oldskool posted:

Uh...why is Nap Lajoie starting at third base? Pete Rose to be starting 3B in every lineup

Send down Lefty Gomez and replace with Dock Ellis

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

FEAST OR FIRED DIVISION CONTINUES TO EXIST, THOUGH NOBODY SEEMS INTERESTED IN WINNING IT

Under the Sea, That's Where Your Cult Will Be, Under the Sea -- This loving division. Seven weeks remaining in the season and with every team under .500, it's anyone's guess who will win. While The Gay Agenda and the Romneys have been fighting for the lead, locked in a death struggle to claim the right to live (as well as winning the culture war in America), their inattentiveness has resulted in everyone else in the division suddenly sensing blood in the water, and for once it wasn't their own. While the Agenda have the upperhand for the moment, everyone is in striking range -- including the two divisional rivals showcased this series.

While the Gumshoes had hoped that the Unspecifieds, being subterranean cultists dwelling in a place far from the sun, would be disadvantaged greatly playing in the paradisal and light-infused Robin's Nest of Oahu, their undying fanaticism quickly disabused the home team of such fantasies. Taking the first game, the Unspecs took the second, and the third would be a blood bath to satisfy blackmongoose's demands.

The collapse did not take long to manifest; a solo homer by Killebrew, followed by a sac hit by Addie Joss of all players gave the Unspecs a two run 2nd inning, which would be all that the would need. But blackmongoose wanted to be sure his message would be heard, broadcast to all who may oppose his goals. Lance Parrish drove home another run in the 4th, which was merely the prelude to the opening of the floodgates.

With the Gumshoes all but defeated, blackmongoose was seen waving his hand once during the 8th. Lou Whitaker nodded in acknowledgement and singled. Then Killebrew singled. Trammell followed this up with yet another single. Mantle doubled, and Ruth struck for a triple. Finally Brian Downing, blessed he whose name graces the award which commemorated heroics with another Gumshoes team, drove in a double to shatter what remained of their opposition's will. The toll came to five runs, an indelible scar on the psyche. A laughable "comeback" was attempted with a Wade Bogg triple in the 9th but it was far too late.

For once, the mysterious blackmongoose deigned to speak with reporters after hte game. "We have been neglected far too long, and the world will pay for neglecting to pay me the proper respect!" said blackmongoose in a stentorian voice that seemed to emanate from everywhere and nowhere in particular. "The decadent waste that you call 'society' will feel the full wrath of --"

"Now hold up." Archie Goodwin jumped on the elaborate portable platform that served as worship center / press conference area. "This was the least tasteful job I've taken all season, let me tell you. Gap-toothed hillbillies in the Carolinas, jewel heists, even some work for the RNC." Goodwin reflexively shuddered at the last. "Anyway, there've been some lovely commissions we've taken up and this is the worst. Do me a favor, if you care at all, which I suspect not, because this is the entire point of my coming here in person today.

"I've been tasked to find out what you're all about. Not surprising, but you know for a charismatic leader that bewitches thousands of people to live cut off from the rest of civilization in some ridiculous places, I've found out so little of why you're doing any of this." Goodwin pulled out a notepad and started flipping through it. "Let's see, original owner in the inaugural season, vanished afterwards, resurfaced in Atlantis and drowned his team in water after relegation, reappeared in Antarctica, went to the playoffs once then murdered everyone with nerve gas after season 10...pretty standard cult stuff.

"But for the life of me, and this is what my client demands to know, is what the hell is the point of all that? I don't think I've even seen a word of your catechisms or your scripture or even a goddamn mission statement. I asked around and you don't even have like a tract or a flyer with something to lure people in. And frankly, after seeing you in public, I'm not too sure about that whole 'charisma' bit."

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?" blackmongoose practically screamed. "I will not be questioned in this way!"

Goodwin threw up his hands in disgust. "Hey, man, I bet you could get a lot of converts or something because my client is looking to spread the word about you or at least get a handle on what message you're preaching. Something about 'what the gently caress is the Unspecs schtick' or whatever. Hey, listen, if you don't actually have anything then that's fine, I'll put 'nihilism for its own sake' on the report and throw in that quote from The Big Lebowski about National Socialism and call it a day."

Goodwin turned and took a few steps, then casually over his shoulders commented, "but I guess being a cult leader is better than finding legal work in this economy, eh?"

It was said that blackmongoose raged as his team cowered in fear all the way back to Antigua.

GAME NOTES

- The byline reflects the fact I thought the series was played at the Unspecs. I like it too much to change it.

- Killebrew was a monster, hitting two HRs on three hits. This means he's gonna strike out another dozen times in the next series.

- When asked why he hit a triple when it was well within his power to hit a home run, Ruth said "the master is angry now, can't talk."

