Rust Martialis posted:

Mental typos.

Karate Bastard posted:

*rims tiara slut*

feedmyleg posted:

Psh, come on. How could they adapt Cars into a live-action movie? You'd need an origin story for the anthropomorphic cars which would be crazy, right? Right...?

quote:

Disney has decided to make a live-action adaptation of Pixar's hit 2006 movie "Cars" which follows anthropomorphic talking racecar Lightning McQueen. We've managed to get ahold of a copy of the script, and are exclusively bringing you the first scene:

CARS: THE LIVE-ACTION ADAPTATION
FINAL DRAFT

EXT. RACETRACK - DAY

A long, wide open racetrack cuts diagonally through a grassy field on either side of the viewer. A number of evenly spaced, high-tech checkered flags wave in the wind at the beginning, and at the end of the track.

LIGHTNING McQUEEN is warming up in her sleek, blue Corvette at the starting line. The fans are really beginning to pick up now. It's a great day for racing.

A man in a suit and bowler hat stands to the side of the track and pumps a fist into the air. You notice he's holding a wicker basket filled with a number of hot dogs.

The announcer begins. "Ladies and gentlemen, here she comes!"

The racetrack cuts wide open and you are treated to a close-up view of the starting line. You see a grid of sophisticated, high-tech, state-of-the-art cars that are much sleeker and better-looking than anything you've ever seen on the track before. Beside them are two rows of bleachers that are filled with men and women in suits and dresses.

The cars at the front of the pack begin to get ready, checking their systems and doing final tune-ups. You can hear the electric motors preparing to fire, and the drivers making last minute adjustments to their seats and steering wheels.

Behind Lightning, she can hear another car approaching. It's a strange-looking vehicle, almost phallic and shiny silver in color. A long, thin, and extremely pointy "tail" is the distinctive feature of this car.

"Oh, great," she mutters. "Here they come."

As the second car gets closer you can see that it's a hearse and it is followed by a long line of them.

"It's the St. Louis County sheriff and his posse," the announcer says. "These guys seem a little on edge."

A few fans in the front rows of the bleachers begin tossing hot dogs into the stands to try to get the crowd riled up. The dogs hit the ground, sizzle, and spit.

"This should be good," you can here the announcer say.

The car carrying the sheriff pulls into the starting line and the gridlock begins to clear.

"Okay, here we go," the announcer says.

The cars are released, and they begin to race down the track. The crowd is going wild.

"This is out of control!" the announcer screams. "The fans have gotten out of control! They are throwing food onto the track! The track is not cleared!"

You watch in awe as a small, round, red and white hot dog cart wheels right into the path of the oncoming racers. It slams into the side of one of the silver cars with a crunch and the driver's side pops off the track, throwing the car behind onto its side.

The sheriff's car slams into the back of the red and white hot dog truck and both vehicles flip over in a massive fireball. The metal catches fire, and the screaming fans scramble to get out of the way.

The crash kills all six people in the car, and the fire claims the life of the red and white hot dog vendor.

The crowd is in shock and the race has come to an abrupt halt. A long stretch of gridlock has the entire track blocked and everyone stands there in stunned silence.

A man in a suit walks over to the flaming wreckage. He is wearing a white doctor's coat and he begins kicking at the burning metal and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"My, God, my, God," he says over and over. "Oh, no, no, no."

For an anxious five minutes, there is nothing but the sound of the fire raging. Then, you hear a loud cracking sound. Then, a loud crashing sound. Then, all is quiet.

The wreckage has collapsed entirely and in the middle of the field stands a towering metal skeleton with a thick red metal skin.

"That's gotta be the car," the sheriff says. "That's got to be."

The skeleton has three rotating cylinder shapes coming out of it, each with a large gear on one end. The three cylinders stick out at angles to the long, thin body of the car, and are topped with a large, three-dimensional image of a lightning bolt.

The skeleton slowly begins to turn, revealing that there is a small, open cockpit in the middle of it. The lightning bolt on top of the car turns with it, showing you that the car can rotate three hundred and sixty degrees.

