Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

My favourite parts about the corporate world:

- Retarded lingo: synergy, "it is what it is", touch base, verbage, etc. These buzzwords are often used by clueless people running board meetings who forgot to put the Powerpoint together.

- The people who do the "busy walk", act all frazzled, and put on the fake gung-ho act ('Hey so what if we have higher targets guys?? We can do this!') despite the fact that they're the least productive employees on the floor and never meet their sales and performance targets.

- Getting pulled off the floor for the mandatory performance review/impromptu meeting/bake sale organized by HR, only to be told that we weren't paid for the time they pulled us off of the floor.

- The people who bitch and complain day-in-day-out about their headache, how bored they are, and pretty much act like this is the worst job anyone could ever have despite the fact that we work in a clean, air-conditioned environment and are F/T employed with benefits. Yes, I know that I'm bitching here but at least I can clam up about it when I'm at work.

- Being forced to work with Windows 2000 (yeah, you read that right) and IE 6 because the IT department doesn't feel like doing a bit more work.

Orgophlax posted:

The worst part about a corporate office is when you realize how much like high school it really is and how people don't really grow up.

Amen to that.

melon cat fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Apr 21, 2010

# ¿ Apr 21, 2010 23:36

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# ¿ May 7, 2024 17:47

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

FogHelmut posted:

Oh good people are having an impromptu meeting right now next to my cube.

Nice. Ever have them burst out in cackles while you're on the phone with a client, and when you ask them to keep it down they shoot you the dirty look?

# ¿ Apr 22, 2010 22:28

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Cup of Hemlock posted:

I'm sitting in the kitchen trying to zone out and one of my co-workers literally just danced while singing "Friday! Friday!"

I know these are intelligent individuals. So why does a cube farm turn them into raving loons?

We live for the weekend. A taste of freedom does make us all a bit... wacky.

# ¿ May 21, 2010 16:15

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

melon cat fucked around with this message at 06:31 on Mar 16, 2019

# ¿ Feb 4, 2017 21:50

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Fil5000 posted:

This poo poo is the worst. Stop spraying your perfume and deodorant around you fucks, or at least go into a bathroom to do it.

I interviewed somewhere recently that had a sign posted saying not to spray aerosols in the building due to an employee with a serious allergy. I think I may develop this allergy.

There are a lot of trends in office environments that I dislike, but the trend towards enforcing scent-free environments is one of the better ones.

melon cat fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Feb 4, 2024

# ¿ Feb 12, 2017 20:36

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Sundae posted:

They're actually already dead. Those are embalming fluids, you're in hell, and you just haven't quite realized it yet.

It would've been far more effective to tell me, as a wee lad growing up in a Christian school system, that Hell is a dull, terrible place where people speak corporate buzz-speak instead of English, with gauntlets of pointless meetings, angry middle-aged women who'll suffocate you with their Walmart perfumes, and creativity gets met with scorn and weird rigidity.

That whole thing about fire and brimstone that I heard growing up? Not near as terrifying. Not even close.

melon cat fucked around with this message at 02:57 on Feb 13, 2017

# ¿ Feb 13, 2017 02:54

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Halloween Jack posted:

I can neither confirm nor deny that we have an affirmative action complaint from some eccentric who told us we are "retarded" for not giving them a job.

You don't give referrals for people you've never worked with and know nothing about. This person finding you on social media and bugging you is really crossing the line. This is probably a case of a soon-to-be-college-grad who is probably getting, how shall we say, "retarded" advice from their college's career center. But the biggest favour you can ethically do this person is telling them that that's not okay.

Oh man. I could go on and on about the weird reference requests I've gotten from complete strangers. I once had a fast food worker bring me her resume when she saw the ID badge of the company that I worked for. It was seriously weird. I ordered my burger, got it, sat down to eat, and she just walked out from behind the counter, resume in hand, and said, "I'm looking for something entry-level in the industry. I could really use a good referral!" I've even had a random craigslist guy ask me if our company to be his reference when we were meeting up to sell my old TI-BAII calculator.

And I'm pretty sure that it's all because college career centres give terrible networking advice. I've even had new grads sit down with me at actual industry events and say, "Hey I'm _______, and I just thought I'd network with you."

Like, 'the gently caress? Who does that?

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 17:03

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Jordan7hm posted:

They risk nothing by doing that, and many people will respond positively to proactive behaviour like that.

I don't see why anyone would respond positively to someone publicly and openly applying to another job while they're... on the job. It's just not professional at all. She would've been better off asking if she could talk to me more about my line of work, or shown some sort of interest in the company that I'm working for. Because the whole thing came off as really desperate. That's not a good first impression anywhere. Nobody hiring for any worthwhile position has ever said, "I hired her because she seemed really desperate."

Also, giving a complete stranger a positive reference is a great way to torpedo your reputation, given the risk of things going really badly with this random person that you shoe-horned into the job. There's a proper way to network, and a not proper way to network.

Problem! posted:

I did end up talking to a recent grad the other day for a while who has a degree in my field and he showed me samples of his work and his senior thesis project which was actually pretty good. I don't know him that well on a personal level but he doesn't strike me as a total weirdo so I told him we were hiring and that he should apply to an opening we had. But I think that's different since he didn't even know I was in the same field as him when we started talking, he was just passionate about the field which is pretty cool in my book.

