There's Very Little Meat in These Gym Mats: The Restaurant Industry Thread

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Drink and Fight: Feb 2, 2003

Willie Tomg posted:

That dude's just a schmo. He was even kinda good in flashes before the fickle gestsalt consciousness that comprises the kitchen's id decided to smash his soul to flinders rather than, y'know, discipline/fire. He grinds my gears, but he's not too awful really on, like, an interpersonal level or anything, I can deal with that. Everyone ITT deals with that. Everyone ITT deals with petty annoyances every day, its the nature of the beast. So while I could talk about the nonworking schlubs, or the coworkers who are really great until they do this ----> and then make me trash gallons of chocolate mousse because for the duration of my days off they store delis of it uncovered in a fridge running five degrees too hot with two plastic spoons apiece jutting out the top, or coming back after time off to see attempts at dicing tomatoes or filling out the stock of celery sticks instead of cleaning the detritus from breakfast service off the line lest we be in peril of passing our next inspection, but these are ultimately petty things. Everyone deals with this. You just drink a few extra slugs of coffee, maybe some grey market under-the-counter allergy meds if the cedar pollen is getting ya down, and come in each day swinging, gently caress it.

No, what really gets me going is not that slumpy teenman, but this sink.

This sink is off right now. It's off right now, because it cannot turn on. The sink just does this, constantly. The water coming from the faucet is near-boiling hot and the hot water valve won't turn on more, so that steady slow flow is our maximum of hot water from it, but it never stops. Ever. It's also leaking out the body of the faucet, which is why there's a rag tied around it. Duh! Dummy! I am fascinated by this sink. I think of little else in my downtime but this sink. The bar girls will be giving me their best smiles and I will smile back while tossing plates in the window and nod and say something funny and personable and in my head the sink will flow. I'll be out with a film club and we'll meet up after the theater for drinks and talks and I'll shout and holler about how Nightcrawler is what necessarily happens when the Dark Enlightenment attempts a dialectic with liberalism alienated from first principles like a low-rent redneck Zizek, but the whole time the sink will be there, flowing. I'll climb into bed and softly, soothingly, the sink will flow me to sleep. I can no longer conceive of life without at least one leaky, lovely sink to spice things up.

At first the part was on order. Two weeks later the part was still on order. A week after that, the part was not on order, it wasn't an issue with the part at all, we just need to turn off the water and tighten things up a bit, and also the email requesting maintenance on the faucet was never opened once by anybody. We tried the shutoff valve to staunch the flow of water, and the shutoff valve was broken. We tried the backup valve that shuts off water to most of the sinks, and the backup valve was also broken it turns out. So now we do need a part after all, the part is a pipe-freezing kit to do the job of two broken shutoff valves, and its been on order for two weeks now and when we get it in we're gonna have to stop all banquet production for roughly a day on account of no running water and ripped up floors and keystone kops custodial staff all over the prep areas.

While doing other prep I liberated a few gallon jugs to perform science. The water is so hot that the plastic melts and crumples like a paper bag which makes precision difficult, but with a few tries I was able to reckon that the rate of flow is, and I have to stress this is a very conservative estimate, one gallon every two and a half minutes not counting the water loss through the body of the sink. That is 576 gallons of scalding water every day. Today will mark the 36,000th gallon (136,275th liter) of hot water lost to this one loving leak since it first began. The great state of Texas is in the middle of a historic drought right now, at this very second. If you live in Texas, and are wrestling with water restrictions, just remember this sink and think about what you could do with a fraction of those 36,000 gallons.

I cannot despair. I have the love of the black baby jesus for this sink, because it transcends job annoyance and becomes a sublime apolitical microcosm of what's ultimately dysfunctional about America. I owe a lot to this sink. The sink and I will be married in August.

Thanks for reading.

I love your posts.

# ? Mar 2, 2015 22:51

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 05:08

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

Willie Tomg posted:

I show up to work on time for the same reason I watch HBO's Girls; because in hating every loathsome and unsympathetic minute of it I feel more alive than I ever do normally, and I can't wait to see what happens next week.

I, uhh... should probably transfer, maybe. maybe use them health bennies to get a valium scrip, idk.

Jesus Christ dude.

# ? Mar 2, 2015 22:57

bloody ghost titty: Oct 23, 2008

It's...

