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Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
By popular demand and easy reference:

quote:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: “Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!” The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying “Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!” As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. “It’ssss me you want!”. And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.




Subject:Economics 101 (Stimulus Bill)

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"

The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.

The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!"

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile,
"Congratulations! You now understand the stimulus bill."

Edit:
I don't think there's a way to respond to this. It's just a story about a professor being a dickhole to one of his students and instead of explaining something, he just shoehorns the subject into an analogy that could work for anything. Professor, I don't understand (Defense spending, Foreign Aid, Prayer, etc.)

I'm going to throw in another email, this time with a response that I thought was pretty good when I wrote it.
>> Subj: FW: A VINDICATION OF PRESIDENT BUSH
>>
>> look at this! Time will tell more of what we thought
>> of the man all along, won't it? How is the media in
>> such control of us?
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> Subj: A VINDICATION OF PRESIDENT BUSH
>> This has been flying under the radar. Read the
>> MSNBC article and check the truthorfiction.Com site. The
>> TruthOrFiction version is shown below.
>> This event is factual. President Bush has taken
>> the heat of being called a liar and a war monger for 5 years
>> while he kept his silence to protect the people of the
>> world. This is truly a display of selfless honor.
>> On July 5, 2008, the Associated Press (AP) released
>> a story titled: Secret U.S. Mission hauls uranium from Iraq
>> The opening paragraph is as follows:
>> The last major remnant of Saddam Hussein's
>> nuclear program a huge stockpile of concentrated natural
>> uranium reached a Canadian port Saturday to complete a
>> secret U.S. Operation that included a two week airlift from
>> Baghdad and a ship voyage crossing two oceans.
>> See anything wrong with this picture? We have been
>> hearing from the far-left for more than five years how, Bush
>> lied.
>> Somehow, that slogan loses its credibility now that
>> 550 metric tons of Saddam's yellowcake, used for nuclear
>> weapon enrichment, has been discovered and shipped to
>> Canada for its new use as nuclear energy.
>> It appears that American troops found the 550
>> metric tons of uranium in 2003 after invading Iraq . They
>> had to sit on this information and the uranium itself, for
>> fear of terrorists attempting to steal it. It was guarded
>> and kept safe by our
>> military in a 23,000-acre site with large sand
>> beams surrounding the site.
>> This is vindication for the Bush administration,
>> having been attacked mercilessly by the liberal media and
>> the far-left pundits on the blogosphere. Now that it is
>> proven that President Bush did not lie about Saddam's
>> nuclear ambitions, one would think the mainstream
>> media would report the story. Once the AP released the
>> story, the mainstream media should have picked it up and
>> broadcast it worldwide.
>> This never happened, due in large part I believe,
>> to the fact that the mainstream media would have to admit
>> they were wrong about Bush's war motives all along.
>> Thankfully, the AP got it right when it said, The removal of
>> 550 metric tons of yellowcake the seed material for
>> higher-grade nuclear enrichment was a significant step
>> toward closing the books on Saddam's nuclear legacy.
>> Closing the book on Saddam's nuclear legacy.
>> Did Saddam have a nuclear legacy after all? I thought Bush
>> lied.
>> As it turns out, the people who lied were Joe
>> Wilson and his wife. Valerie Plame engaged in a clear case
>> of nepotism and convinced the CIA to send her husband on a
>> fact finding mission in February 2002, seeking to determine
>> if Saddam Hussein attempted to buy yellowcake from Niger .
>> The CIA and British intelligence believed Saddam contacted
>> Niger for that purpose but needed proof.
>> During his trip to Niger , Wilson actually
>> interviewed the former prime minister of Niger , Ibrahim
>> Assane Mayaki. Mayaki told Wilson that in June of 1999, an
>> Iraqi delegation expressed interest in 'expanding
>> commercial relations for the purposes of purchasing
>> yellowcake. Wilson chose to overlook Mayaki's remarks
>> and reported to the CIA that there was no evidence of
>> Hussein wanting to purchase yellowcake from Niger .
>> However, with British intelligence insisting the claim was
>> true, President Bush used that same claim in his State of
>> the Union address in January of 2003.
>> Outraged by Bush's insistence that the claim
>> was true, Wilson wrote an op-Ed in the New York Times in
>> the summer of 2003 slamming Bush. Wilson did this in spite
>> of the fact that Mayaki said Saddam did try to buy the
>> yellowcake from Niger .
>> The Senate Select Committee on Intelligence
>> disagreed with Wilson and supported Mayaki's claim.
>> This meant nothing to Wilson who was opposed to the Iraq
>> war and thus had ulterior motives in covering up the prime
>> minister's statements.
>> It was a simple tactic really. If the far-left and
>> their friends in the media could prove Bush lied about
>> Hussein wanting to purchase yellowcake from Niger , it
>> would undermine President Bush's credibility and give
>> them more cause for asking what other lies he may have told.
>> Yet, the real lie came from Wilson, who interpreted
>> his own meaning from the prime minister's statements and
>> concluded all by himself that the claim of Saddam attempting
>> to purchase yellowcake was 'unequivocally wrong.'
>> Curiously, the CIA sat on this information and did
>> not inform the CIA Director, who sided with Bush on the
>> yellowcake claim. This was made public in a bipartisan
>> Senate Intelligence Committee report in July 2004.
>> Valerie Plame also engaged in her own lie campaign
>> by spreading the notion that the Bush administration outed
>> her as a CIA agent. Never mind that it was Richard Armitage
>> -- no friend of the Bush administration -- who leaked
>> Plame's identity to the press. Never mind that Plame had
>> not been in the field as a CIA agent in some six years.
>> The truth is, due to their opposition to the war,
>> Joe Wilson, Valerie Plame, the mainstream media and their
>> left-wing friends on the blogosphere engaged in a propaganda
>> campaign to undermine the Bush administration. Now that
>> Saddam's uranium has been made public and is no longer a
>> threat to the world, do you think these aforementioned
>> parties will apologize and admit they were wrong? Don't
>> count on it. The rest of the American people
>> should hear the truth about Saddam's uranium.
>> It is up to you and me to inform them every chance we get.
>> This story was verified, if you want to check it
>> for yourself, click on the links below.
>> http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/u/uraniumyellowcake.htm
>> http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25546334

