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Are you taking any medication?
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Sep 11, 2016 21:51
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I seem to be having this problem where I have an erection, then my girlfriend needs to pause for one reason or another (use the restroom, grab some water, etc) and it's gone by the time she comes back. Once she returns, we will resume making out/performing foreplay as before, but even after several minutes, I have a hard time getting my erection back. Is there a normal amount of time that it takes to recover such that I can get another erection? My girlfriend strongly prefers intercourse to oral or fingering, and seems to get frustrated and feels that this is a reflection of my feelings about her, which is totally not the case. This has happened a few times, and I'm worried that this is something that I will continue to stress out about and it will make things worse. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
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Sep 12, 2016 08:50
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Maybe have your girlfriend take care of those things before sex instead of during?
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Sep 12, 2016 09:06
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Have a wank while she's gone?
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Sep 12, 2016 09:43
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yoyodyne posted:I seem to be having this problem where I have an erection, then my girlfriend needs to pause for one reason or another (use the restroom, grab some water, etc) and it's gone by the time she comes back. Once she returns, we will resume making out/performing foreplay as before, but even after several minutes, I have a hard time getting my erection back. Is there a normal amount of time that it takes to recover such that I can get another erection? My girlfriend strongly prefers intercourse to oral or fingering, and seems to get frustrated and feels that this is a reflection of my feelings about her, which is totally not the case. This has happened a few times, and I'm worried that this is something that I will continue to stress out about and it will make things worse. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Besides the obvious of having her finish her stuff before loving, as well as having water nearby, here are some possibilities : 1. Are you taking any medications? 2. Do you feel very self conscious about sex? Are you happy with your appearance, etc.? 3. Do you watch a lot of porn, and find normal intercourse "not hot enough"?
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Sep 12, 2016 11:54
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Haha who would stop to get a drink of water?! But seriously, are you talking specifically about foreplay or intercourse? do you find the foreplay arousing? Sometimes I find that the mental aspect does more for me (as a male) then the physical part of foreplay. Definitely stop looking at porn and maybe stop wanking it too.
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Sep 12, 2016 14:11
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Are you jerking off when your erection disappears? If not, consider wanking while she's in the bathroom. If so, see suggestions above.
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Sep 12, 2016 14:16
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Capt. Dralth posted:Haha who would stop to get a drink of water?!
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Sep 12, 2016 15:26
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i like nice words
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Non Serviam posted:Besides the obvious of having her finish her stuff before loving, as well as having water nearby, here are some possibilities : She seems to prefer having just enough foreplay to get her ready for intercourse. She's more experienced than I am and this seems to be what works for her. 1. None. 2. I'm very happy with my appearance and my prowess when things are working as they should. I can be a bit anxiety prone at times in all areas of life, but I know she really loves how our intercourse feels (which is part of why she gets so upset when something like this happens), so I shouldn't be having performance anxiety. With things like this happening a few times in the 2 months or so we've been together, I feel like I might be developing some anxiety about this. 3. I masturbated to porn quite often before we were together (about 2 months ago) but I stopped completely once we started dating. When things are going on all cylinders, we have the best sex that I've ever had, so it is definitely hot enough. Capt. Dralth posted:Haha who would stop to get a drink of water?! We keep a glass of water on the night stand, and during a couple of particularly long sessions, one of us has gotten up to refill it. The time she got up I think I was okay and able to continue. I was just giving a couple of examples of small interruptions. I generally get more aroused from kissing, dirty talk, performing foreplay, the mental aspect than I do from having it performed on me. Last night this happened during foreplay and she REALLY wanted sex, and I did too. I got hard pretty quickly and she was about ready herself, but we had to interrupt for a short time and my erection went down pretty quickly. We started up again, but nothing was happening down there for me, even when she tried going down on me. How long does it "normally" take to get ready to go again after losing an erection with no orgasm? Might I have just had unrealistic expectations causing anxiety? I probably would have had a much better night if I had just stroked it while she was up, but the interruption really wasn't very long, and it seems like that should have been unnecessary.
