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Any of you have advice for surving a wedding you don't really want? I mean, I want to be married, I don't want the wedding part really. I have generalized anxiety disorder and hate being the center of attention. If it were up to me, we would elope and have a small backyard party later with a few people to celebrate. My fiancee is sympathetic but wants an actual wedding, so while we are compromising and trying to keep things as simple and low key as possible I still need to get through this. We were both hoping for a smallish wedding, but her parents are largely paying for it, so when her mother gave a list of 60 must attend guests we couldn't really say no. We're keeping it to 100 people, but an added complication is I know very few of the people coming. I moved to the east coast from the midwest for work a decade ago, and making friends in your 30s when you don't know anyone and have anxiety issues is not an easy feat. I have roughly 10 family members traveling in for the wedding, and maybe 5 local friends. Everyone else is my fiancee's family or friends, most of which I dont know. I'm mostly checked out of the wedding planning process and we have things like venue, date, and catering done. My fiancee's mother is driving us both a little crazy though, and some things stress us both out. We talked to a DJ tonight for example, and because neither of us really have any preference to what gets played other than no country or those line dance numbers or anything, and we have no clue what we want our first dance to be, it just stressed us both out. I'll get through this but wish it was something I could enjoy instead of dread. Anyone has any ideas they are appreciated.
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Jul 2, 2019 08:32
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 16:51 |
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That's good to know about DJs. Really, all of the cliche stuff about weddings I just don't like, including the music/dancing. We're skipping a wedding party other than our dog, getting married by her brother instead of a rabbi (she is Jewish and I am agnostic), we're having pie instead of cake (getting married on Pi day), skipping the cake cutting, and we're ending the reception early to play board games in a german ratskeller in the basement of the venue for a few hours as the after party. I'm glad my fiancee is on board and excited about this. I think we're mostly just getting frustrated with her mother, who doesn't understand what we are doing or like most of the options we are going with and keeps trying to push us on a more traditional path neither of us wants, and then me trying to deal with the fun anxiety issues.
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Jul 2, 2019 15:16
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Not sure on the exact games yet. I actually own a small BG publishing company, first game is just starting to get out to Kickstarter backers now. We're planning to pick up some games at the Gen Con auction store for cheap to use for this when we exhibit there at the end of the month. Don't want to get our nice games ruined.
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Jul 2, 2019 16:06
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Yeah, elopement is off the table. I mean, I'll survive, it's just 1 day, but I do want to at least try and salvage it for myself. We've talked about it a fair bit, and part of why the wedding is happening is so she can see some of her family from south africa that will fly out for it. Luckily, my fiancee's immediate family and most of her and my friends like board games, so I dont really care if her extended family does or doesn't play. Hopefully I'll be able to get some ativan for the first half of the day and then beer for the latter part.
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Jul 2, 2019 23:30
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19 o'clock posted:Chiming in to say that I am a wedding musician and DJ for about a decade now. This is my last season and I'm only doing about twenty weddings; historically I've averaged about thirty a year. Thanks 19 o'clock. Main questions I have I guess is just what do you tend to do with couples that have no specific requests or preferences on what to play, or even have a first dance song. We are definitely telling the DJ no country, no line dancing, no gimmicky wedding songs (chicken dance, etc.). For a while we just wanted to do an ipod with a playlist that ran but realized we would still need to get speakers, someone to run the ipod, pick the songs on the ipod, and then something to MC the wedding announcements, etc. and decided going with a DJ would probably be easier. I don't like to dance, but my fiancee's mother has a phd in dance and my fiancee likes to dance, otherwise I would probably be trying to figure out if it was possible to have a wedding with minimal music. Rainbow Kittens, I am extremely jealous.
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Jul 5, 2019 15:37
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We're using the knot's registry which lets you set up cash gifts, but instead of just straight up saying "give us money" we're saying things like "help pay for us being able to afford a bigger house!" or whatever. We have like 6 physical things on there, but really now, my fiance owns her house, she's 34 and I'm turning 40 at the end of the month. There just isn't anything for the home or whatever that we need at this point. I think the charity option is a good route but at least for us we would like the cash since we do want to move into a bigger house sometime next year. FYI, we looked around at what site to use for a while and there were no great options. They all take a cut, not to mention somewhere around a 3% +$0.30 transaction fee per transaction for electronic processing through stripe or credit cards or whatever. There are some sites out there that were super sketchy, like they made it sound all great but if you look at the fine print and add up all the fees they were taking something like 20% of all funds funneled through their site. Just be careful about it.
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Sep 17, 2019 14:06
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Any thoughts on how many days we should take off immediately before or after the wedding? Getting married on a saturday in march at a place maybe 2 miles from where we live. We are definitely taikng off the Friday before for setup, but besides that I dont think there is any time we need to take off for?
nesbit37 fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Nov 11, 2019 |
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Nov 11, 2019 14:02
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Yeah, I'm torn on the time thing. Trying to save as many vacation and personal days as possible. Well, save isn't right, more like spend them elsewhere. I'm already starting to resent the wedding, and I don't want it to suck any more time from other things than it has to.
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Nov 11, 2019 15:14
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Thanks for the advice but I'm not going to take that much time off. I was just in germany two weeks to exhibit at a major show (for myself, not work) and just went back to work the day after I flew back despite knowing it would be hell because of trying to conserve vacation days. Also, no one at work knows I'm getting married, and large universities arent known for just tossing out bonus vacation days or time without pay. I'm thinking I may see if I can telecommute on monday or something in case we need to finish up getting stuff out of the venue (they let us do final pickup and stuff then) but am thinking that may be it. I would love to take more time, but this just isnt something I want to spend more time than I have to on. Prep for it has been a big enough suck as it is.
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Nov 12, 2019 12:57
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Dealing with the parents is tough, I've been having issues with that as well, especially since my finance's parents are the prime financial contributors. Five weeks to the wedding, and just last week my future mother in law: *Hired a videographer after we told her we didn't want one *Changed the contract with the caterer so the event ends at 11 instead of midnight (and we still aren't sure why) *Announced she was going to solicit people for speeches to give on the stage we aren't using after we explicitly told her we don't want speeches *Keeps trying to get us to invite more guests after telling her no repeatedly the past several months And then other minor drama related to dresses and how certain things look, etc. If I wasn't already bald I would be pulling my hair out.
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Jan 28, 2020 15:19
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Wedding is a week from tomorrow. Cant wait till it's over
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Mar 6, 2020 22:50
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Had 10% of our guests cancel today due to the corona virus (wedding is Saturday). Hopefully not many/no more pull out.
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Mar 10, 2020 21:43
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About 15% of our guests have cancelled now. Hopefully no more by wedding time on saturday. Also wondering if some are just going to no show instead of telling us ahead of time.
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Mar 12, 2020 19:48
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Down by 25% now
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Mar 12, 2020 23:30
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Wedding is over. So tired. About 50% cancelled in the end.
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Mar 15, 2020 22:06
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 16:51 |
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There may be better solutions out there, but I am guessing they aren’t free, but i would just use Google Drive.
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Sep 4, 2023 04:02
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