That's the proper way to get your name out there! He has interests, he's profiling his work, and not begging for a job in an unusual, embarrassing way. A lot of new grads are advised by their career centres to take a weird shotgun approach to job hunting. They're told things like, "It doesn't hurt to apply everywhere!" when it reality it DOES hurt, since they're wasting their time and not networking with anyone who can help them.

It's really unfortunate that a lot of grads think that they should take career advice from people who have no experience developing their own careers. So, yeah, I totally agree with you- they really need to do away with Professors who have never set foot in the private sector. Students pay a lot of money for their education, and they deserve better career guidance and industry contacts.

melon cat fucked around with this message at 21:25 on Feb 17, 2017

# ¿ Feb 17, 2017 20:48

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

melon cat fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Mar 16, 2019

# ¿ Feb 27, 2017 22:29

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Keetron posted:

[snip]

Ugh. I've been through a similar cycle like these, before. The buffoon that you'll be reporting to just wants to make a bunch of brainless changes to justify his job's existence, and wants to show off to his peers how many people he's in charge of (which is why you've lost your work-from-home arrangements). Pure egotism. I'd say that you're in the right to consider leaving. People like him are like poo poo tornados once they land in a new department.

Shrieking Muppet posted:

I just stumbled across one of the facilities guys putting padlocks on all the closets. I asked him whats up with this and he said that the VP of our unit wants all storage areas to be controlled access for now on. I then realized he was doing this to the coat closet. I pointed this out and he shook his head and said "yes I tried to point this out and was told to do to all closets, no exceptions". My office is now equipped with a secure, controlled access coat closet. Also my department is overseen by an idiot.

I can picture it now. The new bullet point added to his Performance and Accomplishments Profile: "Enhanced the enterprise's internal security by synergizing and reinforcing all data and physical storage requirements across all divisions."

melon cat fucked around with this message at 20:20 on Feb 28, 2017

# ¿ Feb 28, 2017 20:16

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

melon cat fucked around with this message at 06:36 on Mar 16, 2019

# ¿ Mar 9, 2017 20:13

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

melon cat fucked around with this message at 04:44 on Mar 16, 2019

# ¿ Mar 14, 2017 18:22

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Yawgmoth posted:

I can't think of a single way that telling them you are looking elsewhere helps you at all.

I agree with this. The moment you tell them that you are looking for work elsewhere, they'll immediately start to alienate you from projects (or maybe even explore ways to fire you). You're basically dead to them, if they find out. Sometimes you can leverage an outside offer from a headhunter/recruiter as a means of negotiating an off-cycle pay raise, but the situation you're describing is different.

# ¿ May 22, 2017 22:42

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Every where I have ever been has had a PTO tracker that was spotty, at best. And usually non-existent altogether.

melon cat fucked around with this message at 03:11 on Jan 29, 2024

# ¿ Oct 3, 2017 18:10

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Sydin posted:

Day 1 of the 3 day "Team Strategy and Planning Workshop" began sharply at 8am with everybody from the wider team giving a brief self-introduction to the team. It is now past 11am, and introductions are still going.

Let me guess- every introduction starts with, "Thanks for joining us we all know that you're all incredibly busy-"

Che Delilas posted:

The day I put in my notice for my last job (working for a sociopath) was probably the best day I had during that whole period, even better than my last day or the first day after that where I didn't have to go anymore.

Oh I know that feeling. I left a screwed up work environment after working there for way longer than I should have, and handing in my notice was so cathartic. What's more is that everyone who quit that place is doing really well, so that place is literally sucking the life and creativity out of everyone who's working there. The management puts a lot of effort into trying to convince people that "there's nothing out there and you're lucky that we even pay you", despite the fact that they aren't a big player in the industry. It's like they took a page out of the "abusive rear end in a top hat spouse" texbook.

melon cat fucked around with this message at 23:39 on Jan 24, 2018

# ¿ Jan 24, 2018 23:34

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

SpartanIV posted:

My coworker came in with a cold and has already been lambasted by two VPs for not taking a sick day.

At my old company she would have been applauded for her "hard working attitude" while everyone else got sick.

Your current company sounds pretty awesome. I worked in an office where not only would sick employees get praised for coming into work, but the manager was sick every 3 weeks, and shared his constant sickness with the entire office (who knew that a steady diet of beer and fast food was bad for you?) and scoffed at anyone who took a sick day after he got them sick.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2018 20:09

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# ¿ May 7, 2024 17:47

melon cat: Jan 21, 2010; Nap Ghost

Tnuctip posted:

Did you make sure to come in to his office coughing and poorly covering your mouth everytime you were in the office but sick?

Oh how I wish I did, but I always stayed home whenever I was sick despite how much poo poo I'd eventually get for it. So I never got the chance.

And the HVAC in that office was so terrible that you could blow a fart and it would stink up the room for several minutes.

Renegret posted:

I work in an office where you're considered an idiot if you end the year with sick time in your bank, since you don't get paid out for it and management doesn't give a flying gently caress how or when you use it.

...it also means most people come to work sick because they'd rather burn their sick time for going to the beach on nice days and taking 3 day weekends.

Yeah I can see how that'd be a problem. At that point it's up to management to tell sick employees to go home instead of rewarding them for coming into the office with whatever bird flu they're fighting off. But unfortunately that almost never happens in a corporate environment since everyone's too busy putting on the illusion of being "busy" or productive.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2018 23:41

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts