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TrustmeImLegit posted:15k is the largest lump sum they can conceivably (the completionist) add to the tracker without getting backers suspicious. Yeh, I am more inclined to think CIG is fudging the figures using significant loan or investor funds (both would be breaking the promise to the backers about independence, mind you) as possible covers, than faking the numbers outright.
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Mar 30, 2017 21:34
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TheAgent posted:hello https://cloudimperiumgames.com/jobs/531-Concierge-Specialist 
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Mar 30, 2017 21:37
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TheAgent posted:
TheAgent posted:
TheAgent posted:
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Mar 30, 2017 21:36
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TheAgent posted:
JugbandDude posted:Female avatars  
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Mar 30, 2017 21:37
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Wiz posted:It sure is something how Roberts makes all the decisions but none of the failures are ever his fault. Strong leadership, right there. Sound like any US Presidents you know?
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Mar 30, 2017 21:38
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Scruffpuff posted:It's all going to be fine, though. It doesn't matter if the underlying code base is completely broken and founded on unsound principles. You just keep layering in more code and eventually it all starts working. Sandworms 2.0 for 3.0, networking 3.0 for 4.0, subsumption AI will finish coding the game from there. The most important thing to me is that Chris gets to play with his expensive toys, his childish smile feels like a dumb, retarded sun's warm rays on a winter's day
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Mar 30, 2017 21:39
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This is pretty bad news all around. This far into "development" and they're worried about retention. And not player retention - as there is no game, nor will there be - this is whale retention. They're hiring an employee whose sole job will be to make sure people who are paying keep loving paying at all costs. "Don't worry folks, we have enough money to finish this entire project if funding stopped tomorrow. In unrelated news, we're using your funds to pay an employee to make sure you keep sending us your funds." - Chris Roberts, apparently.
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Mar 30, 2017 21:42
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quote:advanced Excel and SQL skills extremely beneficial Sooo you'll be uh doing the big concierge reception like and right after then there's StarNetwork,
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Mar 30, 2017 21:41
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loving lol
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Mar 30, 2017 21:47
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DarkRefreshment posted:Sound like any US Presidents you know? Yep. Pretty much all of them.
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Mar 30, 2017 21:53
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Scruffpuff posted:This is pretty bad news all around. This far into "development" and they're worried about retention. And not player retention - as there is no game, nor will there be - this is whale retention. They're hiring an employee whose sole job will be to make sure people who are paying keep loving paying at all costs. Which is awesome because whale retention actually has some literature around it: http://mobiledevmemo.com/whale-spending-and-retention-in-freemium-apps/ In the "Things we know about these individuals" section: - That they spend profligately and perhaps even irresponsibly, parting ways with money they can't afford to lose; - That they amass their massive lifetime spend amounts through large-ticket purchases or short bursts of rapid purchases. In other words, they spend large amounts of money in short periods of time; - That they are actively and surreptitiously targeted by developers, which seek to extract money from them through monetization mechanics that are tailored to their specific behavioral histories. It's almost like fancy titles, "concierge service", special dinners, big command ships for multicrew, etc. are all just elements of whale development.
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Mar 30, 2017 21:54
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FTFY e: Honestly I'm just jealous, when I went to college I turned down the Whale Milking courses. DarkRefreshment fucked around with this message at 22:07 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 21:59
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 obviously Star Citizen is good and this is all normal
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Mar 30, 2017 22:01
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*Working knowledge of e-commerce and fraud management principles Gotta manage that fraud somehow.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:05
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Achamp posted:Which is awesome because whale retention actually has some literature around it:  Ah yes, the "things we know about these individuals" section, also known as the "assumptions that our article is specifically written to refute" section C'mon, man, if you're going to present evidence, at least READ it.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:07
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Responsibilities: • Deliver a fun level of service and support to our dedicated Star Citizen backers and players, using email, forums, chat, and other online mediums Make sure the support is fun, because that's where the majority of our backers' time is spent on this fiasco. • Helps process customer inquiries related to troubleshooting and processing orders and refunds as well as specific pledge-related requests Rapidly respond to purchases, delay refunds. • Continue to build curriculum and service offerings for Concierge level backers When they ask for a refund, offer free blow jobs if you need to. Keep that loving money coming in. • Research cases using online dashboards, data, spreadsheets and other tools as necessary Browse online forums to see if the refund request was triggered by someone saying Bad Things about Star Citizen on a dead gay comedy forum. • Assists the Player Relations team when required Report any aforementioned negativity on internet forums to our "special team" for handling. Our top men, who in most cases have many aliases, will help with quelling dissent. • Follow standard processes and procedures while being allowed to creatively solve problems If a blow job isn't enough to retain a backer, you can also offer clips from our extensive archive of tickle porn. • Prepare and validate regular reports to measure and monitor the Billing Support process Any funds for which you succeed in preventing a refund will be added to the funding tracker as new income, so accurate reports are essential. • Offer alternative solutions where appropriate with the objective of keeping players happy and playing the game Offer anything if they'll just keep playing, and telling people how great everything is. ANYTHING. Requirements: • Proper online communication etiquette Minimize instances of "wanker," "dinks," or "oval office" wherever possible. • Ability to speak and write clearly and accurately in English with a demonstrated proficiency in typing and grammar "Ya whoah did ehp did eh woh did" is not clear English, even at CIG. • Knowledge of online game communities and support principles and practices Be quick to tell everyone with a critical opinion that they don't understand game development. • Service industry or fine dining experience a bonus Most of the whales are fat fucks - expensive food is our easiest way to keep them on the hook. • Willingness to be flexible on schedule during peak play periods and during game updates You're on call 24/7 with no overtime pay. • Strong familiarity with databases, advanced Excel and SQL skills extremely beneficial Typically a customer-facing position won't be making database edits with SQL queries, but our coders have produced jack poo poo for 5 years, so at this point you're all welcome to give it a shot. • Working knowledge of e-commerce and fraud management principles You'll be committing a lot of fraud here, so a solid grasp of managing fraud will go a long way. • Ability to manage and analyze large volumes of data You're going to be exposed to an immensely large volume of incompetence... • Ability to read, analyze, and interpret metrics and data ...and you'll need to to interpret that as Chris's genius Vision and not the crippling autism that it is. Competencies: • Expert level of care for Concierge level backers. You can practice on our extensive collection of miniature dildos. • Maintains effectiveness when experiencing major changes in personal work tasks or work environment; adjusts effectively to work within new work structures, processes, requirements, or cultures. You're going to be air-dropped into a constantly shifting quagmire of departments, positions, responsibilities, and objectives, all with the goal of getting Chris to believe he's in charge of a game studio. • Focuses and guides self and team members in accomplishing work objectives. You'll be guiding yourself because our company, like the game it's ostensibly creating, does not have a plan or any documentation. • Interacts with others in a way that gives them confidence in one’s intentions and those of the organization. One negative comment and you're on your rear end. At CIG, everything you say and do is monitored 24/7. Keep that Stepford Smile on at all times, commando. • Makes players and their needs a primary focus of one’s actions and works to develop and sustain productive player relationships. We apologize for the typo: "players" should read "payers". • Identifies and understands issues, problems, and opportunities; compares data from different sources to draw conclusions; uses effective approaches for choosing a course of action or developing appropriate solutions; and takes action that is consistent with available facts, constraints, and probable consequences. Cross-reference negative posts from different sites