# ? Mar 2, 2015 22:58

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

The Maestro posted:

Burn yourself on it and collect workers comp

this is the correct answer. i chopped part of my finger off on a hobart slicer once on "accident" because of a particularly dickish coworker who hosed us over who deserved to do a shift on his own and also because gently caress yeah pain pills

all in all i'm glad i dont work in kitchens anymore though. nothing like walking in on your coworker shooting up in the bathroom while simultaneously hitting a crack pipe. that was actually funny though

# ? Mar 3, 2015 00:35

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Jeez Wheez

# ? Mar 3, 2015 00:49

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

that dude was a trainwreck but as long as he was high he was a good coworker. it was only awful when he was broke and going through withdrawals because then he was a total loving rear end in a top hat who'd go into a rage at the drop of a hat. it got bad enough that like 4 of us in the kitchen kept a suboxone strip on hand at any given moment to be able to break up and give to him so he wouldn't be pissing and moaning all day

# ? Mar 3, 2015 00:59

AVeryLargeRadish: Aug 19, 2011; I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT BE A WEIRD SEXUAL CREEP ABOUT PREPUBESCENT ANIME GIRLS, READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE!!!

Willie Tomg posted:

That dude's just a schmo. He was even kinda good in flashes before the fickle gestsalt consciousness that comprises the kitchen's id decided to smash his soul to flinders rather than, y'know, discipline/fire. He grinds my gears, but he's not too awful really on, like, an interpersonal level or anything, I can deal with that. Everyone ITT deals with that. Everyone ITT deals with petty annoyances every day, its the nature of the beast. So while I could talk about the nonworking schlubs, or the coworkers who are really great until they do this ----> and then make me trash gallons of chocolate mousse because for the duration of my days off they store delis of it uncovered in a fridge running five degrees too hot with two plastic spoons apiece jutting out the top, or coming back after time off to see attempts at dicing tomatoes or filling out the stock of celery sticks instead of cleaning the detritus from breakfast service off the line lest we be in peril of passing our next inspection, but these are ultimately petty things. Everyone deals with this. You just drink a few extra slugs of coffee, maybe some grey market under-the-counter allergy meds if the cedar pollen is getting ya down, and come in each day swinging, gently caress it.

No, what really gets me going is not that slumpy teenman, but this sink.

This sink is off right now. It's off right now, because it cannot turn on. The sink just does this, constantly. The water coming from the faucet is near-boiling hot and the hot water valve won't turn on more, so that steady slow flow is our maximum of hot water from it, but it never stops. Ever. It's also leaking out the body of the faucet, which is why there's a rag tied around it. Duh! Dummy! I am fascinated by this sink. I think of little else in my downtime but this sink. The bar girls will be giving me their best smiles and I will smile back while tossing plates in the window and nod and say something funny and personable and in my head the sink will flow. I'll be out with a film club and we'll meet up after the theater for drinks and talks and I'll shout and holler about how Nightcrawler is what necessarily happens when the Dark Enlightenment attempts a dialectic with liberalism alienated from first principles like a low-rent redneck Zizek, but the whole time the sink will be there, flowing. I'll climb into bed and softly, soothingly, the sink will flow me to sleep. I can no longer conceive of life without at least one leaky, lovely sink to spice things up.

At first the part was on order. Two weeks later the part was still on order. A week after that, the part was not on order, it wasn't an issue with the part at all, we just need to turn off the water and tighten things up a bit, and also the email requesting maintenance on the faucet was never opened once by anybody. We tried the shutoff valve to staunch the flow of water, and the shutoff valve was broken. We tried the backup valve that shuts off water to most of the sinks, and the backup valve was also broken it turns out. So now we do need a part after all, the part is a pipe-freezing kit to do the job of two broken shutoff valves, and its been on order for two weeks now and when we get it in we're gonna have to stop all banquet production for roughly a day on account of no running water and ripped up floors and keystone kops custodial staff all over the prep areas.

While doing other prep I liberated a few gallon jugs to perform science. The water is so hot that the plastic melts and crumples like a paper bag which makes precision difficult, but with a few tries I was able to reckon that the rate of flow is, and I have to stress this is a very conservative estimate, one gallon every two and a half minutes not counting the water loss through the body of the sink. That is 576 gallons of scalding water every day. Today will mark the 36,000th gallon (136,275th liter) of hot water lost to this one loving leak since it first began. The great state of Texas is in the middle of a historic drought right now, at this very second. If you live in Texas, and are wrestling with water restrictions, just remember this sink and think about what you could do with a fraction of those 36,000 gallons.

