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They just started this at my company. A weekly report goes out to the entire organization with a list of people who are close-to-due and past-due on their mandatory trainings. "Close-to-due" is defined as the training deadline is 2 weeks away. Nothing like shaming someone into doing worthless tasks. "Children, now please, please, please, pretty please, can you click these links and lie about reading everything? If you don't, you'll be on the naughty list."
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Mar 8, 2016 16:45
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Deadite posted:We have started receiving automated reminders for training that is due in September. My only motivation to complete the training is to avoid receiving these e-mails. We get those, too, which I can remove myself from by doing the training. I cannot get myself removed from the "naughty list" emails - even if I'm not on it. It's like they want to show everyone in the org who's not doing their mandatory training, as if that's going to motivate people to do it.
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Mar 8, 2016 18:18
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I'm contemplating a job offer to get out of the corporate life and into a smaller, riskier, private company. But corporate life is all I've known since college - a decade of secure, steady pay with little to no recourse for poor performance (not me, of course, but the people around me), consistent raises & bonuses, and obscene benefits is making me hesitant. I know this thread is mainly about complaining about corporate life, but what would it take to make you leave the security of it?
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Mar 9, 2016 21:26
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necrobobsledder posted:If executives ever had to work with their IT departments to any degree instead of their hired help, they would have just a little more motivation and understanding for why much of their organizations' problems are internal bureaucracy that they're inflicting every time they push for a vanity re-org of primarily negative business impact. I hate this so much. All the C-levels at my company have dedicated tech support that will be in their office and fix problems within 30 minutes (not sure if that's the SLA or just how fast they are). While the rest of the company has to call a Global Help Desk, get handed off to 3 different levels of support, and then wait a few days for someone to actually fix anything. But who cares. I got a great offer at a small, private company, and I'm bouncing in two months.
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Mar 14, 2016 19:30
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Sundae posted:Some of it is totally my fault. If commercials have taught me anything, order a Sam Adams at the dinner, and you'll get the job.
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Mar 18, 2016 04:49
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Re: contractors Lowliest of the low on the corporate totem pole. Lower than interns. Almost lower than temps in some cases. You want a scapegoat? Blame a random contractor. It doesn't even matter if they are on your project. You want to congratulate a contractor for doing a legitimately awesome job? Don't loving do that - we pay them to do their job. Meanwhile, Mr. Lazy rear end over here hosted a "take your kids to work day" where he babysat children for 8 hours and did jack all. Let's give him a bonus and throw him a loving party. You need something done between Christmas and New Year's when everyone takes paid vacation even if they don't actually have any vacation left? Make a contractor do it. They don't get time off. You don't feel like doing your job? Make an excuse to get a contractor in your project's budget and dump all your work on to them. You like pinatas? Let's string up a contractor and see if it's full of candy. (This is a joke, but I wouldn't put it past some people...) I'm not a contractor, but I certainly hate how they are treated sometimes. In other news, I'm taking off my golden handcuffs in a month to go to a small, private company with worse benefits and likely working longer hours. But at least I'll be happy and won't have to deal with people who have their heads so far up their asses that they can see themselves through their mouths. I'm currently on a business trip to the home office to meet with people on my team and to formally socialize my upcoming departure (what a loving corporate thing to say). I met with my VP yesterday afternoon, and the first thing he says, "I hear you want to leave us. Did you think this through?" The gently caress? I'm a goddamn adult - of course I thought a bit about a major life decision that will greatly impact my family and my career. His big sticking point for me to stay? "You know if you end up coming back to us in the future, your pension won't be as big." Okay? I have a little foresight and won't be depending on a pension in my retirement. The bit that I have vested currently will be reserved for hookers and blow.
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Apr 7, 2016 00:55
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My brother is in HR at a fairly big company. His job is to come up with the annual employee satisfaction survey, aggregate all the data into reports, present that data to higher ups, and then work with department heads to come up with plans to make the numbers better next year.
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Apr 9, 2016 21:13
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Liquid Communism posted:How often does he get incredulous looks for suggesting actual payscale increases or treating employees like they are valued? All the time. Most of the improvement plans involve more birthday cake and discounts at zoos and poo poo like that.