on the internet to reach the conclusion that it's all Derek Smart spreading FUD, witness the abominably broken state of our game and realize that Star Citizen is coming out and will be good. • Establishes proper courses of action to ensure that work product is completed efficiently and on time/within proper time limits. ROFL • Possesses, acquires, and maintains the technical/professional expertise required to do the job effectively and to create effective player solutions. Technical/professional expertise is demonstrated through problem solving, applying technical knowledge, and product and service management for the functional area in which employee operates. Show a technical aptitude for moving posted player concerns to a dead-end read-only forum. • Has a high degree of patience navigating a variety of troubleshooting situations. Be able to endure 15 crashes to desktop and 4 hard locks requiring a reboot of the PC for every one time you get past the loading screen to try and reproduce any one of tens of thousands of reported bugs. • Actively appreciates and includes the diverse capabilities, insights, and ideas of others and working effectively and respectfully with individuals of diverse backgrounds, styles, abilities, and motivations. Be able to work with Sandi despite her lack of qualifications or humanity in general, be able to work with Chris despite his severely stunted mental acuity. • Sets high standards of performance for self; assuming responsibility and accountability for successfully completing assignments or tasks; self-imposing standards of excellence rather than having standards imposed. Get ready to shoulder the blame for every time Chris fucks up, which will be every time. Scruffpuff fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 22:09
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Resume submitted; That's me in the whale suit 
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Mar 30, 2017 22:12
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DarkRefreshment posted:Sound like any US Presidents you know? FDR pops into mind
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Mar 30, 2017 22:15
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This is what Fredo Corleone did wasn't it? Whoever gets the gig should be wary of Roberts inviting them out for a spot of fishing.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:18
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Hey I've got that. Think they'd hire me? lmao
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Mar 30, 2017 22:22
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Beet Wagon posted:Hey I've got that. Think they'd hire me? lmao Only if you bring Kayak
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Mar 30, 2017 22:25
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Scruffpuff posted:This is pretty bad news all around. This far into "development" and they're worried about retention. And not player retention - as there is no game, nor will there be - this is whale retention. They're hiring an employee whose sole job will be to make sure people who are paying keep loving paying at all costs. Whale retention is about the most important thing in p2w (pay to wait) games.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:24
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Achamp posted:Which is awesome because whale retention actually has some literature around it: I know a thing or two about whale development https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ6qw1nh0tA
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Mar 30, 2017 22:37
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Fine dining experience is required so they have someone who can cut cake without spitting all over it.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:36
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boviscopophobic posted:There are indications that funding is leaning even more heavily on concierge-level backers; this might be a good topic for follow-up analyses. Account age does not appear to play a large role in incremental spending. trucutru posted:Whale retention is about the most important thing in p2w (pay to wait) games. boviscopophobic posted:Previously I speculated about a soft per-user average spending ceiling around $200. This now seems to be more of an artifact of the bounded time window the backer populations have had to spend their money in. As that time window lengthens, fresh spending continues apace and it remains to be seen when there will be a large-scale change in backer purchasing behavior.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:54
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If the unpaid interns thing is true, that might be why they keep the Austin studio open, because unpaid internships are illegal in California and we know CIG would never
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Mar 30, 2017 22:54
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ManofManyAliases posted:There are no "investors" in the sense of stakeholders. Are you a Bootcha Truther? SLENDERcomMANdo
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Mar 30, 2017 22:55
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Hello and welcome to chez Lesnick Would you like an espresso while you wait for your table to be refactored ? Washrooms are to your left past the sliding space ship door And to your right is the developement offices, yes those are REAL security bars.... we wanted to keep the theme 
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Mar 30, 2017 22:58
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AlbieQuirky posted:If the unpaid interns thing is true, that might be why they keep the Austin studio open, because unpaid internships are illegal in California and we know CIG would never Why would they use Austin as the commando whale hub though , they spent all that money on the expensive LA office and don't even show it off?