"I think we might have just found the winning car of the last twenty years," the sheriff says.

Huh. Seems a bit dark for a kids movie, and they seem to have changed a lot, but I'm on board.

splifyphus posted:

wow, it's a bunch of illiterate zombies. it's a miracle you guys managed to find the post button, or maybe it's just bots? i should have realized i was posting in tviv i guess.

here, let me try to educate you drooling fuckshits.

culture is produced by people whose themselves produced by a culture. the people who produce tv can only use the resources at hand to make their shows. the resources at hand are always around going to be cultural constructs which are also produced by the society that produced the people , so, wait for it:

all art is has a concrete relation to the society that produced it.

this relation can be excavated and productively examined by something that clearly none of you know how to do yet: thinking about the media you consume.

i know i know. why would anybody want to think about television? we watch television as a way to drool into the void without the social stigma of a heroin addiction! tv is for not-thinking! tv fun. fun. happy! fun!

cuz if you drones thought about poo poo for two seconds, you'd realize that narratives are all 'real', shows are 'real', fiction is 'real', and art is 'real'. the question isn't about the ontological status of fiction - if it wasn't 'real' then what the gently caress are you watching and how the gently caress are you watching it? the question is - how is concretely existing fiction related to empirical reality?

howmi doin so far? learned something yet? probably not, because to actually learn anything you'd have to leave the structural position of the pristine disembodied observer that your television spectating practice generates, and actually get your loving neurons dirty.

when you sit down to watch a television show, you are really doing something real! you are participating in a really existing social practice with others. the content you consume has a really existing relation to the really existing society that you're a part of. this society is a highly striated class society, and you're not at the top.

a show like succession is ideological programming. it's telling you this - sure, the people who own your life and are destroying the biosphere are irredeemably dysfunctional scumbags, but you, the objective neutral observer, are better than they are! what succession does is invite you to gawp and point and stare at the spectacle of our broken society from a position that's 'outside' of it, so you can pretend that you're somehow not a part of the charade.

except, there is no outside, and shows like succession are why you stupid fucks are gonna go right back to work on monday morning at the mass extinction event factory, smugly savoring the afterglow of 'at least I'm a better person than those rich pricks'.

but you're not. the actual rich pricks this show is based have way, way too many fun toys to spend their time watching garbage television entertainment for worker drones. they're not better people than you, but they are smarter than you, if only because they know that all the media you consume becomes a part of you, and hatewatching lovely people doing lovely things is something that only lovely people do.

Martman posted:

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

i may not have read the entire post but i do agree with 100% of everything that it said

Martman posted:

Chloe Jessica posted:

yeah, finding out they're a tankie really gives it that soupçon of je ne sais quoi

HiroProtagonist posted:

whats a tankie

HiroProtagonist posted:

whats a tankie

Captain Hygiene posted:

Whooping Crabs posted:

HiroProtagonist posted:

whats a tankie

HiroProtagonist posted:

whats a tankie

Malachite_Dragon posted:

From my understanding, a wehraboo.
E: or there's a great deal of overlap between the two, at least

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

COLUMBO: I'm sorry. I'm confused. You said earlier that you knew these gentlemen-

SMOLLET: Yes, I hired them as personal trainers. You have to keep in shape for roles lieutenant, it's hardly uncommon-

COLUMBO: Well, here's what's bothering me. The attack occurred at 2 in the morning-

SMOLLET: Yes

COLUMBO: Well most people, i actually have a cousin who dabbles in personal training- he's a bodybuilder- very buff I actually asked him if maybe he would consider training me a little, for Mrs. Columbo,

SMOLLET: Get to the point lieutenant

COLUMBO: Oh. Sorry. anyway he says- its very rare for a personal trainer to meet with clients at 2 in the morning. How did they know where to find you.

SMOLLET: *laughs* really lieutenant. is that all. I wish you came to me with these questions sooner. They texted me that I needed to purchase 4 eggs for my training.

COLUMBO: At two in the morning.