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Sep 12, 2016 16:38
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Whether it seems unneccesary or not if it works for you it works. I don't tend to stay hard if I'm not doing anything, if you have trouble getting it back up after interruption then not interrupting yourself seems like a logical solution, and I would think stress probably plays a role, if you expect to have problems you will.
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Sep 12, 2016 16:59
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yoyodyne posted:I seem to be having this problem where I have an erection, then my girlfriend needs to pause for one reason or another (use the restroom, grab some water, etc) and it's gone by the time she comes back. Once she returns, we will resume making out/performing foreplay as before, but even after several minutes, I have a hard time getting my erection back. Is there a normal amount of time that it takes to recover such that I can get another erection? My girlfriend strongly prefers intercourse to oral or fingering, and seems to get frustrated and feels that this is a reflection of my feelings about her, which is totally not the case. This has happened a few times, and I'm worried that this is something that I will continue to stress out about and it will make things worse. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? This is probably what's making it hard to get it back. She doesn't much like oral or fingers, so she won't be satisfied unless you get it up, and in fact will feel upset over it. That puts extra pressure on you to perform, and performance anxiety is the no 1 cause of sexual hiccups, at least on this thread. It's a tricky problem, because we all have problems getting it up once and a while, but the usual advice of make her cum with foreplay and relax doesn't quite fit. Honestly, fantasizing and jerking it while she's gone is a good solution; you don't have to get your boner back if you never lose it. You could also get a cock ring, they keep you erect and are pretty fun in their own right.
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Sep 12, 2016 19:12
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Seconding the cock ring advice, its made a huge difference for me in maintaining erections. Start with a cheap silicone/rubber ring and if it works well for you I'd suggest investing in a stainless steel ring or rings. If you do go that route you'll want to buy a sizing kit - you'll get 9-10 plastic rings in varying diameters so you can try them out before dropping $30+ on a stainless steel ring, and sizing is very important with solid rings so you don't end up having to go to the ER to have an undersized ring cut off. I've also had success with erection-aiding non-prescription supplements - mainly l-arginine and l-lysine taken at a 2:1 ratio an hour or so before sex. They're both vasodialators and aid in blood flow, and while I haven't personally experienced it some have reported they increase sensation as well.
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Sep 12, 2016 20:11
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If you have a sexual disfunction, do consider going to a specialist and not asking people on the internet who want you to put a ring around your 20-something dick.
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Sep 13, 2016 05:40
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Non Serviam posted:If you have a sexual disfunction, do consider going to a specialist and not asking people on the internet who want you to put a ring around your 20-something dick. Cock rings are the tamest poo poo ever, I've seen them in drugstores next for gently caress's sake. Unless you're just talking about the guy who recommended going up to stainless steel... if you really need more than a gentle squeeze to keep it up, yeah, you probably need a doctor instead of a potentially dangerous toy.
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Sep 13, 2016 05:59
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Gabriel Pope posted:Cock rings are the tamest poo poo ever, I've seen them in drugstores next for gently caress's sake. Unless you're just talking about the guy who recommended going up to stainless steel... if you really need more than a gentle squeeze to keep it up, yeah, you probably need a doctor instead of a potentially dangerous toy. I think of them as very tame things. Not to mention that it's none of my business what someone wears around their dick. It's not about that, it's about how a 20 something shouldn't need a prosthetic aid to stay hard, save some spinal injury, and so he should really talk with a therapist about it
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Sep 13, 2016 06:48
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Non Serviam posted:I think of them as very tame things. Not to mention that it's none of my business what someone wears around their dick. I'd be more worried if an erection didn't go away after taking a break for a few minutes tbh.
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Sep 13, 2016 15:08
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Yeah unless I'm tired my dick stays where it is unless you fiddle with it. Stop fiddling with it and it stops being erect, this is how the dick is supposed to work?
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Sep 13, 2016 16:15
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OwlFancier posted:Yeah unless I'm tired my dick stays where it is unless you fiddle with it. Stop fiddling with it and it stops being erect, this is how the dick is supposed to work? As a guy in his 20's I at least stay hard for 5ish minutes if in the middle of sexual activity and a break happens. Even just thinking about that stuff should send a little blood down there. It is your brain causing that to happen so shouldn't it stay erect while you are thinking about/in the middle of sex?
