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Lady googooGaGa
Nov 3, 2006

Are you freaking kidding me!?

Gravitee posted:

I went to a coed shower last year and it wasn't too bad. The guys just watched tv and played video games while the girls played party games (gag) and talked.

The 'gag' comment in this post got my attention. At my SIL's shower it was like 50% fun games and 50% snore. I think the trick with games is finding games that involve everyone and are kind of funny.

One we all laughed and laughed at was a game where she was asked 25 questions about her hubby to be, and every time she got one wrong she had to chew a piece of gum. The questions were not like 'whats his favorite color?', they were like 'if he had to pick a song to describe you what would it be?' Her MOH went and asked him all the responses before the shower. Just to see her trying to chew like 15 pieces of gum and drooling and being silly was pretty fun. Some people find that stuff lame, but I thought it was cute.

We also did bingo, where we had to fill in all the blocks with gifts we thought she got. I knew most of them as I helped with her registry so I won.

We did one that was half embarrassing half hilarious where everyone wrote a 'bedroom tip' on a slip of paper and then she had to read them aloud and try to guess who wrote what. The best was 'Lay very still and pray for it to be over' -- that was their grandmother, and the look on everyone's face before the ruckus laughter was one of the most memorable parts.

I think the key to not having everyone fall asleep while you open gifts and such is to make a game of it. My MOH quietly took notes in her phone the entire time about what engaged people and what didn't and I thought it was so sweet of her, she really wants it to be a fun experience, she's a doll. I almost want to marry her instead.

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Mangue
Aug 3, 2007
When I was engaged I heard the average cost of a wedding was around $26,000 and I think that's probably around what we ended up spending. (And by "we" I mean our parents.)

Dress was a biggie, didn't want to skimp on that so all in all with alterations it cost about $2,000. For the dress I picked out that was fairly inexpensive. I chose to get the show room piece instead of having them measure me and send out for a custom fit dress. (The seamstress had to size it down from an 8 to a 4...good thing she loving rocked and it turned out great) So that cut the cost of the dress in half right there.

We got married outside so we really didn't need to put any money into wedding site decorations and I decided to make my own center pieces for the reception. The place we got married included the wedding site, the reception (either inside or outside), and a catered dinner. That was nice to just have all that done in one place instead of having 3 different parties to deal with. Off the top of my head I think renting the wedding site and reception for the whole afternoon was about $5,000. Then catering from them was about...I dunno I want to say $30/person.

The cake was pretty average as far as cost. I think it was about $400-500. (It melted though, stupid people put it next to a hot window)

The flowers were actually one of the least expensive parts. I decided to go with inexpensive flowers that were in season so they were about $450 or so (including delivery to the wedding site).

The photographers were fairly inexpensive as well considering they were wedding photographers. They said they got into the business after their daughter got married and they saw how rediculous photographer prices were. So they do weddings, generally, for a lot less money. Probably spent a little more than $1,000 on them and they were there for about 6 hours or so. (Granted they weren't the best photographers ever but they took hundreds of pictures and we got 3 dvds, each with all the pictures on them. So we were satisfied.)

I think we spent about $800 on the DJ...

I think my husband spent about $1,500 on my wedding and engagement rings, about 1.5 karat total weight white gold. His wedding ring is a simple gold band that was about $300.

Oh the invitations! Those are freaking expensive. I had a really specific sort of invitation in mind that I really didn't want to skimp on so we ended up getting the least expensive invitations from the most expensive book we looked through. I can't remember how much they were but I think we ordered about 150 or so.

I had a great time planning my wedding. I knew when we could splurge a bit and I knew when we could cut back and still be happy. I think the best wedding advice is not to be a bridezilla. (Har har har) I can't stand those women who started to plan their wedding when they were 8 and everything has to be so perfect or they freak the gently caress out and make everyone miserable. I had no idea what I wanted my wedding to be like when I started planning it. It all sort of just fell in to place as we went along and I had a fun time doing it.

Bean Trap
May 12, 2008

Set a trap with beans. Beans always get 'em.

goatse guy posted:

My boyfriend asked me to marry him on Monday, so now the fun begins! We've got a pretty good idea of what we want to do, we just don't know when we should do it. How did you guys decide on your wedding date?

For anyone in the Twin Cities, what are some good locations for receptions? I'd prefer outdoors but with a place to go in case it rains. It's going to be a casual, laid-back affair. I was thinking the Lafayette Club but that's a little upscale for us.

We got engaged in November 07 and picked the date in December. I'm finishing a graduate degree and planned on (and am) doing a summer language program, so it was either May 08 before I left for the summer (I have a month off between grad school and summer program) or August 08 before school started. It had to be before my insurance ran out, and I am planning to work abroad after graduation. We met with a rep from a venue we liked, and they had discount Sundays open in August, and thus, 24 August is the date. One week after summer program ends and one week before school starts.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Goon from the catering side willing to answer questions about that. I do serving, so I'm mostly familiar with the 1,000,000 things that can make a wedding reception a nightmare for the guests.

Some things to keep in mind...