I cannot despair. I have the love of the black baby jesus for this sink, because it transcends job annoyance and becomes a sublime apolitical microcosm of what's ultimately dysfunctional about America. I owe a lot to this sink. The sink and I will be married in August.

Thanks for reading.

Willie Tomg posted:

I show up to work on time for the same reason I watch HBO's Girls; because in hating every loathsome and unsympathetic minute of it I feel more alive than I ever do normally, and I can't wait to see what happens next week.

I, uhh... should probably transfer, maybe. maybe use them health bennies to get a valium scrip, idk.

The Maestro posted:

Burn yourself on it and collect workers comp

wheez the roux posted:

this is the correct answer. i chopped part of my finger off on a hobart slicer once on "accident" because of a particularly dickish coworker who hosed us over who deserved to do a shift on his own and also because gently caress yeah pain pills

all in all i'm glad i dont work in kitchens anymore though. nothing like walking in on your coworker shooting up in the bathroom while simultaneously hitting a crack pipe. that was actually funny though

wheez the roux posted:

that dude was a trainwreck but as long as he was high he was a good coworker. it was only awful when he was broke and going through withdrawals because then he was a total loving rear end in a top hat who'd go into a rage at the drop of a hat. it got bad enough that like 4 of us in the kitchen kept a suboxone strip on hand at any given moment to be able to break up and give to him so he wouldn't be pissing and moaning all day

The Restaurant Industry Folks! :downsrim:

# ? Mar 3, 2015 02:00

Invisible Ted: Aug 24, 2011; hhhehehe

poo poo sous is blaming me for him going down on Saturday, because I worked his station on Thursday (the day I came in and the station was loving barren, when I spent all day including service rolling pasta, turning carrots, etc.)

I don't care that nobody believes him, it still positively infuriates me because this is the second person that is using me as a scapegoat in the past few months. I'm tired of there being one person that doesn't treat me like a human being/is incapable of being responsible for their station.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 02:53

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

Know what I tell my guys when they say their station/prep/whatever isn't done? Take a picture. You can tell me all about how hard you work, or how you couldn't make it to this or that or these or those, but I don't give a poo poo. You show me how things looked the second you walked in the door, I care. You tell me that AM or PM crew didn't do this or that, but give no evidence, I just. Don't. Care.

Not wanting to come across as a dick, but I've dealt with plenty of "woe is me" cooks to give no shits anymore.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 03:03

Hauki: May 11, 2010

Chef De Cuisinart posted:

Know what I tell my guys when they say their station/prep/whatever isn't done? Take a picture. You can tell me all about how hard you work, or how you couldn't make it to this or that or these or those, but I don't give a poo poo. You show me how things looked the second you walked in the door, I care. You tell me that AM or PM crew didn't do this or that, but give no evidence, I just. Don't. Care.

Not wanting to come across as a dick, but I've dealt with plenty of "woe is me" cooks to give no shits anymore.

Yuup. All of the above. It better be something worth taking a picture of too.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 04:40

CleverHans: Apr 25, 2011; Can't post for 8 years!

The Maestro posted:

Burn yourself on it and collect workers comp

I think this will be the natural result of attempting to consummate their blessed union.

Pretty sure it's already legal in Massachusetts.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 04:46

Simoom: Nov 30, 2009

Yeah I'm considering just breaking my hand or something so I can not do this until school.

e: my non jacking hand.

Simoom fucked around with this message at 06:28 on Mar 3, 2015

# ? Mar 3, 2015 06:24

Keru: Aug 2, 2004; 'n suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us 'n the sky was full of what looked like 'uge bats, all swooping 'n screeching 'n divin' around the ute.

Simoom posted:

Yeah I'm considering just breaking my hand or something so I can not do this until school.

e: my non jacking hand.

