Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Corporate Megathread: I sigh as I unfold a printout of my posts

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

SheepNameKiller posted:

That said, I get a fat bonus package and am making a pretty sweet salary, which puts me in a bit of a self-loathing scenario.

Although I have many of the same complaints as you guys, I'm a professional staff member at a major public university and I don't understand part of this. What the gently caress is a bonus?

# ¿ Apr 21, 2010 15:20

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 04:55

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

I got a call from our director of operations a few minutes ago asking me if I could attend a training session and take notes for her this afternoon. I agreed since I have nothing else to do. It's a training session on how to use the new copier/printers :doh:

# ¿ May 10, 2010 16:45

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

I posted:

Tell me, do people who work in these kinds of environments consider Dilbert to be a funny cartoon parody of corporate culture, or a traumatically realistic documentary of the hell they endure?

Dilbert and Office Space are documentaries.

Silly Newbie posted:

Honestly, because some people are just that stupid. There's someone, somewhere, who prints every email they receive, deletes it from the inbox, and can only reply back if they know your email address, or have it handy.

About 6 months ago, the assistant to our director of operations walked into my office and asked if I could scan something so she could email it to the main campus. I walked out to the scanner and she handed me a printed our email. I looked at it, looked up, looked at it again, looked at her again, and asked her, "Helen, are you serious or do you have a hidden camera pointed at me right now?" She asked me what I meant, and I explained that she had just asked me to scan an email so she could email it.

They have a $50,000 multifunction copier/scanner/printer in their office suite but refuse to learn how to use it. All you have to do is press the "scanner" button, touch the destination email address on the screen (theirs are on the first page) and press the big green button.

These are the same people who refused to go from Zip disks to USB drives because they were afraid of losing data. If there is a God, he has a sense of humor, because as I was explaining this to them for the fifth or sixth time, the drive developed the Click of Death and destroyed the disk with the contracts and contact info for all of our adjunct professors on it. Fortunately, it was all printed out and filed. They bought a new Zip Disk and started saving the retyped documents on it.

# ¿ Jul 13, 2010 01:35

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Are your rooms at least in order? Here's the main part of our second floor.

http://i.imgur.com/RjXde.jpg

GWBBQ fucked around with this message at 19:15 on Feb 9, 2011

# ¿ Feb 9, 2011 19:13

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Cheesus posted:

What is up with room 222? I'm trying to imagine an office with an unusable foot-wide hallway to nowhere.

It's actually a classroom and the hall is just over 6 feet wide.

http://i.imgur.com/1YcaS.jpg
I'm standing right in front of the main door. The door at the end of the hall is locked most of the time even though I have requested no less than 10 times that it be unlocked at the same time as the main door. That doesn't matter much to me because I there's enough of a gap that I can jimmy it open with a finger, but annoys the hell out of students and professors.

less than three posted:

I... just... wh..

Here's an even better one: when the building was built, all of the rooms were numbered in order. Wiring diagrams and labels on breaker panels still use the old numbers and the only way to figure out which old number corresponds to which new number is to consult the blueprints of the building, but even then our facilities people aren't sure all the time and nobody will take half an hour to compile a list. I was given a copy of the blueprints but they're not numbered.

# ¿ Feb 9, 2011 23:58

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

They don't replace people because that costs money that could otherwise be paid to management as bonuses.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2011 04:29

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

hirvox posted:

Looks like they tried to go with street address-style numbering without resetting the numbers after each "street" and thus couldn't apply the "odd numbers on the right, even numbers on the left" rule.

It would work out well if they had set aside blocks of numbers for each hall and stayed consistent, 2.34's door should be to the hall on the right instead of the one on the top. There are also closets and lab prep rooms that aren't numbered on the map that make it more jumbled because they don't line up.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2011 17:29

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Today, I had 3 phone calls from the director's office in a span of 5 minutes regarding a phishing email that everyone is getting. Then 20 minutes later I had another 3 about the fact that the camera pointed at the presenter at a webcast wasn't showing them the powerpoint slides he was projecting on the screen behind him even though I explained the first two times that it wasn't a video conference and therefore I couldn't do anything about it.

At this point I think it's prudent to mention that I'm not an IT person and my job description explicitly states that I am not supposed to support for computer problems except in classrooms

man thats gross posted:

It's hard sometimes, but it's such a huge step up from the call centre that I reckon it will take the better part of a decade for me to start being bitter about random annoying crap.

I'd say 6 weeks, maybe 12 if you're a really laid-back person who can shrug off bullshit if it's not personal.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2011 06:59

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Solkanar512 posted:

Wait, are you in the United States? If so, they bother to tell you why you're being fired? I'm really shocked to be honest.

Also, isn't the idea of a "probation period" a bit silly given "at will" laws, or are there states where this matters?

I work for a state university and you have a 1 year probationary period, then you're covered under the union contract and are protected from just about everything. Not all states are at-will and there are ways to be protected from employer malice even if your state is.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2011 21:09

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Disclaimer: I don't work in corporate, but a lot of the stupidity is there.