The place I work at is high fallutin'. Berkley Plaza in New Jersey. I can remember doing a wedding where most of the male guests were from the NJ Jets. I really don't know what the total cost of a reception here is, but I can gather that it's pretty high (50k appears to be a low figure).

I'm not too much into the food side of things, since I do very little of the cooking (I do garnishes from time to time). The reality is that you want to go with the basic package. You'll get more consistent quality and it will be easier on the chefs. The only other thing I can recommend is going for buffet style. Better variety for guests who want it, and tends to be drastically cheaper.

The most important advice I have is to relax. Our weddings are typically 200ish people. Something invariably goes wrong. It's a very complex business back in the kitchen and on the floor, so eventually some cog creaks or cracks. Let us handle it. We're professionals, and our main skill is damage control. When weddings go bad, it's 90% the bride (or bride's mother) freaking out. The wedding is about you and your spouse, not about some perfect execution. It's not the Olympics. Gay male couples (I've never done a lesbian wedding) tend to be really good about just enjoying themselves.

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

I am begging everyone who claims that all jewelry stores have negotiable pricing to PLEASE STOP spreading this misinformation.

When you have people coming in and haggling you like it's a used car lot is extremely frustrating. Every day. Several times per day. Our store is a one location only family run business who gets harassed constantly because mega chain store like People's and Mappin's allows haggling, so we must allow it too.

People have no class when it comes to buying fine jewelry anymore and it really saddens me.

Farewell Horizon
Sep 12, 2005

by Fistgrrl

WierdFishes posted:

I am begging everyone who claims that all jewelry stores have negotiable pricing to PLEASE STOP spreading this misinformation.

I know where you're coming from, but people just don't realize that small jewelry stores don't mark up like chains do. It's kind of sad, because they are already getting a better piece for less money and just don't know anything about the industry. I don't think it's fair to say 'don't haggle', because you can - and should - with big chain stores. Independant jewelers however... different story. I think the best you can do is politely say that you price your jewelry according to it's worth, and it's not marked up, so you can not reduce the price.

:(

I wish I worked in a jewelry store.

Dik Hz
Feb 22, 2004

Fun with Science

Tulip posted:

I'm mostly familiar with the 1,000,000 things that can make a wedding reception a nightmare for the guests.

Share some stories! What have been some of the more horrific ones you witnessed?

CalamityKate
Dec 4, 2004

WierdFishes posted:

I am begging everyone who claims that all jewelry stores have negotiable pricing to PLEASE STOP spreading this misinformation.

When you have people coming in and haggling you like it's a used car lot is extremely frustrating. Every day. Several times per day. Our store is a one location only family run business who gets harassed constantly because mega chain store like People's and Mappin's allows haggling, so we must allow it too.

People have no class when it comes to buying fine jewelry anymore and it really saddens me.

We're at a point in the economy where you're going to see people haggling more everywhere, retail, wherever. It's going to get worse if nothing else. And if your store really doesn't negotiate on pricing, then it is in the minority. Just like car dealerships, people go into jewelery stores expecting the price to be marked up.

porkchoppie
Jan 7, 2004

I will kill in a second.

CalamityKate posted:

We're at a point in the economy where you're going to see people haggling more everywhere, retail, wherever. It's going to get worse if nothing else. And if your store really doesn't negotiate on pricing, then it is in the minority. Just like car dealerships, people go into jewelery stores expecting the price to be marked up.

Exactly, especially when many major jewelry stores mark up their stuff by 50-70%, and everyone knows it.

8th-snype
Aug 28, 2005

My office is in the front room of a run-down 12 megapixel sensor but the rent suits me and the landlord doesn't ask many questions.

Dorkroom Short Fiction Champion 2012


Young Orc
People haggle with me too. I'm a photographer and I'm cheap to begin with. My thoughts are though you should be hiring a creative professional based on their work not their price point.

Backno
Dec 1, 2007

Goff Boyz iz da rudest Boyz

SKA SUCKS
So the fiance and I have decided to move our wedding from next summer to the end of this August. And the best part is she doesn't get back into the country for another week. So we get to find a place, and a person to perform the ceremony in 7 weeks...should be fun.

zap actionsdower!
Aug 7, 2004

in favor of festivals
This weekend I got promoted from girlfriend to fiance and am eligible to join this thread!

I have no idea what our budget will be. We've been living together for 4 years, and my parents have have hinted in the past that since they did not approve of this, they wouldn't be paying for the nupitals. Which is fine; we don't feel entitled to anything, but I'm still going to ask if they are going to contribute anything. How have other people handled this? I want to make it clear that I am not expecting anything, I just need to know. Because my parents are the type of people that might just not mention that they're going to contribute until we're like 4 months into planning and that would change the whole scale.

If there are no parental contributions, we're toying with the idea of a beg/borrow/barter wedding. I'm a painter and my fiance does video and web work, and we could probably pull in a few favors from around the community as well and get a lot of things for free. Plus we are crafty and I already have a team of two other artists on board to help me out.

