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dirksteadfast posted:Space Joke ^^ That is amazing and I have a friend who's going to lose his poo poo when I retell that poorly. e: Oh, new page. A man is sat in a bar, crying into his drink. He sits there for a few hours, ordering beer after beer before a lady, also in a state of distress sits next to him, waves down the bartender and orders her own glass of wine to cry into. After a couple, or perhaps a few more than a couple of drinks the lady turns to the man and says "Look at us, why are we so miserable?". The man replies "Well, I can tell you exactly why, this morning my wife left me, because she thinks I'm too kinky." The lady perks up a little, "Would you believe it," she says "but my husband left me this morning because he thinks I'm too kinky!". The evening takes a turn, and the couple sit there late into the night, getting to know each other. As it approaches last call the woman gives the man a sly smile and says, "We'll, we're both adults here. Why don't you come back to my place and we'll see what happens?" The man agrees and they grab their belongings and hail a cab. When they arrive at the woman's house the man hangs up his hat and coat and the lady says "If you'd excuse me a moment, I'm just going to get changed into something a bit more comfortable." She strides confidently into her bedroom, opens up the bottom drawer of her dresser and pulls out a riding crop, gimp mask, ball gag and strap on dildo. She proceeds to put on knee-high leather boots, crotchless panties and ties her hair up into a high pony-tail. Striding out of the bedroom and into the foyer she see's the man picking up his coat and hat to leave. "What the hell are you doing!?" She exclaims. "I thought we were going to get kinky!". "Look," the man replies, "I hosed your dog, I poo poo in your purse, I'm outta here." Megabound has a new favorite as of 01:35 on May 19, 2016 |
# ? May 19, 2016 01:25 |
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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:15 |
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dirksteadfast posted:What's an Ice Swirl like goo doing on a plate-lock disc?" I hate when this happens. I'm guessing it has to be a pun, but as a non-native English speaker I sometimes have trouble with getting the right pronunciation. This is one of those times, so I have no clue what the joke is supposed to be.
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# ? May 19, 2016 05:53 |
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Carbon dioxide posted:I hate when this happens. I'm guessing it has to be a pun, but as a non-native English speaker I sometimes have trouble with getting the right pronunciation. This is one of those times, so I have no clue what the joke is supposed to be. Whats a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? Common pick up line.
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# ? May 19, 2016 05:55 |
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What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this It got a chuckle out of me E: oops, beaten.
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# ? May 19, 2016 05:58 |
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Megabound posted:^^ That is amazing and I have a friend who's going to lose his poo poo when I retell that poorly.
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# ? May 19, 2016 10:18 |
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Thanks
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# ? May 19, 2016 17:31 |
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My girlfriend told me we should be more sexually adventurous. She bought a nurses outfit. I hosed her brother.
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# ? May 19, 2016 20:07 |
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I had a great one about Malaysia Airlines, but I lost it.
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# ? May 19, 2016 21:02 |
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HighwireAct posted:I had a great one about Malaysia Airlines, but I lost it.
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# ? May 19, 2016 21:07 |
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HighwireAct posted:I had a great one about Malaysia Airlines, but I lost it. Well, that one went down like the Egyptian flag carrier.
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# ? May 20, 2016 00:13 |
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The man who invented auto-correct just died. Restaurant in peace
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# ? May 20, 2016 14:54 |
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How are a tie fighter and a mars orbiter similar? They both crashed because of imperial units. --- An engineer working on next-gen bionic prosthetics has modelled his new affordable walking prototype on his own lower limb. When asked why he made that choice, he told reporters: "It's about what I leave, the mark I make on the world. When I'm old and looking at photos sent to me by happily-walking recipients, that will be my leg I see."
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# ? May 20, 2016 17:15 |
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Did you know that Elvis was considering converting to Islam before he died? He even had his Muslim name picked out - Ahmal Shooq-up
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# ? May 20, 2016 17:32 |
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Vadun posted:The man who invented auto-correct just died. Restaurant in peace I here his funfair is on sundial.
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# ? May 21, 2016 01:42 |
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One day, there were three vampires bragging their strength and power to each other. They showed off their skills one by one. The first vampire said "look at my skill”. He's gone in a blink of an eye and came back. His mouth is covered with blood. He said "did you see that village over there ? I have sucked dry all of the villagers‘ blood". The second vampire was amazed but he didn't want to lose. He's gone for a split second and returned. His mouth was also covered in blood. He said "did you see the town over there? I have sucked the townspeople blood down to the last drop". The last vampire also wanted to show off his skill. He ran quickly and came back with the speed of light. His entire face was covered in blood. The two vampires were amazed. The last vampire said "did you see the street lamp there?" . The two vampire nodded quickly, impatient to hear his explanation. The last vampire, catching his breath, said "Well gently caress, i didn't see it".