- David Cone wasn't terrible, per se, but with the meager run support he received it wasn't enough.

- Well yeah, Steve Howe gave up 6 runs but you don't see me complaining.

- Addie Joss runs hot and cold, and today he was hot. Presumably he'll be terrible next time. This seems to be a running theme for the Unspecs.

Mick Freese posted:

MEXICO SAD

The Mojave - A game that both teams desperately needed to win. With time quickly running out on the season, and both teams losing ground to the Despair, only one of them would be able to do it on this night. And this one was a tough pill to swallow for rabidsquid.

Of course, the Mexicutioners' dingerlicious offense was not a good fit for the vast wasteland that is this ballpark, and their deadball pitchers played right into CVE's hands, throwing pitches in the strike zone that the Vault Boys were happy to put in play for singles. With a combination of slap hitting and speed, the home side soon took a 4-0 lead, while the Mexicutioners couldn't square up Nolan Ryan's pitches well enough to find any grass. Things weren't looking good.

But then, rabidsquid came up with a new strategy: they would just have to swing harder. And so, after Earl Averill crushed a ball 450 feet to center field for an RBI triple, Larry Walker cashed in with a moonshot three-run dinger. Charlie Gehringer added another long triple to make it a 7-4 lead by the end of the inning, with all the runs charged to Ryan.

But this presented a problem for rabidsquid. Because with so much space in the outfield, the only way to reliably get batters out was by the punch out. And Goose Gossage wasn't The Closer. So it was up for Sparky Lyle to get the save tonight. A task at which he failed miserably, giving up three singles followed by a Joe Cronin line drive that found the gap and sent this one to extra innings.

Lyle did settle down and get the first two outs of the 10th inning, but Dan Brouthers was able to take an outside pitch and beat the shift to left field. Now, the fact that Dan Brouthers was the biggest man in baseball when he played might make one think it was time to pinch-run. But it was a different time, and Brouthers was only 6'2" and 205 pounds, so he was able to simply steal the base himself. And when Sam Thompson followed up with yet another single, Brouthers lumbered his way around third, and plowed through Carlton Fisk in the most gentlemanly way possible, to secure the 10-9 win for the Vault Boys.

"Sometimes it's hard," rabidsquid lamented afterward. "It's hard to know who you can trust in this crazy, mixed-up world. I thought I could trust Mysterious Walker. I mean, you would think he could confound the batters and sneak the ball by them. He betrayed me. Then I thought Sparky Lyle was a true Mexican. Now I'm wondering if he doesn't speak German in his spare time! We're trying to save the world from those filthy Euros here, and now they're ganging up on us. Trying to stop us from preaching the dinger gospel in the Super-League. McD already took the Zombie Llamas' spot in the Super-League, and now he's teaming up with his mustache-twirling countryman. Well, it stops right here."

A dull, rumbling, revving sound was heard from somewhere else in the building. "I believe CVE has already been introduced to my dear friend. I think, in time, he'll appreciate that Mexico City isn't the team he wants to gently caress with. And all you other teams in the Sub-Par League, I'm putting you on notice too. You better walk the line when you come to Mexico. Or you might not walk out. Comprende? Good."

When asked about rabidsquid's death threats toward the entirety of the league, McFreeze responded, "I think they're cool, and good, personally."

GAME NOTES

- This was the second game in the series that Sparky Lyle blew! Wow!

- Can Larry Walker break the Zombie Llamas' record of 64 dingers, set by Babe Ruth? Whatever the answer, it doesn't matter because the Sub-Par League doesn't count.

- Billy Hamilton was caught stealing, which means this game must have been non-canon.

- Wilbert Robinson got three hits. That's Robinson, Wilbert. Wilbert.

Yaya posted:

Yaaay kensei

Pash posted:

DannoMack posted:

Come to IRC so we can traaaaade

DannoMack posted:

Come to IRC so we can traaaaade

CVE posted:

Seems I just can't beat the Despair.

Pete Ladd posted:

Send down Ryan to convert him to a reliever. (actually do this if it is a thing)

oldskool posted:

Who wants trades, I don't really need anything but another season with better fortune but what the hell, right, maybe you need or want something I have.

oldskool posted:

Who wants trades, I don't really need anything but another season with better fortune but what the hell, right, maybe you need or want something I have.

FairGame posted:

Hey Mentholmoose, what was the trade we did this offseason? I think it was my Maddux for your Halladay and one other. I want to say Blyleven was the add-on, but I thought Pash had all the Blylevens heading into the offseason.

For whatever reason, I don't seem to've marked it down on my trade sheet. Seems like a deal that worked well for both sides, though--Halladay's performing only slightly worse than your Maddux, and I got some much-needed SP depth in the bargain.

kw0134 posted:

Who wants to trade me a whole new team