So. This should be fun! We're looking at setting a date 6-12 months out.

zap actionsdower! fucked around with this message at 06:52 on Jul 4, 2008

squirrellypoo
Feb 8, 2003
a-HA! I knew there was a wedding thread in here, but with search down I couldn't find it...

Anyway, I've been engaged for a grand total of two weeks now, and we're going to have the wedding at Bletchley Park (site of the WWII codebreaking stuff) in Sept-Oct 2009. I've been offered my grandmother's dress from 1949 but I have to wait for measurements and detail photos to see if it's suitable for me. If not, I'll be sewing my own dress, which I'm more than capable of doing. :)

I've been vaguely skimming wedding forums like indiebride.com (ok and the best I've found, but way to American-focused to be that useful for me), confetti.co.uk (great Q&A section but the forums are chavvy as gently caress), and craftster's wedding forum (where I found some of the most HIDEOUS wedding photos I have ever seen in my life, omfg). Besides the few in the OP, can anyone recommend any other wedding planning/ideas sites, preferably UK based?

And if one more person asks me what my colours are, I'm going to twat them one and just say black. All black.

Lady googooGaGa
Nov 3, 2006

Are you freaking kidding me!?
For those of you concerned with paying it for yourselves or having a lower budget -- I feel your stress, but also promise you can work through it. My Dad has offered to help us, but I am NOT comfortable with him footing the bill, so aside from food (as in, actual food, not prep) we are paying for everything. Now, we did choose Vegas, which took a lot off our hands as far as preparing went, because we paid them and our coordinator just sends me emails asking specific questions, etc.

As far as the reception, we were looking at $85 - $110 a head with bar for served beef roast, and I thought it sucked so hard. So instead we decided to do a pasta bar, with a ton of different kinds of pasta (regular, whole wheat, veggie), sauces, and then we are renting an enormous long skillet, and having a table of different meats and cheeses and veggies and shrimp and other pasta bits and hiring in an actual chef to prep. Each person takes their plate (so we can still do settings), puts the meat/top stuff they want on it, and the chef prepares it for them right there, mixing it in with the sauce/pasta of their choice. This also eliminated 'how do we pick food because not everyone likes this/that'. Then were getting a side of beef and a ton of chicken breasts, and a small caesar salad bar so people can even do a chicken caesar salad if they want.

I like this for a variety of reasons. There is a ton you can do with the food tables, if you think it out you can organize it in a way that causes guests to mingle and such, and a lot of it can be done yourself. I didn't want to spend 10k on a reception that had bland food. I can put 1/3 of that in and have an amazing party.

Something to think about. I didn't even think of it until my boss (who has been to a billion weddings from firehouses to huge $100,000 parties) suggested it. He said it was one of the best weddings he ever attended because people had so much fun with the food.


Edit: Also, if you are handy in the kitchen learn to make fondant and do your own cake. I flat out refused to pay hundreds or thousands for a cake that 70% of people won't eat anyway. We got an adorable topper as an engagement gift.

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006

squirrellypoo posted:

a-HA! I knew there was a wedding thread in here, but with search down I couldn't find it...

Anyway, I've been engaged for a grand total of two weeks now, and we're going to have the wedding at Bletchley Park (site of the WWII codebreaking stuff) in Sept-Oct 2009. I've been offered my grandmother's dress from 1949 but I have to wait for measurements and detail photos to see if it's suitable for me. If not, I'll be sewing my own dress, which I'm more than capable of doing. :)

I've been vaguely skimming wedding forums like indiebride.com (ok and the best I've found, but way to American-focused to be that useful for me), confetti.co.uk (great Q&A section but the forums are chavvy as gently caress), and craftster's wedding forum (where I found some of the most HIDEOUS wedding photos I have ever seen in my life, omfg). Besides the few in the OP, can anyone recommend any other wedding planning/ideas sites, preferably UK based?

And if one more person asks me what my colours are, I'm going to twat them one and just say black. All black.

Awww, congratulations! I think I met you in the fall at a goon meet in London. Weren't you the girl who is also from PA but moved to England? I just got engaged three weeks ago, there must be something in the London air :).

I don't know of any UK sites, but it's probably easier to find a theme you want and pick the location accordingly. That way you can look at any wedding site and find ideas, decorations, etc. without worrying that it's UK specific. I bought Martha Stewart's collector edition wedding magazine at Heathrow and it's incredible as far as food ideas and decorations are concerned. Aside from that, I've found blogs particularly helpful. We were toying around with the idea of doing a vintage rustic theme (which could potentially work with your 1949 dress), and these sites are really good.
http://bridalcheek.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/vintage-rustic-wedding/
http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/blog/
http://wedding.blogdig.net/archives/date/24/April/2008/2

And because I've been showing anyone who will look, how awesome are these centerpieces?
http://www.whitelacewedding.com/50226711/CRANBERRY%20CENTERPIECE.jpg

I'm pretty sure we're skipping out on the big wedding and reception anyhow and just flying somewhere exotic instead. Such is the hassle of trying to plan the elaborate wedding and deal with all the immigration issues of an American and a Brit. :(.

