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Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot
I have had (what I consider) pretty severe ADHD for my whole life. I was only diagnosed 7 years ago, at 15 years old. I haven't seen anything on the disorder in ask/tell except the thread asking how to get help for a friend who might have had the disorder, so I thought maybe this was worth a shot! If you're a normie, feel free to ask anything. Nothing is too personal, I honestly don't mind dealing with some of the misconceptions, and I've been on the internet long enough to shrug off a lot of things that are patently offensive if that's what you're into! If you also have the disorder and want to answer questions or ask some of your own (I know I'll try to pick your brains) that is super great!

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Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
What were the circumstances that led you to being diagnosed with ADHD?

What response have you had to medication? I ask as someone who might have had/still have ADHD but has never been diagnosed and has a pretty strong irrational fear of behavior-modifying drugs.

Danger Mahoney
Mar 19, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
Vyvanse vs. Adderall vs. Concerta vs. Focalin vs. Ritalin vs. Straterra vs. Wellbutrin.

GO.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

Rollersnake posted:

What were the circumstances that led you to being diagnosed with ADHD?

What response have you had to medication? I ask as someone who might have had/still have ADHD but has never been diagnosed and has a pretty strong irrational fear of behavior-modifying drugs.

I'm probably going to have a lot of problems with some of these questions, because a big part of the disorder (for me) is that very little actually sticks in my mind well enough to remember. The circumstances were that I was incapable of functioning in school, at home, or in any real social sense. At school, I was in some kind of trouble on a weekly basis, I had been suspended for getting into fights (absolutely couldn't control my anger) and all sorts of outbursts at least once a year from 5th grade to 10th, I couldn't make myself sit down and complete any of my schoolwork unless I found it interesting. Luckily, especially with English and social studies, I found a lot of school really interesting and I had a few friends who would let me copy their science and math work. It might seem like they were enabling me, but I managed to learn a little bit from them and if they hadn't helped me get as far as I did when I was undiagnosed I would probably be homeless or dead by now, because of the effect it had on my family. Even with the subjects I liked though, almost all of my assignments came in late because I would stay up all night writing a paper and then leave it on the desk when I left for school the next morning. Almost every time. My parents knew that I was smart, and my elementary and middle schools were complete rear end in all regards, so it isn't surprising that no one ever brought the possibility of my disorder to their attention. As far as they knew, I was this brilliant kid who never did any work, never listened to them, and constantly embarrassed them with my outbursts in front of their friends and peers. It got to the point where we were screaming at each other on a nightly basis, them because they were sure I was behaving the way I was on purpose, me because, by my teen years, I had gotten so frustrated with my inability to live up to the "potential" my teachers and parents kept telling me about that I couldn't muster the emotional energy to do much but scream back, play video-games, and daydream through school. I was pretty severely depressed by this point (a side-effect of living with a lot of undiagnosed disorders) which didn't help. As far as my social life, the few friends I had were the sort of people who would gravitate to an irresponsible, impulsive, self-destructive and generally destructive person. Except for one or two close friends, I had by necessity surrounded myself with people who could tolerate me, and they weren't very healthy themselves.

As far as your fear of behavioral medication...honestly, I was ashamed of it at first. It felt like giving in, like I was going to have to spend the rest of my life using a crutch. Now, though, I just think of it like glasses or orthopedic shoes. It's hard to explain how amazing it is to be able to think clearly and have the person you feel you are on the inside be the person everyone around you sees, but once that happens it's hard to imagine going back.

e: I forgot to actually answer the question. I got lucky and ended up with a really good teacher for 9th and 10th grade English who cared about me and knew almost immediately what was wrong. She fought for me and, after a long time, convinced my parents that I needed help even after all the times I raised hell in her class. I am eternally grateful to that woman.

Danger Mahoney posted:

Vyvanse vs. Adderall vs. Concerta vs. Focalin vs. Ritalin vs. Straterra vs. Wellbutrin.

GO.

I'm on Concerta now, and for the most part it's a godsend. I started on a different medication, I think it was either Adderall or Straterra. I took one of those two with Wellbutrin for my depression, and while they worked I ended up in this really weird, emotionally dead fugue state a lot of the time. I don't know which was responsible, but although I didn't show a lot of the symptoms of either disorder, I still had a lot of internal stuff going on. So, while I could get up and function like a person who didn't have ADHD/depression, I started to develop this really weird suicide ideation that's stuck with me for a long time and...just, a lot of bad, bad poo poo. I was eventually able to go off Wellbutrin, and my doctor switched me to Concerta.

As far as Concerta, it's good but you have to make sure you're on the right dose. I started off on way too high a dose and ended up going a week without sleep because I didn't want my parents to think they'd wasted money on the medicine (even mild depression makes you think some strange things). The doctor put me down to a lower (but still too high) dose, and I lost about 60-70 pounds in a few months (below a healthy weight for my height) and developed bad, but tolerable insomnia. Eventually I got put back on the right dose. Besides being kind of chubby again, life is good.

Stofoleez fucked around with this message at 16:37 on Aug 21, 2009

mike grace jones
Mar 5, 2009

by Peatpot
I wasn't diagnosed until a few months ago (I'm 24). You are very lucky to have gotten treatment at 15. I managed to hold a 3.0 GPA through high school and a top college without doing reading, or any work on time, or even buying books through all of college, but every day I resent that I was able to be a "functional ADD," because as soon as I left the womb of academia the real world hit HARD. I never understood how to manage basic little mundane life tasks or even find an occupation that interested me because EVERYTHING was interested at first and then suddenly not at all. When I think about what I could have accomplished by now if I had been treated throughout my middle and high school years...it's all very depressing. Be happy for the time you've had.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

mike grace jones posted:

I wasn't diagnosed until a few months ago (I'm 24). You are very lucky to have gotten treatment at 15. I managed to hold a 3.0 GPA through high school and a top college without doing reading, or any work on time, or even buying books through all of college, but every day I resent that I was able to be a "functional ADD," because as soon as I left the womb of academia the real world hit HARD. I never understood how to manage basic little mundane life tasks or even find an occupation that interested me because EVERYTHING was interested at first and then suddenly not at all. When I think about what I could have accomplished by now if I had been treated throughout my middle and high school years...it's all very depressing. Be happy for the time you've had.

What category of ADD were you diagnosed with? I notice you said you couldn't do any reading, but reading was one of the only things I was ever able to focus on for any length of time. That and video games, and the way that video games interact with an ADHD person's psyche is really interesting.

e: And I am happy for the time I've had. I know the resentment you feel though, because I've spent a lot of time wondering what my life would be like if I'd been diagnosed sooner. A lot of the damage had been done by the time I was 15, as far as the way my personality would develop and how I see the world around me, so the medication just allows the person that I was after those 15 years to accomplish tasks and not say everything that dashed around in his subconscious.

Stofoleez fucked around with this message at 16:54 on Aug 21, 2009

mike grace jones
Mar 5, 2009

by Peatpot
I don't know what category, my doctor just said, "Listen let's try this..." but it definitely feels like it's working.

My symptoms were typical of ADD but not in the impulsive or hyper way, I'm highly disorganized, often anxious, I talk quicker than most people and often try to fill in the end of their sentences if I'm pretty sure I know where they're going (and I usually think I do). The most telling manifestation of it would be that every task I considered would immediately get broken down into 20 other tiny steps and even extended into the future. Like:

I have to write an article for my job. Normal people (I think) would say, "Okay let's go to the event and take notes and then write the article."

