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IanCaw posted:I hate to post with another "What are your experiences?" type question, but, I'm not sure a better way to word this: Plus, knowing my father, I knew that it would really impress him and mean a lot to him that my fiance thought to talk to him and my mother about it at all. So, when my fiance called (my parents live 1,000 miles away from us), he didn't ask for permission, but rather spoke to my father about how we wanted to get married, and how it would mean a lot to us if we had his and my mother's blessing, which they freely gave - after saying how they knew that I'd go off and do my own thing regardless, but if I had given my fiance permission to marry me, well then that was okay by them.  My fiance and I had talked about this at length prior to anything happening, so it wasn't a surprise or anything - in fact, calling my parents was my idea. I'm not sure of how much a surprise you want your proposal to be, but if you both have already talked about the fact that you want to get married, I'd say ask your s.o.
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Apr 8, 2008 01:08
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aneurysm posted:It's your obligation to throw a good reception to thank your guests for spending their time and money to celebrate your marriage, and that means providing food, music, and alcohol. I do agree with you though - you have invited guests to your party (because that's all a reception is). Your guests should not be paying for your party. If you can't afford an open bar, fine! Just serve soft drinks, punch, etc. Or limit it to beer and wine. Or any of the other suggestions. Either way, your guests should not have to worry about bringing money to the reception to pay for anything. As for music, hey, reception music and/or dancing are great, fun, etc. and so on. They are not required. If you can afford them, and they're appropriate, sure go ahead and have them. If you can't, don't. You should throw what you consider the nicest party that you can afford, and realize that what you can afford and what someone else can afford are probably two entirely different things, and that is COMPLETELY OKAY. Etiquette dictates that you should be nice, not that you spend a certain amount of money on someone.
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Jul 10, 2008 04:34
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do what now posted:Seriously? There is such a section? And people post in it? I think I win that thread though - I waited 8 years! I'm really, really glad I haven't seen that forum. Anyway, I was all kinds of loving The Knot's checklist and guestlist functions, until my account got "corrupted" (mysteriously, the day after I asked to not receive spammy emails from them and their "partners) and it was all lost. I'm so irritated, I haven't even bothered to set up another account.
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Aug 8, 2008 03:54
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innocent_deadly posted:Something I haven't seen discussed so much in the thread is the actual wedding dress. Was that because you all just knew that it was the one or what? How can you tell? And is it possible to buy a dress online or is it infinitely better to go out and find one in the real world? Secondly, if you don't like the salesperson, leave the store. Thirdly, be totally willing to listen to suggestions from your friends and the salesperson. Like others have said, the dress you like in the magazine and the one that winds up looking fantastic on you can be very, very different things. My MOH found mine. Fourthly, wear shoes of the approximate height of the shoes you'll want to wear. I already knew I was going to wear heels between the 2" and 3" mark, so I wore a pair of those. And wear a good bra and some shapewear. Spanx are the poo poo, and if you wear one of their body shapers, it makes diving in to dresses (literally) and shimmying out of them that much easier. Finally, don't worry if you don't get that "OHMIGODTHISISTHEONE" moment, or get all teary-eyed. Some women do, and that's cool, and some of us don't, and that's just as cool. Honestly, my entourage was more verklempt over the dress than I was. Their verdict was in fact, oh my god, this is the dress, so I shrugged my shoulders, said, "okay", and asked my mom if it was within what she was willing to pay (I was lucky in that my parents offered to pay for my dress). She said it was fine, so we bought a dress. Sure, I look A-MAZING in it, but seriously? So far as I'm concerned, it's a freaking dress - and goddamned expensive at that. My life will not be ruined if it's not THE ONE. And yes, my fiance is a goon as well, and yes, he's the one that got me involved. Also, nwin: some really expensive, premium vodka or whiskey?
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Sep 11, 2008 03:26
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Tindjin posted:What do you guys and more important girls think? Good idea or bad? If she then bitches that she really wanted a ring, after stating she didn't, then hey! You've just weeded her out.