My response:
I'm not really sure why Bush would need vindicating, most people I talk to think that it was great that we kicked butt in Iraq back in 1990 and stopped all the weapons programs that Hussein had been working on. It was nice to read the article and see that all the materials were remnants of that old research done before George H.W. Bush stepped in and stopped Hussein from continuing to develop and produce WMDs.

It's heartening to get confirmation that if Bush hadn't stepped up to the plate in 1990 and crushed Saddam's weapons programs, he'd definitely have been able to make weapons that would threaten the balance of power in the Middle East.

Anyone who thinks that Desert Storm/Desert Shield was a waste of manpower and resources really needs to look at the evidence, that war really is a model of an effective modern military campaign. I suppose it may have been better to confiscate all the weapons materials that were in Iraq at the time but it's nice to see that the munitions sat and rusted in their bunkers between then and now rather than being used.

Dr. Arbitrary fucked around with this message at 00:04 on Jan 16, 2015

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Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Sgt. McKill posted:

I got this e-mail from my dad the other day, I think it's a popular one.

Wouldn't socialism be:
The professor has everyone bring in all their computers, encyclopedias, pens, pencils, paper and any other supplies. He sets up a study room where anyone in the class can use the computers or materials, a situation that is far less convenient for the people who used to have home computers and encyclopedias, but a very good deal for the people who had no prior access.

I'm not sure how to finish the story, maybe the students don't want to buy supplies next year so the university has to charge more to cover the cost of materials. It's not nearly as dramatic as the original story I guess.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Sir Tonk posted:

Gun control is a hot issue, even though the Dems seem to be ignoring it these days. And everyone loves publicly funded abortions!