I would say (when I'm not on meds), "Okay step 1 let's google this thing then I should go out to the event which happens to be near my gym so I should probably go early and then go to the gym first. But do I want to be all wet from the shower at this thing? I don't know, maybe I should go to the gym afterwards. But then I might forget and not go at all. Okay so just commit to going! Fine, okay and bring a notebook to take notes and a tape recorder in case you forget to take a note down and also a camera, but first I have to find my camera in my apartment..." until I end up thinking something like, "...and then after all that poo poo I'm gonna get a little freelancer's check and have to go scout out another loving story nobody's gonna ever read and then I'll be 30 and then 40 and then 70 and then dead and nobody's going to care either way so what's the point anyway?" That ending part is where you get depressed due to your undiagnosed disorder and wonder why you can't seem to move forward with life or why you even care about moving forward since it all seems worthless in the end.

It is, obviously, completely overwhelming and made it impossible to accomplish anything. I would sometimes find myself sitting inside on beautiful days for 4 or 5 hours just because I couldn't decide what exactly to do out there. It was like the opposite of hyperactivity, it was hypermentality and it really loving sucks.

mike grace jones fucked around with this message at 17:22 on Aug 21, 2009

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

mike grace jones posted:


It is, obviously, completely overwhelming and made it impossible to accomplish anything. I would sometimes find myself sitting inside on beautiful days for 4 or 5 hours just because I couldn't decide what exactly to do out there. It was like the opposite of hyperactivity, it was hypermentality and it really loving sucks.

Did you ever experience a kind of mental paralysis or anxiety when you had to do a thing? Like, when I'm unmedicated, if I'm doing something like reading a book or watching television or staring at a wall, and I know I need to take a shower, I'll become physically ill at the possibility of making myself do anything other than what I'm paying attention to. In school and professional life, this...revulsion isn't the word, and neither is illness, but the anxiety of it just drives me over the edge.

Burginator
Sep 10, 2007

Two ALL BEEF patties,
Special Sauce?
Let Us Cheese.

mike grace jones posted:

:words:

Yeah this post is almost entirely spot on for how I feel. I typically feel very overwhelmed by smaller tasks because I simply cannot decide where to attack them from. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 14, but my symptoms always manifested differently from most other kids I know -- I was always amazing at every subject through school, I aced every test, etc., but I could not focus long enough to do so much as a single piece of homework. I would recognize that I had it, plan on doing it, then I would almost subconsciously avoid it for as long as I possibly could. It wasn't like normal procrastination, which I am quite well versed at, it was almost like a complete mental block. I would KNOW that I had things I needed to do, and I'd think our a well detailed plan for how I would do them, and then I would somehow entirely skip over the 'doing' process, but I would always do all the reading, I would read all the worksheets etc., I would just skip that final step. Even on medication, I couldn't really get past this hyper analyzing phase, though I definitely did focus a lot more.

roads
Feb 22, 2009

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.
How would you advise someone go about getting diagnosed for ADD?

Backstory:
In 8th grade I got "assessed" by a teacher who concluded I had ADD since I never turned in any homework or did classwork that I didn't find "important", but when she talked to my parents they decided that "kids will be kids" and it was a non-issue. This happened again in 9th and 11th grade. Again, nobody ever suggested I get professionally diagnosed, and my teachers just passed me in my classes because they knew I was smart, just not applied. I think it would be very helpful if I were prescribed adderall or something to help me pay attention and work. One day I won't be able to get by on bullshitting around and doing the bare minimum. through school I've bought ADD medicine from other students/drug dealers to help me stay focused and it really does help. Unfortunately, I also have a history of selling prescription medicines so I think it might be difficult for me to get prescribed something. I feel like if I directly ask for help with this, people will just think I'm a drug dealer who's crying wolf to get drugs to sell... which is very common, but I've been clean for over a year now and I just want to get on track since I'll be starting college soon and I know I can't get away with the same bullshit that's acceptable in highschool.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

roads posted:

How would you advise someone go about getting diagnosed for ADD?

Backstory:
In 8th grade I got "assessed" by a teacher who concluded I had ADD since I never turned in any homework or did classwork that I didn't find "important", but when she talked to my parents they decided that "kids will be kids" and it was a non-issue. This happened again in 9th and 11th grade. Again, nobody ever suggested I get professionally diagnosed, and my teachers just passed me in my classes because they knew I was smart, just not applied. I think it would be very helpful if I were prescribed adderall or something to help me pay attention and work. One day I won't be able to get by on bullshitting around and doing the bare minimum. through school I've bought ADD medicine from other students/drug dealers to help me stay focused and it really does help. Unfortunately, I also have a history of selling prescription medicines so I think it might be difficult for me to get prescribed something. I feel like if I directly ask for help with this, people will just think I'm a drug dealer who's crying wolf to get drugs to sell... which is very common, but I've been clean for over a year now and I just want to get on track since I'll be starting college soon and I know I can't get away with the same bullshit that's acceptable in highschool.

A) Don't sell your prescriptions.
B) Do you have a guidance counselor or someone who isn't your teacher or your parents to talk to? My parents were one of the biggest road blocks for a long time, and if you don't have a teacher like mine who really pressed the point then you need to talk to someone yourself.
C) Don't sell your prescriptions.
D) If, for some reason, you can't get Adderall, caffeine really helps. You should probably avoid binging on coffee or soda, of course, but I don't think you need a prescription for caffeine pills.

mike grace jones
Mar 5, 2009

by Peatpot

Stofoleez posted:

Did you ever experience a kind of mental paralysis or anxiety when you had to do a thing? Like, when I'm unmedicated, if I'm doing something like reading a book or watching television or staring at a wall, and I know I need to take a shower, I'll become physically ill at the possibility of making myself do anything other than what I'm paying attention to. In school and professional life, this...revulsion isn't the word, and neither is illness, but the anxiety of it just drives me over the edge.

Yes definitely, there's a common underlying fear of confronting whatever step comes next in my big, unmedicated, addled-up day-planner brain. Mostly because I don't think about the next step, I think about the next 3 dozen steps within that next step, making something mundane into something overwhelming. But also I don't want to derail and turn this thread into a support group, so I'll shut up for a while.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

mike grace jones posted:

Yes definitely, there's a common underlying fear of confronting whatever step comes next in my big, unmedicated, addled-up day-planner brain. Mostly because I don't think about the next step, I think about the next 3 dozen steps within that next step, making something mundane into something overwhelming. But also I don't want to derail and turn this thread into a support group, so I'll shut up for a while.

The people contributing to a thread on ADHD had trouble staying on topic. :v:

ClyL
Aug 7, 2005
Kancho!
I was diagnosed about 2 months ago and started on Ritalin, which did nothing after about a week, and am now on Adderall 20mg x 2 per day. My question to you all is, what does your medication make you feel like (for lack of a better term)? Is the the effect pronounced or does it work more in the background? Also, I have pretty bad anxiety - is there a combo that anyone has taken that helps combat both?

SSH IT ZOMBIE
Apr 19, 2003
No more blinkies! Yay!
College Slice
When I was in grammar school, all my teachers wanted me on meds, but my mom defended them saying I was fine and didn't need anything. I was always getting up and fidgeting, was super unorganized, and always had to ask for the instructions for tasks like 2 or 3 times. My grades were fine.

Then in highschool I stopped caring, almost dropped out but graduated due to the fact the lowest grade that could be put into the system was a 50 unless you didn't do anything for a task, so basically if you do anything, then pass a few tests, you'll pass.

Then I sat around playing video games for a couple years, and switching hobbies biweekly.
I don't know how I got away with this. I was good at avoiding my mom, and she was weak willed, and I'd brush her off any time she mentioned me getting a job, and hide from relatives to avoid the convos that cropped up every time.

Then I got a retail job or two, then found a help desk job, and moved up.

I'm 24 now and still haven't really seen anyone about it, but as far as work is concerned I'm usually fine since I like what I'm doing.

SSH IT ZOMBIE fucked around with this message at 02:42 on Aug 22, 2009

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

ClyL posted:

I was diagnosed about 2 months ago and started on Ritalin, which did nothing after about a week, and am now on Adderall 20mg x 2 per day. My question to you all is, what does your medication make you feel like (for lack of a better term)? Is the the effect pronounced or does it work more in the background? Also, I have pretty bad anxiety - is there a combo that anyone has taken that helps combat both?

I don't notice the Concerta anymore. My sleep isn't as good, especially if I take it late in the day, and I still eat less than I do when I'm off it. What it has done is made me realize just how absolutely hosed up my behavior and perception of the world around me is when I'm unmedicated. After having been medicated for long stretches of time, going back to 'normal' is like living in a world of mostly smeared, meaningless flashing colors and sounds, uncontrollable and often irrational emotional reactions, and a constant barrage of drives and impulses that I'm mostly powerless to stop.

As far as your anxiety, I know that's one of the conditions that tends to piggy-back on ADHD. I was put on an antidepressant at the same time I started my ADHD medication, so I can only assume you would get something similar. Not sure though.

Gaza
Jul 16, 2008
I find anything with l-amph to be really dirty so I'm on vyvanse now. ADHD loving sucks a lot more than people think. I had comorbid anxiety and depression because of it. Just recently got off the Zoloft.

ion
Mar 23, 2004

by Peatpot

Rollersnake posted:

What were the circumstances that led you to being diagnosed with ADHD?

What response have you had to medication? I ask as someone who might have had/still have ADHD but has never been diagnosed and has a pretty strong irrational fear of behavior-modifying drugs.

Caffeine is a behavior-modifying drug, yet people don't think anything about it. So is nicotine. So is marijuana. So is alcohol.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

Demolisher posted:

ADHD loving sucks a lot more than people think.

At risk of sounding whiny, this. A thousand times. It's not the worst thing that could happen to a person, but it's still a few magnitudes worse than, "Lol your parents should have hit you more."

Qu Appelle
Nov 3, 2005

"If a COVID-19 pandemic occurs, public health officials may have additional instructions, such as avoiding close contact with others as much as possible, and staying home if someone in your household is sick." - Official insights from Public Health: Seattle & King County staff

I have ADHD; originally diagnosed when I was a child, and rediagnosed about 4 years ago, when I noticed that things started to fall apart at my old job. I also have Spastic Paraparesis, this comes into play. So, feel free to throw questions at me as well. Also, as a woman, I may have some other insight here.

Someone asked about drugs. Here's my latest result with Adderall:

I started having ADHD issues again when I stopped taking Wellbutrin, and I got a prescription for name brand Adderall. My dosage is 5mg a day.

What I noticed: with my attention span, it was really too small to make a sizeable dent in my ADHD. The one thing that it did do is make me notice when I was goofing off on the web instead of working, and it allowed me to get back on track easier. I could take a bigger dose but...

...it also affected the Spastic Paraparesis. Adderall inhibits the reabsorption of dopamine in the body. In my body, my SP is somehow related to dopamine - so while the drug was in my system, not only could I think clearer, but my spasticity went away, and I would walk and move better! Awesome, right? No. Because when that drug wears off, that spasticity came back with a vengeance, and by the time it's 8 pm, I'm nearly immobile with pain on the bed. Taking extra Baclofen helped, but the higher dose would just put me out - and not totally kill the pain and spasticity.

Also, Adderall made me *gain* weight, of all things, because I'd have a constant craving to chew on things. I hate gum, so I'd eat. all. the. time. Even low calorie foods and veggies didn't help quash this. So, this is all on the baby dose of 5mg. I'm not willing to see what happens if I take more.

I decided a couple of weeks ago to go off the Adderall again. I wanted my body back and pain free. At work, I've been doing the following:

a. I drink black and Oolong tea all the time. Gentler on my stomach than coffee, and drat I love tea.

b. Being more mindful of my behaviors. I've been meditating and studying Buddhism seriously for the past 4 months or so, so it fits along with that.

c. Telling coworkers that, when they tell me something, it needs to be broken down into manageable chunks. Just throwing a bunch of vague info and expecting me to get it? No. Not working. (It also helps that my boss is also ADD, and understands this.) If I feel like I'm heading into Neural Meltdown Territory, I go take a walk. One of the biggest problems with this is that my brain no longer processes words correctly, either in or out. So, I hear things but can't understand them, and I'm reduced to saying stuff like 'thing' when I'm referring to something specific. It's like the audio processing just breaks down. I actually find that more annoying than not having an attention span at times.


d. When I really need to concentrate, I listen to music or watch TV. (I work on TV as part of my job, so I'll let CNN ramble on in the background. Or, watch some Doctor Who reruns.)

However, if one feels that drugs will help, definitely give them a go. I have friends who also have Adult ADHD, and take meds for it, and it's made their lives a thousand times better. It just isn't looking like it's working out for me for now. (The other thing I want to do is talk to a job or ADHD counselor; I get laid off next June, and I'd like to transfer into a more ADHD friendly line of work. Software Engineering just isn't it.)

Qu Appelle fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Aug 22, 2009

Egad!
Feb 20, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post
OH HAI. I was diagnosed with ADHD coupled with some sort of math disability right after my junior year of high school after being severely depressed and having suicidal thoughts :v: So it was a bit of a double-whammy. I was always a bright kid so I had enough to get by without trying hard but I was always getting in trouble for having no self-control. I was always doing something other than the task at hand be it reading, talking to my neighbor, etc.

And then I was in the gifted program, had to actually work and started doing worse and worse at school. I didn't have a lot of friends from being retarded hyperactive and acting like a general spaz.

It pretty much took a breakdown between junior and senior year for my parents to actually finally listen to me after I knew something was loving wrong and I was doing so poorly in school. So, ADHD with a side of depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety. It loving sucks and I'm still dealing with the repercussions of having crappy grades in high school and deciding freshman year of college was the best time to go off of both the meds that had gotten me through my senior year of high school.

rainbow kittens
Jan 20, 2006

Poor little kittens, they've lost their mittens! And now they shan't have pie :(

mike grace jones posted:

My symptoms were typical of ADD but not in the impulsive or hyper way, I'm highly disorganized, often anxious, I talk quicker than most people and often try to fill in the end of their sentences if I'm pretty sure I know where they're going (and I usually think I do). The most telling manifestation of it would be that every task I considered would immediately get broken down into 20 other tiny steps and even extended into the future. Like:
............