Part of my job is to provide A/V support for events, both internal and outside groups renting space. There are two rooms in the building for which the rule is "nothing more than a podium with built-in mic and speakers," the art gallery and the reading room. This has been sent out to everyone as an announcement several times. Our events and I have an arrangement that she explains to people that due to difficulties and past problems, we do not offer projection in those two rooms.

This policy isn't me being malicious, this is the result of several years of people requesting projection, pooh-poohing my recommendations that projection screens not be placed in direct sunlight because you can't loving see anything (I use kinder words than that to explain it.) So what does one of our department heads who I'll abbreviate to "R" request? projector in the art gallery.

Fortunately, on the date she requested it, there is a huge exhibit in the art gallery and I asked our events coordinator to inform R that there simply isn't enough space, and if she pushes it ask if she can post the insurance deductible ahead of time in case anyone at the event damages any artwork; most of the pieces are originals or limited edition prints and have an insurance value in the five to six figure range.

Ten minutes later, our events coordinator calls me back, "If they can't use the art gallery, she wants to do it in the reading room." I told her "try to convince her to use the multipurpose room like everyone else does because it will be bright and almost impossible to see what's projected." Response: "No, she still wants to do it in there." Again, I'm not malicious or lazy, the issue is that their event is a couple of hours before sunset and half of the room's walls are actually freestanding glass windows. I said "OK, give me a few minutes and I'll go explain it to her."

I realized something ten minutes later as I had one tab open with the solar altitude/azimuth chart in ten minute increments for the day of the event, and another tab with Amazon Prime Shipping eligible sextants on my other monitor. I think I might be a jerk.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2011 02:31

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Solaron posted:

I have been looking for a thread like this.

I went from what I thought was 'working in corporate' at a large logistics company to working in what I now know is corporate at a large insurance company. At the logistics company I worked in IT, directly touching servers and being the administrator for multiple systems (Websense, Commvault, etc).

Here, I'm supposed to be integrating applications from our new parent company (one of the 100 largest companies in the world). What does this mean?

No permissions. Miles of red tape. Endless meetings to discuss future meetings. Complete lack of autonomy. The hatred of my new coworkers as I force them to accept new processes from the parent company.

Now I know why people always talked about their 'corporate jobs' in that downtrodden, resigned tone of voice.

The money is a -lot- better than my last company and I've only been here a month, but already I worry that I will be stuck doing this for the next 30 years.

Grab yourself a whiskey on the rocks and join us.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2834226
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3022717

# ¿ Oct 13, 2011 21:18

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Dr. Kyle Farnsworth posted:

Remembered one from an old job today.

Boss calls me into his office and sits me down, real serious-like. Then this happens:

He says: "You have this...attitude."
"I have an attitude?"
"Yes. You have this attitude about you."
"Have I been rude to customers?"
"No, they all love you."
"Have I been rude to staff?"
"Nope, haven't heard a complaint."
"Have I been rude to you?"
"Nope, you've been great."
"Okay...can you give me an example of something I've done that can show this attitude?"
"Not really."
"Can you describe it in some fashion?"
"Hmmm, no."
"Just so I'm clear, I have an attitude of some kind, but I haven't been rude to anybody, the customers love me, and you can't give me any examples of it or describe it in any way?"
"Correct."
"I'll, uh, get right on that?"
"See that you do."

He gave a very serious nod and never said anything about it again.

Have you ever read The Trial by Kafka?

# ¿ Oct 19, 2011 21:48

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

2508084 posted:

Absolutely none of my coworkers can figure out why she decided to make my life hell all of the sudden.

Think about your supervisors and which one may have made an awkward sexual advance that you declined or shrugged off.

rolleyes posted:

As someone working in the pharma industry, I can tell you it's actually been really hard for smaller parmacos to do drat near anything since the start of 'the recession'.

Based on clues Sundae gave about where he worked, his company was anything but small. If he can give any info without fear or retaliation, I'd love to know anything about this failed project, even if only what class of drug it was.

Doctor Reynolds posted:

How can anyone be an incompetent receptionist? I did it for two months before quitting out of pure unbridled boredom. (Wish I didn't now, but, oh well)

If you want to find out how to be an incompetent receptionist and can handle being sworn to secrecy regarding where I work, I'll give you the number for our information desk. I was chatting with our governor's wife about a year ago and she referred to our receptionist as "the rude woman at the information desk."

# ¿ Oct 26, 2011 02:00

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

mllaneza posted:

Practice saying either nice or ambivalent things out loud. Just whatever you do, don't diss the old job in an interview.

"There was no room for growth in my previous position." HR people understand it, and it's diplomatic because you can leave it at that and it sounds like you're just looking to advance rather than finishing "... because my boss was an intolerable shithead who was out to get me."

Luigi's Discount Porn Bin posted:

What. How is this legal?