Azulita
Dec 9, 2006

by Lowtax
For all you do-it-yourselfers, I just want to reassure you like ElanoreMcMantis did - you really can do it. This may sound strange coming from me, as I had that crazy expensive wedding paid for by my parents, but long before my own wedding I began a side career as a wedding photographer. I quit about 6 months ago, so I have bout 5 years experience. 95% of the weddings I worked on were by do-it-yourselfers and/or couples with families on tight budgets. As long as you have reasonable expectations (like not having a Vera Wang gown, who incidentally was too expensive even for my crazy-rear end budget), you can have a wonderful wedding. Here are some suggestions based on 5 years in the field.

1. Hire a wedding photographer from a local art school. People just starting out in the field charge a lot less, and those in the process of learning often do a fantastic job. They also often have big technological resources at school and professors who they can turn to for help.

2. Have the wedding at a public place. I have done several weddings at public parks and botanical gardens where the location fee was $100 or less, and all the couples had to pay for were tables, chairs, and tents.

3. Use in season flowers. I actually did this for my wedding. I saved about $10,000 on flowers by not using exotic and/or out of season flowers. Conversely, one of my clients spent a FORTUNE on flowers because she absolutely had to have black roses.

4. Hire a DJ. I really wanted to do this at my own wedding. I could have saved $5,000 by doing this, but my parents got picky about "classy" entertainment when they became wealthy. The band at my wedding was nice, but the lead singer was dumpy with a way-too-revealing dress and the guitarist who sounded like Louie Armstrong when he sang looked like a grunge guitarist who hadn't showered for a few days. With the $5,000 I could have saved with a DJ I could have done a lot of other neat things.

5. Stop worrying about what you "need". The wedding industry just makes that poo poo up as you go along. I didn't give out favors at my own wedding. We were down to the wire on budget towards the end, and I wanted programs more, so we skipped the little trinkets. My wedding planner said that this was becoming increasingly common.

6. Skip custom printed invitations. They cost a lot. Most of my clients (and my friends too) bought pre-designed invites at Target and printed them on their printers at home (or the office). Frankly, they all looked just as nice as mine and cost a huge chunk less.

7. Skip dinner. Seriously. This is where most of your budget will end up. My parents were broke when they got married, so they stuck to cocktails, appetizers, and cake. One wedding I did was a dessert wedding. It was really awesome.

8. Get married at somewhere less glamourous or somewhere unconventional. Nice decorations can turn a church rec room, an elks lodge, or your aunt's backyard into a really awesome reception location.

9. Get married on an "off" day. I saved about $5000 on my fancy ceremony/reception location because it was a Sunday, and most people reserved it for Friday and Saturday weddings. I have worked at weddings during the week too. If you don't have a lot of people traveling from far away, you should have no problems with weekday turn out.

10. Pickup a wedding planner sepcifically about inexpensive weddings at the bookstore. They are full of useful suggestions.

11. If you can't have a fairytale wedding, that's ok. My parents were too broke to afford the fancy wedding my mom always dreamed about. 30 years later, they had money, so they flew themselves and their kids to Vegas for a swank vacation during which time they got remarried by Elvis. We actually just got back a week ago. It was loving awesome. So just because you can't go all out now doesn't mean you can't go all out ever.

And congrats to the newest group of fiancee's! Wedding planning is stressful, but also very fun. Enjoy yourself!

Lady googooGaGa
Nov 3, 2006

Are you freaking kidding me!?
Also: Now while I am thinking about it, if anyone wants to pm me with their email I will send you all the links/bookmarks/etc that I have saved and we could probably get a masterlist of good resources together. I found SO much through asking around.

Edit: Also if anyone is dress hunting and on a tight budget I have a dress I was going to use posted in the Girls Lets Shop thread in W&W. It says 12, but I'm a 6, and it was just a bit loose at the sides and had a fair amount room in the bust. It was originally 2250, I paid 250, and I haven't worn it except to try on, but I'd be willing to sell it for any reasonable offer just because I dont know what the poo poo to do with it (I found another dress I liked better because I could order it to fit). If interested let me know and I can do an SA mart thread or something. It's not the one on the model, its the one with my face blacked out. If you want more detail shots or whatever, pm me. It might even be good for just the material although the top is so nice I can't see getting rid of it. I don't know, if I don't sell it I'll probably just cut it into a straight gown or something. Oh, and it has a matching beaded shawl too.