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Apr 10, 2016 01:35
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I have heard the phrase "I know enough to be dangerous" no less than 10 times this morning. I usually hear it once a week, and it always annoys me, but I'm about to smack someone. You cannot be dangerous in SQL. You don't even have the proper permissions to run anything against the production database.
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Apr 12, 2016 16:03
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Kim Jong Il posted:They can pull data without knowing what it is and create headaches for you. Fair enough. But it's not "dangerous" - just annoying as hell. I was more expressing my abhorrence of the phrase "I know enough to be dangerous." People use it all the time here for things that don't even make sense. Someone once told me they know enough about PowerPoint to be dangerous. I don't even know what the gently caress. That and "I wear many hats" just really make my day turn lovely fast because it reminds me that I'm surrounded by corporate culture. (Only 3 weeks left... only 3 weeks left...)
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Apr 13, 2016 15:15
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No Butt Stuff posted:So you really just have a problem with metaphors in general. Excessively used metaphors, yes.
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Apr 13, 2016 15:22
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Nail Rat posted:Maybe they're just a hat enthusiast. You don't know. You know, now that you mention it, the last person who told me they wore many hats was wearing a propeller beanie, a ten-gallon cowboy hat, and a stovepipe hat. So maybe he was being literal and not metaphorical. But he proceeded to tell me how he was PM on one project, test script writer on another, and QA lead on a third. So maybe he was being metaphorical and not literal...
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Apr 13, 2016 15:37
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I think I saw something recently that J&J instated a policy for 8 weeks paternity leave (and assumingly even more time for maternity leave). That's out of the ordinary for a corporation, so I'm sure it helps bump them up the list.
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Apr 16, 2016 20:00
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All week there's been a steadily growing pile of boxes near the restrooms for janitorial service to clean up (a bunch of people are moving to our floor temporarily while their floor gets remodeled). This morning, I come in and see that the pile has been cleaned up and a sign posted telling people not to put boxes there. I'm honestly not sure where empty boxes are supposed to go, but next to the restrooms is apparently the wrong place. Come back to work after lunch and see this. I sense a passive-aggressive, corporate fight starting! This will make my last 2 weeks more enjoyable. (The height of the sign is an indication of how large the pile had grown.)
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Apr 22, 2016 23:26
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Your boss works 24/7, right? Just stop by her office at 9 tonight. She'll be there.
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Apr 26, 2016 21:30
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WampaLord posted:Don't be that guy. Rec leagues are just a fun way to get some exercise, don't be the try hard who shames someone for not being good enough. I once got discretely punched in the balls while playing volleyball at a company summer picnic because I was getting too close to the net when trying to block spikes. Office team sports are awful.
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Apr 27, 2016 23:42
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This is my last week at my current job, so I'm in the process of transitioning and whatever. I get a form from my boss that I need to fill out regarding records retention. That form has a link to two sites that are supposed to tell me what to keep (one for docs related to active litigation, and one for docs that aren't old enough to be thrown away / deleted). Both links are broken.  So I filled the form out and said that based on the information on the sites, I have nothing to retain.
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May 2, 2016 19:35
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Aliquid posted:Just keep those "reply-all" emails coming. Reply-all chains are my favorite thing. Especially when someone replies-all with tips on reply-all etiquette.
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May 3, 2016 04:22
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I just finished my first attendance at our company's annual sales conference, since I'm now in a direct supporting role at the "home office" to our NA reps. The extravagance was insane. This conference coupled with layoffs in IT / Finance / HR a month ago boggles the mind. Maybe we didn't need to bus our 500 reps to the Cowboys stadium for private VIP tours and an open bar one evening, and we could've kept some jobs instead. I get that sales folks are ultimately how we profit since they're getting doctors to buy our products, but maybe they can cut their budget a bit to help other functions out.
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Mar 9, 2023 19:25
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We started our "Return to Work" initiative in late 2021 with the not-mandated mandate being that folks need to be in the office at least 3 days a week. Since then, leadership has pushed hard on the message that it's great to be in-person together (even though most people are on Zoom calls all day with people across the globe). Every town hall / large group meeting inevitably starts with "I love being able to see all your faces and the energy of being in the same room together." But people aren't buying in, and our offices remain largely empty most of the time. Today, our Chief HR sends out a message that is basically, "Come on guys. Please come into the office. You're supposed to be here 3 days a week, but we don't want to face the backlash of this policy being enforced." I'm full-time remote, so it's no skin off my back. It's fun to watch the opposing viewpoints of Execs vs ICs from afar.