It is, obviously, completely overwhelming and made it impossible to accomplish anything. I would sometimes find myself sitting inside on beautiful days for 4 or 5 hours just because I couldn't decide what exactly to do out there. It was like the opposite of hyperactivity, it was hypermentality and it really loving sucks.

It does.

(Edit: I should mention, a few things in your post rang true for me. I always talk too fast, to the extent that in recent years I realized that I must annoy people. Sometimes my voice is really loud and I can't control that. Sometimes I just talk, and talk, and talk, and I know I must sound stupid or vapid. My disorganization is organized to some extent, at least, but I used to interrupt all the time. Sometimes I get panicked. I don't really have any close/good friends because I have no idea how to really act around them. Something I've also realized is that I become a mirror of the person I am talking to. There are some I work with who are really quiet, so I'm really quiet back. Others are really talkative, and we basically josh each other all day long. Then the quiet people look at me like I have two heads, and I go back to being quiet. I find after I've been hanging out with someone for awhile I pick up on their mannerisms, their way of speech, even how they sound when they speak. I DON'T do this on purpose. I know a lot of stupid people, and when I start sounding like them I could hit myself. My mind is just a very confused, jumbled mess. I guess that's why I like cats so much - I don't really have to be anything around them.)

A few years ago when I was in university, a friend told me to go in and get checked for ADD. I didn't listen, because it sounded like foolishness. I mean, really, there's nothing wrong with me, right? Just because I can't do homework, or sit and concentrate on course readings, or write papers, or focus on a conversation, or watch TV because commericals drive me insane... because of these things and many more, there's nothing wrong with me! Now, let me go play my guitar. But I think actually I might paint a picture. Wait, there is a movie I want to see, I guess I'll toss in the DVD. But woah, wait! The dishes over there need to be done, and the cat is meowing, and I still have this paper to write. Oh wow. And the Christmas ball is coming up and I need a new dress and I have class tomorrow I wonder what I should have for breakfast? poo poo, I still have that paper to write.

Three hours later I'd realize that I did nothing but doodle on my looseleaf anyway, so the paper never did get written.

I really never did believe I had a problem. I had teachers in highschool growling that I never did homework, and I was often in the principal's office for getting something going (I always knew how to end it so that I wasn't the one who was in trouble). I was always grounded at home, and my parents and I were always at odds.

I never gave it any thought. I just thought that I was lazy and that if I really wanted to, everything would be fine. Que the last month of highschool when I actually sat down to study and COULDN'T. I had never properly studied before because I couldn't focus, and well, this was no exception. I know I failed those exams. I still did well at the end of the year, so no one really noticed the difference.

How many jobs have I had since 2003? At least 9. I never stay longer than a few months because I get bored. I daydream, and I decide to move on to bigger and better things. I have moved at least 10 times since 2003, and not just within the area I'm from, but cross-country.

This was the second time that someone told me I had ADD. I was working at a hotel, and everyone who worked there has name badges with where we are from on them. Mine said "Nova Scotia". A guest asked me about what I was doing all the way up in the Northwest Territories, and I told him I was paying off my student loan. He asked what I had taken, and if I had a degree. I said no, I dropped out of university twice. He said what did I like to do? I told him about my hobbies. He asked what I would like to study. I told him. He noticed I was reading a book. We got to talking about a few different things and then he stopped me and said that I had the same thing that he did - ADD. Wow. I laughed. He recommended a book for me, and told me to read it. I did not.

I still didn't believe I had a problem.

This spring I got it in my head that it might be a good idea to go back to school. Wouldn't it be a great idea? Upgrade my highschool courses, go back and take a year of Sciences, apply for pharmacy so that I can get a good job and make money to buy a car and a house and then I can buy a piano and some more guitars and have lots of free time for painting and then I started planning which kind of house I wanted, etc. Somewhere in the mess of thoughts I decided it would be a good idea to get a shower. As I was in there scrubbing my hair I realized that my mind was on highspeed, and I couldn't focus on anything. It bothered me. I couldn't stop my thoughts even when I said "But wait, Rainbow Kittens, school isn't a good idea for you. You know you can't do it." My mind wouldn't stop with any of the other stuff.

I've had a few months to settle down, read about going back to school, plan things out, and read some books on Adult ADD. I fit so many of the symptoms it's disgusting. When I brought it up with my Mom she said that she was sure she had it, too, and that she always had problems (try and get that woman to focus on you when you talk to her... I dare you). It's hard.

I have a doctor's appointment booked for September when I arrive home (yup, moving again - to a new place, getting a new apartment, transfering within the company - where I know NO ONE). Mom is coming in with me because I have a habit of going to the doctor's and never really being clear as to what my problem is, or I forget to ask questions even though I have them written down. If Mom comes with me, then I will be accountable and maybe she'll remember things that I forget.

I desperately want to fix my life. I feel like I'm at a dead end, and I know I'm far smarter than what I give myself credit for. Clearly I can't help myself, so it's time that I reached out and asked for help.

Let me tell you though, the biggest help? Every day walking into work my mind would race, and race, and race, and it left me feeling mentally exhausted before I even got to work. Now I use an MP3 player and I loaded it up with music that is really fast-paced and loud. Club, rock, etc. I've been doing this since April. I find that with the music, it really drowns out the noise in my head. I mean, I'm still thinking a mile a minute, and I hardly even notice the walk from home to work and back, but the noise is really dampered.

Ugh. I just hope this can be fixed.

rainbow kittens fucked around with this message at 09:23 on Aug 22, 2009

rainbow kittens
Jan 20, 2006

Poor little kittens, they've lost their mittens! And now they shan't have pie :(

Qu Appelle posted:

c. Telling coworkers that, when they tell me something, it needs to be broken down into manageable chunks. Just throwing a bunch of vague info and expecting me to get it? No. Not working. (It also helps that my boss is also ADD, and understands this.) If I feel like I'm heading into Neural Meltdown Territory, I go take a walk. One of the biggest problems with this is that my brain no longer processes words correctly, either in or out. So, I hear things but can't understand them, and I'm reduced to saying stuff like 'thing' when I'm referring to something specific. It's like the audio processing just breaks down. I actually find that more annoying than not having an attention span at times.

Holy crap, this. I realize that the job I've been working at the past year is great. The pharmacy manager makes lists for each worker, and tries to switch things up so that we're not always doing the same things. I never asked for it, but it has been so beneficial.

For instance, when she is at work my list will look something like this:

"RAINBOW KITTENS
1) call in PAs
2) write up mail
3) fill community prescriptions
-community 1
-community 2
4) assemble blister packs for Friday"

As I go down the list, I cross things off, and I make my own list based on what she has written out, expanding a bit more. But when she is not working, my list looks like this

"RAINBOW KITTENS
1) communities
2) autofill"

So I need to figure out which community prescriptions need to be assembled, and then I spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what needs to be done. I'll start something, the pharmacist in charge will ask me to do something else, I'll do it, but I'll forget exactly everything that needs to be done, then I'll finish that and start something else, I'll get interrupted again and then I'll realize that I was doing something to begin with anyway. I get really frustrated and upset. Sometimes I'll have various pharmacists asking me to do different things, and it doesn't help when they interrupt me saying "Wait, why are you doing the auto-fill for this community? Why don't you do that one?"
"But I was asked to do this by the other pharmacist."
"Oh, did you check the other communities?"
"Not yet."
"Okay, well, do that, too."

