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Engagement question for all that have been through the process: Have any of you not had the E-ring when you actually asked the question? My s.o. and I have discussed things many in general and she wants to find a ring together, but I'm at a loss on how to spice up popping the question if there's no traditional box to open.. I've debated getting a box and putting a place holder inside, as she'll understand we're to find something to fill it together. Anyway experiences in actually popping the question would be great to hear if anyone doesn't mind sharing. Also, of all the engagement/wedding planning traditions, the one I have no clue about is this: Is there an inappropriate length of time to be engaged without setting an actual wedding date? We're nowhere near financially ready to plan a real wedding, but we are most certainly wanting to move to a new phase of our relationship. If we could have the whole wedding paid for magically, setting a date would be no problem, so, it's not that I don't want to happen. Basically, how long have other people held out in the 'engaged, no date yet' phase? Any experiences that others can share about the early-engagement time and "rules" that apply would be appreciated.
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Apr 5, 2008 01:47
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Gimpalimpa posted:Hrmm. Sounds like you can turn two problems into a solution. You can start asking her about rings, and start looking with her. This is nowhere near the level of being engaged and you can spend a couple of months on this step so you both can figure out what you may want for the future. It probably took around three months of actively looking at rings until my fiance figured out what she liked. When we got to that point, I basically didn't bring it up again until around three months later when I actually proposed. While she hadn't forgotten about the ring shopping, it was still pretty far from her mind. That is likely the most pragmatic solution. Although at the moment I think it's more that she wants the question asked far more than receiving a ring (and I'm happy to oblige on that one!); I just don't know a better way to ask the question if we both know there won't be a ring present until later. Though all of this may change and your idea of shopping for a while then having a still-surprising question with a ring happen later will come to be.
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Apr 5, 2008 02:35
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I hate to post with another "What are your experiences?" type question, but, I'm not sure a better way to word this: How many of you asked your SO's father (or had your father asked, in the other direction) for "permission" to get engaged? My s.o.'s family is incredibly close-knit (mine is reasonably close, but nowhere near the same level) and it really seems like while I could get away with not asking the parents' permission, it would be much smarter in the long term if I do ask. Is it worth asking permission in today's world if it seems like the right thing to do?
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Apr 6, 2008 23:03
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GoreJess posted:Is your fiance-to-be a traditional southern girl? If not, I wouldn't think that asking her father for permission to marry her is necessary. No, she's hardly a traditional girl, and specifically not a traditional southern one. She wouldn't really care either way, but I do know that her parents are reasonably traditional (not Southern, though) and they're a huge part of her life. We moved a couple states away from them, which is why going up to ask them is a bit of a challenge. You make a good point, though. But it may be helpful to make them happy to start things out nonetheless. Thanks for the input!
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Apr 7, 2008 01:15
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Dr. VonHugenstein posted:There's a distinct difference between picking out the ring and her knowing when the question will be popped. Start picking out the ring with her now, pick it out, and save for it, and then propose later. Oh, yeah, she has made it very clear she wants to be surprised by the actual asking. There isn't any confusion there. Now I just get to try to plan a perfect way to ask. Since we're not in a rush to have a wedding (hell, I have no problem with being engaged or married at this point, but I sure as hell dread having to pay for a wedding :P), taking time before getting engaged is no big deal. Thanks for the input.
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Apr 8, 2008 22:15
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