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Sep 11, 2008 04:17
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lord1234 posted:We just signed up for our wedding registry, and considering we are having about 100 guests, our subtotal for all items came up under 4k at Bed Bath Beyond. That's only 40$ per guest, seems reasonable we are spending about 200 a head(after all expenses, including our rings, flowers, reception, ceremony, invites etc) or 70 a head for just the reception. Anyone have any subtotals per guest they are looking at? Well, the point of a registry and gifts is not so that you can recoup or "cover" whatever cost per head that you incur for the wedding/reception. In fact, it's not required that people give you a gift at your wedding at all - not even by Emily Post. Sure, many people do give gifts at a wedding, but it's not mandatory by any means. And there is definitely no rule whatsoever that says that a guests' gift has to be equal or greater in value to the amount that you spent on them. If you are spending so much on your wedding that you are looking to guests to pick up or "reimburse" you for the costs, you're spending too much. You (and possibly your parents) are hosting a party. You know who asks for cover charges or money to help pay for a party? Clubs and frat boys. Not weddings. Plus, that $40 per guest thing is an average - like others have already said, not all of your gifts on there cost $40. Some are more, some are less. If all of the gifts in a guests' price range are gone by the time they shop, they're likely to just give you a check, or buy something that wasn't on your list. A registry isn't a guarantee that guests will buy you these things and only these things - it's a convenience for guests and you, nothing more, nothing less. There's nothing that says you have to have a registry, and nothing that says that should a guest choose to give you a gift, it has to come from the registry. Some guests, if they don't find anything on the registry they particularly want to buy, may take what's on your registry as a clue towards your style. Some won't. You know what? They still took time out of their day at the least to shop for you and money out of their wallet to give something to you. That's still a really nice gesture, even if you hate what they gave you. Finally, not all guests will have the same price range. For example, if it were my cousin getting married, I'd spend between $100 and $125 on them - they're relatively close family. If it's a friend from college, probably around $50. Random person at work, $25-$50. My brother or sister, probably closer to $200. The amount of a gift is usually judged by your relationship to the recipient. Close family usually figures they have to give more, friends, less. Bear in mind, that's a general rule, and those totals are only relevant to the particular area of the country I live in. Your costs may vary. Either way, that's still not a reflection of the cost that any of those people spent on my at their weddings - it's simply a reflection of the fact that you tend to give bigger gifts to people you are closer to.
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Oct 6, 2008 16:02
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Lowness 72 posted:So I'm thinking of popping the question soon so we can get married in June before we both start our careers in July. As for venues, don't rule out your local Sheraton and such. Hotels can often do really nice wedding packages, and throw in discounted room rates for your guests, and freebies/perks for you. And, doing your reception at a hotel means that you don't necessarily have to worry about anyone driving home after the party. That being said, don't rule out unusual spots, either. Like someone else said, museums, botanical gardens, colleges, and the like sometimes do wedding receptions too and can make for fun alternatives to your more usual banquet hall, etc. You can also do an outdoor wedding and reception in June - a good friend of mine had hers right on the water in RI. Another friend of mine had hers at a local college in July, when classes were out. You can also think about having a lunch reception, or just a cocktails and hors d'oeurves reception - a reception does not HAVE to be dinner and dancing. If you're having a reception, you have to serve some sort of refreshments, but the time of the reception and choices for refreshments are all yours. As for groom411 and its ilk, take it with a grain of salt. Take ANYONE telling you "you need this!!!" with a grain of salt. Wedding registry sites/stores that offer registries are trying to get you or your guests' money. Sites that are encouraging you and saying that it's not really a wedding/marriage unless you have 'x' are also to be taken with a large grain of salt. Weddings are an industry in this country. You do not HAVE to buy in to it - nor do you have to buy in to it completely if you do choose to buy some of it. You and your partner should think long and hard about what YOU want and need, and stick with it. Lots of people will tell you differently, but feel free to ignore them unless their advice consists of more than "but you need this!" or "it won't be a real wedding without it!"
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Jan 4, 2009 06:50
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Lowness 72 posted:So I've narrowed some stuff down. Does anyone have some good ideas for venues in Massachusetts? I'm thinking West of Boston, but not Boston itself (as it will probably be cheaper for all expenses to be outside of Boston). Another friend had her wedding and reception at the historic Framingham Village Hall, which was kind of neat. You'd have to bring in your own caterer, etc. though. Finally, one of my partner's cousins had his wedding reception at Zuka's in Spencer. Good food, neat venue, it's just in the middle of loving NOWHERE.
