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I'm temping at BB&T right now. I used to temp at a factory but I went in and re-took the aptitude test at the main staffing office, didn't do better than last time but for some reason re-taking the test magically opened me up to clerical work. On my first day there, I realized what BB&T really stood for: Big Butts & Titties. Because every woman there is a loving blob. I'm reminded of that part in "Capitalism: A Love Story" where corporations would take out life insurance policies on their employees so they could benefit from their deaths, and there's no better cash cow (LMFAO!!!!) than fat cows with breathing problems and eating disorders. But I digress. One of these cud-chewers is a foul-tempered old soul named Kathy. Kathy must have had a really, really lovely childhood because she snaps at almost everyone. The exception being, of course, the HR lady and the GM. Everyone else gets her caustic attitude, her acid tongue, and a sour puss that can make your unborn descendants limp. On my first day, everyone was friendly and outgoing and shook my hand. When I asked Kathy how she was doing, she got on my case about socializing during work hours (at 7:55am, work didn't start until 8) and how she was going to write me up for peeking at proprietary information on her monitor (which was facing out for all the office floor to see). I just gave her a look like  and backed away slowly.This went on for days. Coming back from lunch break? Oh God, I REEK of onions, I need to be moved to another desk for the rest of the day. Going to the restroom? I'm just goofing off and playing around, haha, don't give a poo poo about data entry! Doing data entry? "You're not working, you're just playing with one side of the keyboard!" (Hint: it's the right side. Where the number pad is. Numbers go into data entry forms at a bank.) After that little outburst, I peeked at her workstation while her back was turned -- and yep, she's using the numbers on the top row of the keyboard. A few days later I got moved from doing data entry to helping out with IT, basically doing easy poo poo like "running down to Rally's for some chicken wings" or "putting this Windows 7 CD in the tower that's hooked up to the projector in the conference room that no one uses". Kathy had nothing to do with me being moved, they just got a girl temp from my staffing agency and they decided that she's better suited in a room full of women instead of me, which is all well and dandy! Welp, the day came when I found myself still in the bank after 4 using compressed air on the towers in the room where I used to do data entry. By myself. I had to take a poo poo. You see where this is going, don't you? Yep. I poo poo on the edge of the toilet, carefully wrapped my semi-solid poo poo up in toilet paper, went back to Kathy's computer, and laid it out delicately in the little space between the 56k modem card and the motherboard, cradled by SATA cables. With a whisper of "Rock-a-bye, baby", I closed her tower up without bothering to spray it out. I dunno what the outcome is yet because this actually took place last Friday and I haven't been up there since, but I'm pretty sure that Kathy's being shittier than ever. 
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Apr 21, 2010 14:07
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| # ¿ May 3, 2024 19:22 |
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Wow, perfect timing on that Howard story. My little temping assignment isn't so well-monitored, either. The actual IT employees were too busy fixing some poo poo that went wrong over the weekend so one guy, Paul, walked me to a little closet office down the hallway, surfed to thepiratebay on the computer, and proceeded to download the "PHP and MySQL For Dummies" pdf. "When this gets done, just read through it and holla at me 'fore we go home." Instead I waited five minutes and then left to browse paint swatches at Wal-Mart, and now I'm hanging out at the library a few blocks down the road from the bank. I'll probably sit here and sit here and sit here until it's time for me to head back and collect my paycheck (the temping agency pays daily) before going home. No update on my first-page account of an unauthorized installation of a biological peripheral in Kathy's computer yet, but I will continue to "scan the airwaves" for any news.
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Apr 26, 2010 16:48
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