Lady googooGaGa fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Jul 4, 2008

squirrellypoo
Feb 8, 2003

amethystbliss posted:

Awww, congratulations! I think I met you in the fall at a goon meet in London. Weren't you the girl who is also from PA but moved to England? I just got engaged three weeks ago, there must be something in the London air :).
Yes, that's me! Congratulations! :)

quote:

I don't know of any UK sites, but it's probably easier to find a theme you want and pick the location accordingly.
Yeah, I'm not so sure we want a "theme wedding". I mean, I've seen some gorgeous ones on a few wedding blogs, but that's really not us. We throw enough theme parties to just keep our wedding simple and classic.

quote:

We were toying around with the idea of doing a vintage rustic theme (which could potentially work with your 1949 dress), and these sites are really good.
http://bridalcheek.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/vintage-rustic-wedding/
http://www.elizabethannedesigns.com/blog/
http://wedding.blogdig.net/archives/date/24/April/2008/2
I was unure of your rustic comment, but that last blog had a photo of a barn decked out really beautifully actually!

quote:

And because I've been showing anyone who will look, how awesome are these centerpieces?
http://www.whitelacewedding.com/50226711/CRANBERRY%20CENTERPIECE.jpg
That's really nice, and one of the first in season fall decorations I've seen (though we've already got the flowers and centrepieces down since my fiance's godmother is a florist).

quote:

Such is the hassle of trying to plan the elaborate wedding and deal with all the immigration issues of an American and a Brit. :(.
Yeah, luckily I've been here long enough that I don't have to go through all the fiance/marriage visa stuff or the "permission to marry" crap. In fact, I should hopefully have my UK citizenship through by the time of the wedding anyway. :)

But for us, the transatlantic thing means we're doing the ceremony and reception here (with very close friends and family flying over) and then doing a PA reception a week or so after for everyone else who can't afford to come all that way. But that in itself kinda sucks because now we're limited to North America for our honeymoon, unless we somehow win the lotto and get a round the world ticket and continue flying west... And trying to find venues with any sort of character whatsoever over there is proving difficult.

Backno
Dec 1, 2007

Goff Boyz iz da rudest Boyz

SKA SUCKS

squirrellypoo posted:

a-HA! I knew there was a wedding thread in here, but with search down I couldn't find it...


You're welcome...I kept it book marked and wondered why no one was posting in this thread.

Thankfully my soon to be wife has the mind set of "I want to be married and if things for the wedding are not absolutely perfect so what" :woop:

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006

squirrellypoo posted:

But for us, the transatlantic thing means we're doing the ceremony and reception here (with very close friends and family flying over) and then doing a PA reception a week or so after for everyone else who can't afford to come all that way. But that in itself kinda sucks because now we're limited to North America for our honeymoon, unless we somehow win the lotto and get a round the world ticket and continue flying west... And trying to find venues with any sort of character whatsoever over there is proving difficult.

Yeah, we're in a similar situation. We're going the U.S. fiance visa route, which means we either go on a honeymoon in the U.S. after he enters the states or do a pre-wedding honeymoon so we can legally go abroad. I think we're doing the latter so we can go somewhere beachy that isn't Hawaii. Tickets from the UK to Bermuda are relatively inexpensive, and tickets from Bermuda to the U.S. are only a few hundred dollars. It might be worth looking into! I don't know what you're looking for in a honeymoon, but here are a few U.S. places that we considered.

https://www.chenahotsprings.com (a resort in Alaska where you can see Aurora Borealis)
https://www.duntonhotsprings.com (a place in the Rockies)
https://www.blackberryfarm.com (a luxury farm in Tennessee, very pricey)
https://www.theorchidinn.com (a cute place in Hawaii)
http://www.oldwestbb.com (a bed and breakfast in Arizona)

I think we should open this thread up to more honeymoon chat! Where's everyone going? How did you decide? :)

Gravitee
Nov 20, 2003

I just put money in the Magic Fingers!
If you guys (err, ladies) have any like that you found helpful, I'll edit the OP.

SO and I are going to the Riveria Maya area of Mexico to an all inclusive called the El Dorado. We went to a travel agent and found the place through there. It was nice having someone who knew the area pretty well and was able to recommend areas based on what we were looking for. Once I saw the brochure, I knew that's where I wanted to go.

I'm also glad that we are waiting a few weeks to go on our honeymoon because we are saving a few hundred dollars and we won't have to get all of crap together right after the wedding. I can't imagine getting on a plane a day or two after the wedding. You have to remember all this other poo poo for the big day and then you have to turn around and get ready for a vacation too.

ih8ualot
May 20, 2004
I like turkey and ham sandwiches
So, I've decided that I'm going to pop the question at the end of August. August 29th is our third anniversary, so I figure we'll have a nice dinner and take a walk out on the quad under the stars. I'll take her to the spot we first kissed and get down on one knee. I think she'll like it; she's been hinting that she wants to get married for a long time.

I'm going to buy the ring at a local place. I walked in there earlier this summer and the people who own the place seem pretty nice. With these local places, is there anything I should watch out for? Selling cubic zirconia as diamonds, or claiming that a ring is .30 carats when it's more like .35? Does anybody have experience with local scams?

By the way, here's an idea of the ring I want to get. I don't have much money, and she's a light girl, so I don't want to get anything too huge. Just a simple solitaire ring, probably around .30 carats.

Azulita
Dec 9, 2006

by Lowtax
Usually local mom and pop stores are very reputable. They need to rely on repeat customers for business, so they rarely scam. You can always check consumer review sites like https://www.angieslist.com for complaints. In jewelry, like in most products, beware of things that seem too good to be true.