My brain reaches a point of exploding. It literally feels like I'm having a meltdown because my brain doesn't know WTF.

Even if I have a list, one of the pharmacists is really bad for coming into the backroom where I am doing something (assembling blister packs, etc) and she'll ramble on about prescriptions or patients or other workers or whatever, and ask me about things that I have no idea what she's talking about. The other day she went in the back room and I was out front filling some prescriptions and she called out to me and said "Do you know what any of these boxes are back here? Is this the order? Why aren't these boxes put away? Hey, wait, what is this?"

How the gently caress should I know? I wasn't back there today. It is a box, and I have nothing to do with ordering anyway. So when she said "Hey wait, what is this?" and went quiet expecting a response I said the only thing that came to mind: "Magic". I'm not sure if it pissed her off, but she was shut right up and didn't ask me anymore stupid questions for the rest of the shift.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Pharmacy is fun, and I want to be a pharmacist. But my god, if people just worked silently, I would get so much more done in the span of a day.

I too lose focus of words I'm looking to use if someone asks me something specific and I'm halfway into meltdown mode. It's very frustrating in a work environment where you need to be articulate. Instead of saying "The patient would like to refill their hydrochlorathiazide" I bumble like an idiot and say something like "Yeah, that person wants their thing refilled". Pisses off the pharmacist, and it pisses me off.

EDIT: My question for the OP (and other ADD sufferers) is this: Does it feel like your head will explode ALL THE TIME? Do you ever overthing everything so much that you pretty much just freeze and can't do anything other than sit in a lump while your mind wanders aimlessly? Do you feel rage boil to the surface when you are interrupted while doing something you are attempting to concentrate on? I know my feelings aren't typical of a "normal" person, but I'm really looking to see if they are normal for a person suffering from ADD/ADHD. I don't know. If the doctor comes back and says I don't have it, then what the hell could it be? My cousin has Tourettes, and Mom always told me that I had it because of certain characteristics that I showed as a child (ticks, loud voice, etc), but I read in a book that Tourettes can also be comorbid with ADD. Mom also thought I was bipolar because I was always moody and I would fly off the hanger if someone interrupted me. Of course, I always told Mom off when she hinted there was something wrong with me anyway but now I see where she is coming from. :(

rainbow kittens fucked around with this message at 09:45 on Aug 22, 2009

rainbow kittens
Jan 20, 2006

Poor little kittens, they've lost their mittens! And now they shan't have pie :(

Burginator posted:

I typically feel very overwhelmed by smaller tasks because I simply cannot decide where to attack them from. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 14, but my symptoms always manifested differently from most other kids I know -- I was always amazing at every subject through school, I aced every test, etc., but I could not focus long enough to do so much as a single piece of homework. I would recognize that I had it, plan on doing it, then I would almost subconsciously avoid it for as long as I possibly could. It wasn't like normal procrastination, which I am quite well versed at, it was almost like a complete mental block. I would KNOW that I had things I needed to do, and I'd think our a well detailed plan for how I would do them, and then I would somehow entirely skip over the 'doing' process, but I would always do all the reading, I would read all the worksheets etc., I would just skip that final step. Even on medication, I couldn't really get past this hyper analyzing phase, though I definitely did focus a lot more.

Hello, me! Except the being diagnosed part, this pretty much is me in every sense.

This is what caused my friend (psych major - he had a copy of the DSM-IV and would read it for fun) to tell me that he thought I had ADD. I was attempting to write papers for some of my courses in university, and it just was not happening. One day he sat me down and asked me what the hell was going on in my head when I was writing the papers.

I mean, clearly, I would know what I was writing about. I would read the material, I would get out the paper and the pens and the computer. And then I would sit there. The paper would be trying to write itself in my head, but when I put my pen to paper, I would start to subconciously doodle. And doodle. And doodle. Three hours later, and multiple pages of hearts and flowers and things, I would always call it a night, and feel incredibly guilty with myself. And then I would always vow to try again the next night.

What scares me is that you say that the medication really didn't help. I want to go on medication and get help so that I can go back to school. If the medication isn't going to help, then I don't want to be on it.

Sorry about spamming the thread guys. It's late, my mind is racing (I should be in bed), and I've been having second thoughts about going to the doctor because it's like "Do I really have a problem? Or is it all in my head?"

rainbow kittens fucked around with this message at 09:53 on Aug 22, 2009

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

rainbow kittens posted:

EDIT: My question for the OP (and other ADD sufferers) is this: Does it feel like your head will explode ALL THE TIME? Do you ever overthing everything so much that you pretty much just freeze and can't do anything other than sit in a lump while your mind wanders aimlessly? Do you feel rage boil to the surface when you are interrupted while doing something you are attempting to concentrate on? I know my feelings aren't typical of a "normal" person, but I'm really looking to see if they are normal for a person suffering from ADD/ADHD. I don't know. If the doctor comes back and says I don't have it, then what the hell could it be? My cousin has Tourettes, and Mom always told me that I had it because of certain characteristics that I showed as a child (ticks, loud voice, etc), but I read in a book that Tourettes can also be comorbid with ADD. Mom also thought I was bipolar because I was always moody and I would fly off the hanger if someone interrupted me. Of course, I always told Mom off when she hinted there was something wrong with me anyway but now I see where she is coming from. :(

I can tell most of the rest of you probably have ADHD from the way you type. In our posts, if there isn't an edit notification at the bottom, the language usually comes out as a weird, Joyce-y stream of consciousness. If it reads like normal human speech there is almost always an edit notification at the bottom. Now, I'm going to try and tease out the questions from this block.

rainbow kittens posted:

Does it feel like your head will explode ALL THE TIME?

Yes, when I'm off my medication. I know this was tied into some of the questions that followed it, but it's its own phenomenon sometimes. Everything else about the ADHD can just build up so much that there really is a pressure in your head, like a migraine if the pain was replaced with mental white noise.

rainbow kittens posted:

Do you ever overthink everything so much that you pretty much just freeze and can't do anything other than sit in a lump while your mind wanders aimlessly?

Yes. I think I mentioned it earlier, but when I'm not medicated I sometimes can't even make myself take a shower or brush my teeth even though, slob that I am, feeling dirty is the most miserable thing I ever experience.

rainbow kittens posted:

Do you feel rage boil to the surface when you are interrupted while doing something you are attempting to concentrate on?

Not just rage. Impotent, headache-inducing, stomach clenching, sputtering, high-pitched voice rage. This is one of the reasons I'm sure I would be dead or homeless if I hadn't gotten help.

rainbow kittens posted:

I know my feelings aren't typical of a "normal" person, but I'm really looking to see if they are normal for a person suffering from ADD/ADHD.

They sound pretty normal to me.

rainbow kittens posted:

If the doctor comes back and says I don't have it, then what the hell could it be?
Something tells me the doctor will tell you something, even if it's not ADHD. If you're telling the truth, it sounds like that's probably a lot of it though.

rainbow kittens posted:

Mom also thought I was bipolar because I was always moody and I would fly off the hanger if someone interrupted me.


Bipolar disorder and ADHD with comorbid anxiety or depression can look really similar. I don't know about tourettes though. This is all the sort of stuff that comes out in the wash if you get tested though.