But you could treat yourself to a few months of nothing but The Stranger.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 12:34

Turkeybone: Dec 9, 2006

This is my industry right here (the lovely competition):

http://pagesix.com/2015/03/02/booze-salesman-sent-exec-revenge-photos-of-wasted-champagne-strippers/

# ? Mar 3, 2015 15:44

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

Turkeybone posted:

This is my industry right here (the lovely competition):

http://pagesix.com/2015/03/02/booze-salesman-sent-exec-revenge-photos-of-wasted-champagne-strippers/

I don't think I would buy anything from those guys.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 18:51

Phanatic: Mar 13, 2007; Please don't forget that I am an extremely racist idiot who also has terrible opinions about the Culture series.

Willie Tomg posted:

I cannot despair. I have the love of the black baby jesus for this sink, because it transcends job annoyance and becomes a sublime apolitical microcosm of what's ultimately dysfunctional about America. I owe a lot to this sink. The sink and I will be married in August.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks for writing. This is wonderful.

Errant Gin Monks posted:

I don't think I would buy anything from those guys.

I can't even figure out what that's intended to accomplish. "You won't let me distribute your booze anymore so I'm going to tear up one thousand of my dollar bills and send you pictures of me doing it." Step 2....?

Phanatic fucked around with this message at 19:15 on Mar 3, 2015

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:08

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

Phanatic posted:

I can't even figure out what that's intended to accomplish. "You won't let me distribute your booze anymore so I'm going to tear up one thousand of my dollar bills and send you pictures of me doing it." Step 2....?

Yeah that's what has me so annoyed. What the gently caress did they accomplish aside from alienating female clients, wasting 1000 dollars and getting some skank stripper to grab your crotch?

Decision making skills like this don't make me rate them high on a "want to do business with" list.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:35

Turkeybone: Dec 9, 2006

Step 2 is raise middle finger.

When we took high-end bourbons from Southern, the GAVE AWAY their remaining supply to their customers. Again the Step 2 is "raise middle finger."

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:45

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

Turkeybone posted:

Step 2 is raise middle finger.

When we took high-end bourbons from Southern, the GAVE AWAY their remaining supply to their customers. Again the Step 2 is "raise middle finger."

I just don't understand how that's a middle finger. "HAHAHA WE LOST MONEY ON YOUR PRODUCT!! What now?!?!"

# ? Mar 3, 2015 19:51

MAKE NO BABBYS: Jan 28, 2010

Southern is in general, pretty loving incompetent and bad with money, but they have it to burn.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 20:37

bloody ghost titty: Oct 23, 2008

I don't know the guy personally but everyone I know who does have a fairly broad consensus of "gently caress him".

The comical part is that when I ran a jam my Southern guy was the poo poo, I actually ignored the rep in my area to order through him. Southern in NY is made up of three smaller companies with different portfolios and priorities and I was running a cocktail bar whose owners also import specialty wine: do you think I want to try whatever bullshit Grigio you have sales incentives to move this quarter?

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:36

Turkeybone: Dec 9, 2006

Yeah, all of these companies have more money than they know what to do with (sometimes quite literally) so it's like "gently caress you we dont need you anyway"

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:36

Turkeybone: Dec 9, 2006

Vegetable Melange posted:

I don't know the guy personally but everyone I know who does have a fairly broad consensus of "gently caress him".

The comical part is that when I ran a jam my Southern guy was the poo poo, I actually ignored the rep in my area to order through him. Southern in NY is made up of three smaller companies with different portfolios and priorities and I was running a cocktail bar whose owners also import specialty wine: do you think I want to try whatever bullshit Grigio you have sales incentives to move this quarter?

Yeah, if I didn't think my boss was awesome, I wouldve taken a job in Boulder, CO instead of this gig. In general it comes down to the specific person as to whether they are the poo poo or just poo poo.

My company is growing now that I think you could have up to five different sales reps come to your place, but there's plenty of "I only want to deal with this guy" that happens.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 21:39

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

Turkeybone posted:

Yeah, if I didn't think my boss was awesome, I wouldve taken a job in Boulder, CO instead of this gig. In general it comes down to the specific person as to whether they are the poo poo or just poo poo.

My company is growing now that I think you could have up to five different sales reps come to your place, but there's plenty of "I only want to deal with this guy" that happens.

Which one do you work for if you don't mind saying.

# ? Mar 3, 2015 22:06

Shooting Blanks: Jun 6, 2007; Real bullets mess up how cool this thing looks.

-Blade

Turkeybone posted:

Step 2 is raise middle finger.

When we took high-end bourbons from Southern, the GAVE AWAY their remaining supply to their customers. Again the Step 2 is "raise middle finger."