I heard that they cross reference the records of gun sales with the records from that 'report people who oppose Obamacare' list to create a database of 'dangerous' citizens.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I'm thinking that you could get people riled up with a claim that the death panels use a point system to determine how valuable citizens are.

Owning a gun is -10 points because of the huge danger it presents to people in the household. Why give someone heart surgery when they're just going to accidentally kill themselves while cleaning their gun?

People who identify as 'strongly religious' also lose a few points because of statistical research showing that strongly religious people are likely to insist on sparing no expense to keep themselves alive while less religious people are more accepting of death.

Veterans lose points because they have the alternative of the VA. Why waste medical resources on veterans when they already can get healthcare.

People living in the South lose points due to the higher risk of death from Hurricanes and people in the Midwest lose points for tornadoes. Interestingly, people living in California don't lose points for Earthquakes.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Megiddo posted:

What do you mean "go back to being a closed system?" At no point has the U.S. ever been "isolationist." The history of U.S. foreign policy since the very beginning of the country is one of opening and securing markets.

I think that the author of the email would have no problem with the US setting up a puppet government in a Central American country so that we can get inexpensive fruit. However, if that country had an independent government and didn't completely cave to our interests it'd be totally unacceptable.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Subject: FW: THE PENCILS AND THE PROLETARIAT

THE PENCILS AND THE PROLETARIAT
ONE OF THE BEST EXPLANATIONS
OF WHY OBAMA WON THE ELECTION
--From a teacher in the Chicago area
"We are worried about 'the pencils' when it is all about the 'Proletariat.'
The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year...
The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest.
I decided we would have an election for a class president.
We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.
To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.
We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.
We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.
The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids.
The most pressing issue in the classroom was that almost half of the children were failing and many were teetering on the edge. Many of the children were too poor to afford pencils and when it was time to take tests they could only stare at the questions. A few students had made deals with the wealthy students and received pencil scraps in exchange for doing their homework hand helping them cheat on tests.
The day arrived when they were to make their speeches.
Jamie went first.
Jamie proposed that the money the class received for parties be distributed as cash to the students with the highest grades. He argued that it wasn't fair to have a party that everyone could enjoy when only a few kids were doing well. He concluded, everyone in the class was given a free pencil at the beginning of the year and the kids that are blaming the lack of pencils for their poor grades shouldn't have wasted them taking notes or drawing pictures.

The three kids with the highest grades applauded, as did a few kids who figured that if the kids with high grades got extra money, they'd get pencil scraps at some point down the line.

Now is was Olivia's turn to speak.
Her speech was concise.
She said, "If you will vote for me, I will set aside a supply of pencils that will be handed out on test days and returned at the end of the test."
She sat down.
The class went wild. "Yes! Yes!
We want pencils."
She surely would say more. She did not have to.
A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the pencils?
She wasn't sure.
Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it.
She didn't know.
The class really didn't care.
All they were thinking about was pencils.
Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a landslide.
Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered pencils and
52 percent of the people reacted like nine year olds.
They want pencils.
3 percent know that they're going to be the ones paying for pencils
The other 45 percent know that if everyone gets pencils for tests they won't enjoy their pencil scraps anymore."
These are the pencils Obama promised us!

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

crime fighting hog posted:

But he's a doctor!

It's funny, as far as education goes all I can find is a Bachelor's degree in Religious Education.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

MDDevice posted:

His wikipedia page says he has a master's and doctorate in theology from Luther Rice University, which appears to be an accredited school. The only degrees it offers are religious degrees like "divinity" and "ministry", though, so I'm not sure how much academic weight you can give to his doctorate. Technically, though, he is a doctor.

[Edit]: I looked at the LRU Spring 2010 class schedule and it's extremely sparse on what most of us would call academics. The closest thing I could find to an academic course was Hebrew Grammar II.