Backno
Dec 1, 2007

Goff Boyz iz da rudest Boyz

SKA SUCKS
ih8ualot fyi don't worry about how much the ring costs or how big the diamond is. When I took my fiance ring shopping we where going to get a sapphire or ruby or something along those lines. Because they are a good deal cheaper then diamonds. But she ended up choosing a solitaire diamond ring with a .11 ct. diamond in it. So basically what I am trying to say is don't let the price/size bother you. If your giving it to her she will love it.

squirrellypoo
Feb 8, 2003

amethystbliss posted:

I don't know what you're looking for in a honeymoon, but here are a few U.S. places that we considered.
Thanks, but we're not beachy people in the slightest. I've found that there are two distinct types of holiday people - one type likes to go away to relax, and the other likes to go away to do stuff. We're definitely the latter.

We're kinda thinking about going west coast and doing San Francisco and Yosemite and maybe up to Seattle and Vancouver, but that's more dependent on how much money we have (as I'd really love to go to Tokyo if we're going that far already, and RTW tickets are only a couple hundred pounds more). For the most part we've seen all we've wanted to see of the US (especially PA. ugh, I'm so sick of spending all my holiday time and money there) and there's so many places in the world we'd like to see before we get too tied down... Anyway, we've still got a good year to decide.

We were talking about rough costs last night though, and our money seems like it's going to be going mostly onto venue and food and his suit (he's always always wanted a bespoke Saville Row suit) and the honeymoon. My dress, whether it's vintage or sewn myself, will be only a couple hundred quid, the flowers and photography and cakes are being done by friends, and we're going the mp3 server route (as every single wedding we've been to with a DJ or band has been embarrassingly horrific. I mean, really horrific. "Unbreak My Heart" and 50 Cent's "Candy Shop" horrific.). We'll have smaller things like train tickets and hotel and stag/hen night costs on top of that, but they're nothing too major. So it looks like we'll be adding up our quotes as we go along and see how they match our savings and how much is left over for honeymoon booking.

Right now we're building a guestlist and asking the important question for each person - "We like them, but would we pay £50 to feed them?". Quite a few are getting knocked down to the B List this way...

What did everyone do about registries? We've lived together for a while now so we have all the appliances and kitchen stuff we need, but we're undergoing huge renovations over the next 5 years so we don't really want sheets/towels/etc when we have no finished bedrooms/bathrooms/etc to put them in yet. Do people get pissed off with the registry services that let you split up big projects, like "you've just bought us 5 sq feet of a bathroom"? Or likewise, the honeymoon splitting registry stuff?

BRAKE FOR MOOSE
Jun 6, 2001

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BRAKE FOR MOOSE fucked around with this message at 07:44 on Jun 12, 2012

Sassy Not Classy
Dec 21, 2007

I'm not hearing a No.
I have worked as a wedding decorator for just over a year now, so I can answer some questions about decor. Our store does setups or rentals only (where you set up your stuff yourself) for pretty much everything you could think of having at a wedding. One thing I've noticed a lot of is brides coming in to get guest books and favours and other non-decor stuff and then realizing their hall overcharged them like crazy on a decorating package. We supply to at least 5 or 6 country clubs and halls, who mark up our products and offer it as a package deal to make it look like a decent price. If you have the time, shop around for decor and you can definitely find cheaper decor than what your hotel offers. Our store does:

Chair covers, backdrops, ceiling swags, linens, and other decor
Favours and wedding party gifts
Invitations (we have a service that does it)
Balloons and crap for socials (I think this might be a Winnipeg thing though)
Guest books, garters, pens, etc individually or as sets

If anyone has questions I would be happy to answer them.

squirrellypoo
Feb 8, 2003
This article was perfect timing for us as we just told my fiance's parents last week that we're not having any kids under 10 at the wedding. Mostly because his brother's kids are loving out of control and I don't like being around them for more than 10 minutes, let alone all day at what's supposed to be "our day".

So we're going to organise a creche for the under 10s with games, dvds, and pizza or something, either at the venue or a local hotel, and friends who want to use it can. We've yet to tell (horrible parent) brother about this yet, but the (very good parent) sister is delighted as she said she can properly enjoy herself without having to worry about staying sober in case something should happen to them. I'm hoping most of our friends with rugrats have the same attitude!

Did anyone else say no kids at their wedding? We want to word it so that it's clear that kids are not accepted, and a creche will be provided (but just saying "a creche will be provided for the under 10s" makes it sound like it's optional to cage them in there).

Oh, and we don't have flower girls and ring bearers in the UK so there's no problem with allowing some kids in but not others...

IdeoPhanthus
Oct 22, 2004

squirrellypoo posted:

Did anyone else say no kids at their wedding? We want to word it so that it's clear that kids are not accepted, and a creche will be provided (but just saying "a creche will be provided for the under 10s" makes it sound like it's optional to cage them in there).

We're doing without the kids. We basically avoided the issue by writing individual names on the rsvp cards so the recipient knows who is invited. That, and there really aren't any guests that have kids under 18, with the exception of my cousin who has a toddler, which I highly doubt he would bring. No flower girls or ring bearers here (at my wedding) either.

