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Hi everyone, I have kind of a tangential question that's been on my mind and I'm hoping it can be answered. I'm a 23 year old male. I've just graduated college and I'm starting my first "real" job next Monday (just to get an idea of where I am in life). My girlfriend is 20, and intends to get her doctorate in Psychology so she will likely be in school until her late 20s. I have no idea if my girlfriend and I will have kids or not eventually, but one thing that honestly scares the gently caress out me is the "must have babies now" mentality that you can see throughout this thread. And there's nothing wrong with that mentality necessarily, since it's purely biological obviously, but it scares me because I don't understand it, and being a man the only emotion I can think of that would compare is the feeling of "must have sex NOW" that often causes men to forgo the condom in a fit of lust. Any emotion that disregards reason is not particularly welcome in my world, especially if I have no idea how to understand it. Also one of my best friend's wives just "happened" to get pregnant while on the pill and given her nature, I suspect that the pregnancy was not a mistake at all. All of this contributes to my terror and misunderstanding of the situation. My girlfriend is very maternal and I like that about her because I'm touchy-feely too. However our lives our just beginning, and as two promising, educated young people (especially her) I feel like I have a responsibility to delay kids until at least 30 if not later (right now I would honestly be OK with never having kids at all). BUT having said that I know that at some point her baby clock will turn on one day and she might be literally unable to help herself from wanting a baby so bad, and wanting it NOW. This gives me terrifying nightmares. I'm not willing to throw away our promising future over biological impulses. So I guess I just would appreciate some insight on what it's like to want a baby super bad. Did you wake up one day with a burning need? A lot of people are saying that someone they knew got pregnant and then they JUST HAD to get pregnant too and YESTERDAY GODDAMNIT. Is that really how it works? I'm trying to understand this emotion so I can come at it from a rational perspective if/when it happens. I hope you guys can shed some light on this because right now I'm more scared of my girlfriend's biological clock than I am of literally anything short of death. It seems like a ticking time bomb to me that threatens to undermine our future. Please help me understand or at least come to grips on the situation.
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Jun 25, 2009 05:12
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 02:44 |
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I was just wondering a few things about this whole baby thing if you guys wouldn't mind indulging me. For starters, I kind of want to know what it feels like to be a woman in the sense of wanting babies. Do most women know that they want kids early? At that point is it a conscious decision or more of an instinct thing? It's hard to tell because some women seem to be almost literally insane in their craving for babies and others take a more measured stance about it. Either way it's confusing as a man which is why I'm asking about this. Is anyone able to articulate their specific reasons for wanting kids? And what are your stances on the future, I mean, a lot of people here are saying like 25 years old to have kids, but I'm currently almost 24 and the idea of kids so early is somewhat alien to me; I feel like there's soooo much to do before settling down, but maybe I'm being stubborn about it? It just seems like life as you know it comes to an end after kids and that same level of freedom can never be achieved again until the kids are out of the house and you're looking at retirement.. and at that point I'm not sure if many of the same options will be open since you're not as physically able. On the flip side, some women obviously are cool with not having kids. What causes that? Maybe a more active lifestyle and desire to travel/explore/etc? My girlfriend talks about kids in kind of a detached "in the future" way; her parents didn't have her until they were almost 40 I believe. Also one last thing, I might want kids one day, I think. I honestly don't know, and I'm not sure how I could possibly be expected to know. Are kids a big enough deal breaker for most women that they would leave their man over it? How do you know if it may not be a deal breaker without just asking? It's such a sensitive issue but like I said earlier, it's lame because I have no internal baby clock and so I'm completely in the dark about how women perceive these things. Basically I'm just trying to be prepared for my future. My current girlfriend has a good chance of becoming my future wife so these issues are relevant to me right now. Thanks.
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Nov 27, 2009 20:33
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Thanks to the people who responded to me earlier. I forgot to say that.
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Dec 5, 2009 02:14
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