Are we looking at the same Wikipedia page?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Barton
http://conservapedia.com/David_Barton

Edit: You're looking at Charles Stanley's website. He's the guy who hosts the show, not the 'expert' guest speaker.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I remember when my state increased the sales tax to buy another stadium. I should have remembered that it's unconstitutional. Who the hell are they to force me to buy a stadium? I didn't want to buy a stadium!

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

the posted:

Maybe when he argued that people should have their computers destroyed for downloading music:

The first time I read that I thought that he was arguing for not punishing people who delete all their illegally downloaded music after they get a warning. I started to think, hey, that's not a bad idea, they're technically destroying evidence but it's a reasonable response to finding out that your kid downloaded a bunch of illegal songs.

Then I read it again.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Grandma posted:

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?













And finally
The most perplexing of all....



I hope this isn't the start of a new trend.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
That one has showed up in the thread earlier. I tried to make a version of the story that more accurately represents socialism. I'd appreciate some criticism, I think it'd be neat to have a copy paste response to this email that people can send to their family. What I wrote loses focus and changes direction a few times but I think it sounds sincere. Anyone want to see if we can turn it into something that really works? I'm sure that someone is going to bring up the 'South Park the truth is in the middle' bullshit but I think that many people will agree that depending on the situation a capitalist or socialist approach might work better.

Scenario 2:
The professor doesn't average the grades. Instead he asks all the students to bring in their laptops, encyclopedias, dictionaries, pencils, etc. The professor takes all of the equipment and sets up a study room where everyone can use the resources. Any student can sign up to take home the laptop for a night and the pens and pencils are rationed out.

The grades of some students decrease, they benefited greatly from having a personal computer and encyclopedias and their grades went down when they had to deal with a bureaucracy to get access to stuff they used to have. Some students saw their grades go up, they suddenly had access for the first time to an encyclopedia and were able to research the topics they were writing about.

The lazy students' grades stayed the same, they hadn't cared enough to open an encyclopedia before the professor's great experiment and they didn't care after.

Question:
Is this system more or less fair? There are a lot of reasons why one student might have a computer and another might not. Many students with computers probably have parents who value education and have the resources to help their children out. The students without computers might have parents who don't see the value of education or just can't afford to help out.

It's easy to see how one system or the other seems unfair. It's unfair for only the rich kids to have computers because the poor kids might just be unlucky kids who have poor parents. It's unfair to take the rich kids' computers away because the whole reason their parents bought the computers was to ensure that their children were successful.

It's totally unfair to cast one side as Satan worshiping psychopaths and the other as the true followers of God's holy path. Each side has advantages and disadvantages. It's easy to see the advantages of having public libraries and socialized fire departments. It's easy to understand why a 100% income tax might discourage people from working harder.

I'm sure a lot of people have had experiences where they were forced to work in a group in school and it just ended up with one person doing all the work. I've been the one worker in those groups, I didn't care much about grades in High School and I had no problem laughing as I showed up to school on the date the project was due after contributing as much as my 'partners.'

I ended up in the Navy instead of college. I think a lot of veterans become Republicans because they know what it's like to live in a world where the government rules your life. At the same time I think that most veterans will admit that capitalism wouldn't work in the military. No man left behind is a lot of work but it's better than a bidding war on whether or not the person left behind can afford to pay for the cost it would take to get him back home. On the other hand, I don't think anyone thinks that an E-1 who needs training in order to mop a floor deserves as much pay as an E-5 who can repair and maintain a ship's radar while supervising his own workcenter.

Bottom line:
Socialist systems and Capitalist systems can exist side by side. We can have ruthless capitalist Wall St. investors who enjoy the privilege of socialist fire, police and, military protection.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

dphrag posted:

I'm pretty sure a class average of F is not the Nash Equilibrium.

Maybe I don't understand Nash Equilibrium very well but in this shared grades situation it seems like a class average of 0 would be the Nash Equilibrium.

Considering that all scores from 0 to 59 are equally worthless it's doubly true.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

dphrag posted:

"Christ is ?The Reason' for the Christ-mas Season!"

Is not the origin of Christmas a pagan holiday?