I do have one uncle who has kids that are like 12 & 15 now or something, but because everyone else who is attending is 21 & up, I figured I'd leave them off the guest list since they'd have no one to hang out with. I know when I was their age I'd get bored fast & would rather hang out with a friend while my parents went to the wedding.

There were a few friends of my parents, whom my parents wanted to invite, and a couple of them have kids 17-21. However, because I don't know the kids, and my parents are just good friends with their parents, I just left their kids names off the rsvp card.

IdeoPhanthus fucked around with this message at 12:59 on Jul 9, 2008

Azulita
Dec 9, 2006

by Lowtax

squirrellypoo posted:

Did anyone else say no kids at their wedding? We want to word it so that it's clear that kids are not accepted, and a creche will be provided (but just saying "a creche will be provided for the under 10s" makes it sound like it's optional to cage them in there).

We did not allow children at our wedding. The youngest person actually invited to the wedding was my 12 year old cousin. According to my wedding planner, this is pretty standard. The only exception was my 6 month old niece, and we hired a babysitter for her and she stayed in a spare lounge at the ceremony/reception location. My sister-in-law was able to sneak off to nurse her, and then come back to the party and hang with the grown ups.

Serjeant Snubbin
Feb 1, 2002

Pillbug

j4on posted:

Another is the food: a buffet saves a lot of money, as does more beer and less wine.
Considering the costs of alcohol it might be better to pay on a per-glass basis.

Cheapest option is a cash bar from the start.

Next option is everyone gets a glass when they arrive, and if they want any more then have a cash bar.

You want to spend more? You could have a bar tab of a few hundred, and then a cash bar after that.

Most expensive is open bar, drink as much as you want. Considering that is typically about $35 per person, and an entire bottle of wine is $15 - $20, that is far overpriced.

At the moment I'm thinking of having all you can drink for the VIPs (Grandparents and Wedding Party) and either a single drink paid drink each, or a bar tab.

Why should I go into crazy debt so you can get pissed on my dime?

Serjeant Snubbin
Feb 1, 2002

Pillbug

j4on posted:

Another is the food: a buffet saves a lot of money, as does more beer and less wine.
Considering the costs of alcohol it might be better to pay on a per-glass basis.

Cheapest option is a cash bar from the start.

Next option is everyone gets a glass when they arrive, and if they want any more then have a cash bar.

You want to spend more? You could have a bar tab of a few hundred, and then a cash bar after that.

Most expensive is open bar, drink as much as you want. Considering that is typically about $35 per person, and an entire bottle of wine is $15 - $20, that is far overpriced.

At the moment I'm thinking of having all you can drink for the VIPs (Grandparents and Wedding Party) and either a single drink paid drink each, or a bar tab.

Why should I go into crazy debt so you can get pissed on my dime?

KarmaCandy
Jan 14, 2006

kimihia posted:

Why should I go into crazy debt so you can get pissed on my dime?

How lucky of your friends and family to get to spend money on travel (gas prices, plane tickets, possible hotel room) and buy you a nice wedding present all for the mere joy of seeing you get married. It's really great that while you're special enough for them to do all that, they are only special enough for you to pay for a $7 - $10 for a drink. I bet your wedding present cost a lot more than that.

There are some pretty sweet wedding packages out there, especially during the off season. My best friend recently got married for $44 a person - 5 hour premium open bar, Hors d'oeuvres, soup/salad, sit down dinner with choice of 3 entrees, ice cream with the cake and coffee bar. It would have been even cheaper if they'd gone for the buffet. Other places wanted to charge her $60 per person just for the entree, but there are definitely packages and deals out there to be had. Great deal considering just ordering the filet and one glass of wine at a nice restaurant can put you up to $44.

Getting married on an off day also really helps. A lot of places have discounts if you get married on Friday or Sunday instead of the usual Saturday.

squirrelly poo posted:

Do people get pissed off with the registry services that let you split up big projects, like "you've just bought us 5 sq feet of a bathroom"? Or likewise, the honeymoon splitting registry stuff?

I don't think they get pissed off but it seems like people are still hesitant to sign on to them - I think because the idea is relatively new to them. My friends did a registry for people to pay for a portion of their honeymoon and nobody out of their 200+ guests went for that choice. They all stuck with giving them appliances and stuff.

KarmaCandy fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Jul 10, 2008

BRAKE FOR MOOSE
Jun 6, 2001

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BRAKE FOR MOOSE fucked around with this message at 07:44 on Jun 12, 2012

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

I live in the midwest, where (at least in my area) completely open bars are a very big exception. Not a lot of people do completely open bars.

When my husband and I got married (a little over two months ago) we had free beer/wine/champagne/punch/soda the whole night. If you wanted to get plastered on our dime, great! If you wanted something different, the bartender was right there and ready to serve you.

I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't some form of alcohol offered for free. People spend a lot on travel, hotels, gifts (and if they are in the wedding, showers, dresses, tux rental), etc. The food and booze should be free.

Edit: We paid for the majority of the wedding costs ourselves, and didn't go into debt at all. Had a great time too!