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Jan 5, 2009 18:35
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ElanoreMcMantis posted:Yeah, I'm the bride. My maid of honor says its all females invited to the wedding, my other bridesmaid says its only close friends. I asked my mother-in-law and mom and they both had different views. I'm kind of in the, eh just invite everyone boat, but I don't want to have people saying I'm greedy and trying to snag gifts. Of course, I avoided the entire question by not having a shower, so.
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Jan 7, 2009 17:22
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CrackSpider posted:EDIT: To everybody: How long were you with your significant other before you/he proposed? Not many of you shared that information, and I'm genuinely curious. About eight years before we got officially engaged.
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Jan 11, 2009 04:36
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ghost story posted:Another question that's been plaguing me - shoes. What color did you get? Material? Height? I'm a bit lost at the moment as I found a pair that I really love the shape of, but I'm unsure due to the color.
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Jan 16, 2009 04:43
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Kiri koli posted:Does anyone have an advice for long-distance planning? My mom will help out where she can, but there seems to be so much stuff we'll need to be present for. I cannot recommend vendors that let you do things online enough. It makes it a LOT easier. We used Bella Pictures for our photography, and Tone Productions for our DJ. We loved both of them. Bella is a national chain, but has decent prices (and frequent specials), and lets you do everything online. One of the things I liked most is that in order to match you with one of their photographers, you rate actual wedding photos in their online tool so that they can determine your style. They match you, you check out the photographer, and if you don't like them, they re-match you. You can also do all of your portrait planning, etc. online. Everyone I worked with from them was very helpful, and we loved our photographer and can't wait to see the pictures. My sister-in-law the photographer also gave him her stamp of approval As for the DJ, Tone actually did my wedding planner's wedding, so that was a hell of a recommendation right there. They also can do everything online (and will even do online/phone consultations and meetings). You set up your timeline, your no-play and must-play lists, your first dance song, all of that online. It could not be easier, and everyone raved about how awesome the music was at the reception. Again, highly recommended. The other thing that really made it for us was my parents. They did do a fair amount of the groundwork, seeing as how they live in Chicago. I also did a few trips out there, in order to do things like find a dress, etc. (I think I spent a total of two weekends and Christmas break out there over the 11 months of planning.) Some of the stuff I did, not so necessary. But we wanted to do it and we could afford it, so hey. But I would say the keys are vendors that let you do things online or over the phone and are totally on top of that, and having someone on the ground to go do visits if necessary. Oh, and on the subject of attendants... every single one of our attendants is living in a different state. We have Massachusetts, Illinois, Texas, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and California. It can be done. Feel free to PM or IM (AIM: taubehavior) me any questions you might have; I still have a whole binder full of wedding stuff so it's not hard to find!
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Mar 17, 2009 04:12
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Kiri koli posted:A question that immediately came to mind though: was the wedding planner necessary? I wasn't planning on having one because it seems like a good place to save money. I = poor. How much planning did your planner do and do you think you could have gone without? We did not hire a separate "wedding planner", and honestly? We didn't need one. Planning the wedding was pretty low stress, I have to say. Then again, neither of us is in school, so that probably helps - we had a bit more spare time on our hands!
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Mar 18, 2009 01:27
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all american posted:In a vein similar to favors, I'm looking for a unique gift for my groomsmen. I don't want to give everybody there fifteenth engraved flask or money clip, so if anybody knows anything cool, please share. We got the cuff links on Etsy, I found the pocket watch on Amazon, and the compass was from Red Envelope. And since people are talking about favors, we totally went the edible route. Our hotel provided two warm chocolate chip cookies for each guest at their plate. We figured that they would not go to waste - I have so much random stuff that I got as wedding favors! Other than edible favors, I did like one favor - good friends of ours gave shot glasses with their names, the date, and a design on them. Granted, I have a use for shot glasses - and they might not be appropriate for everyone. squirrelypoo: that blows. And I'll bet it's quite frustrating. On the other hand, you are still getting married, which is a good thing. Like others have said, it will be here soon enough! Take care of yourself and be well, first. And finally, food - hey, a variety of sandwiches and salads and stuff would be awesome for a casual outdoor wedding. Etiquette only demands that you give your guests some sort of refreshment at your wedding - it does not tell you what. Everything from punch and pie to a full seven-course meal is appropriate, so long as there's enough for everyone.
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Apr 20, 2009 04:08
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