Question for other posters: When you got tested, did they do the thing where you had to match up faces to disembodied voices for appropriateness?

miss_chaos
Apr 7, 2006
Sorry in advance for the long post. Hopefully some of you can relate and get help too. I've bolded my symptoms for tl;dr ease.

This thread and the following research I've done has prompted me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist next week, and I'm sure that I too suffer from adult ADHD. Thinking back, I've suffered with it since I was at the very least a teenager (about how long I can remember struggling). My parents can probably identify these behaviours going back earlier than that. My mother is adopted, but her birth brother has ADHD and her mother was a chronic alcoholic with unmedicated and undiagnosed suspected ADHD (among others).

I like many in this thread topped my classes with no real work. Thankfully I have a photographic memory which has saved my rear end for as long as I remember. I can read something twice and know it off by heart, which incidentally is about as long as my attention span :smith:. I know for a fact if I had to work hard to achieve good grades I would have failed college. I really struggled with post-grad life and self directed learning. The thought of a research based Masters instead of a taught one where the content is new every day... it's literally something I couldn't do. I fluffed about forever on my research, then hit hyperfocus and wrote the entire thing in 3 weeks. As a child I didn't really have behavioural issues but I was pretty smart at school and would do my work in ten minutes then get really bored and start to distract others. Not climbing up the walls stuff though.

My inability to stick at any one thing, to concentrate, or not bounce gaily from one thing to the next never getting anything done is interspersed with times of intense hyperfocus. I wish I could harness it. I was the exact kid throughout high school who would stay up all night because my mind was racing, then forget to take the essay the next day. At the moment it's 5.53am on a Sunday morning, but I'm wide awake and writing this post. While I was at college I would frequently sit bolt upright at 3-4am and write my essays in hyperfocus. More often than not they would make no sense the next day. I never missed a deadline because I always allowed myself 3 times as much time as the usual person to get something done because I get hugely distracted. But I've learned to cope with not being able to concentrate.

I've created huge coping systems to help get me through the day, especially combating my forgetfulness. I'm the person with Post-It notes all over their house reminding me to do things. Usually I forget anyway. I have huge checklists and something so small as packing my handbag to go to work seems like a drama. I have to sit down and force my self to relax (deep breath) then locating one thing at a time. Ipod, blackberry, buspass, etc. Microsoft Outlook and its calendar reminders have saved my life, not lest of all because it pops up and is a distraction for doing something else. I check things 5000 times before going on a work trip which is incredibly tiresome. I'm terrified of forgetting an important paper. When I was travelling, it was my passport. My mind runs like a computer struggling to keep up.

The rage, oh the rage. I'm a workaholic who fails to relax at anything and it drives me insane when I'm leading on a project and people don't operate at the same level of urgency and get me things when I need it. Group work is something I fail at - I always ended up doing the lion's share of the work even though it took me longer to do it. I get so angry it scares me a bit - even about the most tiny things. Social cues mean I can't just scream and yell like I want to, so I usually end up bursting into tears in private. I'm not very good at negotiating because I get so frustrated. My mind runs at a million miles and hour and I can't articulate what it is I want.

I thrive on high pressure situations and struggle to relax or go on vacation. I hate weekends or any time off work. I was recently diagnosed with mono and it has forced me to slow down and I can't deal with my body not being able to keep up with my mind. It's probably why I've gone undiagnosed for so long - high pressure work environment accommodates my high pressure brain activity. I have self selected into a job that is high stress with constant stimulation. I love my job, but I'm bored (as always). I'm always looking for the next high, the grass is always greener. I can't remember the last time I took any type of meaningful vacation.

I've basically stopped drinking because if I have one glass of wine, I can't stop and end up drinking myself into oblivion. There are lots of things I've given up because I have an addictive personality. Given my family history, it's easier. I spend money I don't really have on impulse.

I struggle through my work day by using EXTENSIVE routine and ridiculous organization I can cope, even though it feel overwhelming. My colleagues frequently make fun of it. I think I developed some borderline OCD tendencies which are coping mechanisms to deal with the chaos of my brain.

So work is ok, but socially? Forget about it. I have a lot of friends and people would describe me as outgoing and social, but struggle to maintain my friendships in person. Taking the initiative to organise something is difficult because like the above posters, I break everything down into minute tasks and it seems overwhelming. A trip into the city to catch up with a friend? Ok, I'll drive. Where will I park? Do I have parking money? I need to get cash out. Does my car have gas? Oh no, my car doesn't have any gas! Then I freak out and just don't bother.

Also I frequently edit my posts when I read them back and they make no sense.

God, I'm a cot case.

miss_chaos fucked around with this message at 19:39 on Aug 22, 2009

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

miss_chaos posted:


So work is ok, but socially? Forget about it. I have a lot of friends and people would describe me as outgoing and social, but struggle to maintain my friendships in person. Taking the initiative to organise something is difficult because like the above posters, I break everything down into minute tasks and it seems overwhelming. A trip into the city to catch up with a friend? Ok, I'll drive. Where will I park? Do I have parking money? I need to get cash out. Does my car have gas? Oh no, my car doesn't have any gas! Then I freak out and just don't bother.

This. I've noticed that a lot of people find any person with a disorder really appealing at first, but tiresome once they actually get to know the person. It manifests in different ways, but with ADHD it tends to be (with me, even on my meds): oh wow, look how outgoing and eccentric and passionate this person is! Oh wow, he really knows how to have fun, haha he's hilarious and he's almost always on!

Then one of two things happens.

1) He isn't calling me to hang out anymore, and when I call him I'm made to feel like I'm imposing by asking to hang out. He should just tell me to gently caress off if he doesn't like me or doesn't want to spend time with me. Oh, he's calling me again after four months like no time has passed? gently caress him.

2) Oh wow, he literally never turns off. Where's the ibuprofen? Oh, what's that? You forgot [ITEM] that I specifically told you to remember? And you got lost on the way here? Oh hmmm yes I want to hear your very loud opinions again because you forgot all the other times we talked about this exact thing. Ooooh goodie, he's irrationally angry again!

miss_chaos
Apr 7, 2006
Like this, except people want to hang out but I can't cope with all the stuff required to do it. Or I get there, and feel like I can't be myself because I don't want to freak people out. As I said, most people would describe me as being a really good time but I'm not a very good FRIEND. I struggle with emotional connection. I'm not very good at being there for someone when times are hard because I freak out about not being able to give them something they need. I was huge into partying at college.

It's almost like there's two of me - passionate, eccentric and excessive me, then the other side of me that's looking down on me doing "jesus christ dude, chill out" and not being able to listen to the smart one. I KNOW this is the way that I am and that I want to change. At least I can see it's a problem.

Smoking pot makes me feel sane. It's like a cloud of relaxation, and I can literally feel my mind slowing down. I can articulate myself, I feel like I can breatheagain. I just refuse to do it more than a few times a year because I don't want to become a) reliant b) a stoner.

I can see why many people with ADHD self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. It's hard being wound up like a spring all the time.