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Mar 30, 2017 22:59
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Sappo569 posted:Why would they use Austin as the commando whale hub though , they spent all that money on the expensive LA office and don't even show it off? Would you want a bunch of sweaty, nerdy, ring lickers excreting their juices all over your designer jet powered spitfire wings and custom fabricated deep foamed leather commando couches? Or would you want to contain them to a sterile and cheaply furnished office while showing them pictures of your extravagance? Bear in mind these people surrendered their bank balances for jpegs.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:09
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http://www.spacex.com/webcast Launch in about 18 mins. First re-used booster and first attempt at recovering fairings.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:09
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Taking money from existing backers and using that to pay dividends to attract new funding is the very definition of Ponzi scheme. In this case dividends in the form of all you can eat fish buffets and handies to whales. E: tax: Although I still hold to my position that dogs in formal outfits are funnier.... 
DarkRefreshment fucked around with this message at 23:24 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 23:18
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Enchanted Hat posted:
That was my error. I had read about player development before and grabbed the first article on the topic. A better reference would be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ekz466sDprg&t=951s The article is refuting the points for freemium games, but especially the last bullet point is something pretty commonly pushed as a development tactic. The linked video is about turning people into whales from a developer's standpoint. Create initial commitment by selling that you've already made major progress (Constant videos and "shows" about how rich the content is) Package goods for first-time buyers, create promotions (sales, starter packs) Don't try to "sell", avoid the appearance that you are selling p2w (Donations and Pledges not sales) If they become whales, they'll buy everything you throw at them down to cosmetic items (skins, clothes, missiles). Stage 4 players are likely to not be sensitive to price because they've built an attachment to the game. Achamp fucked around with this message at 23:27 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 23:20
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Did Wulf ever get promoted to whale-chief? I would expect someone like him to apply.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:23
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Sabreseven posted:Would you want a bunch of sweaty, nerdy, ring lickers excreting their juices all over your designer jet powered spitfire wings and custom fabricated deep foamed leather commando couches? But Ben already works there
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Mar 30, 2017 23:30
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Drunk Theory posted:Holy poo poo! Two sandworms!! They're going to wheel out a CGI with Mark Hamill. Using their AAA actors is going to be the last ditch "we have no loving idea how to make a game... here's a video" effort to keep funding high. Once the mocap stops, expect to see Roberts(es) leave the project. Their pockets are stuffed with cash at this point and making games is hard and tedious, but playing movie director and actor is fun. Once the fun goes, so do they.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:31
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Scruffpuff posted:This is pretty bad news all around. This far into "development" and they're worried about retention. And not player retention - as there is no game, nor will there be - this is whale retention. They're hiring an employee whose sole job will be to make sure people who are paying keep loving paying at all costs. The next PowerPoint slide show includes a bucket they will pass around in offering. At the end of the show CR will count the money and determine if it is enough to show The Last Slide, which he promises has the best news. It says "See you next year thanks to your donations, bring more!"
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Mar 30, 2017 23:38
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Sappo569 posted:But Ben already works there His office is outfitted with the very latest in air conditioning tech that not only pumps 140 million cubic meters of coco flavoured oxygen in, it also attempts to filter and purify the displaced air when he enters, *attempts*. His chair is also fitted with a 150,000 litre airtank that uses compressed deodorant and a series of high pressure nozzles to direct perfumed chemicals directly to his crusted over, gut acorn.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:39
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DarkRefreshment posted:
"If you want this job you're going to have to send in a headshot and your measurements. We would also need a voice sampling, make it flirty but not too flirty, playful but don't make it a joke. How comfortable would you be with being Facebook friends with some of the higher level backers? Could you make a private Instagram that you would share only with a select few? Just to make them feel connected to you, like a real special bond. How do you feel about camshows?..."
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Mar 30, 2017 23:40
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hot balls man no homo posted:"If you want this job you're going to have to send in a headshot and your measurements. We would also need a voice sampling, make it flirty but not too flirty, playful but don't make it a joke. How comfortable would you be with being Facebook friends with some of the higher level backers? Could you make a private Instagram that you would share only with a select few? Just to make them feel connected to you, like a real special bond. How do you feel about camshows?..." Don't they already have that porn application form from when Roberts and Ortwin were running a porn studio?
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Mar 30, 2017 23:46
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