SMOLLET: Timing your meals is very important when body-building. Small snacks throughout the day is how man was meant to eat.

COLUMBO: You know I read that. But you needed to buy four eggs.

SMOLLET: Bodegas sell eggs in packs of 4 lieutenant

COLUMBO: Well yes. But: you're not hurting for money. you're on a very successful tv show. You couldn't buy a dozen eggs and then use the other 8 for something else later-

SMOLLET: They texted me four eggs lieutenant.

COLUMBO:

SMOLLET:

COLUMBO: Well you've certainly given me a lot to think about sir.

Chloe Jessica posted:

overlap, maybe, but the two terms have totally different meanings

a wehraboo is someone who's super into WWI-era Germany; not as bad as a Nazi, but still warrants an eyebrow raise. tankies are authoritarian communists who genuinely believe Stalin/Mao/Pol Pot/insert nominally communist dictator of choice did nothing wrong, and they're scum. basically just Nazis waving a different flag.

(im an anarcho-communist so don't jump down my throat about capitalism or anything, i fuckin know already. i just don't think kulakization part two is the solution.)

Wang Commander posted:

So I've been Max Titering a full Moderna dose every 3 weeks since my second dose back in February. I had to get some blood work done for my annual physical and they said my blood looked unusual in the tube, like visibly. They thought it was excessive lipids at first, but my cholesterol was normal, so they ran some more tests and it was antibodies. Anyway my doctor says my blood is way too viscous now and it explains why my blood pressure is up and they're worried about my kidneys between the inflammation and the thickening! I haven't come clean about the boosters yet so if you see a preprint about an insanely excessive antibody production with the Moderna vaxx it's just me and my boy Max.

splifyphus posted:

wow, it's a bunch of illiterate zombies.

here, let me try to educate you drooling fuckshits.

Oxxidation posted:

in case anyone out there is wondering how much vaccine is too much vaccine

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Shocked that C-SPAM hasn't twisted themselves into becoming Glenn Greenwald-type anti-vaxxers to own Biden voters.

Empty Sandwich posted:

one difference between dialectical materialism and my balls is that my balls have a real-world function

they're also more fun to read

Cosmic Thing posted:

That's crackin' me up.

Since I do teach English for a living, I feel inclined to educate his dumbass on this thing in writing called audience awareness.

Paladinus posted:

That's what they want you to teach the drones so they go back to work on Monday, etc.

Oxxidation posted:

in case anyone out there is wondering how much vaccine is too much vaccine

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Glenn Greenwald's been a laughing stock for months, try to keep up.

EasilyConfused posted:

I was going to say this has to be fake, but then I started reading that thread.

Edit: Holy poo poo, it's loving TCC in there.

Wang Commander posted:

1/6 (bandited at a public site for the elderly in a red county) and 2/6, original series. Then I was reading about other vaccines and seeing how many polio shots I got as a kid and was like maybe 4 will be better for this, I went with the Pfizer interval because rich people were getting Pfizer so I figured closer together was better but all anyone had around me was Moderna. Then I kept going because it made me feel safer about covid, and once we learned about waning I knew I was doing the right thing. So then every 3 weeks up until my physical this week so 21 more like clockwork. I got 2 or 3 extras at least during Delta (was really freaked out about India stuff so I'm not sure how much) and when the Omicron sequence dropped I did one daily until my regular dose on the 27th of last month at which point I calmed down so 22-26 is 5 extra. And I got the legit booster on my card the day I could even though it wasn't on the regimen. So 2 original, a booster, 21 on my DIY sequence, 5 during omicron, and at least 2 during delta. So that's 31 as the absolute floor, maybe 35. All full dose Moderna except the legit booster so we'll say 30.5-34.5 doses? Kind of worried about the kidney thing now that I read more about what they do and can mess up!

Oxxidation posted:

in case anyone out there is wondering how much vaccine is too much vaccine

Chamale posted:

EasilyConfused posted:

I was going to say this has to be fake, but then I started reading that thread.

Edit: Holy poo poo, it's loving TCC in there.