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quepasa18 posted:Sometimes people are just invited to the after-dinner/dancing part of the reception, so you could do that if there are people you want to invite but don't want to pay for their meal. do what now posted:As for ceremony vs reception invites, the best compromise I have seen is inviting everybody to the ceremony, then having cake and cocktails for everybody immediately following, and having the full party for a select few later that night/another day. No, you can't do that! That is horribly rude and shows no class. So you have an A list and a B list of friends? How would people feel knowing they were on the B list?
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May 8, 2008 00:14
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Farewell Horizon posted:As someone who offered to be on the B list for a friends wedding, I don't think it's rude at all. People have far too many expectations for other peoples weddings. If my friends don't want to pay 60-150 bucks for a meal for me, Im fine with that. Obviously people that you see on a weekly basis shouldn't be on the "B list", but college friends you talk to online? Who cares. You'd also obviously make a point of not putting people on the B list that you think would get offended. It is completely rude and poor etiquette. The "B-list" is also known as "The gift grab", people invited only to receive presents from. If you can't afford to have a big expensive party for everyone and you want everyone to come share your day, you should just have a more modest party that everyone can attend. What's wrong with that? It doesn't have anything to do with anyone's expectations of other people's weddings, it has to do with the way you ought to treat people, even on your wedding day.
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May 9, 2008 19:49
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do what now posted:I have to be honest - according to my wedding planner, who is a recognized expert in the field and a consultant for a major wedding website, the A list/B list thing is still very common. She asked us if we wanted to do that, as many of her clients do, but we declined. From etiquettehell.com: "Myth: It's okay to have a reception and then have a "real" reception with the favored guests later that same evening. Not true: there shouldn't be an A and B list. Multiple receptions are okay for various reasons, but not one in which you skimp on some guests and pamper others." "I have an invitation faux pas by an otherwise very tasteful woman - which is why it so surprised me. From a well-to-do family, the bride nonetheless wanted to limit the number of guests at her wedding. Understandable. She started off by inviting close friends, but no spouses that she and her husband-to-be did not also consider to be close friends. A bit more of a stretch, but I'll grant her another more tentative - understandable. Then came the kicker. Her invitations were sent out in two waves: an A list, and a B list. The A list was sent out first, and once those guests had RSVP'd, the poor second choice B list candidates were offered a spot!" Common or not, it's in bad taste to have A and B lists. Actually, etiquette hell is a really good site for wedding stuff, I think they have a bunch of resources on there for suppliers and things. I don't mean to be all traditional and say that you have to do things a certain way, but I think being a gracious and thoughtful bride/groom is really important, and it seems like it's becoming more rare nowadays.
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May 9, 2008 21:54
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Farewell Horizon posted:While I'm not planning a wedding just yet, I still don't see why this is SO AWFUL. I'd take a B list invitation as a compliment that I'm wanted at the wedding. Some people are priority, like family and really close friends. If you have a list of 500 people you want to invite, but can only afford dinner for 300, what's wrong with prioritizing? I may not want my great-aunt Mildred there instead of you, but if she's not invited, there is going to be hell to pay from my entire family. If she declines, then I get to invite you and have more friends there. It's not always a matter of first class friends versus second class friends. Chances are you've already refined the list as much as possible and feel guilty enough not being able to straight up invite everybody. You can do whatever you want at your own wedding, but it's still in bad taste to prioritize your friends and family just for the sake of having the most extravagant party you can afford. Why not invite everyone who is important to you, but just have a cake and champagne reception that keeps within your budget? Being gracious means planning a party that not only makes you happy, but also shows respect and thoughtfulness for the people in your life, since the party is for them, after all. Your wedding reception is to celebrate your loved ones and thank them for being a part of your life. Your friends and family won't be insulted if they don't sit down to a four-course meal at your wedding; no one cares how elaborate or simple your reception is. People go to a lot of trouble to attend weddings, and often spend a lot of money on travel and gifts. They do it to see you! It's not like the less important people in your life go through less trouble to attend your wedding, so why make them feel less important? If you can't understand why this sentence: If you seriously get your panties in a twist because you're a second cousin and you see the bride once a year, and you got a B List invitation, you need to grow up. is an ugly thing to say, I don't know how to help you. Just because it is a special day for you doesn't mean you should feel entitled to behavior that you normally would consider in bad taste.
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May 9, 2008 23:35
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