When I was still in the business, our wine rep got fired from the distributor and promptly showed up at my restaurant and trashed them as hard as he could. Then immediately segued into why we should move our portfolio to his new employer because the quality is much higher. I don't understand how anyone thinks that's a smart way to win an account, even if they were an existing customer.

# ? Mar 4, 2015 07:02

Turkeybone: Dec 9, 2006

Errant Gin Monks posted:

Which one do you work for if you don't mind saying.

The other big one that isn't Southern

# ? Mar 4, 2015 15:38

The Midniter: Jul 9, 2001

Shooting Blanks posted:

When I was still in the business, our wine rep got fired from the distributor and promptly showed up at my restaurant and trashed them as hard as he could. Then immediately segued into why we should move our portfolio to his new employer because the quality is much higher. I don't understand how anyone thinks that's a smart way to win an account, even if they were an existing customer.

In my experience, sales people in general aren't in their field for their smarts.

# ? Mar 4, 2015 16:38

pr0k: Jan 16, 2001; "Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

Willie Tomg posted:

Thanks for reading.

Beautiful. Reminds me a little of a wetvac named "spoogie" that would shock the poo poo out of you if you touched it. Replace spoogie? Never!

The Maestro posted:

Burn yourself on it and collect workers comp

Workman's comp? For a burn? In a kitchen?

# ? Mar 4, 2015 20:48

Shooting Blanks: Jun 6, 2007; Real bullets mess up how cool this thing looks.

-Blade

The Midniter posted:

In my experience, sales people in general aren't in their field for their smarts.

I'm in sales now

# ? Mar 5, 2015 05:52

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Holy poo poo! I'm off today!

Summer can't come quick enough.

Also I've been making dog poo poo money on my lunch shifts.

Also I guess I'm good with the new owners now considering they gave me a thank you card and $20 just for working a busy Friday???

# ? Mar 5, 2015 13:56

Splizwarf: Jun 15, 2007; It's like there's a soup can in front of me!

Shooting Blanks posted:

I'm in sales now

Perhaps you're the one-eyed man in the land of the blind.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 15:57

Turkeybone: Dec 9, 2006

Peak Brodo

# ? Mar 5, 2015 16:59

The Midniter: Jul 9, 2001

Turkeybone posted:

Peak Brodo

quote:

The event will also feature live DJs and local designers selling non-brodo goods.

Who the gently caress would want non-brodo goods? Get the gently caress out of here.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:18

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

Turkeybone posted:

Peak Brodo

I loving hate foodies. Also, lol at $33 to taste broth.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:44

Rockzilla: Feb 19, 2007; Squish!

If gluten wasn't so reviled we could be having Gravyfest instead.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:50

Chef De Cuisinart: Oct 31, 2010; Brandy does in fact, in my experience, contribute to Getting Down.

You guys should come try my Parmesan brodo that we use in a wild mushroom ravioli dish. Hell, I'll even sell you a cup of it for 5bux!

When my cost per cup is like, 15 cents.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:57

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA: May 29, 2008

Chef De Cuisinart posted:

You guys should come try my Parmesan brodo that we use in a wild mushroom ravioli dish. Hell, I'll even sell you a cup of it for 5bux!

There was a (very good) offal restaurant here that during a month-long winter festival sold ~bone broth~ for $5/thermos as a "hey take this and go skating" deal.

Good for them, I guess?

# ? Mar 5, 2015 18:44

nuru: Oct 10, 2012

Is there more to this "bone broth" bullshit than fleecing hipsters for all they can to sell them broth/stock?

# ? Mar 5, 2015 20:15

Errant Gin Monks: Oct 2, 2009; "Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch

nuru posted:

Is there more to this "bone broth" bullshit than fleecing hipsters for all they can to sell them broth/stock?

I don't know but 9 bucks for a cup of broth? I need to change my loving concept.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 20:33

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 05:08

Suspect Bucket: Jan 15, 2012; SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR

Rockzilla posted:

If gluten wasn't so reviled we could be having Gravyfest instead.

The time has come. Coconut Monkey can now release the long awaited Gravy Trader.

Also yay hipsters that cant boil a rotissery chook.

# ? Mar 5, 2015 21:06

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > There's Very Little Meat in These Gym Mats: The Restaurant Industry Thread

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