Put it in Your Mouf
Jan 8, 2009

rainbow kittens posted:

EDIT: My question for the OP (and other ADD sufferers) is this: Does it feel like your head will explode ALL THE TIME? Do you ever overthing everything so much that you pretty much just freeze and can't do anything other than sit in a lump while your mind wanders aimlessly? Do you feel rage boil to the surface when you are interrupted while doing something you are attempting to concentrate on? I know my feelings aren't typical of a "normal" person, but I'm really looking to see if they are normal for a person suffering from ADD/ADHD. I don't know. If the doctor comes back and says I don't have it, then what the hell could it be? My cousin has Tourettes, and Mom always told me that I had it because of certain characteristics that I showed as a child (ticks, loud voice, etc), but I read in a book that Tourettes can also be comorbid with ADD. Mom also thought I was bipolar because I was always moody and I would fly off the hanger if someone interrupted me. Of course, I always told Mom off when she hinted there was something wrong with me anyway but now I see where she is coming from. :(

Yes, I used to get extremely angry and upset because I couldn't stop thinking. But it wasn't organized thought, it was a little bit of everything at once. My main problem was then that I was so stressed from all the confusion, any outside noise would set me off. I would either become angry or have a panic attack. I used to think I had all kinds of strange phobias, because going to the store with fluorescent lights and music playing would give me panic attacks. But I never understood why, because I wasn't scared of those things. After years I found out it was just sensory overload causing my anxiety.

Oh, and if anyone touched me or talked to me during one of those times, that would give me an attack. Someone trying to hold my hand or touch my arm would just be too much stimulation, and actually hurt. I'm never hyper though, despite the racing and confused thoughts, I have the opposite problem. I have a huge lack of energy. I want to do things very much, but end up not doing them because I wait too long or can't get started because I'm so confused as to how to do it. I'm fairly certain the racing thoughts wear me out, because on the rare days that my brain shuts up for a couple hours, I am not so tired all the time.

Anyway, just go to the doctor. It can't hurt. You hear a lot of stories about doctors blowing off patients, and that scared me. I finally went, explained my symptoms, and my doctor was extremely nice and understanding. I take Adderall now, 20mgs a day split into two doses. So 10 in the morning, 10 later on. I only take it four days a week, three of which are work days and usually one of my days off, but I'll just take 10mgs and that's more than enough. I've been on the meds for about 4 months now, started with Ritalin but the crash was terrible. I felt extremely tired once it wore off, after adjusting for a couple weeks.

Seriously, I encourage you to just go out and do it. Not everyone gets ignored or shunned, especially if you go in there with the attitude you have. (I think I need help, but I'm worried because of X, and confused) That's exactly how I was, and people tend to be pretty understanding when you say up front that you're not just trying to get pills, but are really at a breaking point and are finally getting this checked out.

Not everyone that takes stimulants gets addicted or has terrible side effects. There's an Adderall thread in the Crackhead Clubhouse forum that has very helpful information. Obviously you don't want to take this recreationally, but there's a lot of helpful stuff in there anyway.

Post some updates if you will, that would be great.

Egad!
Feb 20, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post
I somehow never equated talking fast to being an ADHD thing. :aaa: I don't know why. But I never did. I'm always apologizing to people I meet (people who work in restaurants, etc) that it's my fault they didn't understand me.

And does anyone have trouble holding onto friends that you don't see on a daily basis? If someone moves away ever (and this is college, so people do come and go) and I try to say yeah, I'll keep in touch, but I never do because I they aren't in my sphere of thought since they aren't there.

DBlanK
Feb 7, 2004

Living In The Real World
I am of the firm belief that this "disease" plagues the majority of society to a degree, and can be overcome through will power and training. Like anything you want to build up, it requires exercise and dedication. Surely some medication can aid in the process, but if you only use the crutch, your leg will weaken and the withdrawal will leave you worse off.

Some background on myself: In first grade I threw a chair at my teacher, so they tossed me in special ed and would of thrown away the key if my parents had not fought for my freedom. Of course the fact that I was smart helped convince the system I was worth saving.

A couple pills later I was on Ritalin, and by fourth grade when we moved, I had been mainstreamed back into regular classes. Even on the pill, I could still have problems concentrating on things that I didn't find interesting, and still had problems doing home work when Id rather be playing video games or doing other things.

I do believe the pills helped me concentrate better, and at the very least gave me a nice pick me up in the morning so that I was awake during class. I also had bouts with depression during puberty, that of course were compensated by more pills (Nortriptyline?), but it went away with time. My assumption is, most of these things are "normal" to a lesser extreme, and probably something most kids suffer from, but only the extreme casses get pumped full of meds.

By college, I decided enough was enough, and I needed to see what I was capable of without the medication. I took myself off the meds, and did the best I could, still procrastinating on work like any normal college student, ignoring and cramming the courses I thought were BS and uninteresting, and living my life relatively "drug free".

Nine years later, I look back on a relatively successful college career in which I excelled at the things I was passionate about. I avoid pills whenever I can, and normaly take half doses of things when necessary (read pain medication that most of society is hopped up on). I have a job as a software engineering, and when my mind branches off into tangents I let it explore a bit and then stop myself and role back to the direction that is actually important and critical. I consider my thought process to be a tool and not a disability.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

KH_BlanK posted:

I am of the firm belief that this "disease" plagues the majority of society to a degree, and can be overcome through will power and training. Like anything you want to build up, it requires exercise and dedication. Surely some medication can aid in the process, but if you only use the crutch, your leg will weaken and the withdrawal will leave you worse off.

Some background on myself: In first grade I threw a chair at my teacher, so they tossed me in special ed and would of thrown away the key if my parents had not fought for my freedom. Of course the fact that I was smart helped convince the system I was worth saving.

A couple pills later I was on Ritalin, and by fourth grade when we moved, I had been mainstreamed back into regular classes. Even on the pill, I could still have problems concentrating on things that I didn't find interesting, and still had problems doing home work when Id rather be playing video games or doing other things.

I do believe the pills helped me concentrate better, and at the very least gave me a nice pick me up in the morning so that I was awake during class. I also had bouts with depression during puberty, that of course were compensated by more pills (Nortriptyline?), but it went away with time. My assumption is, most of these things are "normal" to a lesser extreme, and probably something most kids suffer from, but only the extreme casses get pumped full of meds.

By college, I decided enough was enough, and I needed to see what I was capable of without the medication. I took myself off the meds, and did the best I could, still procrastinating on work like any normal college student, ignoring and cramming the courses I thought were BS and uninteresting, and living my life relatively "drug free".

Nine years later, I look back on a relatively successful college career in which I excelled at the things I was passionate about. I avoid pills whenever I can, and normaly take half doses of things when necessary (read pain medication that most of society is hopped up on). I have a job as a software engineering, and when my mind branches off into tangents I let it explore a bit and then stop myself and role back to the direction that is actually important and critical. I consider my thought process to be a tool and not a disability.

I'm genuinely happy for you. Still, something tells me that either:

A) Like with a lot of people the disorder faded after adolescence.
B) You have amazing willpower and coping strategies.

Neither of these things can be taught, but option A) should give a little hope to any ADHD goons who are still in high school.

Qu Appelle
Nov 3, 2005

"If a COVID-19 pandemic occurs, public health officials may have additional instructions, such as avoiding close contact with others as much as possible, and staying home if someone in your household is sick." - Official insights from Public Health: Seattle & King County staff

Stofoleez posted:

I'm genuinely happy for you. Still, something tells me that either:

A) Like with a lot of people the disorder faded after adolescence.
B) You have amazing willpower and coping strategies.