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# ? May 22, 2016 11:15 |
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quote:An engineer working on next-gen bionic prosthetics has modelled his new affordable walking prototype on his own lower limb. When asked why he made that choice, he told reporters: I don't get it..
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# ? May 22, 2016 11:20 |
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Legacy.
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# ? May 22, 2016 11:23 |
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Tias posted:I don't get it.. Legacy - leg I see e: damnit
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# ? May 22, 2016 11:23 |
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Ahh I guess I don't really pronounce it that way.
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# ? May 22, 2016 11:25 |
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Knock, knock. -Who's there? John Woo -John Woo who? Yes, I'm excited to meet you too.
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# ? May 24, 2016 19:17 |
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I'm doing an event to raise awareness for people who can't have orgasms. If you can't come let me know.
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# ? May 24, 2016 21:50 |
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Where do pedants get their water? From a well, actually...
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# ? May 25, 2016 02:25 |
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Goddamn Particle posted:Where do pedants get their water? Two pedants walk into a bar. ... loving FINE two pedants get beaten to death with a bar for being obnoxious shits. Not funny or a joke: I came up with that one and I feel like the rhythm needs improvement, but I don't know how
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# ? May 25, 2016 03:46 |
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trapped mouse posted:I'm doing an event to raise awareness for people who can't have orgasms. If you can't come let me know. This is funny, but I think it flows better if you refer to it as "anorgasmia awareness"
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# ? May 25, 2016 04:30 |
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Ignite Memories posted:This is funny, but I think it flows better if you refer to it as "anorgasmia awareness" Only if your audience knows what that is... (which is why we're raising awareness i guess )
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# ? May 25, 2016 05:35 |
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Raitzeno posted:Only if your audience knows what that is... Just a warning you might have low turnout. Last year I gave a lecture on sexual dysfunction, and no one came.
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# ? May 25, 2016 05:43 |
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I prefer this one that I got from one of those "CORAL" memes: I opened a strip club just for men with ED, but it was a flop : nobody came
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# ? May 25, 2016 08:45 |
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No-Jokes Feynman posted:Pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel tucked into his pants. Bartender asks him ... "Why is there is a steering wheel in your pants?" It's steering me balls!
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# ? May 26, 2016 07:15 |
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iSurrender posted:It's steering me balls! "It's driving me nuts!" so you have a double meaning.
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# ? May 26, 2016 07:18 |
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These two nuns were driving along a remote back road in Transylvania, on their way to a convent. Suddenly, a vampire, fangs bared, jumped up on the hood of their car. Sister Mary shouted to Sister Ruth "Quick Ruth, show him your cross" So Sister Ruth wound down the window, stuck her head out and shouted "GET OFF THE loving CAR YOU loving DIRTY VAMPIRE oval office"
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# ? May 26, 2016 07:51 |
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Bogmonster posted:These two nuns were driving along a remote back road in Transylvania, on their way to a convent. Suddenly, a vampire, fangs bared, jumped up on the hood of their car. Idgi
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# ? May 26, 2016 11:51 |
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Show him [that] you're cross (angry).
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# ? May 26, 2016 11:56 |
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cheerfullydrab posted:"It's driving me nuts!" so you have a double meaning. I like intentionally botched jokes that rely on having heard the original
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# ? May 26, 2016 12:50 |
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cheerfullydrab posted:"It's driving me nuts!" so you have a double meaning. whoosh
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# ? May 26, 2016 14:19 |
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iSurrender posted:I like intentionally botched jokes that rely on having heard the original I'm just surprised that you quoted a 4-year-old post. Anyway, I love anti-jokes, so I laughed.
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# ? May 26, 2016 14:24 |
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How do you describe the situation where someone declares the area of their couch to be a sovereign kingdom and demands international recognition? Sofa king stupid.
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# ? May 29, 2016 18:35 |
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Carbon dioxide posted:How do you describe the situation where someone declares the area of their couch to be a sovereign kingdom and demands international recognition? Hah! But the actual answer is: "Nu-uh, mom said we have to share to sofa! This is my side!"
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# ? May 30, 2016 00:53 |
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Carbon dioxide posted:How do you describe the situation where someone declares the area of their couch to be a sovereign kingdom and demands international recognition? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHUIU3HG1rk
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# ? May 30, 2016 06:31 |
This thread is very nearly 6 years old, so let's bring it out to pasture . Someone should start a new one!
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# ? May 30, 2016 21:45 |
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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:15 |
New thread here: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3778264
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# ? May 30, 2016 23:00 |