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Mar 21, 2023 15:00
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priznat posted:I am kinda hype for that ai copilot stuff and if it will be useful to act as a gatekeeper by asking people who just say “hi” what they want and then bringing that answer to my attention I've been so close to passive aggressively putting this in my status on Teams. The empty "hi" is so goddamn annoying. https://nohello.net/en/ Good-Natured Filth fucked around with this message at 02:52 on Mar 23, 2023 |
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Mar 23, 2023 02:48
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:If the date's set it's set but I wouldn't be surprised if HR hide the actual confirmation of the "letter" in their process to delay by a day or two. I assume you're in an "at will" employment country, so the date HR "accepts" the resignation doesn't matter. You can send them a resignation that says "I'm leaving EOD today, peace out fuckers" with a clear conscience because they can (and would) certainly do the same exact thing to you. If you're not "at will" or you have a contractual reason to stay for a certain number of days after resignation notice being confirmed, then I feel for your plight.
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Mar 24, 2023 18:14
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Back when the small startup* I was at went under, they decided to let everyone know at the monthly birthday celebration we had because it was already on the calendar and almost everyone would actually come into the office for it. They still set everything up as normal - birthday decorations, cake, cookies, etc. - but instead of the CEO saying "Happy Birthday to all these folks this month! Let's celebrate!", he said "Sorry, we ran out of money, you're all out of a job. Have some cake as a consolation." * I left corporate for this startup and went right back to corporate after. My startup life was very short-lived.
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Mar 30, 2023 20:05
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~Coxy posted:July - October: You have to enter 40 hours per week on your timesheet. If you don't have a project code, use Bench. By the way, you have a strict KPI for Bench time that affects your bonus. In before you tell us there's a new "Billable Bench Bench" project code.
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Mar 31, 2023 03:22
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What are your favorite euphemisms for "work overtime to get more work done with less people"? I'm inundated with them right now due to budget cuts across the board causing project teams to be shrunk, but not shrinking project scope along with it. "We need to think creatively about how to achieve our goals." "I love seeing everyone's grit and determination to deliver." "Let's reevaluate our ways of working." "Focus on ruthless prioritization."
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Mar 31, 2023 16:30
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Love a good Friday reply-all chain. These people are so nice about it, though.quote:Please remove my email from these emails. Not sure why I am receiving them. quote:Request you to kindly remove my email as well from the list. quote:Kindly do not reply to everyone.
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Apr 7, 2023 16:55
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:Back when we had Skype as a chat client your profile message appeared at the top of your chats and at least one person set it to "if you just say hi I will ignore you", I wish that feature still existed. In Teams, at least, you can set a status that shows up near the chat box. I know one person who has a constant status of "Please do not just say 'Hello', ask your question. https://nohello.net/", and I give him a silent nod of respect whenever I need to message him.
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Apr 13, 2023 20:55
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Corporate Megathread: Hi
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Apr 15, 2023 03:29
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I infrequently use ChatGPT to help troubleshoot weird problems or get going in the right direction. I find it much easier to navigate than a general Google search. For fun, I prompted it to write a response to someone only saying "Hi" in a chat message. It wrote it as if it were an email, but I found its response on point. ChatGPT responding to 'Hi' posted:Subject: Re: Hi
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Apr 17, 2023 16:41
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Logged-in this morning to see a reply-all chain to a global DL. This one is fun because everyone is copy/pasting this as their message. Literally two dozen identical messages from people around the globe.quote:Please remove my email id from the DL as this email is not relevant to my role/project. It's an enterprise system maintenance notification for planned maintenance this weekend, so it's simultaneously relevant to everyone and no one.
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Apr 26, 2023 14:21
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It's getting better. People have started updating the copy/paste to:quote:Please remove my email id (<insert email address>) from the DL as this email is not relevant to my role/project. Like, we know what your email address is because you sent it from your email address. Also, finally got the first "don't reply all" message after about 60 emails. Much longer than expected. quote:Hi All, Edit: Lol. This guy. quote:Hi Team, Edit edit:  quote:<Subject>: PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO THIS EMAIL CHAIN. LOG A TICKET TO HAVE YOURSELVES REMOVED Good-Natured Filth fucked around with this message at 16:39 on Apr 26, 2023 |
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Apr 26, 2023 16:30
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Today is definitely a Monday. I woke up and thought, "I'm tired and cranky, I'm gonna take a personal day." Then I looked at my calendar and thought, "I don't want to reschedule all this. I'll just be tired and cranky while I work." But then I realized, "Oh wait. This will just be a normal day for me."
