confirming with you HR exactly what company-sponsored benefits are available, and whether you will continue to bank paid or unpaid holiday time while off. *As a former Manulife group benefits employee, please note that a lot of group benefit plans need you to add your new baby to your benefits within 30 days of giving birth, so make sure to do this!!* I spend most of my time browsing BFC and have to say it is incredibly important to look at your finances and confirm your eligibility for benefits and what you can actually expect to receive in post-baby income, as well as researching real-world childcare costs if you need to use it. A fair number of folks go into this blind, or have incorrect assumptions that can put their post-baby plans into a tailspin. And the whole reason I'm in here browsing is that my husband and I are going to start trying in September We've been married for 8 years and are old (I'll be 35 on the 1st), but otherwise healthy. Because we've been married so long, many people assume we have no plans for children, so we're keeping this totally quiet, and hoping to cause a lot of jaw-drops and spit-takes in a few months 
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Aug 12, 2015 17:47
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