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Sep 13, 2016 17:10
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Non Serviam posted:I think of them as very tame things. Not to mention that it's none of my business what someone wears around their dick. Some people don't have hundreds or thousands of dollars to spend on therapy just because their dick isn't a robot that obeys every command it's given. It's not like yoyodyne has a genuine disfunction, it sounds like he just sometimes gets the nerves, and that makes it hard to get a boner. If a piece of plastic fixes the problem, good for him, no one should be casting shade over that.
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Sep 13, 2016 17:29
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goodness posted:As a guy in his 20's I at least stay hard for 5ish minutes if in the middle of sexual activity and a break happens. Even just thinking about that stuff should send a little blood down there. It is your brain causing that to happen so shouldn't it stay erect while you are thinking about/in the middle of sex? I guess it depends on how one-track your mind is?
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Sep 13, 2016 17:32
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Mileage report: female condoms are indeed awesome. Hope to never use a male condom again
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Sep 19, 2016 00:44
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Capt. Dralth posted:Mileage report: female condoms are indeed awesome. Hope to never use a male condom again I would say depending on your anatomy at least one of those probably wasn't ever going to work very well for you.
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Sep 19, 2016 01:22
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Capt. Dralth posted:Mileage report: female condoms are indeed awesome. Hope to never use a male condom again They must have improved drastically, then. "Shagging a freezer bag" was the description I heard last.
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Sep 19, 2016 08:26
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Sounds vaguely better that "loving ... I think..." With a snug condom.
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Sep 19, 2016 16:43
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OwlFancier posted:I would say depending on your anatomy at least one of those probably wasn't ever going to work very well for you. Female condoms work on butts too
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Sep 19, 2016 16:49
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and if having an MFF 3-some, internal condoms work well so your dick is protected and you don't spread something from one woman to the other
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Sep 21, 2016 15:43
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Series DD Funding posted:Female condoms work on butts too Based on what I've read, no. There's no assurance they can withstand anal sex (just like male condoms)
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Sep 21, 2016 17:55
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Nothing can withstand my powerful rear end.
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Sep 21, 2016 18:51
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Sep 25, 2016 11:16
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Sep 25, 2016 17:15
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What are some good D&S primers? I've got Different Loving, but it's 20 years old, and Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Kink, which seems fine. Are there any other informative books on the subject with good recommendations?
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Sep 27, 2016 16:09
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You can use internal condoms for anal sex, just take the inside ring out first. They aren't FDA approved for anal sex, but then neither are external condoms, because gently caress the FDA (they've never tested either). And internal condoms are much more durable than external condoms.
Mechafunkzilla fucked around with this message at 16:17 on Sep 27, 2016 |
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Sep 27, 2016 16:13
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Sep 27, 2016 16:27
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I'm with a pretty inexperienced girl. And she's not eager to rush into sex. That's fine with me, but she was instead trying me giving oral sex, but it was giving her a terribly hard time with her gag reflex, and she had to run off to the bathroom in the middle for fear of possibly vomiting. None of my previous partners have had that problem, and I'm curious how common it is and whether more experience will help her suffer less?
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Oct 4, 2016 01:23
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Just the tip. No really. Encourage her to use her hands more, put yours over hers and show her how, and only have your head in her mouth. Give her lots of feedback and praise.
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Oct 4, 2016 01:32
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Mocking Bird posted:Just the tip. Unfortunately that's a pretty accurate description of what led to what I described. She was not going super deep.
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Oct 4, 2016 02:51
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ikanreed posted:Unfortunately that's a pretty accurate description of what led to what I described. She was not going super deep. The penis doesn't have to go into the mouth at all for effective oral sex. Try only external stimulation, see how it goes. torgeaux fucked around with this message at 14:08 on Oct 4, 2016 |
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Oct 4, 2016 03:16
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Also on a 0-5 scale how clean and appealing is your dick?
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Oct 4, 2016 05:18
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Also on a 0-5 scale how old is she?
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Oct 4, 2016 11:17
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Mocking Bird posted:Also on a 0-5 scale how clean and appealing is your dick? Lol I was thinking this but you put it so elegantly.
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Oct 4, 2016 12:50
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