Eris
Mar 20, 2002
I can't imagine having a party and telling people they have to give me money for food or drinks. You guys don't have to have a giant party, but the idea of asking your guests to pay for drinks is pretty sad. It's even worse when people do it, but spend tons of money on stupid things like matching the linens to the envelope liners, or junky trinkets. If you are going to cut corners, cut it on things that don't affect your guests - otherwise you are just a money grubbing rear end in a top hat who is trying to make a profit off your loved ones. If you can't afford to host a big party, then throw the kind of party that you CAN afford.

I will probably end up doing something with unlimited beer and wine, but no special mixed drinks (maybe one signature drink) because that is what I can afford to do - but I will be damned before I ask someone to pay for their own refreshments or entertainment at my party.

Wench
Aug 8, 2000
MONITOR != TOUCHSCREEN. DO NOT TOUCH THE MONITOR

aneurysm posted:

It's your obligation to throw a good reception to thank your guests for spending their time and money to celebrate your marriage, and that means providing food, music, and alcohol.
Strictly speaking, alcohol and music/dancing are not required elements of a wedding reception. Some form of food generally is, but that can be anything from cake and punch to a full-out sit down meal in the evening for five hundred served by white-gloved waiters - or anything in between.

I do agree with you though - you have invited guests to your party (because that's all a reception is). Your guests should not be paying for your party. If you can't afford an open bar, fine! Just serve soft drinks, punch, etc. Or limit it to beer and wine. Or any of the other suggestions. Either way, your guests should not have to worry about bringing money to the reception to pay for anything.

As for music, hey, reception music and/or dancing are great, fun, etc. and so on. They are not required. If you can afford them, and they're appropriate, sure go ahead and have them. If you can't, don't. You should throw what you consider the nicest party that you can afford, and realize that what you can afford and what someone else can afford are probably two entirely different things, and that is COMPLETELY OKAY. Etiquette dictates that you should be nice, not that you spend a certain amount of money on someone.

KarmaCandy
Jan 14, 2006

Wench posted:

Strictly speaking, alcohol and music/dancing are not required elements of a wedding reception. Some form of food generally is, but that can be anything from cake and punch to a full-out sit down meal in the evening for five hundred served by white-gloved waiters - or anything in between.

I do agree with you though - you have invited guests to your party (because that's all a reception is). Your guests should not be paying for your party. If you can't afford an open bar, fine! Just serve soft drinks, punch, etc. Or limit it to beer and wine. Or any of the other suggestions. Either way, your guests should not have to worry about bringing money to the reception to pay for anything

I don't think alcohol is necessary but I do think that people end up inviting too many people that they don't care about and that number limits their wedding. I would much rather have an amazing wedding and reception and get good and wasted with my now husband and our friends and family in celebration then have a few slices of cake with 500 people, half of whom I don't know, to save on costs. If you're not willing to spend a certain amount to feed a person then I think you have to ask yourself if they really need to be at your wedding. Too many people get pushed into inviting people they don't care about when they could do so much more with people that they do care about.

I think a DJ and limited bar is fine - often times, not enough people actually drink liquor to make it worthwhile, and nowadays, they often let you have one or two "specialty liquor drinks" on the menu without actually paying for a full liquor open bar - that's fine, but to give a voucher for one drink seems extremely cheap to me, or to have an open bar of a "couple hundred" - yes, maybe if you only have 25 - 50 guests, a couple hundred is okay, but if you have over a hundred, a couple hundred won't even allow most people one drink.

RedFish
Aug 6, 2006
..blue fish, one fish, two fish: blue fish need not apply.

amethystbliss posted:

Yeah, we're in a similar situation. We're going the U.S. fiance visa route, which means we either go on a honeymoon in the U.S. after he enters the states or do a pre-wedding honeymoon so we can legally go abroad.

S'up, fellow K-1 filer. We've already gone through this process and are currently adjusting status, so if you have any questions about the process or want to scream in abject frustration about all the goddamn bullshit you've gone through to an empathetic ear, feel free to PM me.

If you're willing to wait three months for your honeymoon, you could apply for Advanced Parole since you'll have to pay for it regardless if you want it or not, and go once it's granted. Or you could do what we did, get a quickie legal ceremony to get the paperwork ball rolling and then have a wedding followed by honeymoon at your leisure.

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quepasa18
Oct 13, 2005

sheri posted:

I live in the midwest, where (at least in my area) completely open bars are a very big exception. Not a lot of people do completely open bars.

When my husband and I got married (a little over two months ago) we had free beer/wine/champagne/punch/soda the whole night. If you wanted to get plastered on our dime, great! If you wanted something different, the bartender was right there and ready to serve you.

I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't some form of alcohol offered for free. People spend a lot on travel, hotels, gifts (and if they are in the wedding, showers, dresses, tux rental), etc. The food and booze should be free.

Edit: We paid for the majority of the wedding costs ourselves, and didn't go into debt at all. Had a great time too!

I also live in the midwest, and we offered free beer and soda at our reception. The free beer was limited to a couple different brands that we had on tap. Other brands of beer, plus any other kind of alcohol was available for purchase. That seems to be a fairly standard and acceptable way of doing things around here.

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