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May 1, 2023 14:25
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Renegret posted:CEO called us by the wrong company name The whole thing sounds insane, but this part is mind-blowing. How does the CEO not know the company's name?
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May 1, 2023 19:10
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Zarin posted:Has anyone been on the HR side of these? Does that just become a black mark on the secret HR file, or have people ever been let go over these specifically? (Just generally un-positive responses; not counting insane screeds, open threats, or otherwise unprofessional ranting in the comments) My brother works in HR at a big corporation and runs their annual employee engagement surveys. His team collects the data, summarizes it, and hands it out to the different departments to do with what they will (usually nothing). He's never seen anyone be targeted for having negative feedback, and he sees a lot of negative feedback. I think they're more of a placebo than anything - "My company wants my feedback? They truly care! I'm slightly less disgruntled today than yesterday or tomorrow!" Good-Natured Filth fucked around with this message at 19:26 on May 3, 2023 |
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May 3, 2023 19:23
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Sundae posted:Speaking of made-up poo poo, J&J has spun off its entire consumer product division into a new company they called "Kenvue." I can't say why since I'm not there anymore, but something something asbestos lawsuits and alleged suppression of data around tylenol hepatotoxicity, blah blah blah. Or maybe they put it in a tax shelter. gently caress if I know, I'm not there anymore. Hey fellow former JNJer! I was chatting with some old colleagues who are still there, and it sounds like it's all money based and not some conspiratorial cover up. The Consumer sector has historically had the worst profitability of the 3 sectors in J&J - Pharma being the best, and MedTech being middling. And other similar companies (GSK, Merck, etc.) have done similar spin-offs of their OTC operations, so J&J is just following suit. J&J already relegated the talc lawsuits to a separate subsidiary (LTL Management) and attempted a Texas two-step with it (which failed and they want to appeal it to the Supreme Court). That whole debacle is prime example of a corporation trying to wipe its hands of fault and not have to pay anyone for it. Good-Natured Filth fucked around with this message at 14:33 on May 10, 2023 |
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May 10, 2023 14:31
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In high school when we reached WW2 in history class, my teacher spent a long time telling us how Hitler was the most influential man in history. It was a really weird thing to experience. That same teacher was arrested many years after I graduated for domestic violence, so he had issues.
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May 22, 2023 20:35
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Annual compliance training is coming soon, so they're sending out tons of PSA notes from the top down. I want to know what these roles are in the exclusions list, and what their day-to-day is like: cafeteria grease trap cleaners; uniform & linen support; attendants that deal with spare parts; people who move office furniture; indoor plant care.
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May 30, 2023 20:18
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We got back from vacation last night. Thinking about going back to work on Monday after being on vacation for a week and a half, I'm not looking forward to two things: 1) People asking if I need a vacation from my vacation. 2) People pinging me as soon as they see my log on on Monday asking for help with "critical" issues that happened while I was off (but not critical enough to go to any of my backups or to read any of the documentation I wrote up for people to help themselves with the most common issues that come up.)
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Jun 10, 2023 20:30
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AAAAA! Real Muenster posted:"Huh the answer to that is on page x, pagraph y, of the documentation... do I need to make any updates to it so it is more clear?" That's always my go to. "I have that documented here (link). Please let me know if there are any questions as you read through it." Frustrating (but unsurprising) that people can't be even remotely motivated to try to find it themselves. Our company is full of "self-starters" that take it to mean that they'll turn the ignition once carried into the car and handed the key.
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Jun 11, 2023 01:10
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Our CIO sent out a video message talking about the importance of taking vacation and how leadership is committed to giving people focused time off with no distractions. He also used it to brag about all the places he's visited / visiting this year. Meanwhile, I got back from vacation today and am being bombarded with people asking "Did you see the message I sent you while you were out? Why didn't you have your phone on?"
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Jun 12, 2023 16:41
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