Even if there is a loophole they've found, whoever is the head of HIPPA compliance should be dragged into the street and shot.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2011 15:44

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Agean90 posted:

Im actually curious, how are you supposed to respond to an illegal question? Without getting you disqualified? It seems like refusing to answer would cause the interviewer to discount you for being disagreeable.

You're pretty much hosed. You can have them investigated like Sundae mentioned, but if you don't answer the question the way they want you to you're not getting the job.

# ¿ Jan 8, 2012 19:55

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Cup of Hemlock posted:

Oh, the copier misfed after the job I wanted was done?

gently caress YOU GOT MINE

update: no more Mr. Nice Goon. I've had it. Second time today that piece of poo poo has gotten stuck. You didn't bother to follow up on your copy job, so you left the copier misfed for someone else? Guess your copy job's gone. Huh.

Cross posting this from SH/SC since not everyone reads the IT whining threads there

Our Richo MFCs keep jamming with an impressive display of shredding and crumpling. We put in a service call about this. Their advice is to keep the area they're in at at 6% humidity

:fuckoff:

# ¿ Jan 11, 2012 21:38

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Jet Jaguar posted:

I want to take the High Priority button in Outlook and lock it down with a $200/use fee. And a training course on when to use it.

Poor planning on your part is not an emergency on my part.

I have a different angle on this.

When you're hired, you are shown the ticketing system and given the key for a keyed switch that sounds an "Urgent Problem" siren in the IT department. When you turn that key, no fewer than two IT people are dispatched to your office immediately to address your problem. If they determine that it was urgent, the problem is fixed and they log it in the ticketing system. If they determine that it wasn't, the IT manager calls you to discuss what is and isn't an urgent issue. If you've already had "the talk" with the IT manager and you sound the siren for something that is determined to not be an urgent issue, you have to turn in the key.

There's always a possibility that you know how to pick locks and can activate the urgency siren without a key, but in that case you're probably working in the IT department or are cool with the IT team and understand the value of texting the technicians "I have a computer problem, fix it and I owe you a 6-pack."

Sundae posted:

At Pfizer, people got fired for bullshit reasons, laid off for bullshit, etc.

Speaking of that place, I was looking at the Groton site on Bing Maps Bird's Eye View and I can't find a building that's cut off from street access like you mentioned. I see the miles of hallways between buildings, do some of them not have exterior doors?

# ¿ Jul 21, 2012 03:05

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Sundae posted:

North of it, there's a double-fence around the train tracks, which in spite of being out of service, are still pretty much constantly locked. In theory you can open them, but it doesn't help much since all the entrances on that side are disused semi-truck loading sites IIRC. The gates are electric sliding gates on tracks, and they have a nifty amount of barbed wire on them.

Ah, that's why I couldn't figure it out. On one of the angles in Bird's Eye View, the gate at the tracks is open http://binged.it/OA1bCg

Having to take an elevator 5 feet is hilarious. I thought our building had some questionable construction decisions, but you win.

# ¿ Jul 31, 2012 22:30

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

GWBBQ posted:

Are your rooms at least in order? Here's the main part of our second floor.

http://i.imgur.com/RjXde.jpg

Update: after being asked to scan and print several hundred copies of our campus map (a blatant copyright violation since they were designed by the printing company,) I've made it my responsibility to redraw the map since I'm the only person in the building who has the full as-built layout. Yeah, including our building manager. I consider it a thank-you for the Wacom tablet, the 3D mouse, and the license for Sketchup Pro.

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

One of the programmers in the next cube bank over spontaneously whistles, hums, and sings along to his music. I swear to God I have never wanted to throw a stapler at someone as badly as I want to throw one at him.

I'm glad I have my own office, because otherwise I would have had a good chance of being the guy you're complaining about.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2012 02:28

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

The Berzerker posted:

The good: I am no longer sharing an office with 4 other people, and I am now at the brand new, state of the art building.

The bad: As a cost cutting measure, we got these weird cube/office hybrids instead of full offices at the new building. It's still an improvement, though.

The ugly: The building isn't finished. When we showed up, they had neglected to give us phones, and cabinets, and drawers. I built a temporary shelving unit out of empty cardboard boxes. The washrooms are still being worked on so there are two fully operational washrooms (one for men, one for women) in an 8 floor building. There are electricians in the ceiling and they're still vacuuming drywall dust on a daily basis. The lights keep going on and off while they perform tests, and the fire alarm goes off intermittently.

The building will be nice when it's finished... but they shouldn't have moved us in until then.

Even under comically terrible US labor laws, I'm pretty sure they can't move you into a building without enough bathrooms. Sounds fishy.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2012 23:43

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 04:55

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

The obvious solution is to make the code as cryptic and indecipherable as possible. The contractors who we use for installations have a guy who's a programming wizard and manages to cram dozens of button press operations for an AMX-controlled classroom into two or three functions that handle everything by incrementing a single variable each based on a handful of global values. Troubleshooting is hilarious, you end up having to write out a flowchart of what the code does because it's not readable by normal humans. It's impressive code optimization but if something has to be changed, especially years later, you just want to find the guy and slap him.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2012 04:51

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