Well, you know how the Greek and Hebrew versions of the bible are basically translations of the KJV Bible through miraculous time travel? The winter solstice works pretty much the same way.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I think it's useful to invoke Pascal's wager here. If the Emperor is truly descended from Amaterasu, it's probably a good idea to bow, you really don't lose much by bowing to a man but could face great danger by insulting a living god.

Edit: reworded for clarity.

Dr. Arbitrary fucked around with this message at 09:02 on Nov 18, 2009

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

quote:


CINDY WILLIAMS was appointed by Obama as an Assistant Director for NATIONAL SECURITY in the Congressional Budget Office.....

Military Pay

This is an Airman's response to Cindy Williams' editorial piece in the Washington Times about MILITARY PAY, it should be printed in all newspapers across America.

Ms. Cindy William wrote a piece for the Washington Times denouncing the pay raise(s) coming service members' way this year citing that she stated a 13% wage increase was more than they deserve.

A young airman from Hill AFB responds to her article. He ought to get a bonus for this.


"Ms Williams:
I just had the pleasure of reading your column, "Our GI's earn enough" and I am a bit confused. Frankly, I'm wondering where this vaunted overpayment is going, because as far as I can tell, it disappears every month between DFAS (The Defense Finance and Accounting Service) and my bank account. Checking my latest earnings statement I see that I make $1,117.80 before taxes per month. After taxes, I take home $874.20. When I run that through the calculator, I come up with an annual salary of $13,413.60 before taxes, and $10,490.40 after.

I work in the Air Force Network Control Center where I am part of the team responsible for a 5,000 host computer network. I am involved with infrastructure segments, specifically with Cisco Systems equipment. A quick check under jobs for "Network Technicians" in the Washington, D.C. Area reveals a position in my career field, requiring three years experience in my job. Amazingly, this job does NOT pay $13,413.60 a year. No, this job is being offered at $70,000 to $80,000 per annum........... I'm sure you can draw the obvious conclusions.

Given the tenor of your column, I would assume that you NEVER had the pleasure of serving your country in her armed forces.
Before you take it upon yourself to once more castigate congressional and DOD leadership for attempting to get the families in the military's lowest pay brackets off of WIC and food stamps, I suggest that you join a group of deploying soldiers headed for AFGHANISTAN; I leave the choice of service branch up to you. Whatever choice you make though, opt for the SIX month rotation: it will guarantee you the longest possible time away from your family and friends, thus giving you full "deployment experience."

As your group prepares to board the plane, make sure to note the spouses and children who are saying good-bye to their loved ones. Also take care to note that several families are still unsure of how they'll be able to make ends meet while the primary breadwinner is gone. Obviously they've been squandering the "vast" piles of cash the government has been giving them.

Try to deploy over a major holiday; Christmas and Thanksgiving are perennial favorites. And when you're actually over there, sitting in a foxhole, shivering against the cold desert night, and the flight sergeant tells you that there aren't enough people on shift to relieve you for chow, remember this: trade whatever MRE's (meal-ready-to-eat) you manage to get for the tuna noodle casserole or cheese tortellini, and add Tabasco to everything. This gives some flavor.

Talk to your loved ones as often as you are permitted; it won't be nearly long enough or often enough, but take what you can get and be thankful for it. You may have picked up on the fact that I disagree with most of the points you present in your open piece.

But, tomorrow from KABUL, I will defend to the death your right to say it.

You see, I am an American fighting man, a guarantor of your First Amendment right and every other right you cherish...On a daily basis, my brother and sister soldiers worldwide ensure that you and people like you can thumb your collective noses at us, all on a salary that is nothing short of pitiful and under conditions that would make most people cringe. We hemorrhage our best and brightest into the private sector because we can't offer the stability and pay of civilian companies.

And you, Ms. Williams, have the gall to say that we make more than we deserve?

A1C Michael Bragg, Hill AFB AFNCC

IF YOU AGREE, PLEASE PASS THIS ALONG TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE AND SHOW YOUR SUPPORT OF THE AMERICAN FIGHTING MEN AND WOMEN.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the article that this is referring to:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A33607-2000Jan11.html

Her argument is basically that monetary compensation for service members is actually pretty good and that the statistics used to support the raise are deceptive. She argues that retention can be increased more economically by spending money to increase quality of life and by revising outdated policies.

The worst news is that this highly qualified mathematician actually isn't going to be helping Obama manage the budget.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I just got one from my grandma that surprised me, it's almost baffling how reasonable it is.

quote:

Now if this doesn't put "Jesus is the reason for the Season" into perspective, nothing will!

Letter from Jesus about Christmas --

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I LOVE YOU

I was totally expecting a whiny email about X-mas, holiday trees and Santa.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Well, according to his account, torture is a completely ineffective method of getting information out of detainees.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Where's the story of the guy who spends his last 10 dollars on a crate of tomatoes but can only sell 4 of them before they all spoil because the street corner tomato business model actually isn't very good.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Ortsacras posted:

I'd like to see statistics comparing the number of medical bill-related bankruptcies in the U.S., England, and Canada. I wonder if that might show something Mr. Email Writer wouldn't like?!?!

I don't have the numbers to back this up but here's a good video that illustrates the concept:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgqqSHr0wVA

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I'm thinking of a religious zealot who is known today mostly for his distribution of a potent drug that is so dangerous that it's the only one ever explicitly banned by the constitution. He was also well known for his involvement with a group of traitors and helped them create their manifesto.

One of his most famous acts is an attack on a civilian target. He and his fellow conspirators destroyed millions of dollars worth of luxury goods, none were in uniform and many were disguised as native civilians.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

quote:

A TRUE STORY FROM...

THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER
IN HOUSTON, TEXAS
March 5th, 2009

Last Thursday night round midnight, a woman in Houston, Texas was arrested, jailed, and charged with murder for shooting and killing a woman and her unborn child and faces additional charges for injuring three other people. She claims she was shooting at a man as he was running away with her purse. Witnesses claim that the incident was precipitated by a bicycle messenger accidentally striking her.

One witnesses recalled the incident "She was dazed for a few seconds after the guy on the bike hit her, she dropped her purse but that's when everyone noticed the Dirty Harry gun she was holding. She started screaming about her pay check and tips and pointed the gun at [Jamal Williams]. I don't blame him for freaking out but as he ran away she started shooting at him. I couldn't really see where she was shooting because I was crouching trying to protect my daughter but I do remember her screaming and the sound of 'click click click click' as she kept pulling the trigger even after she ran out of bullets."

Jamal Williams, the woman's target has expressed grief over the outcome. "I sometimes think that if I had just let her shoot me it would have saved two lives. I guess I'm lucky, as a surgeon I can let this incident motivate me to work even harder. I have trouble sleeping but I've been using those late nights to catch up on some new procedures, I... I just don't want that woman and her baby to have died in vain."

Police refuse to comment but an unnamed source confirmed that the woman's purse was found at the bus stop, only a foot away from where the shots were fired.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

RagnarokAngel posted:

"Dirty Harry gun" is way overdoing it.

The actual weapon was a small revolver but you know how people are. It's similar to the whole 'machine gun' thing.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

quote:

Maybe Alfredo, who can't speak english and has to be paid in cash to pull weeds, for $15. per hour, listed my address when he went to Emergency Room with stomach cramps after I fed him lunch.
(The VA hospital is offering remedial training courses for vets, think I'll take "weeding 101").

Can you really get 15 bucks an hour, cash, for weeding? I might have to start hanging out in front of Home Depot. Ten hours a week of that and I might be able to afford some heathcare.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Assuming that Joe Legal has a stay at home wife and only 2 children it seems like he'd be paying a very very small amount of Federal taxes. I didn't double check my work but on a quick run through an online calculator it looks like Joe Legal is only going to owe 250 bucks at the end of the year.

Joe Legal needs to fire his accountant.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Wait, I thought the story was that they couldn't find a single person who went to school with Obama and that some people suspect that his credentials are all completely fake.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Choadmaster posted:

Who knew there were that many Arabs to drink with in Arizona? The Internet teaches you something new every day.

I know we have an awful lot of Sikhs but as far as these email people care it's the same exact thing.

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/09/16/gen.hate.crimes/

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
A while back I subscribed to a bunch of groups on an alternative email address, I get emails from the Sarah Palin PAC and the Campaign for liberty etc. It's an easy way to keep an eye on the crazy.

Today I got a good one from the Minutemen HQ. (bolding as in the original)

quote:

ALERT: Obama's Federal Government refuses to secure the border and enforce immigration law. The Feds were in court YESTERDAY 7/22 actively seeking to STOP Arizona's law and supporting illegal aliens not American citizens.
Obama is arguing for an injunction in court to halt the law from taking effect, saying the Constitution gives the federal government exclusive authority to enforce immigration law. Well where were the Feds when the Republic of Texas was defending against an invasion at the Alamo? Nowhere to be found -- because ordered liberty MUST be defended from clear and present dangers, and cannot wait on the weak and feckless!
Arizona needs your help -- do not leave them to defend the border alone!

Good question, where was the United States federal government when the Republic of Texas at war with Mexico.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Neckbeard v. 2.0 posted:

Tell him "You know who else said a pledge to a flag? Nazis."



I think if we just start making nazi accusations to all of their stuff it'll cancel out with all of glenn beck's nazi accusations and eventually everyone will just tune out nazi arguments.

:siren:Breaking news!:siren:
Recent pictures of the Lincoln Memorial show that the chair Lincoln sits in has representations of fasces on the arms, that's where the word FASCISM comes from!

Click here for the full 800x600 image.

I don't remember noticing them when Bush was president, Is B. Hussein Obama the one who made the change?

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Man, too bad she didn't have her wits about her, she would have really let that Judge have it and maybe the Judge would have realized the folly of his ways!

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Miss Fats posted:

Meant to post this in this thread but I'm a functioning retard.

This poo poo gets started every year and it pisses me off. Why the gently caress do people get so upset over this poo poo?



Quit trying to take the MASS out of ChristMAS. It's a CATHOLIC holiday! You Protestants have no right to try to steal Catholic holidays.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
One of my facebook friends just went nuts.


All of this is from the last day or two with no prior indications.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

RagnarokAngel posted:

Yeah raise the bloated military budget but don't raise my taxes to do so :argh:

The worst thing is that Cindy Williams's article is actually really thoughtful and addresses real concerns rather than "Just pay them more!" I think I would have enjoyed my time in the Navy a lot more if there were more people like Cindy Williams in charge.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I'm sure it was mentioned somewhere in D&D, possibly in this thread: A research paper on how people develop political views. All I remember was that repetition was one factor and an absence of challenges was another.

It'd be nice if there was any evidence that refuting endless insane claims was worthwhile.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
More crazy from one of my old Navy friends:


All I can think of is this:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/99944/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-on-the-ground

I don't need your handouts. I'm an ADULT!

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Deuce posted:

Re: Muslims
Wait a loving minute. I know there are Muslim names listed among the troops who fought in the revolutionary war, and I'm pretty sure the captains of the Nina and Pinta were Muslims.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodrigo_de_Triana

The guy who first sighted land was a Muslim, although he later converted.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I do think it's pretty :smith: to imagine a group of soldiers who have spent so much time overseas that they really don't realize that these policies have been in place since Bush.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
The context is kids wearing American flags on their shirts on Cinco de Mayo as a protest against Mexican culture.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
I'd vote for Reagan's exhumed corpse too, a dead president might actually be better for this country than what we've been getting.

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Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
Is there any record anywhere of an illiterate muslim suicide bomber? I know the Tamil Tiger suicide bombers are pretty low income/low education but they're definitely not muslim. The same goes for the IRA. Muslim suicide bombers are usually middle class with a good education.

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