Neither of these things can be taught, but option A) should give a little hope to any ADHD goons who are still in high school.

And/or C) They're in Software Engineering. If it's anything like my job, the boss won't care when you come in or leave as long as you make your deadlines, you have barely a dress code, they supply you with as much free soda and coffee as you could possibly drink, and you're allowed to do things like take a break or lunch or listen to music whenever the hell you want. Perhaps play some video games or pool if things get really stressful.

Seriously. The software field is very forgiving of people's foibles and ADHDisms. One of the reasons I succeed so well there is because I don't have to concern myself with things like a dress code or a time clock. Nor do they micromanage or get bogged down with endless process or rules. I've had other jobs where I could do the work just fine, but my brain couldn't keep track of all the little rules and regulations that they had, and I end up doing poorly overall as a result.

DBlanK
Feb 7, 2004

Living In The Real World
It is quite possible that it has faded over time due to natural mental and physical growth. I'd like to believe though that to a degree I overcame some issues, while others still remain. I bring my mind back on track when I chose to do so, but I'm not sure if it really still wanders that much more then the average individual. It use to be pretty bad, and now I simply don't notice it as much. I believe that part of that is simply due to the desire to focus on what I am doing.

It still does kick in occasionally. Ill be reading a book and try to read the same paragraph four or so times, and every time find that I stopped paying attention to what I was reading and was off thinking about other things. If there is a conversation going on that I can hear, its usually pretty hard for me to ignore it. I'll also occasionally have a random kick of hyper enter the moment, but its only happened during out and about situations, and probably self induced.

Every person has their own individual dynamic, so I don't expect everyone to be able to learn how to focus and control, until the point that it becomes second nature. Some people may struggle with it until the day they die, but I do believe in mind over body.

As far as my job goes, I worked at Motorola for several summers, and definitely find my mentality to be much more corporate then the average Software Engineer. I actually oversee other people, and strive to uphold a good work ethic. Perhaps I am just lucky enough to have found a good balance, but I would like to believe that anyone can achieve what they put their mind towards.

DBlanK fucked around with this message at 08:34 on Aug 23, 2009

Harold Fjord
Jan 3, 2004
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and I wonder if I really have it or if it's just the Internets fault I can never get anything done. I realize I should probably go seek a professional on this so I'm not asking for a real diagnosis.

The strongest example is one night in college I had to read a small, 200 page or so, book and write a 5-6 page essay on it. That I had already put this off to the last night is something in and of itself but not even what I'm getting at. I was up until 3 in the morning jerking around online doing other poo poo, glancing at the book, picking it up, reading a page, hey let's check my facebook. I got up and took my book somewhere else where I proceeded to talk to a stranger rather than read it.

The worst is when I either fall asleep in class, not because I'm tired but because I just can't focus on the rambling, or when I'm trying to read and make no progress internet or no. Caffeine on its own doesn't even help me stay awake anymore, I have to go for things like Monster Coffee.

Any insight into this would be appreciated.

opie
Nov 28, 2000
Check out my TFLC Excuse Log!
Oh boy, another ADD thread. Goons sure do love blabbing about their ADD.

Nevvy Z posted:

The worst is when I either fall asleep in class, not because I'm tired but because I just can't focus on the rambling, or when I'm trying to read and make no progress internet or no. Caffeine on its own doesn't even help me stay awake anymore, I have to go for things like Monster Coffee.

Any insight into this would be appreciated.
For this, unless I'm on meds the only thing that works for me is multitasking. In class it's hard to find something inconspicuous to do (or I dunno does everyone use laptops during lecture now), but I'd balance my checkbook or fill out paperwork or whatever. For stuff at home, I'd pick a turn-based game like Civ on the computer where I'm forced to wait for the AI to do something, and during that time do whatever it is I'm supposed be doing. It's not the most efficient use of time, but sometimes it's the only way I can get things done.

Stofoleez
Jul 27, 2009

by angerbot

opie posted:

Oh boy, another ADD thread. Goons sure do love blabbing about their ADD.

Is this a common thing? I did the best I could to search without the search function and I checked the FAQ. :(

And yes, I've found that multitasking helps a lot.

shoetastic
Mar 21, 2004
that's shoetastic

mike grace jones posted:

I wasn't diagnosed until a few months ago (I'm 24). You are very lucky to have gotten treatment at 15. I managed to hold a 3.0 GPA through high school and a top college without doing reading, or any work on time, or even buying books through all of college, but every day I resent that I was able to be a "functional ADD," because as soon as I left the womb of academia the real world hit HARD. I never understood how to manage basic little mundane life tasks or even find an occupation that interested me because EVERYTHING was interested at first and then suddenly not at all. When I think about what I could have accomplished by now if I had been treated throughout my middle and high school years...it's all very depressing. Be happy for the time you've had.

This is almost exactly my experience, word for word.

I was thinking about starting this thread a month or two ago but talked myself out of it. Figured that there would be threads already (and i have no search account).. plus an absolute shitload of self diagnosing going on by other posters when they realise that 'oh MAN I have lapses of concentration on occasion! I must have ADHD!'

I've honestly given up trying to talk about it to people because 80% of the time that is the response I get, the other 20% are people who don't believe in it and embarrass themselves.

I have ADD (not ADHD) and i'm happy to contribute, that's if there hasn't been 10,000 contributors already ;):D

shoetastic
Mar 21, 2004
that's shoetastic

rainbow kittens posted:

Hello, me! Except the being diagnosed part, this pretty much is me in every sense.

This is what caused my friend (psych major - he had a copy of the DSM-IV and would read it for fun) to tell me that he thought I had ADD. I was attempting to write papers for some of my courses in university, and it just was not happening. One day he sat me down and asked me what the hell was going on in my head when I was writing the papers.

I mean, clearly, I would know what I was writing about. I would read the material, I would get out the paper and the pens and the computer. And then I would sit there. The paper would be trying to write itself in my head, but when I put my pen to paper, I would start to subconciously doodle. And doodle. And doodle. Three hours later, and multiple pages of hearts and flowers and things, I would always call it a night, and feel incredibly guilty with myself. And then I would always vow to try again the next night.

What scares me is that you say that the medication really didn't help. I want to go on medication and get help so that I can go back to school. If the medication isn't going to help, then I don't want to be on it.

Sorry about spamming the thread guys. It's late, my mind is racing (I should be in bed), and I've been having second thoughts about going to the doctor because it's like "Do I really have a problem? Or is it all in my head?"

We can't tell you. Don't self diagnose on the internet, see a doctor.

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opie
Nov 28, 2000
Check out my TFLC Excuse Log!

Stofoleez posted:

Is this a common thing? I did the best I could to search without the search function and I checked the FAQ. :(
I'm not blaming you or anything, it just seems that there's a thread every other week or so, and even if the topic is somewhat specific, like "ask me what it's like to raise a kid with ADD", people will start self-diagnosing or just telling stories about their adult ADD and all the meds they're on, which doesn't have much to do with the purpose of the thread. It's more what the thread turns into, I guess.

It's also amazing how easy it is to just make an appointment with a psychologist and actually talk to a professional, yet so many people can't figure that part out. I guess it's easier to go to a million websites and make a bunch of posts and find people to let you try their ritalin, I dunno.

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